The Classic Critic
by airnaruto45
Summary: Airnaruto45 takes his chance at parodying the Nostalga Critic will he meet success well let's see this weeks review:  Cromartie High School
1. Episode 1: Batman: Mask of the Phantasm

The Classic Critic Episode 1: Mask of the Phantasm.

Disclaimer: I own nothing involved in these reviews, comparisons, or countdowns as they belong to their rightful creators.

Italics is a sound effect, a scene being played out from a film, or a character saying something at random

Bold Italics means narration

_**In a small brick home in the rural North Carolina area, a beacon with the insignia of a bat in the center flashes across the sky from his porch a young man being 22 years of age stares at the signal with a purpose.**_

"_**It's time." The figure says as he rushes to a closet and dons a black leather jacket, a black baseball cap, and a pair of sunglasses before getting into a seat this man was Airnaruto45.**_

"Hello folks I am the Classic critic. I remember it so you are not required to." He introduced. "In case you have not noticed, I am dressed in black to pay tribute to one of the biggest DC Comics superhero/vigilantes Batman; the dark knight, the caped crusader, the world's greatest detective, etc. Before I begin however if you have watched the video review done by the Cartoon fiend on YouTube, you would know that Batman became an animated series in 1992 released by Warner Brothers. The show a huge hit among children and adults. It was dark, gritty and had in depth plots behind each episode. What he didn't tell was that less than two years later Warner Brothers decided to make an animated movie based on the show and it was the first of two that were made back in the 1990s and it is the subject of my debut review." He explained.

_The movie title screen appears._

"Released on Christmas day 1993 the film is Batman: Mask of the Phantasm." Airnaruto revealed.

Plot:

"The film begins with a meeting of all the organized crime lords in Gotham city but their little party is soon interrupted." Airnaruto explains as soon a crash is heard

_CRASH!_

_Batman gets up and stares down the thugs._

_Thug: The Bat_

"Alright Batman god he looks awesome yes!" Airnaruto said in a fan boy kind of way before recomposing himself. "Sorry about that." He said before continuing.

"Anyway during the fight one of the gangsters Chuckie Sol tries to escape only to encounter a mysterious cloaked figure calling himself the angel of death.

_Figure: Chuckie Sol your angel of death awaits!_

_Chuckie Sol: What do you want?_

_Figure: I want you Chuckie boy._

Airnaruto shuddered a bit "Now that's spooky." He said before continuing. "As Chuckie Sol tries to run over the phantasm he ends up driving his car off the edge of the parking lot and into the side of a building ending his life.

_CRASH! (Car alarms blaring)_

"Ouch that's gotta hurt." Airnaruto winced. "Batman is blamed for the death of course. Corrupt councilman Arthur Reeves tells the media that Batman is an irresponsible menace." Airnaruto said.

_Reeves: How many times are we gonna let Batman cross the line?_

_Commissioner Gordon: I'm sorry councilmen, but you can't blame Batman for what happened to Chuckie Sol._

_Reeves: Why not he's a loose cannon commissioner._

"He then attends a party at Wayne Manor hosted by millionaire Bruce Wayne, Batman's alter ego played by Kevin Conroy, Reeves jokingly taunts Bruce about allowing an old girlfriend Andrea Beaumont to get away." Airnaruto said.

_Reeves: what was her name Anne, Andy, Andrea yes that's it Andrea Beaumont now there was a sweet number how do you let her get loose?_

"In a flashback to Bruce's college day we see him first meet Andrea voiced by Dana Delany in a cemetery while visiting his parent's grave. Bruce has vowed to avenge the murder of his parents by dedicating his life to fighting crime." Airnaruto said.

_Bruce: Here it goes._

"He later dons a mask and black ninja-style outfit and manages to foil an armored car robbery, but is disappointed by the fact that because of his attire being considered commonplace among criminals they don't fear him." Airnaruto explains.

_Bruce: They weren't afraid of me. I've got to strike fear in them from the start._

"Around this time Bruce begins a romance with Andrea." Airnaruto said before the next scene returns to the present.

"In the present the murder of another gangster named Buzz Bronski at the hands of the cloaked figure is placed on Batman. This leads to sickly gang boss Salvatore "the wheezer" Valestra to hire The Joker voiced by Mark Hamill to kill the superhero." Airnaruto said.

_Joker: Of course, I'll help._

"While inspecting the crime scene Batman is scene by Andrea at the Wayne family grave and realizes his secret identity." Airnaruto explained again.

_Andrea: Bruce?_

_M. Bison: Of course._

"Shut up Bison." Airnaruto said before turning back to the review.

"This prompts another flashback where Bruce and Andrea are enjoying themselves at the Gotham world's fair, Bruce then meets her father Carl Beaumont a businessman with ties to the Valestra mob." Airnaruto said the scene shifts to graveyard. "Later after realizing that crime fighting and romance and don't go together Bruce asks his parents for a sign that they'll forgive him for forsaking his vow." Airnaruto continued.

_Bruce in front of his parent's grave: Please I need it to be different now. I know I made a promise but I didn't see this coming, I never counted on being happy._

"As if an answer Andrea arrives to console Bruce." Airnaruto said before Bruce and Andrea hug.

_Andrea: Maybe they sent me._

"As Bruce tries to propose to Andrea in his backyard." Airnaruto says before the sound of bats cuts him off.

_(Bats screeching as they fly out of a cave beneath the manor)_

"Bats, is this the sign Bruce was looking for?" Airnaruto asks himself. "The next day while Bruce is exploring the underground tunnel, Alfred arrives with a note from Andrea calling off their engagement and bidding him farewell forever, heartbroken Bruce resumes his war on crime turning the cave into a headquarters and donning the fierce costume and cowl based on the image of the bat, Alfred is visibly frightened by the sight of Bruce in the costume and Batman is born.

_Alfred: (Gasps)_

"Back in the present, Batman has found evidence linking Beaumont to a number of organized crime bosses, the masked figure targets Valestra but…" Airnaruto says before we see Valestra already dead sporting a hideous Joker-like grin. "It seems that he was beaten to the punch by the Joker, Batman is blamed once again and has a close call with the police. Rescuing Batman in her car, Andrea explains that she and her father had been hiding out from the mob in Europe to whom Beaumont owed a lot of money, Beaumont eventually repaid them but that did not satisfy them, Batman believes that Andrea's father might be the Phantasm until he learns that he had been murdered sometime before the current situation." Airnaruto said before another flashback is shown of Andrea entering her house before while a hit man from the Valestra mob makes his way to leave.

_Andrea: Dad? NO!_

"When the Joker is targeted by the Phantasm, it is revealed that the masked figure is in fact….Andrea!" Airnaruto said in shock before we return to his place.

"Okay now raise your hand if you had half a brain to see that coming." Airnaruto said bluntly raising his hand. "I thought so." Airnaruto said, "Anyway during the course of the struggle Batman arrives, he begs Andrea to give up her desire for revenge." Airnaruto explains.

_Andrea: Think of what they did to us. What we could have had, they had to pay!_

_Batman: But Andy what will vengeance solve?_

"After a protracted and rather brutal for an animated movie battle Andrea and the Joker vanish in the confusion of fire and smoke with Batman barely escaping alive into a waterway following a series of rigged explosives." Airnaruto said before the scene changed to the bat cave. "Heartbroken, Bruce returns to the bat cave, and is consulted by Alfred who believes that no one could have helped Andrea. Bruce finds the locket with Bruce and Andrea in it in the cave. Meanwhile, Andrea stands on the deck of an ocean liner, alone. The final scene shows Batman now permanently alone standing on top of a building, still in grief. The Bat-signal emerges in the distance and Batman flies into action to continue his crusade against crime." Airnaruto says before the screen fades to black and then returns to where he is sitting.

"Now I bet you're thinking what did I think of the movie?" Airnaruto asks before answering his own question. "What do you think I thought of it, I loved it. I grew up with the series and the movie was just as true to the series.

Design:

"The film is drawn up like the art-deco cartoons of the mid to late 1940s reminiscent of the old Fleischer studio cartoons like Superman and some of the Technicolor Popeye shorts." Airnaruto explains.

Cast: "The voice talent is amazing in this film, I mean Kevin Conroy nails the grim stern façade of Batman and the hidden desire of Bruce Wayne to have a normal life to the letter, while Dana Delany executes her part of a former college girlfriend of Bruce Wayne's who looks sweet and petit on the outside with a desire to eliminate the mob by any means necessary deep within her, as for Mark Hamill as the Joker. When people have asked me who's is my favorite Joker? I think of four men that come to mind, Cesar Romero who played the role during the 1960s live-action television series, Jack Nicholson who played the part in the Tim Burton directed 1989 Batman movie, Mark Hamill who portrayed the voice of the Joker during the animated series as well as in the recently released Batman: Arkham Asylum video game, and Heath Ledger who played the part in the 2008 Christopher Nolan directed blockbuster The Dark Knight. Out of all of them I say Mark Hamill is the one and only perfect Joker I mean listen to his laugh." Airnaruto explains as we scene the scene from the film where all the explosives go off and fire consumes the Joker's hideout.

_Joker surveying the fires: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA A HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!_

"Oh my God! Mark Hamill truly captures the Joker's twisted sense of humor." Airnaruto says before the next scene shows Joker turning around after kicking a robotic dog.

_Joker: Can't be too careful with all those weirdoes around._

"Now I will admit the movie didn't do that well in theatres but thanks to it's VHS and DVD sales, the film has picked up a major cult following among the Batman fan base, but one thing I will say about some of the critics who bashed on the film specifically the late Gene Siskel who said that he preferred Cesar Romero as the Joker of Mark Hamill well lets just say I gave him what he had coming." Airnaruto says.

_(Cutaway gag)_

_Local Chicago cemetery, Gene Siskel's grave, Airnaruto is seen digging up the grave and opening the casket with an axe in his hands and a can of red spray paint on the ground, after opening the casket he aims the can at the mouth of Siskel's corpse and spray the hideously wide Joker smile on his face before sticking the coffin and it's occupant back in the ground and filling the hole._

_(End cutaway gag)_

"My final rating of Batman: Mask of the Phantasm, I give it 4 stars out of 5, Batman fans will truly be proud of this film." Airnaruto says. "Well that's it for now, remember I'm the Classic Critic, I remember it so you're not required to." Airnaruto finishes before leaving the room.

_Pros: Very detailed animation, close to source detail, great voice acting, and very nice subplot._

_Cons: a little short, a very anti-climactic revelation of the Phantasm's identity._

_Final rating (scale of 1 to 5 stars): ****_

_A/N: well folks that's what do you think of this review, sure I skipped a few parts from the film but hey given the time constraints I had when I started typing this thing last night you can't blame me for trimming down the explanation of the plot. _


	2. Episode 2: The Top 12 Animated Monsters

Episode 2: Top 12 Animated Monsters

Disclaimer: I own nothing involved in this fic and the opinions on this countdown are mine so don't bug me as to why some monsters are not on this list.

"Hi I'm the Classic critic. I remember it so you're not required to." Airnaruto said before bringing up his topic of the day. "Now today I'm gonna do a countdown of my top 12 animated monsters of all time with my good friends the Digital critic aka Darkmagicianmon." Airnaruto said before we meet a young man dressed in Dark Magician armor. "Hi there folks I'm the digital critic, I review them just for you." Darkmagicianmon said before we return to Airnaruto, "as well as my pupil Lunatic121 aka the Insane critic." Airnaruto said before the camera reveals a Fictorian ninja, "Hello I'm the Insane critic, I read them so you won't want to." Lunatic said before we return to Airnaruto. "We all know that every show or movie in animation has the basic elements to them you know, heroes, villains, and a main plot to them but some of them have monsters, which could be either the villain itself, the villain's pet or a random obstacle that the hero has to overcome, so which ones are the most frightening well let's find out this is the countdown of the top 12 animated monsters of all time, why 12 well because unlike the Nostalgia critic I like to take things two steps further." Airnaruto said.

_Number 12: Smaug the dragon from Rankin/Bass's The Hobbit_:

"Now lets face it, dragons will always be awesome and part of our fantasies and Smaug is no exception to this, but the reason I put him as low as I did is because when I first saw him he didn't really scare me but interested me instead. The build up he had was incredible, he burns down a forest, then burns down a village, kills the dwarves, raids their mine and hordes all the treasure to himself." Airnaruto said before Darkmagicianmon took a turn at his giving his two cents.

"Now this guy's voice is perfect, I mean it's grisly and intimidating." Darkmagicianmon said.

_Smaug: I AM SMAUG! My armor is like ten fold shields, my teeth are like swords, my claws spears, and my wings are hurricanes!_

"I'll agree that Tolkien was very good at creating monsters but I have to say that the Smaug in the book is much more intimidating in terms of his physical appearance than this version." Lunatic said to counteract what Darkmagicianmon.

"I get what you're saying oh insane one, he does look like someone took a salamander's body, and glued a Chihuahua's head to it but any dragon that has lighthouse beacons for eyes gets points in my opinion." Darkmagicianmon said.

"Smaug the dragon, don't take his treasure trust me he won't be happy about it." Airnaruto said before moving on to the next monster.

Number 11: The Red Bull from the Last Unicorn

"Much like Smaug this hunk of beef didn't scare me but intrigued me, but in contrast to Smaug he's not free thinker, the red bull is instead a tool used by the evil King Haggard to round all the unicorns up into the see and keep them all for himself." Airnaruto said.

"Okay a bull that's on fire are you kidding me? He's not scary." Lunatic snapped.

"Actually Lunatic I disagree, I mean a bull when it's mad and on the charge is scary enough because once they get running you won't stop them, but add to the fact this one is on fire you're pretty much grilled and on a shish kabob." Darkmagicianmon said.

"The Red Bull, not to be confused with the energy drink but can still kill you." Airnaruto said as the bull comes charging at the unicorn.

Number 10: Gigantic the gorilla from Superman: Terror on the midway.

"The Fleischer studios Superman shorts are classics and if you're like me, then these were how you were introduced to the man of steel growing up, but out of all of them Terror on the midway was probably the darkest one. The plot behind this short is that Lois Lane goes to the circus to write a report on the events happening there for the Daily Planet, but while there, a monkey accidently opens the cage of a gigantic gorilla who attacks then attacks the circus employees, attacks, innocent people, chases Lois Lane up a up a tent pole ala King Kong and battles Superman while the circus tent is on fire it's just horrifying." Airnaruto explains.

"What makes this ape even scarier is of reality of how closely related apes are to humans." Darkmagicianmon says before we get Lunatic's opinion on this monster.

"The fact that he's a match for even Superman makes this ape menacing its frightening if you ask me." Lunatic said before we see a clip of Gigantic beating Superman up.

"Gigantic the gorilla, he's not quite King Kong, but he still kicked Superman's ass." Airnaruto says.

Number 9: Chernabog from Fantasia

"Now this guy is basically the devil, with his huge frame, his big black horns, monstrous wings, and his ability to conjure up the dead just so he can destroy them again he truly belongs amongst the worst of the worse especially when he has the greatest entrance theme for a villain." Airnaruto says before we hear the theme.

_(Intro to Night on Bald Mountain by Modeste Mugorsky is heard)_

"Now that is awesome." Airnaruto said before continuing, "I'll admit this interpretation of Lucifer did spook me a little bit especially when we get the close ups of his evil little smile. There were even rumors that an early horror films actor was the model for this monster if it's true I could see the resemblance." Airnaruto said again.

"To be honest this guy is last thing you would expect from Disney the same company that brought us so many kid friendly characters like Mickey mouse, Donald Duck, Dippy Dog (aka Goofy) and so many others resorted to using the Stinking DEVIL!" Darkmagicianmon said before calming down, "still if Satan had any physical shape this is what he would look like." Darkmagicianmon concluded.

"I agree and the fact that he revives all those dead spirits just to destroy them again and the fact he's doing it for his own amusement makes him even more terrifying." Lunatic said.

"Chernabog master of darkness but doesn't mess with sound of church bells." Airnaruto said.

Number 8: Monstro the Whale from Pinocchio

"Before, Jaws, Before the Kraken but not before the whale that swallowed Jonah there was only Monstro, and with a name like that he truly is a monster. I mean the sight of him or mere mention of his name sends fish swimming away in terror, he even swallowed the hero of the film." Airnaruto said.

"Now this was the part that scared me the most I mean whales have been used as creatures of power throughout mythology but Monstro is the only one who uses that power I mean he sneezes so hard he creates his own tidal waves." Darkmagicianmon explained.

_Jiminy, Cricket: Gesundheit_

"I was surprised at how Disney took a whale and made so evil; I mean he chased Pinocchio and Geppeto all because of the fact that he hates to lose his dinner." Lunatic said in shock.

"Monstro the whale, so monstrous that he puts even Moby Dick to shame." Airnaruto said before moving on to the next monster.

Number 7: The Blood bottler giant from The BFG

"Now the reason this guy's on my list is that he just looks so ugly it's scary and that's about all I can think of for this guy." Airnaruto said keeping this one short and to the point.

"You have to ask yourself sometimes where did Roald Dahl come up with some of these guys I mean flesh eating giants, a married couple who likes to play tricks on each other (A/N: The Twits.) , and a bunch of other stuff that is just so surreal." Darkmagicianmon said expressing his opinion.

"When I saw this film on the web, the part where that guy shows up made me jump out of my seat for a moment." Lunatic explained.

The Blood bottler giant, no he won't put your blood in a glass bottle, he bottle it in his stomach." Airnaruto said in disgust.

Number 6: Ursula from the Little Mermaid

"Now I know some people will get on my case for putting her as low in the countdown as I did mostly because while she's a one of the most notorious villains Disney has ever come up with but it's not until the end of the film where she becomes a monster in one of the most frightening scenes in Disney's history." Airnaruto explained we see Darkmagicianmon in his chair giving his view on it.

"Have you ever seen one of those large overly obese women who think they're total sex goddesses?" He asks before answering it himself, "Well they're not quite as scary as Ursula. Why is that? Simple because they don't have two extra sets of limbs to wrap around you." He points out before shuddering.

"She steals Ariel's voice, then she tries to steal her man if you ask me that goes way over the line but my god when she steals Triton's trident that's when Ursula is really frightening." Lunatic says.

"Ursula, to quote the Nostalgia Critic, she's an eight legged beast who won't be getting stepped on any time soon." Airnaruto says as they move on.

Number 5: King Wapol from One Piece

"Now while this guy is more funny than scary I put him in here because of the fact, that like Monstro he'll eat anything that gets in his way but I think Oda could have done more with him even with his Munch Munch fruit ability which is eerily reminiscent of Majin Buu from Dragon Ball Z, but unlike Majin Buu, he's not much of a physical threat." Airnaruto said.

"I never really watched One Piece but the fact that this guy can eat anything and assimilate it with himself is scary enough to send me running for the hills." Lunatic says.

"He taxes the citizens of a mountain village to the point where he buys out most of the medicine, and then he persecutes a couple of good people and then tries to have sex with Nami or tries to eat her that's just gross." Darkmagicianmon said.

"King Wapol, He'll eat you if you piss him off." Airnaruto said before we cut back to him, "Trust me he will." He said again.

Number 4: Majin Buu from Dragonball Z

"Now I bet your asking how the heck could a pink blob that has the mental capacity of a retarded child and the gluttony for sweets of an infant be considered monstrous?" Airnaruto asked for the audience, well it's simple I mean sure he acts like a child but that's only a cover for what he really is evil, powerful, and destructive. What makes Buu even more menacing is the fact the combines the subtle and deceptive evil, with loud destructive and physical evil, but it's not until he returns to his original form that the true monster within him comes out and he destroys the Earth." Airnaruto says.

"I have to agree while the size of Buu's original form may not scream psychotic killer the fact that he can kill you with a beam that turns you into candy and then eat you, by absorbing you into his skin and then taking on certain physical attributes, killing you in a fight, or he can just destroy a planet makes him so terrifying." Darkmagicianmon said to point out another fact.

"The fact that his skin is almost like some one took a Piccolo's DNA and combined it with a piece bubble gum which makes his body the perfect shield as well as the perfect sword means if you get backed into a corner with this guy I have four simple words for you; RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!" Lunatic exclaimed.

"Majin Buu, giving new meaning to the phrase "Never judge a book by its cover." Airnaruto said.

Number 3: The Firebird from Fantasia 2000

"Now this beast was really frightening, a giant eagle made out of molten lava that shoots fire from its beak and destroys anything in its path, however in contrast to Chernabog who is a force of pure evil, the firebird is a natural force released only because a spring goddess was so curious to know what it was." Airnaruto said before Darkmagicianmon has his turn to speak.

"Now let's face it while scary this is also perhaps the coolest looking bird in cinema I mean he turns into a lava flow, shoots fire from his beak and destroys an entire forest in a matter of minutes now that's natural power!" Darkmagicianmon said.

"Now I may have never seen this version of Fantasia but the scene where the bird is woken up always makes me wanna crap my pants and not because of the sound system." Lunatic said.

"The Firebird giving new meaning to the term Mother Nature's fury."

Number 2: Orochimaru from Naruto

"Now this guy scares me and sickens me at the same time, why simple, the fact that he totally disregards the lives of others, treats them like crap and the fact that his true form is a monstrous white hydra makes me scream pedophile." Airnaruto said before continuing, "even though this two timing snake is considered more of a villain than a monster his mind set of achieving eternal life by any means necessary makes him a monster in my book.' He further explained.

"The fact that he's voiced by Steven Jay Blum alone makes this guy such a great villain and a tremendous monster in his own right especially when he sheds his skin and reveals that horrifying snake body of his that he uses to transfer his soul into another's body just makes me sick." Darkmagicianmon said.

"I only have two words to say concerning this guy: HUGE PEDOPHILE!" Lunatic said leaving it at that.

"Orochimaru he's slick, sneaky, and a sadistic sociopath who steal the bodies of little boys." Airnaruto commented.

"And the number 1 scariest animated is….General Woundwort from the 1978 animated movie Watership down." Airnaruto revealed.

"Okay I know I'm gonna get flamed for this one but hear me out this is one rabbit who defies the stereotype for rabbits heck with how bad his health was especially in both his eyes, he truly looks like a monster I mean, his size, the voice, the eyes and the fact that he's willing to kill deserters from his own warren, when the scene where he lunges at Bigwig came on I freaking ran out of the room." Airnaruto said as we see that very scene.

_(Scene that Airnaruto described comes on)_

Airnaruto returns and timidly looks around before asking, "Is he gone?" "However by the end of the film he ends up lunging to fight a dog and well we don't know what happened to his body." Airnaruto said as a brief narration of that scene is spoken.

"_**General Woundwort's body was never found, it could be that he still lives travelling and living his fierce life elsewhere, but from that day on mother rabbits would warn their kittens that they didn't do as they were told the general would get them, such was Woundwort's moniker and it might not have displeased him." The narrator said.**_

"However until that happens he is the scariest thing in animated movies, and television." Airnaruto said before Darkmagicianmon looks at the clip of Woundwort several times.

"Okay I won't lie about this one; it's semi-scary, semi-hideous, and semi-retarded." Darkmagicianmon said bluntly.

"Like most animated films that were made from the late 1970s to the mid 1980s, Watership Down is also considered a timeless classic though I wouldn't recommend it for younger kids thinking it will all be sunshine and rainbows just because the film has rabbits in it." Lunatic said giving his two cents on it.

"General Woundwort just think of him as Hitler only smaller, fuzzier, and uglier but just as tyrannical." Airnaruto said before we return to his place. "Well that's it for this episode I would like to thank my co-hosts the Digital critic and the Insane critic for joining me for this countdown."

'Thanks for having me Air old buddy now if you would excuse me I'm late for a date with Hikari." Darkmagicianmon said before fading out of existence.

"Likewise Airnaruto-sensei now I've gotta go." Lunatic said before leaving the desk.

"Well folks see you next I'm the Classic Critic, I remember it so you're not required too." Airnaruto says before he sees the clip of Woundwort lunging at Big wig again and screams before bolting out of the room.

A/N: I'll admit the countdown is a bit clunky but I'm more the willing to get burned for poor choices of monsters but these were the best ones I could think of well next episode: A co-review with Darren Matthias aka DW64/The Anime critic as we look at the black sheep of Walt Disney's animated movies the Black Cauldron so until then read and review.__ce they get running you won' upgets points in my opinion." the book is much more intimidating


	3. Episode 3: The Black Cauldron

Episode 3: The Black Cauldron

Disclaimer: As before, I owned nothing involved with these episodes and all material belongs to their respective sources.

Airnaruto once again is seen sitting behind his desk ready to begin his next review. "Hello I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to." He says before continuing, "Today is a special one because it's going to be my first ever co-review and my guest is gonna be all the way from Singapore, Darren Mathias aka DW64 aka The Anime Critic." Airnaruto says before we cut to another young boy named DW64.

"Hello I'm the Anime Critic and I review anime thanks for having me here Air." He said as the camera pans back to Airnaruto.

"Your welcome Darren, anyway before we begin let's talk about the darkest period in animated movie history; the late 1970s to the mid 1980s." Airnaruto said as we see a montage of movie posters from back in those days posters from films like; Watership Down, The Plague Dogs, The Last Unicorn, Fire and Ice, Rock and Rule, The Secret of Nimh, The Lord of the Rings, and The Hobbit.

"Yes that truly was an interesting era, the animated films that were released back then were much different than what we see today, focusing on more the darker side of reality and some of it's more frightening moments in some cases the characters and their setting seemed to be a bit dark and creepy." Darren says before continuing "However the Disney studios remained to true when it came to storytelling and animation in their films and in 1983 they went from Walt Disney Productions to Walt Disney Pictures and released their official and most famous logo." Darren says before we see the old Disney castle opening.

"You got that right Darren, however throughout the 80s the company was going through it's second dark age and felt completely out of place due to the trend of dark and edgy kids films that were released at the time, so for their 25th full-length animated motion picture Disney tried to cash in on the trend and instead ended up with their darkest, most violent, and edgiest animated film to date, and to this day it has been called the black sheep of Walt Disney animation. This film is also the subject of our review today, released on July 24, 1985 the film is…you guessed it The Black Cauldron." Airnaruto says as the title appears on the screen before cutting back to him. "Now I'm sure that you're wondering how dark and violent could an animated film from Disney, the happiest place on earth be?" Airnaruto asks.

"I don't know about you but let's find out shall we?" Darren asks.

"Yes we will on with the review." Airnaruto says we cut to the opening scene of the film. "The film starts with a dramatic and well told prologue narrated by legendary British director and voice actor the late John Huston." Airnaruto says before we hear a sample of John's prologue.

_**John Huston: Legend has it that in the mystic land of **__**Prydain, there was once a king so cruel and so evil that even the gods feared him…**_

"Cool we've got Gandalf narrating the movie." Airnaruto briefly interrupts.

(A photo of Ian McClellan as Gandalf for the live action Lord of the rings films is shown.)

"No I didn't mean that Gandalf." Airnaruto said.

(Still of Gandalf from the animated Lord of the Rings film is then shown)

"I didn't mean that one either." Airnaruto said again.

(A still of Gandalf from Rankin/Bass's The Hobbit is shown)

"That's the Gandalf I was referring to." Airnaruto says.

"John Huston huh, well I have to admit he does a very powerful voice." Darren says before we go back to the prologue.

_**John Huston**_:_** His demonic spirit was captured in the form of a great black cauldron. For uncounted centuries, the black cauldron lay hidden waiting while evil men searched for it knowing whoever possessed it would have the power to resurrect an army of deathless warriors and with them rule the world.**_

"Wow that is one powerful pot." Darren says.

"Tell me about it, you could serve 21 bowls of miso ramen in something like that." Airnaruto says when suddenly Naruto Uzumaki comes in and tackles him.

"Airnaruto how could you hold out on me by keeping 21 bowls of ramen without me knowing?" Naruto asks while shaking Airnaruto.

"Naruto I don't have the ramen it was a figure of speech." Airnaruto says making Naruto let go.

"Oh sorry about that." Naruto says before leaving the room.

"Anyway after that dramatic and epic prologue, we meet an enchanter named Dallben voiced by British actor Freddie Jones who has an assistant pig keeper named Taran who just can't help but daydream about his desire to be a knight." Darren says before Airnaruto picks up the next part.

"He does so because at the time a huge war is going on in Prydain and Taran wants to get in on the action." Airnaruto explains.

"You know if I were as young as him I would be happy with where I am today." Darren says to readers.

"Just so you know Taran is voiced by Grant Bardsley personally I don't know anything about this guy but I just thought it would be a good idea to get that bit of trivia out of the way." Airnaruto says before continuing with review, "Anyway Taran's job is to pamper the pet pig named Hen Wen who might be just the cutest little porker in an animated film yes even more so than Wilbur from Charlotte's web." Airnaruto says.

"You know just seeing her makes want to stop eating bacon." Darren says commenting on Hen Wen's innocence.

"We along with Taran find out that Hen Wen has oracular powers that enable her to see the future in a water bowl, and it appears that an evil being known as the horned king has returned to Prydain." Airnaruto says as Darren cuts him off.

"Oh give me a break. The horned king was that the best name they could come up with?" Darren asks.

"Tell me about it Darren, I mean with all the other Disney villains like Jafar, Scar, Hades, Captain Hook, Ursula, and Maleficent he can't be that intimidating can he?" Airnaruto asks.

_The Horned king: Soon the Black Cauldron will be mine._

_The screen then gets a close up of his face which looks like a green skeleton with burning red eyes._

Airnaruto and Darren with their jaws dropped have only three words to say.

"Oh…. My….. God!" They say in unison.

"He has got to be the scariest villain I've ever seen in a Disney feature, I mean he looks like a fusion between, Mum-Ra (Thundercats), Skeletor (Original He-man cartoon), Talpa (Ronin Warriors), and Palpatine (Star wars). Aside from that he's voiced by British actor John Hurt." Airnaruto says.

"Wow now there's a shocker John Hurt as this scary bag of bones yikes!" Darren says before continuing the review.

"To achieve his goal of conquest the Horned King must first find the Black cauldron in order to bring an army of skeletons to life to lay waste to the land." Airnaruto says.

"So Taran is told to take Hen Wen to a hidden cottage where she'll be safe but unfortunately along the way he has another daydream and loses her." Darren says.

"Then he comes across a small creature named Gurgi." Airnaruto says.

_Gurgi: Great prince gave poor starving Gurgi munchings and crunchings._

"He kind of looks like a dog with the arms of a chimpanzee." Airnaruto says think of the best way to describe the little guy.

"You know he's kind of cute, not to mention the fact that he's voiced by voice impersonator John Byner best known for his work for the Ant & the Aardvark shorts." Darren says before carrying on, "Anyway Gurgi claims to have seen Hen Wen but it's unfortunately too late as she is snatched by two dragons who then fly her back to the Horned King's castle." Darren says.

"Taran then decides that he has to enter the castle to save Hen Wen but Gurgi wants to tag along…" Airnaruto says before he guts cut off by Darren.

"Hold on a second." Darren says.

"What's the matter Darren?" Airnaruto asks.

"A small creature that follows around the main character refers to himself in the 3rd person point of view, speaks in an exaggerated voice, and calls the person master?" Darren says before giving a full assessment of Gurgi. "This guy's a furry rip-off of Gollum!" He exclaims.

_Gurgi: Gurgi come back to be your friend._

_Gollum: You don't have any friends nobody likes you._

_Airnaruto: PWN'D!_

"I don't see much of a similarity." Airnaruto says before he changes his voice to sound something similar to Gollum. "Of course there's a similarity, we both follow around the main character for our own reasons, and both end up meeting our untimely ends by falling off the edge of something." Gollum/Air says. "You said you would go away and never come back." Sméagol/Air says. "I lied." Gollum/Air says before Air slaps himself in the face. "Let's continue with the review." Airnaruto says, "So Taran sneaks in to find that the soldiers are just bunch of drunks who do nothing but party all day, wait a minute I'll bet these guys graduated from the animal house." Airnaruto says before three words came flashing across the screen.

"Medieval Toga Party" Someone screams.

"That is how it plays out until the horned king arrives." Airnaruto says before we see The Horned King enter the castle.

"Wow he sure knows how to make an entrance." Darren says.

_Creeper: Welcome your majesty, we were just celebrating our success…I mean your success._

"Well looks like we forgot about the Horned King's lackey, the creeper." Darren says.

"Now I know they say if you kiss your boss's ass enough times you'll avoid getting throttled but The Creeper can't seem to find a way around that." Darren says as we Creeper getting throttled again.

_Creeper: That's right._

"Just as Hen Wen is about to be tortured to show the future, Taran jumps in and saves her life." Airnaruto says.

"However he's forced to show her powers and have her show all she can to the Horned King, but Taran then turns the tables on them and is able to get Hen Wen out of the castle but in the process he gets caught and thrown into the dungeon, while stuck in there he meets Princess Eilonwy voiced by Susan Sheridan." Darren says.

_Eilonwy: Oh hello._

"Hold it, Hold it!" Darren says.

"What is it now DW?" Airnaruto asks.

"If she's a princess in a Disney film why isn't she part of the merchandise?" Darren asks.

"To be honest I don't know, my best guesses would be due to the dark overtones of the film, the fact she never really gets to fight like some of the other Disney princesses, and she doesn't sing." Airnaruto says voicing his guess.

"Oh well moving on." Darren says.

"While trying to find a way out of the castle, Taran discovers a magic sword that can destroy anything that it touches and manages to rescue Fflewddur a minor king who enjoys travelling around as bard and owns a magic harp that breaks a string every time he tells a lie voiced by Nigel Hawthorne." Airnaruto explains.

_Fflewddur: I'm Fflewddur Flam! Minstrel of Minstrels, Balladeer to the grandest courts in all the land!_

_(Harp snaps a string)_

_Fflewddur to harp: Well have you forgotten, I've sung in some of the finest courts._

_(Harp snaps another string)_

"Now this is why I play harmonica instead." Darren says.

"What happens when you lie though?" Airnaruto asks.

"The holes get a little rusty." Darren answers.

"So they escape much to the Horned King's dismay who again takes it out on Creeper, and then our heroes come across a familiar face." Darren says as we see the scene where Gurgi pounces on Fflewddur.

_Gurgi: Oh boy Gurgi's lucky day, Wow!_

"Oh boy Gollum…whoops I mean Gurgi." Darren says sarcastically.

"Later they find an old cottage belonging to three witches which just happens to be where the Black cauldron is hidden but once they meet these hags, they learn that they can only get the cauldron by bartering for it, but when the batty witches learn of the sword Taran has they come up with quite the game plan." Airnaruto says.

_Orddu: We'll trade the cauldron for the sword._

_Orwen: But what can they do with the cauldron Orddu?_

_Orddu: Nothing that's the point we'll have both the sword and the cauldron._

"So they say deal instead of no deal, get the cauldron only to realize that they got gypped because as it may be nothing can destroy the black cauldron." Darren says.

_Orddu: Only it's evil powers can destroy it, a living being must climb into it_ _of his own free will however that being will never come out alive._

_Gurgi: Yikes!_

"Later the Horned King's soldiers recapture them and take the cauldron with them; there The Horned King sacrifices the body of a dead soldier by placing it into the cauldron thus bringing the skeletal army to life." Airnaruto says as we see the scene where the army comes to life and kills to of the living soldiers. "Hopping Horned toads!" Airnaruto exclaims.

"It's a skeletal army of darkness!" Darren screams.

"Fortunately, Gurgi arrives to free our heroes, Taran decides that he must dive into the cauldron but Gurgi stops him by…sacrificing himself?" Airnaruto says in a confused manner.

_Taran: NO!_

"No, that wasn't supposed to happen, no, GURGI!" Darren screams before starting to cry.

"Luckily Gurgi's sacrifice causes the skeletal army to die, sucks the Horned King into the cauldron thus destroying him, and destroys the castle just our heroes manage to get out in the nick of time." Airnaruto explains.

"Yes but at what cost?" Darren asks.

"I think the loss of a good supporting character would be the price." Airnaruto says before he starts crying.

"So having saved the world, the witches return to take the cauldron back but Taran has a little bargain for them." Darren says.

_Orddu: Did this old ear hear the word bargain?_

"Yeah a bloody bargain tell them Taran." Darren says before Taran gives the items involved for the bargain.

_Taran: The cauldron…for Gurgi._

_Witches: (Gasp!)_

"The witches agree to the deal, take the cauldron back, and leave behind Gurgi who just happened to be revived." Airnaruto says.

"Maybe that little fur ball is the son of…" Darren says before Airnaruto cuts him off.

"Darren let's not do that joke." Airnaruto says.

"Okay we won't do it." Darren says.

"Now our heroes live happily ever after." Airnaruto says before the camera cuts back to Darren.

"Well that truly was….epic." Darren says in an interested voice.

"That it was, so how did this film do in theatres?" Airnaruto asks before answering it himself, "To put it bluntly it bombed big time." He says.

_(BOOM!)_

"Needless to say but double C is right. After a long production period it was released very few positive reviews and received less than half of its 44 million dollar budget back. Most people blame this on the PG rating it got." Darren says, before Airnaruto explains why the PG rating was partly to blame.

"You see folks from the late 70s through the 80s PG was a rating that was taken more seriously than it is now, with even several horror films getting the rating. In fact this film was almost rated R because of all the violence in it but it got trimmed down to get a PG rating instead." Airnaruto says before continuing, "Aside from the rating system, the film was based on the second book in the Chronicles of Prydain book series by Lloyd Alexander, some fans of the series and critics criticized the film for its lack of touching on the book's dark nature but other critics gave it good reviews. Roger Ebert's review of the film at the time of the film's release was generally positive. However, the film's failure at the box office combined with its dark tones lead to Disney shelving the film for 13 years, this film didn't even get released on VHS until 1998." Airnaruto explained.

"Now that I think about it that's how I was introduced, to this film sure it has its dark moments but they didn't really bother me at all." Darren says.

"Despite its lackluster reception at the box office the film has developed a cult following among viewers and will be receiving a special edition DVD release this June." Airnaruto explains.

"Now that should be interesting to see." Darren says as we cut back to Airnaruto.

"All in all, I can see why Disney wants to forget they ever made this movie but if you actually sit down and pay attention to it, it's not that bad. I mean sure it may not be as good as Rankin/Bass's The Hobbit, Watership Down, the Plague Dogs, or the Last Unicorn, but it's definitely better than the animated Lord of the Rings movie but I wouldn't recommend this to little kids unless they watch it with their parents." Airnaruto says cautiously.

"I couldn't agree more, even with its dark moments, it is a beautiful mix of adventure, horror, and fantasy and retains a little bit of that old Disney charm." Darren says in total agreement.

"Therefore Darren and I give this film a rating of 3 stars out of 5." Airnaruto explains. 'Well that's it for now folks; I would like to thank the Anime Critic for joining me for this review." Airnaruto says.

"It was a pleasure and an honor to be here." Darren says before leaving.

"See you next time folks and remember I'm the Classic Critic, I remember it so you're not required to." Airnaruto says before leaving.

_Pros: Nice detailed animation and the debut of early computer animation, decent cast, and a nice mix of three genres._

_Cons: A little dark, some frightening moments, and some violence not suitable for children, the PG rating._

_Final rating (Scale 0 to 5 stars): ***_

A/N: well glad I got that episode finished see you next time folks read and review


	4. Episode 4: Mortal Kombat the movie

Episode 4: Mortal Kombat the Movie

Disclaimer: I own nothing involved with this parody

We see Airnaruto aka the Classic Critic sitting at his desk once more but this time he's in a martial arts gi. "Hello I'm the Classic Critic. I remember it so you're not required to." He says before turning to a very familiar guest co-reviewer. "Today is yet another guest co-review but this time I'm doing it with my good friend The Digital Critic aka Darkmagicianmon." Airnaruto says.

"Hey Classic nice to see you again." Dark says as they touch knuckles.

"Also making her debut is Kayla aka MisstressoftheDawn aka The Irate Werewolf" Airnaruto says as he turned to a girl who had feral wolf-like qualities about her.

"So why am I here?" Mistress asks Dark.

"He's reviewing a movie based on a video game and he thought it would be appropriate to have you along after all you're parodying the Irate gamer." Dark explains.

"Good point hello folks." Dawn says.

"Today we're going to discuss a movie genre that nine times out of tem usually bombs at the box office. Live-action movies based on video games or more specifically films based fighting video games." Airnaruto explains as we see posters from films like; Both Street fighter movies, Dead or Alive (A/N: Yes it did get its own Live action film but it was released in select theatres only in 2007), and the posters for the upcoming King of Fighters, and Tekken films.

"This is truly a poorly done genre in cinema, in fact movies based on video games in general usually suck because they get it wrong with either the plot, the actors, the effects, or the fight scenes it's reasons like these why video game based movies that are animated have much more luck than their live action counter parts." Dark explains as we also see the posters for the Double Dragon and Super Mario Bros. movies.

"Tell me about it, but at the time most people were in the arcades throughout the early to mid 90s why simple fighting games by the dozen." Dawn explains before continuing, "And in 1991 CAPCOM gaming company hit the big time in arcades with Street fighter 2 which is probably considered their crowning achievement but it was a year later that Midway games, threw their hat into the ring with what is critically acclaimed to be the most controversial fighting franchise in video game history." Dawn explains before letting Airnaruto take over.

"What some don't realize is that two years after Midway threw it's hat into the arcades, CAPCOM decided to turn their fighting franchise into a live action movie the film Street Fighter which starred Jean Claude Van Damme was huge a bomb at the box office and brought a lot of scrutiny onto the franchise." Airnaruto explains before saying something else, "Not that the prequel was any better blech!" He says before finishing the intro, "Eight months later, the creators of Street Fighter's competition decided take their shot at the silver screen allowing New Line Cinema the same studio that produced the live action Lord of the Rings trilogy to do the filming and production of their film, and what they got was pretty much the black sheep of Live action video game based movies but this one earns this moniker in a good way, which also the subject of this review today. Cue the music!" Airnaruto says before the screen starts show a fire surrounding a stone with a dragon carved in the middle of a circle and techno music is played in the background. "Released in North America on August 18, 1995 the film is…you guessed it MORTAL KOMBAT!" Airnaruto says as he screams the last part.

"The film opens with a nightmare where at a Shoalin temple a young boy is confronted by the evil Sorcerer and main antagonist in the film Shang Tsung portrayed by Japanese-American performer Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa, and while the boy fights gallantly, he can't land a single blow on Shang Tsung and is quickly defeated him, but before the nightmare ends Shang Tsung sends a very serious threat to the dreamer." Dark says

_Shang Tsung; Your brother's soul is mine. You will be next!_

"Shang then proceeds to kill the boy thus ending the nightmare. This causes one of our main heroes Liu Kang portrayed by Hong Kong film actor Robin Shou, to wake up from his nightmare, and decides to head back to the temple of the order of light after receiving a message from his grandfather that his brother who was the young boy who got killed in the nightmare had been murdered." Airnaruto explains.

"Well that pretty much clears up who that kid who tried to beat Shang Tsung was." Dawn mumbles.

"Meanwhile in Hong Kong, a team of US Special Forces agents led by Lieutenant Sonya Blade and her partner Major Jackson Briggs or for short Jax are tracking down a ruthless murder named Kano. Sonya is portrayed by Bridgette Wilson while Jax is played by the late Gregory McKinney." Dark says before Dawn cuts him off.

"Hold on a second!" Dawn says.

"What?" Airnaruto asks.

"Why is Bridgette Wilson an actress who was pretty stiff during her peak in this film?" Dawn asks.

"I don't know?" Dark replies.

"Well I do, you see Dawn the producers originally had in mind to have Cameron Diaz play the role of Sonya but during production she ended up breaking her wrist." Air explains.

"I see continue." Dawn says satisfied.

"Anyway, they crash a dance club armed to the teeth, searching for Kano played by the late Trevor Goddard best known for his role as Commander Brumby on JAG. We soon find out that, Kano was responsible for the murder of Sonya's old partner and that he's under the employment of Shang Tsung who for some reason wants Sonya to be on the boat for the tournament but while Kano escapes, he has some sexual fantasy of what he'd do once Sonya gets on the boat, Shang sends him very real warning." Dark says.

_Shang Tsung: If you so much as touch her Kano… (Reveals a knife blade) you're going to need a Seeing Eye dog._

"What the hell is wrong with Shang? I mean isn't he twice the age of Sonya or something?" Air screams.

"I think he was at the time of the films release but let's get back on topic." Dark says.

"The scene then changes to Los Angeles where we meet our third protagonist Johnny Cage, a Hollywood action movie star and martial artist who's hit a bit of rough spot because the press believes that some of his moves are just editing effects, he's played by Linden Ashby." Airnaruto explains as we see the where Johnny knocks over three stuntmen but the fourth one after taking a beating doesn't fall.

_Johnny to stunt guy: This is where you fall down._

_(Stunt guy falls)_

_Johnny: Where do you get these guys?_

"My question exactly." Dawn mutters before continuing "After Johnny receives his invite to the tournament, from who looks like to be one of his old martial arts teacher but really turns out to be Shang Tsung in disguise, we return to Liu Kang consulting his grandfather after returning to the temple of the order of light, his grandfather then explains what Liu's brother had been doing while he was in America. While Liu thinks it's ridiculous that the fate of the world should rest on the outcome of a tournament Liu decides that he should represent the temple at the tournament partially out of guilt and partially out of revenge against Shang Tsung." Dawn explains.

"However he is rebuked by the entrance of Raiden, the god of thunder and protector of Earth realm played by Christopher Lambert." Airnaruto says as Liu gets beat by Raiden and then storms off.

"Moving on our three heroes end up at the tournament which takes place on an island that separates the realm of Earth from a forsaken realm called Outworld, as they arrive at the island Liu Kang sees and falls head over heels for Princess Kitana the stepdaughter of the emperor of Outworld played by Talisa Soto later that night they attend a banquet for all the fighters in the tournament who are given a demonstration of what they may have to deal with in the tournament courtesy of Sub Zero a warrior from a clan of Chinese ninjas known as the Lin Kuei who has the power of cyromancy or ice magic as shown when he freezes one of the guards and shatters the body into pieces." Dawn says.

_Shang Tsung: Flawless victory._

"Later that night Sonya goes off to try and find Kano while Liu seeks out Kitana but while Liu's search ends up being fruitless, Sonya finds her target stuffing himself at a buffet table while talking with Shang Tsung's right hand man or beast the undefeated champion of Mortal Kombat over the past nine tournaments Goro prince of the Shokan race, a species of half man half dragon people who have four arms and are known for their brutality in battle throughout Outworld. Goro is played by Kevin Michael Richardson. Shang Tsung explains to Goro that not only does Liu Kang concern him mostly because of the fact that Liu is the descendant of the last warrior from Earthrealm to win the tournament the Great Kung Lao but he's also concerned that Kitana might help the Earth warriors but soon our heroes are discovered and soon begin fighting several guards." Dark says as we see the fight play out.

"After the fight Raiden shows up sarcastically clapping his hands at there performance." Airnaruto says.

_Raiden: Brilliant, absolutely brilliant. Now why don't you show me what you plan to do about them?_

_(Points to more guards but just as they're about to attack)_

_Raiden: uh-uh. I don't think so (Chuckles) (Lightning comes off of his fingertips)_

"The next day the tournament begins with Liu Kang fighting some Jamaican dude and eventually winning but not long after the victory, Shang Tsung consumes the soul of Liu's opponent." Dawn says.

_Shang Tsung: Your soul is mine._

_Warrior: NO!_

_Shang Tsung: Fatality_

"Later Sonya gets her fight with Kano who resorts to cheating by trying to cut Sonya open with a knife and then throwing sand in her eyes but in the end, she manages to avenge her old partner with perhaps one of the funniest exchanges in the film." Airnaruto says as we see Sonya have Kano caught in a head scissors.

_Kano: Come on baby give me a break._

_Sonya: Okay_

_(Sound of Kano's neck breaking)_

"Well he said to give him a break." Dark says before adding "and she did, a broken neck that is" Dark added for a punch line.

_(Rim shot)_

"Horrible pun, anyway Johnny is arranged to battle with Scorpion a ninja specter who's out for vengeance against Sub-Zero for killing him two years earlier but has to work for Shang Tsung in order to get a chance at revenge and of course we get the two classic lines from Scorpion who while portrayed physically by some other guy whose name I can't remember but he's actually voiced by none other than Mortal Kombat co-creator Ed Boon." Dawn exclaims.

_Scorpion: GET OVER HERE! COME HERE!_

"After a long fight that even goes as far as the depths of Hell, Johnny manages to beat Scorpion by slicing him in half, Liu gets set to fight Kitana, who while trying to make the fight look convincing, decides to give Liu Kang a few a little tips for his battle against Sub-Zero." Airnaruto says.

_Kitana: If you want to win your next match, use the element that brings life._

"After defeating Kitana, Liu is pitted against Sub-Zero who has the upper hand against him for most of the fight until Liu grabs a hold of …a bucket of water? Which results in Sub-Zero's attack backfiring on him pinning him to a wall and killing him?" Dark says in confusion before blowing up and asking "WHAT KIND OF ENDING IS THAT?"

"Element that brings life Dark, what brings more life than water?" Dawn explains.

"I suppose you bring up a good point." Dark replies as Airnaruto takes over from there.

"Well eventually Shang Tsung permits Goro to enter the tournament and well it's a guitar solo of beaten foes and broken bodies." Airnaruto says as we now see a montage of fighters who get thrown around like rags by Goro.

_(Guitar riff)_

"After that Goro faces off against Art Lean a fighter who Johnny had met in Hong Kong before boarding the ship to the island and needless to say that while Art puts up a better fight than the previous opponents he still gets massacred and then his soul gets consumed by Shang Tsung." Dawn says as we see the scene play out.

_Shang Tsung: Finish him_

_Goro to Art: Time to die!_

_Shang Tsung: Flawless Victory, your soul is mine._

"After the fight Raiden tells them that can beat Goro and Shang Tsung but the only thing stopping them is their own fear, Raiden then tells the trio what they fear the most. Johnny's fear is that people will think he's a fake so he rushes head first into a fight just to prove that he's not but he will ultimately get beaten, he further explains that Sonya has difficulty coming to grips with the fact that sometimes even she needs help, while Liu is afraid of his own destiny and when he fled it by going to America it brought him guilt for the death of his brother." Air says.

"The next night, Johnny tells Sonya that he has a plan. His plan is to challenge Goro himself? Johnny are you crazy?" Dark asks.

"Shang Tsung accepts Johnny's request for the fight and in exchange Shang Tsung gets to challenge the winner or another of his choosing and the location of the final battle of the tournament Raiden tries to stop the transaction but it's too late when Raiden confronts Johnny he's given the simplest answer Johnny can give.

_Johnny Cage: This our tournament remember? Mortal Kombat we fight it._

"While originally pissed, Raiden secretly is glad that one of his three chosen warriors has understood; soon the fight between Johnny and Goro is set after Goro crushes Johnny's sunglasses Johnny delivers a familiar one-liner." Dawn says.

_Johnny to Goro: All right let's dance._

"Dark then proceeds to punch Goro right where it hurts the most and then run off trying to trick Goro into following him. So Johnny how did that feel?" Dawn asks.

_Johnny: Damn! That hurt._

"Sure enough Goro takes the bait by following Johnny only to find no sign of him, until he turns around." Airnaruto says.

_Johnny: Those were $500 sunglasses asshole _

"Johnny manages to easily defeat Goro sending him off the edge of the mountain but not before Shang Tsung kidnaps Sonya and takes her to Outworld to fulfill his end of the deal. Liu and Johnny then enter the portal to Outworld and meet up with Kitana who further explains what had become of the realm. Now I have a quick gripe with this part, that being Kitana is supposed to be from the realm of Edenia and technically only her father was murdered by the emperor of Outworld her mother committed suicide but that's just me knit picking." Dark says as we return to Outworld where Liu comes across the beast known as Reptile whose humanoid form is portrayed by Keith Cooke, Liu manages to beat Reptile and meet back up with Kitana and Johnny." Dark finishes.

"Just as Shang Tsung is about to fight a chained Sonya, Kitana, Liu and Johnny arrive Kitana reminds Shang Tsung, that the tournament can only be won through combat not through treachery, left with no other option Shang is about to challenge Johnny Cage but Liu Kang beats Shang Tsung to punch and Liu's choice of opponent Shang Tsung. Shang Tsung accepts and the battle is on. Shang tries to use the souls of warriors he had beaten in the past but it does not help deter Liu Kang. After they split the first two rounds of the fight it all comes down to the final round where Shang then tries to shape shift into Liu's little brother claiming that he forgives Liu for letting him die but Liu understands now that every person is responsible for his own destiny and proclaims that it was Shang Tsung that killed his brother. Liu then soundly defeats Shang Tsung by shooting a fireball at him sending him falling to a pit of spikes below thus killing Shang Tsung." Airnaruto explains.

_Liu: Flawless victory._

"With Shang Tsung pierced open, the thousands of souls Shang had consumed spew forth and swirl around the tower Liu gets to see the soul of his brother who tells him they will meet each other again. Everyone then returns to the temple of the order of light where Raiden waits to congratulate them but a lass the celebration doesn't last long as the sky darkens and a huge tower appears Raiden knows this could only be one thing." Dark says.

_Raiden: The emperor._

"That's right it's the emperor of Outworld Shao Kahn." Dawn says

_Captain Kirk (Star Trek wrath of khan): KHAN!_

"KNOCK IT OFF!" Airnaruto yells.

"The Earth Warriors soon get ready for another fight." Dark explains as the film ends.

"Now this movie in my opinion was very good because as I mentioned earlier it was close to the source detail as possible, the casting was pretty good for it's time and the graphics were just tremendous as were the fight scenes." Airnaruto explains.

"That may be true Airnaruto but critics gave the film a lot of mixed reviews, though the late Gene Siskel's review of the film at the time of it's release was overwhelmingly positive, in fact the movie was so successful that it managed the second highest ticket sales amount for the month of August all-time and managed to rake in nearly 6 times it's original 24 million dollar budget." Dark says.

"Dawn perhaps but my main gripe is the PG-13 rating the film got and the fact that the fatalities were nowhere near as gruesome as in the games." Dawn says.

"Overall Mortal Kombat the movie is the prime example of what people should try to aim for in terms of making live-action movie adaptations of video games and please don't ask me to review the sequel because it sucked. If you like fighting video games or the MK franchise in general this one is for you, together the three of us gives this film 3 and half stars out of 5." Airnaruto explains.

"Well that's it for this review tune in next time when I do my reviw of the one film that the Nostalgia critic couldn't finish his review on yes the infamous Sesame Street movie: Follow that Bird. Thanks for showing up guys." Airnaruto says.

"Anytime remember folks I'm the Digital critic and I review them just for you." Dark says before leaving.

"I'm the Irate Werewolf and I'm pissed off." Dawn says before crashing through a window as an exit.

"And I'm the Classic Critic, I remember it so you're not required to." Airnaruto says as he leaves.

_Mortal Kombat movie recap:_

_Pros: Close to source detail, interesting casting choices, and very good use of computer animation for Reptile._

_Cons: The PG-13 rating, no gory fatalities, and too many one liners_

_Final rating (out of 5 stars): ***1/2_

A/N: Well that' does it for this chapter/episode see you next time and remember to read and review.


	5. Episode 5: Follow That Bird

Episode 5: Follow That Bird

A/N: I own nothing involved in this review.

"Hello I'm the Classic Critic, I remember it so you're not required to." Airnaruto says before we see clips from Sesame Street appear on the screen before Airnaruto continued speaking.

"In 1969, Jim Henson and the Children's Television workshop introduced Sesame Street to television audiences across the country on PBS. The show was smash hit and actually made learning, letters, numbers, words, and other fundamentals in life surprisingly enjoyable and it turned into a pop culture phenomenon. However the shows success lead to many people asking if any studios would consider making a movie based on the show well as luck would have it 16 years later Jim Henson and Warner Brothers teamed up to produce one of two Sesame Street movies that did get a theatrical release." Airnaruto explains before warning those watching the review.

" Now before I get jumped on by people who have grown up with the show I'm going to warn you now, I was 4 when I stopped watching the show and didn't care much for it afterwards therefore I will be much harsher in bashing this film unlike the Nostalgia Critic." Airnaruto explains before we get a cutaway gag involving a man wearing a beret, a black coat, a red neck tie and a white shirt known as the Nostalgia Critic is shown.

(A/N: The Nostalgia Critic is a character owned by Douglas Walker of Chicago who runs his own web show on )

_**(Cutaway Gag)**_

_**NC (Crying): I can't do it! I can't make fun of Sesame Street. It's the first show I ever saw. I'm sorry about the gay joke Bert and Ernie whatever your sexual preference is none of my business, I'm sorry Grover, I'm sorry Big Bird I'm sorry everybody! I love you all, you're all so beautiful and innocent to me, YOU ARE CHILDHOOD!**_

(Cut back to Airnaruto)

"See what I mean?" He asks his audience before continuing. "Anyway released on August 2, 1985 the film is …Follow that Bird." Airnaruto says trying to keep as straight a face as possible in order to keep himself from laughing at the Nostalgia Critic's outburst.

"The Film opens with strangely enough a grouch anthem." Airnaruto says as we see a trash can in front of an American flag.

_Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen would you please rise for the singing of the Grouch anthem._

(Oscar the grouch pops out of the can)

_Oscar: No, no, no, for a Grouch anthem you stay sitting down._

"Now please note that I didn't pick up my cynical attitude from Oscar though he was one of the main influences behind it." Airnaruto says before getting to the bulk of the review.

"The film opens with a meeting of a group of birds known as the feather friends who keep tabs on certain birds and try to find them the perfect home and apparently Big Bird has ended up on that list." Airnaruto says before we cut back to him. "What are these birds fowl themed stalkers?" He asks randomly.

"Moving on one of the members Ms. Finch, thinks that Big Bird's not happy with his current accommodations in Sesame Street so she decides to check up on him but after seeing Sesame Street for herself and Big Bird's accommodations she convinces him that there's a family in Illinois that's willing to take him in. Big Bird decides to give it a shot but not before bidding farewell to rest of the gang." Airnaruto says as we see the farewell play out.

"The Next day Big bird arrives at the airport to meet his new family the Dodos who lets just say give a reason as to why that their species has been extinct for the past 400 years." Airnaruto says as we see the doorbell ringing scene.

_Donnie Dodo: get the door Marie_

_Marie: you get it Donnie_

_Donnie: No, you get it._

"Later that night before he loses his mental sanity Big Bird runs away to head back to Sesame Street, only three things stand in his way, the first being he has a lousy sense of direction, the second is a couple of carnival operators who are either gonna send him back to the Dodos or sell him off as a sideshow attraction, and of course Ms. Finch taking him back to the Dodos by any means necessary." Airnaruto says before we see the interview scene.

_to Kermit: I'm going to find him and bring him back to the Dodos._

"See this is why I don't live with social workers." Airnaruto says before cutting back to the film.

"Meanwhile the Sesame Street gang decides to track Big Bird down and get him back to Sesame Street before Ms. Finch catches him, the gang consisting of Count von Count, Cookie Monster, Bert & Ernie, Super Grover, a honker, Telly and Oscar along with some of the human cast members like Linda, Olivia, Maria and Gordon split up to find Big Bird." Airnaruto says before cutting back to him. "Now I need to be honest and ask What's worse the fact Big Bird has no clue how to get to Sesame Street or that fact that he could just fly back home was over his head." Airnaruto states bluntly.

"After Big Bird gets a lift from a truck driver with a truck loaded with turkeys, he ends up spending a few days with a couple of kids at farm while it may not be Sesame Street it's an improvement over the Dodos." Airnaruto says regarding Big Bird's temporary residence that is until Ms. Finch shows up, the kids tell Big Bird to hide in a haystack while Ms. Finch after being lied to by the two kids ends up looking searching the haystacks trying to find Big Bird as if he's a needle." Airnaruto says before cutting back to him.

"Now honestly how could anyone miss finding an eight foot tall bird in a bunch of haystacks?" Airnaruto asks his audience before chuckling to himself.

"Anyway after hallucinating that he was talking to Snuffleupagus he sees a plane fly overhead and what's his reaction to it you may ask well." Airnaruto says before he cuts to the said scene.

_Big Bird after looking at the plane: Could that be Ms. Finch?_

"No Big Bird that's not Ms. Finch. How could she be in a plane when she's been chasing you across the Eastern Continental US in a car?" Airnaruto snaps a bit. " Sorry about that." Airnaruto says after calming down. "Actually unbeknownst to Double B the pilots are none other than Bert and Ernie who mistake him for a haystack and therefore miss finding him but not before crashing into Super Grover…I think." Airnaruto says revealing the pilots.

"Eventually Big Bird winds up in….The Mushroom Kingdom!" Airnaruto says jokingly.

(Super Mario Bros. theme plays)

"No I'm kidding, he actually ends up in the town of Toadstool Ohio, what Nintendo didn't think that Toad was a popular enough character for a video game so they let Warner Brothers stick his name on a town in Ohio?" Airnaruto asks jokingly again. "Next thing you know he'll want to take over the Mushroom kingdom." Airnaruto mumbles to himself.

_M. Bison: OF COURSE!_

"Shut up!" Airnaruto says getting annoyed with the jokes. "Eventually Ms. Finch finds him again and chases him through the annual mushroom parade with the Sesame Street gang not far behind them however and when Big Bird eventually winds up at the fair owned by the two crooked carnies, he gets locked up in a cage, has his feathers painted blue and turned into a sideshow attraction." Airnaruto groans.

"Honestly, I know Big Bird is supposed to be the embodiment of childhood innocence but still that doesn't mean he also has to display his child-like stupidity, I thought Sesame Street was also suppose to teach you not to trust the word of strangers!" Airnaruto snaps again.

"After being displayed as the Blue Bird of happiness but having the exact opposite effect on the audience at the carnival, two kids sneak into the back of the tent and Big Bird tells them to call Sesame Street to tell the gang where he is, the next day the gang finds Big Bird and are about to get him free but the carnival owners wake up and drive off with Big Bird in tow leaving Gordon, Linda, and Cookie Monster to chase after them but of course by this point Cookie Monster has manage to eat half the Volkswagen. Cookie Monster what were you thinking?" Airnaruto asks.

_Cookie Monster: Me needed to get more Iron into me diet._

"Well it didn't mean that kind of Iron!" Airnaruto says before getting back to the chase. "Anyway Gordon and Linda manage to get Big Bird to jump into the Volkswagen and leave the carnival owners to get captured by a highway patrol officer who believe it or not is portrayed by the late John Candy and while the carnival owners try to verbally cover their tracks we get the line that's used in a lot of crime movies today said by Candy." Airnaruto says.

_John Candy: Tell it to the judge._

"Book'em Johnny!" Airnaruto saysbefore getting back to the conclusion of the film. "Eventually Big Bird returns home to Sesame Street and is given a hero's welcome home only for it to be interrupted by Ms. Finch who claims to have another family waiting to take Big Bird in but everyone in Sesame Street clearly tells Ms. Finch that regardless of the ethnic diversity between the species of characters in Sesame Street, they are Big Bird's family regardless, Ms. Finch relents and ultimately allows Big Bird to stay in Sesame Street." Airnaruto says wrapping up the film.

"Now what was my assessment of the movie you ask?" Airnaruto says to his audience, "Well I thought it was okay to say the least and while it was innovative for it's time but when it was first released in theatres it bombed." Airnaruto explains

(BOOM!)

"Despite the fact that the film was heavily praised by critics the film didn't do that well getting only $13,961,370 in box office revenue which was eclipsed by Disney's The Black Cauldron and later Don Bluth's An American Tail but at least it was better than the final shows Jim made for television, and over the years this film has gained a strong cult following among casual movie watchers and Sesame Street fan base, but sadly this was one of the final movies Jim Henson ever directed, less than 5 years later Jim died due organ failure he was only 53 years old. All in all, Follow that Bird is one of Jim Henson's last hurrah's in his life and probably the only decent film before his death but he certainly went out with a bang. I give Follow that Bird 3 and half stars out of five. Well that's it for now be sure to tune in next time when I do my first ever video game review so until next time I'm the Classic Critic, I remember it so you're not required to." Airnaruto says before leaving his chair.

A/N: I told you I would be a bit more harsh when it came to bashing this film.

_Final rating of film: ***1/2_

_Pros: Simple message for people of all ages, familiar franchise and diverse range of characters._

_Cons: Film has it's slow points in the middle, Big Bird takes childhood innocence to the point that it borders on stupidity, and Cookie Monster actually eating a whole Volkswagen just to get more Iron into his diet is overkill._

A/N: Well looks like I accomplished something that the Nostalgia Critic could not and that was do a little Sesame street bashing again I apologize to fans of the franchise of all ages for it but still I warned you.


	6. Episode 6: Video Game Month part 1

Episode 6: Video Game Month part 1

Disclaimer: as before I own nothing involved in these previews or reviews.

"Hello I'm the Classic Critic. I remember it so you're not required to." Airnaruto says. "Now if you're thinking what film I'm going to review today well guess what? YOU WERE WRONG!" Airnaruto answers before explaining, "This month I'm going to review or preview a month's worth of video games, some I may have and some I may not have and I'm going to kick it off in style with one of last years best games." Airnaruto reveals.

"Hey wait for me!" Someone shouts.

"Who's there?" Airnaruto asks.

"It's me!" said the voice as the person or creature crashed through the window again.

"Well folks looks like I have the honor of once again having Mistress of the dawn aka the Irate Werewolf as my guest co-reviewer for the month." Airnaruto says as the audience claps.

"Hi I'm the irate werewolf, I play them so you'll know what to avoid." Dawn says before turning to Airnaruto. "So what game are we reviewing anyway?" Dawn asks.

"Well once again it's a video game based on one of my favorite superheroes Batman. Now I'm sure we've all played Batman games before in the past I mean the Batman video game on the NES and Batman Returns on the SNES and Sega CD respectively are considered classic Batman games but as the series moved on the game quality was pathetic whether it was on the 4th, 5th, or 6th generation videogame consoles the best of this bunch being Batman Begins which tied into the 2005 blockbuster film of the same name but even that game was considered decent at best." Airnaruto says before continuing, "However in 2008, Rockstar game studios finally managed to get back to basics by asking Paul Dini one of the producers of the Batman animated series to aide him with developing the story line for a new Batman game that was to be released for the Xbox360 and Playstation3 game consoles, it took a little over a year but the wait was well worth it." Airnaruto says before turning to Dawn.

"You got that right Classic, released on August 25 2009 the game is Batman: Arkham Asylum." Dawn said as we see the title flash across the screen.

"Now before we begin there are two things I want to point out. First I only possess the 360 version of the game so don't get on my case for it please, and second even though I have beaten the game I'm not going to spoil the ending and neither will Dawn, now on with the review beginning with the storyline." Airnaruto says.

**Story:**

"The game opens up with a cut scene of Batman having captured the Joker yet again and returning him to Arkham Asylum, the infamous psychiatric hospital in Gotham City." Dawn says as Batman opens the door to the asylum with the Joker in cuffs.

"As the Joker is being returned to his cell under Batman's watchful eye, you immediately notice that the Joker doesn't look to upset with being caught." Airnaruto says.

_Batman to Commissioner Jim Gordon: He surrendered almost without a fight. I don't like it._

"Oh just so you know some of the voice actors from the animated series returned to reprise their roles for the game, with Kevin Conroy donning the cowl of the dark knight detective and Mark Hamill doing what he does best as the clown prince of crime, and even Harley Quinn's voice actor returns to reprise her role as the Joker's main squeeze." Dawn says before continuing with the review.

"Anyway the minute the Joker is out of Batman's custody all hell breaks loose and for that matter so do all the inmates from Arkham and Black gate prison Facility and then the adventure begins as it now becomes apparent Joker wanted to get himself caught to throw this huge party of some kind with Batman as the guest of honor." Airnaruto explains before going into further detail. "I mean you have almost the entire rouge's gallery gunning for you or referenced in the game ranging from villains such as Bane, Scarecrow, Killer Croc, Clay face, Two-face, Poison Ivy, Ras Al-Ghul, Catwoman, the Ventriloquist, Scarface, Mr. Freeze, The Rat catcher, Tweedledee and Tweedledum, the Mad Hatter, Hush, Black Mask, Prometheus, Killer Moth, Firefly, the Penguin, Victor Zsasz, The Great White Shark, Calendar man, and The Riddler." Airnaruto explains before mentioning one bit of info, "Of course aside from the Joker and Harley's voices over the PA system you're also going to be hearing the Riddler's voice a lot throughout the game as he hacks into your communication system and has hidden 240 puzzles and riddles for you to solve all over the island which unlock trophies, character bios, patient interviews, and challenge mode levels." Airnaruto explains before turning it over to Dawn.

_Batman to Gordon: Joker's loose! Alert the warden!_

_The Joker: Welcome to the madhouse Batman! I set a trap and you sprang it gloriously!_

"However you won't be alone, throughout the game you'll get upgrades to your arsenal whether you get to throw multiple batarangs at once, lay a bit of explosive gel on the ground to stun an enemy the minute he steps on it, or even throw a batarangs that gives off a sonic emission that disrupts an enemy or explodes the minute you detonate it, also you'll get help along the way from The Oracle." Dawn says before looking confused.

"What's wrong Dawn?" Airnaruto asks.

"Who's the Oracle?" The werewolf asks.

"Oh right…For those who don't know who the Oracle is basically, she's Barbra Gordon aka the original Batgirl who ends up getting shot in the spine by the Joker which paralyzes her from the waste down and ends up in wheelchair, unable to fight crime as Batgirl she moves into the Gotham clock tower and sets up her own headquarters and takes up the name Oracle an hacker who serves as an information broker to Batman and other DC superheroes." Airnaruto explains to Dawn.

"Oh so that's why Cassandra Cain is in the costume now." Dawn realizes.

"Now let's move on to the game play and graphics." Airnaruto says.

**Graphics and Game Play**

"The graphics and design of the game are flawless and they give you the dark and eerie atmosphere of the entire Arkham Island and the Asylum has many places to explore. The combat system is so simple that anyone could pick up the game and play and in the beat them up challenges you'll never get bored kicking the crap out of dozens of thugs whether they're unarmed, armed with lead pipes, knives, stun batons, or guns but be careful with the gun wielding thugs because Batman may be a badass, but if a few shots end up hitting you you're as good as dead because in this case bullets are Batman's kryptonite." Airnaruto explains.

"You got that right Airnaruto and it's especially true with Detective vision mode and silent assault missions. With Detective vision mode, you can locate hidden trophies, puzzles, see through walls and discern armed and unarmed thugs as well as setting up crime scenes, finding good hiding spots, weak surfaces you could either blow up or pull down, and following trails however this is where one of the game's few flaws pops up because you might end up playing the entire game in detective vision mode and it takes away from the experience, this is especially true with the Invisible predator challenges where you have to take out a certain number of armed thugs in certain ways." Dawn explains.

"The only other major flaw this game has is that the final boss is too easy but I won't go into detail about that." Airnaruto says since he wants to stay true to his promise.

**Final verdict:**

"All in all Batman: Arkham Asylum is the focal point of what to aim for when making a Batman videogame with great graphics, intriguing plot, and a simple combat system that will keep playing it over and over again." Airnaruto says.

"I agree Airnaruto, despite the few flaws the game has the compelling plot and puzzles you need to solve are more than enough to keep your interest in the game at its peak though I will say one thing never try to cross paths with super mutated thug in a dark alley." Dawn says as we see a photo of a Titan enhanced Black gate thug. "Yikes!" Dawn screams.

"To conclude this review if you love Batman games or video games in general you'll love Batman: Arkham Asylum, we give it a perfect rating of 5 gold grinning stars and personally I can't wait for the sequel." Airnaruto says before wrapping up the review. "Well that's it for this part folks; tune in next time when Dawn and I do a review of a more recent game to hit the shelves." Airnaruto says.

"So until next I'm the irate werewolf, I play them so you'll know what to avoid." Dawn says.

"And I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to." Airnaruto finishes.

_Final critique:_

_Pros: Great storyline, never get bored action, intricate puzzles, great voice acting and as true to the comics as you'll find._

_Cons: Might have to play the whole game in Detective vision mode, and an easy final boss battle._

_Final rating: ***** gold grinning_

A/N: Well folks video game month has begun so until next time read and review folks


	7. Episode 7: Video Game Month Part 2

Episode 7: Video Game month part 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing involved in this review

"Hi I'm the Irate Werewolf; I play them so you'll avoid them." Mistress of the Dawn says.

"Hello I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to." Airnaruto says before he pulls out a PS3 game that had just recently come out. "What I hold in my hand is probably the most cinematic, violent, and bloodiest video game ever to grace the PS3 system God of War 3, the final chapter of the saga of Kratos." Airnaruto explains.

"Before we review this game let's run down what's gotten Kratos to this point." Dawn says before going through a cut scene of Kratos's life. "In the first God of war game we learn that he was originally a Spartan military captain and a fierce warrior who swore his life to Ares the god of war and for his devotion he was given the blades of chaos, however as Kratos victories increased so did his bloodlust, leading him to even slaying his own wife and daughter out of blind rage. It was later revealed that Ares had tricked Kratos into killing his family, after finding Pandora's box and killing Ares as ordered by the gods of Olympus, Kratos is forgiven of sins, given a new set of blades from Athena called the blades of Athena, and crowned the new god of war but he's still haunted by the nightmares of his wife and daughter's death at his hands." Dawn explains before handing it over to Airnaruto.

"In God of war 2 which takes place about 10 years after the events of the first game we find that Kratos isn't exactly content with his new position, and he's not accepted by the other gods of Olympus because Kratos's Spartan army are out conquering all of Greece. After receiving multiple warnings from Athena, Kratos goes off to stop a monster of some kind and is told by Athena who gives him the blade of Olympus that only with that sword could he slay the beast. However it's all a trick set up by Zeus to render Kratos mortal so he could kill him." Airnaruto says.

_(Scene of Kratos being killed by Zeus is shown)_

"After escaping from the realm of Hades, Kratos is sent back in time to find the sisters of fate, stealing the wings of Icarus from their namesake owner, and running into some familiar faces who inform him that Zeus has pretty much destroyed Sparta across several of the titans who agree to help him on his mission of vengeance against Zeus. He's then sent back to the exact moment when Zeus killed him only to fight Zeus head on using the blade of Olympus." Airnaruto says as the scene plays out.

"However just as he's about to slay Zeus, Athena sacrifices herself taking the blade through her gut, laughing manically Zeus returns to Olympus to rally the other gods of Olympus to unite and destroy Kratos but not before Athena tells Kratos why Zeus fears him." Airnaruto explains.

_Athena: Zeus was consumed by the fear of being killed by you his own son._

_Kratos: His Son?_

"After realizing this fact, Kratos is now more determined than ever to destroy Zeus so he goes back in time to the point of the Great War between the gods and the titans to recruit the titans of the past to take on the gods of the present." Airnaruto says

_(Kratos sitting on Gaia's shoulder) _

_Kratos: Zeus! Your son has come home; I bring forth the destruction of Olympus._

"Talk about intense for a warrior wouldn't you say Dawn?" Airnaruto asks.

"I'll agree on that and this where we conclude the saga with this game." Dawn says.

"Released on March 16, 2010 the game is God of War 3." Airnaruto says before adding a side note. "Don't worry despite the fact that there will be a few spoilers, because the game is still fairly new it would be considered a sin to spoil the ending also I don't own a PS3 or a copy of the game itself; now let's get on with this review." Airnaruto says.

"The game picks up right where the previous one left off with Kratos and the titans climbing up to the side of Mount Olympus with Gaia and Kratos leading the way and right off the bat Kratos gets attacked by legions of undead soldiers." Dawn says.

"It's not long before you get thrown into a boss battle with Poseidon god of the sea and trust me it's not a pretty fight." Dawn says before we see the fight play out.

_Poseidon: the death of Olympus means the death of us all._

_Kratos: Then prepare for your death Poseidon._

"After each god is killed a certain catastrophe will occur in Poseidon's case the seas end up flooding the base of the mountain and just when you think you're about to get vengeance on Zeus, you get sent plummeting down into the realm of Hades where you get the blades of exile from Athena's ghost." Airnaruto says before handing it over to Dawn.

"Well now that we've gotten the opening parts of the game out of the way lets get to the focal points of this game." She says, "The graphics in this game very fine tuned and the design of the levels looks incredibly realistic and detailed. The combat system while hasn't changed it has gone through a few tweaks in the arsenal aside from the blades of exile you later pick up the claws of Hades, the bow of Apollo, you recover the Blade of Olympus, the Neman Gauntlets and even gain a new weapon known as the Nemesis whip, and each of these weapons are badass." Dawn says as the weapons are used in numerous ways.

"The puzzles in the game that you have to solve are pretty straight forward but quite tricky to figure out as you progress through the game but there's one puzzle you have to do twice that involves fucking Aphrodite goddess of love….twice." Airnaruto shuddered.

"Thank God that those scenes from the game are cut out otherwise this game would have gotten an adults only rating." Dawn commented.

"The violent massacres of your enemies are also beautifully detailed such as, slicing open a centaur until his entrails fall out, ripping the eye of a Cyclops out of it's socket, to even murdering some of the other Olympian Gods and instead of the trigger buttons being in the dead center of the screen to pull off a sickening move that causes bloodshed they're actually correspondent of the attack buttons on the controller." Airnaruto says as we Kratos ripping off the head of Helios.

_Helios: AAAH!_

"Whoa that's just sick." Dawn screamed out.

"Now to be honest the only flaws I can find in this game are that the game play suffers from having one cutscene too many interrupting the battle and the story line is a bit too one dimensional not to mention that the gore and bloodshed is perhaps too detailed as well as too many real time moments during the fights get kind of annoying." Airnaruto says before turning to Dawn.

"We would tell you the rest but a promise is a promise concerning spoiling the game ending." Dawn says.

"All in all aside from a few flaws in the plot, and overly cinematic overtones, if you're either an Atheist who likes to knock some ancient deities off their pedestal or just a guy who's hobby is seeking vengeance against the gods and willing to kill all gods and titans that get in your way then you'll love this game because it just allows the biggest badass in video games today cap off his quest for payback and go out with a bang." Dawn says before Airnaruto wraps it up.

"So together MisstressofDawn and I give this game a perfect rating of 5 stars...5 Bloody stars that is." Airnaruto says.

"Well there you have it part two of video game month is in the books folks tune in next time when Dawn and I look back at video game from a by gone era." Airnaruto says.

"So until next time I'm the irate werewolf…" Dawn says.

"And I'm the Classic Critic…"Airnaruto says before they conclude the show.

"We remember it so you're not required to." They say in unison.

A/N: Well gang there you have it best way I can describe and review the final chapter in the God of War saga so remember to read and review.

God of War 3 recap:

Pros: Great visuals, new intense ways to brutalize enemies, kick ass arsenal of weapons, great combat system and good pacing for the game.

Cons: too many cut scenes between game play, overloaded with flashbacks and the plot of the game is a bit generic.

Final rating: ***** Bloody stars


	8. Episode 8: Video Game Month Part 3

Episode 8: Actraiser

Disclaimer: I own nothing involved in this review all legal rights to the game in this review are owned by Square Enix, Quintet, and Nintendo.

"Hello I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to." Airnaruto said before turning to his co-host.

"Hello folks I'm the irate werewolf, I play them so you won't get to." MisstressofDawn said.

"Today we're going to talk about the golden age of early video game consoles, the 16 bit era." Airnaruto said as we see some familiar titles pop up on the screen ranging from Super Mario World, Sonic the Hedgehog 1, 2, and 3, Street Fighter 2, Super Ghouls N Ghosts, El viento, Chuck Rock, Magician Lord, and the early EA sports series.

"Ah yes that was truly the best part of my childhood as a gamer, the games that were released from 1991 to 1997, were often considered technological marvels and gaming masterpieces whether it was the graphics, the soundtracks, the controls or the characters in the games themselves." Dawn said.

"That's true Dawn and during that time Nintendo and SEGA were at the frontlines in the gaming war with one another. The Sega Genesis system had some good games but for the most part it was straight forward two dimensional game play or just revamps of the 8 bit games from the master system, in contrast to the Super Nintendo which had a much more diverse range of games and of course a few of them brought a lot of controversy to the company and the one we're reviewing today while may not be in my game library is often considered one of the greatest games to ever come out of this era on the SNES." Air said.

"Really what is it, Super Mario world?" Dawn asks.

"No, try again." Air replies.

"Is it Super Ghouls and Ghosts?" Dawn asks.

"Wrong." Airnaruto says bluntly.

"Is the game Super R-type?" Dawn asks thinking carefully.

"Wrong again." Airnaruto says.

"Okay I give up what game is it?" Dawn asks.

"Well…" Airnaruto starts to say before he's interrupted by a knock on the door.

_(Knock knock)_

"Hold that thought Dawn." Airnaruto said as he heads to the door and opens it. "Yeah this is Airnaruto45?" He asked the figure who handed him a package and a clipboard. Airnaruto then signs it, "here you go and thanks." Airnaruto said before turning back to where Mistress was.

"So who was that and is the game you were talking about in that package?" She asked.

"Yes and it was the mailman so let's pop this box open." Airnaruto answered taking a knife to the box so he could open it and get the game out. He then reached into the box and pulled out the game cartridge and handed it to Mistress. "This was the game I was talking about." he said revealing a game cartridge that had a sky blue background and intricately drawn letters above what looked like a sword blade.

Dawn stared at the cartridge questionably, before turning to the Classic critic. "I don't get it, Actraiser? I've never heard of this one." She said while arching an eyebrow.

"Well I'm not surprised." Airnaruto muttered.

"WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSE TO MEAN?!" Dawn snarled viciously.

"I mean that I'm not surprised that you never heard of this game because very few here in North America do remember it. Now while I haven't played this game myself, I have read quite a few positive reviews on it and watched several play throughs on the internet. I will also admit that outside of Japan the game didn't sell all that well especially in Europe where it only sold a tenth of the total copies that were sold in Japan and in North America the sold copies total was less than half of that in Japan, but to this day, this game has maintained a strong global cult following. So Released in Japan on November 16, 1990, in North America in November 1991, and in Europe on March 18 1993 the game is Actraiser of course since I've never played this game myself Dawn and I are just going to go over the history, the pros, and the cons of this game now on with review." Airnaruto said.

"Wait a minute Classic, why did it never get that far off the ground outside of Japan?" Mistress asked him.

"Well it was because of the usage of certain religious content and this was specially taken seriously in North America, so much so the names of the protagonist and antagonist had to be changed. For example, the protagonist in the American and European versions is known as "the master", while the antagonist in both of those versions is known as Tanzra

Though if you haven't guessed they were originally called God and Satan/Lucifer respectively and that the game play also included several Judeo-Christian references aside from the main characters, such as the people clasping their hands and kneeling to pray to the master, or the fact that you can see the spiritual war between heaven and hell where you control a cherub while having to destroy all the demons in a certain region." Airnaruto said.

"The game is pretty much two fold, one half is side scroll action-adventure platform where you as the master descend to Earth and begin slaying the demons in the forest, once you've beaten the centaur boss you think you're ready for another side scrolling adventure level when low and behold you get put into the other half of the game; a Sims City style game where you have to help the people build their civilization, seal demon lairs, accept offerings of magic for your arsenal or offerings that could help other lands, and help with whatever problems the populace comes across by performing miracles and like most RPG games you do get level up the more your civilizations advance and the populace grows." Dawn explained as the next category regarding the game was revealed.

"The best parts of the game are the side scrolling action levels with their beautifully detailed backgrounds and the musical score of the game was put together by legendary Japanese video game music composer Yuzo Koshiro best known for his work with Revenge of the Shinobi, Streets of Rage, Sonic the Hedgehog, Super Smash Bros. Brawl, and many other video games, I mean seriously getting him to compose the score for this game is a God sent gift." Airnaruto explained before moving on to his next joyful rant. "I'm also happy that the game got a downloadable release on the Nintendo Wii back in 2007 so now not only can the generation that played this game can nostalgically reminisce on the game's stunning 2D graphics and the musical score, but younger generations can see what this game represented in our childhoods." Airnaruto said before Dawn took over.

"There are several flaws with the game though, specifically in the Sims element where on some occasions you tell the people to seal up a demon lair but they instead build somewhere else and it gets quite annoying after a while, in fact the whole Sims element of the game is the major flaw along with the fact that using magic on the bosses makes them too easy to beat and all the while boring." Dawn complained.

"The game did get a sequel in 1993 but it was actually a prequel set around the time when The Master kicks Tanzra out of heaven, and then descends to Earth to fight 13 demons, 6 sub bosses and 7 major bosses who pretty much take up physically representations of the seven deadly sins. For example Sloth is a giant slug, Envy's a giant floating ghost's head with several smaller heads floating around it, Gluttony's an ant queen, Wrath's a rip off of the Greek titan of fire, Lust is this weird alien bug looking thing, Greed's a dragon, and pride's a cog with a bunch of machines floating around him. Once again the game was met with censorship issues again this time regarding the names of some of the sins I mean they changed Sloth's name to fatigue, Envy became Jealousy, Wrath became Fury, Lust became Deception, and Greed was renamed Doom. Aside from the name changes for the sins, the game also removed the Sims element that was in the first one from the second game. The master was also given an overhaul in terms of his appearance in the second game in the sense they made him look more angelic and maybe even Greco-Roman, but they also gave him a shield and wings plus the flight mechanics for him but while these additions help a bit in the game along with having all your magic with you at the start, they also slow the master down in the terms of the pace he moves at on foot so you're going to end up gliding a lot, as for Tanzra well he looks like what the devil looked like in Monty Python and Holy Grail you know frozen in a lake of fire and having three heads." Airnaruto explained and complained.

"Wow you sure did your research on this game Airnaruto." Dawn said in surprise.

"Thanks Mistress, now let's finish this review." Airnaruto said.

"All in all Actraiser is a true diamond in the rough from the SNES archives with great music, stunning visuals and tough difficulty settings." Airnaruto said.

"True as that may be, but the lone gripe I have with this game was that pushed the envelope on what would be deemed acceptable for a good vs. evil themed game by digging too far into the bag of every religion or mythology like Judaism, Christianity, Hinduism, Greek and Roman Mythology, and even Norse and Celtic Myths but none the less this game is definitely worth getting downloaded on to your Wii if you're strong willed enough to throw the Wii Classic controller against the wall because of the flaw in the Sims element of the game." Dawn pointed out.

"Therefore Dawn and I give this game a rating of 3 and half stars out of 5." Airnaruto said before we return to him and Dawn. "Well guys that's it for this review catch us next time when we wrap up video game month with a review of another one of last year's top games Assassins Creed 2 so until next time I'm the Classic Critic…" Airnaruto said before Dawn cut him off.

"…And I'm the Irate Werewolf." Dawn said.

"We remember it so you're not required to." They said in unison before the camera cut off.

A/N: Well there you have it guys and note this chapter's purpose was not to Evangelize anyone so until next time Read and review.


	9. Episode 9: Video Game Month part 4

Episode 9: Video Game Month Part 4

Disclaimer: I own nothing involved in this review as the game is owned by Ubisoft Montreal.

Airnaruto45 aka The Classic Critic and MisstressofDawn aka the Irate Werewolf sat at the desk now wearing hooded cloaks, leather boots, leather gloves, gauntlets with hidden blades in them, and swords at their sides. "Hello I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to." Airnaruto said as he turned to his co-host MisstressofDawn.

"As always I'm the Irate Werewolf, I play them so you won't get to." She said.

"Today is the final video game review for this month it's been fun but all good things must come to an end." Air said.

"Indeed it must end but at least we get to go out with another classic title from last year right Air?" Dawn asked.

"Got that right Dawn for those who don't know why we're dressed up like this lets take you back to 2007 when Ubisoft released Assassins Creed, in this game you take the role of Desmond Miles, a young bartender who gets captured by Abstergo a pharmaceutical who apparently has been abducting innocent people to use them as test subjects for a machine known as the Animus and once you're strapped into the machine you get sent back to 12th century Israel where you take up the sword of the assassin Altair ibn La-Ahad as you try to stop the knights templar group from stealing a piece of Eden." Airnaruto said. "Now I know what your thinking how could the templars be called the bad guys in this game or throughout history?" Airnaruto asks for the audience, "Well that's simple apparently they were actually a bunch of atheists and/or Pagans who didn't believe in Jesus Christ as either a historical figure or a deity, much less read a Bible, their appearances in society ranged from noblemen, scholars, bankers, and a bunch of other high ranks of authority, they tricked the Christians into going on the Crusade to cleanse the Holy Land when in reality the templars wanted to go their so they could steal the treasure of King Solomon. They also worshiped the body parts of saints and martyrs and not God directly which is completely paganistic and they also worshipped Minerva the Roman Goddess of wisdom also known as Athena. However I'm going to go further into my rant this game has towards religions later in the game flaws." Airnaruto said.

"Anyway, this game was great with its attention to detail and historical information but the main flaws were in the stealth elements due to the fact that you could only hide amongst scholars, the combat system was kind of unresponsive, and of course the camera would get screwy." Dawn complained about the first game. "However two years later Ubisoft Montreal would take most of what was wrong with the first game and manage to fix most of it and make the travelling portion much more wide ranged. So released in North America on November 17, 2009 the game is Assassins Creed 2." Dawn said.

"Relax although I have beaten the game we're not going to spoil it for those who are still playing it now on with this review." Airnaruto said. "The game opens with Desmond and a former Abstergo employee named Lucy escaping from Abstergo who are pretty much the modern day templars, after making it to their secret hideout, Desmond once again takes a dive into the memory of one his ancestors via an Assassin made version of the Animus called the Animus 2.0." Airnaruto said.

"The reason be is because Abstergo much like their ancestors are trying to find the Pieces of Eden so they could use them to brainwash everyone and take over the world." Dawn explained.

_M. Bison: Of Course!_

"SHUT UP!" Airnaruto screamed to Bison. "Moving on Desmond now finds himself living in the footsteps of **Ezio Auditore de Firenze the son of a Florentine banker who was a famous assassin himself who lived in Florence during the Renaissance." Airnaruto said as we take a good look at Ezio. **

**"Ezio at the beginning is pretty much a troublemaking ladies man who just can't seem to find an outlet for his life." Airnaruto said. **

**_Ezio: I have outlets_ **

**_Mrs. Auditore & Airnaruto: I meant besides vaginas._ _(Slap)_ **

**"What did I say?" Airnaruto asked as Dawn glared at him for that comment. "Oh right sorry."**** He apologized quickly. **

**"Anyway one night Ezio's father and brothers are taken prisoner so he's told by his dad to go find a hidden chest in his office and take the items inside it the robes and weapons of an assassin. However the next day it's too late for Ezio to save his father and brothers as they are sentenced to death by hanging thus starting Ezio on his path towards revenge." Dawn said before turning to Airnaruto with a scowl on her face.**

** "What I said I was sorry for that comment. What more do you want from me?" Airnaruto asked. Dawn still scowled at him. "Okay I apologize to all female readers if I made them sound like objects of pleasure there Dawn you satisfied?" He asked, She nodded.**

** "Anyway throughout the game Ezio learns all the tricks to the trade of an Assassin such as hiding among the people or in the shadows, running on rooftops, climbing up building sides, picking peoples pockets, hiring thieves to fight guards alongside you, throwing money to distract them while the populace scrambles for the cash, or of course Nukid's favorite hiring prostitutes to seduce the guards." Airnaruto said.**

** (Cut away gag) Meanwhile far away a British narcoleptic assassin named Nukid was sitting down minding his own business when suddenly…"ACHOO!" He sneezed out a jet stream of blood from his nose and crashed into a wall. "Someone must have mentioned me in the same sentence as something perverted." He said to himself.**

** (End cut away gag)**

** "Later on Ezio manages to get his Mother and Sister out of Florence and to a villa run by Ezio's uncle on his father's side named Mario and be warned when you bump into him there could have been a copyright issue with how he greets you." Airnaruto said. **

**_Mario de Auditore: Ezio don't you recognize me? It's-a me Mario!_ **

"Ubisoft used a Nintendo quote in their game and got a way with it?" Airnaruto asked. "They had the BALLS to use a quote coined by the mascot of a famous video game company and they DIDN'T GET SUED FOR IT?!" Airnaruto asked in a blind rage. "NO! NO! DOES NOT COMPUTE! DOES NOT COMPUTE!" Airnaruto screamed flailing his arms in the air before barking like a mad dog as Dawn, Charles Roberts, and JC619 tried to restrain him.

(20 minutes later)

Airnaruto appeared to have calmed down, "I apologize for that outburst it was childish and stupid of me." Airnaruto said sheepishly, "I just get a little peeved when I hear a quote from one of my childhood icons being used in a game made by another company….AND THEY DON'T GET SUED FOR IT?!" Airnaruto said snapping again. "UBISOFT YOU BASTARDS I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL ALL OF YOU YOU'LL GET THE GAS!" Airnaruto screamed again and again having to be restrained.

(2 hours later)

"RAPE MY CHILDHOOD WILL YOU? YOU WILL ALL DIE ALL OF YOU WILL DIE!" Airnaruto said before being restrained again.

(8 hours and one rabies injection later)

"Okay, I'm fine got it all out of my system, so anyway after Mario takes you into the Villa you learn that you can help improve it's status by purchasing upgrades to certain to locations which in turn give you discounts when shopping in the town, for medicine, weapons, paintings, armor, and maps heck you even get to swim instead die in the water in certain locations aside from the other locations in the game you also get to utilize the economic system of the game which really implies that you should spend your money wisely. The combat system of the game play has been improved to major levels that you can fight numerous guards and either stab them with the hidden blades or a poison one beat them down with your fists, use smoke bombs to escape and yes you can even steal an enemies weapon while fighting bare handed." Airnaruto said before giving it back to Dawn.

"The cut scenes in the game are really cinematic whether you bring a codex page for Leonardo Da Vinci who is an ally in this game that will give you new weapons and upgrade your health with each codex page you find and yes you even get to test Leonardo's version of a hang glider or you're unlocking assassin tombs to get Altair's armor through platforming puzzles that give you the feel of playing The Prince of Persia: The sands of time." Dawn said as the two got to the bad parts of the game.

"There are several flaws with the game for example, if you shove someone off a ledge or pull them off a ship they die rather quickly." Airnaruto said bluntly before picking another flaw, "Also the camera gets a bit awkward when you're climbing and when in combat in a very dense area you'll have a very difficult time defending yourself from all angles against the guards in the cities, and of course the anti-religious ending and the truth video when collect the all the pieces to the puzzle left behind by subject 16. This truth video which is just a failed attempt at Science fiction claims that the Garden of Eden was a highly advanced utopia and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil was a gold orb of sorts which makes no sense whatsoever. The other anti-religious message in this one shows that the game takes every chance it can to jab at Catholics and Protestants alike for example in Venice, Ezio meets up with a nun who's really a slut who formed her own religion by removing some of the negatives of Christianity so she can feel better about her own sins. FYI that's a cult not a religion Madame, when you change the message of Jesus Christ from what it's supposed to be and what he's suppose to represent then whether you like it or not you've created a cult." Airnaruto ranted.

"Are you done with the religious rant?" Dawn asked skeptically.

"Yeah I'm done with it so let's get this review finished." Airnaruto said.

"Overall Assassin's Creed 2 is a game that you'll never get bored with the improvements on the stealth and combat systems, wider array of weapons, and hundreds of missions to do you'll never get put it down." Airnaruto said.

"True but as you mentioned the only problems with the game come in the form of the endings, the camera, and the physics during the game. However none of these flaws are big enough to make people avoid playing it." Dawn said.

"So together we give this game a rating of 4 and a half stars out of 5." Airnaruto said giving the final rating.

"Well folks that's it for video game month folks, I would like to thank MisstressofDawn aka The Irate Werewolf for joining me as my guest co-reviewer for the month." Airnaruto said before kissing Dawn on the cheek which surprised her.

"You do know you're kissing a Lycan right?" Dawn asked.

"So I've been kissed in the mouth by a dog once." Airnaruto retorted.

"Never mind." Dawn muttered, "I'm the Irate Werewolf…" Dawn said.

"And I'm the Classic Critic…" Airnaruto said.

"We remember it so you're not required to." They said in unison.

Assassins Creed 2 recap:

Star rating (out of 5 stars): ****1/2

Pros: Great graphics, cinematic cut scenes, intriguing plot, better combat system, economy system introduced, and better stealth mechanic tough puzzles to solve just to reach the tombs.

Cons: The anti-religious message, horrible attempt at Science Fiction towards the end, and a weird camera when climbing.

Well folks there you have it Video game month has come to a close for me so read and review


	10. Episode 10: The top 11 Anime heroes

Episode 10: Top 11 Anime Heroes

Disclaimer: I own nothing involved in this countdown all characters I mention are owned by their respected creators.

"Hello I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to." Airnaruto said as he sat in his chair. "You know a there are a lot of heroes in the world of Anime whether they are badasses, idiots, punks, or just plain weirdoes so today I decided to do a top 11 list of my favorite anime heroes. Why top 11 because aren't the rest of the authors who do this kind of thing also rip offs?" Airnaruto asked, "These are my top 11 anime heroes." He said.

**(A montage of anime heroes is displayed on the screen as we hear Bonnie Tyler's I need a Hero playing in the background)**

**Number 11**

_**Kenzo Tenma from Monster**_

"Okay I don't know much about this guy since I only stumbled across this anime recently, but from what I gathered in researching it he's a famous Japanese neurosurgeon who one day gets ridiculed for saving a young boys life over an important patients life but then suddenly his life takes a turn for the better when the doctors who ridiculed him mysteriously die, it's not until years later he realizes that the events leading to his promotion were linked to a serial killer, one that he saved from death known as Johan Liebert." Airnaruto said. "Now we all know that Tenma is a kind hearted fellow and does manage to steer a few people away from Johan's influence but the reason I put him at the bottom was because it was HIS fault Johan's running amuck through out Europe to begin with but none the less he's at least trying to correct his mistake." Airnaruto said.

_**Number 10**_

_**Sailor Moon from well her namesake show**_

"Now I'm going to be blunt girls don't get your hopes up, she's only heroine on my list just because for a lot of young girls during the 90s she was pretty much the first all female targeted anime that you had come across in North America and why not, she was kind, pure hearted, and well let's just say there are other details I'm not gonna go into concerning her." Airnaruto said, before he got to explaining her faults, "Of course the problem a lot of fans had with the dub was that initially they portrayed Sailor Moon's alter ego Serena as too much of a klutzy, lazy, crybaby and stereotypical Japanese schoolgirl who let's just say is not the sharpest tool in the shed…in terms of her brains not her other goods." Airnaruto said in order to keep himself from getting any other female fan heat for that comment. "Then of course there was always that logical but pointless nickname given to her by her eventual love interest, boyfriend and husband, Darien who would always insult the way her hair looked like a certain food item." Airnaruto said before getting into a quiz show host mood; "And you have four guesses as to what that insult revolves around does it involve; A. Music Albums, B. Global Warming, C. Bad Hair days, or D. Meatballs?" He asked before letting Darien reveal the answer and playing scenes where he calls Serena mentioned nickname over and over again.

_Darien: Meatball head (Certain number of times)_

"If you said Meatballs, WELL NO FUCKING SHIT!" He screamed. "Actually in later seasons the series took a darker turn and Serena actually began to live up to her role as a leader, an old sibling and an eventual mother however it was too late for her to get any higher on my list but still she is the one who grabs the number 10 spot in the countdown." Airnaruto said

_**Number 9**_

_**Vash the Stampede from Trigun **_

"In this post apocalyptic space western Vash is considered a major troublemaker mostly because of the fact that he has a 66 billion dollar bounty on his head dead or alive. I mean the guy even has fucking insurance company representatives chasing after him. But when you first meet him he just comes off as a goofball who likes gorging himself on donuts" Airnaruto said, before we see Vash point his gun at some bounty hunters and pull the trigger a few times only to find that he's out of bullets. Then we see a scene where he's feasting on donuts. "But we soon get a reality check as Vash proves his reputation. What makes you get behind the guy is that he has vowed to never take a human life and will only draw his gun out as an absolute last resort, and then there's his voice actor Johnny Young Bosch who really nails both sides of Vash's personality from the goofy idiot to the serious and conflicted individual. Of course I only put him in this position because later on his philosophy of non-violence is severely tested by Legato Bluesummers who pretty much forces Vash to kill him via his telekinetic abilities to get Vash to pull the trigger, but for all his faults and quirks Vash is one _western_ hero you really want to get behind but his catchphrase and his victory pose still need work." Airnaruto said before we see Vash doing his famous pose and saying his catchphrase.

_Vash with his index and middle fingers crossed: THIS WORLD IS MADE OF LOVE AND PEACE!_

_Brother D-Von (TNA wrestling): OH MY BROTHER TESTIFY!_

"How did that get in there and what does wrestling have to do with gun slinging?" Airnaruto asked before he heard a voice.

**(A Big-Lipped Alligator Moment)**

_**Number 8**_

_**Alucard from Hellsing**_

"Now if you haven't figured out who this guy is, try putting his name in front of a mirror." Airnaruto said as he held up a piece of paper with Alucard written on it and then placed it front of a mirror to reveal what it says, the paper read in front of the mirror said "Dracula", "You guessed it this guy is basically Vlad the Impaler only he's British, a good vampire who protects humanity from evil vampires, werewolves, ghouls, and even an insane zealot Catholic assassin group." Airnaruto said, "Now I'll admit this guy is an all around badass who just can't be killed…in the anime, in the manga he can be killed via a blood transfusion which makes no sense to me." Airnaruto said as he tried to figure out how that was possible.

"Basically there are two reasons he's number 8 on my list; number one is obvious enough, he's always smiling I mean that toothy sinister grin is not something you would find on the face of a hero, and second HE JUST WON'T DIE!" Airnaruto said screaming the last part. "I mean what will get rid of this guy permanently if sticking a gold cross on his chest, stabbing him through the heart with a wooden stake, splashing holy water on him, or even sunlight won't destroy him?" Airnaruto asked before he heard a gun being cocked from behind him.

"Now my dear boy I wouldn't try to guess how to kill me." The voice said as he stepped out of the shadows he was a vampire wearing an all blood red suit with matching hat, with black hair and black eyes with a sinister smile on his face this was Alucard.

Airnaruto then dropped on his knees in front of the vampire, "PLEASE DON'T HURT ME! PLEASE DON'T! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE!" He begged.

(Please stand by)

Airnaruto returned later looking fine, "Sorry about that folks but fortunately Alucard's boss called and told him Hellsing HQ was under attack." Airnaruto said before trying to remember his place, "Now where was I…oh yeah anyway whether it's a classy looking Englishman or a Romanian displayer of cruelty Alucard can prove how much of a badass he can be on his bloody best day." Airnaruto said before being creeped out by the smile.

_**Number 7**_

_**L from Death Note**_

"In the Death Note universe, L is recognized as a world renowned master detective, and throughout the course of the series he's locked in an eternal mental game of cat and mouse with the main character of the show Light Yagami, and before those who are fans of Light and give him sympathy by saying that he's an anti-hero and he started out with good intentions I only have one thing to say to that." Airnaruto said before letting out his opinion about the Light Yagami fan base, "BULLSHIT!" He roared, "Anyone who calls themselves God of anything definitely has a fucked up psyche." Airnaruto said.

_Light: and I…I will be the god of this new world._

_Bison: OF COURSE!_

"All jokes and bashing aside the real hero of the show is L, why because he's the one who pretty much carries the bulk of this radio drama of an anime on his back, despite being a greasy gnome with ADHD at least in my opinion which explains his poor people skills and his insomniacesque face, while his Japanese voice actor did a decent job with giving him a quirky personality he's blown way out of the water by his dub counterpart Alessandro Juliani who really added that whole say one thing but mean a totally different thing dimension to the character." Airnaruto said as we see a scene involving a conversation between Light's father Soichiro Yagami.

_L to Mr. Yagami: Mr. Yagami._

_Soichiro: Hmm_

_L: If I die in the next few days then your son is Kira. Here's another one._

"Unfortunately after L's death the series kind of staggers up until the final episode where one of L's pupils named Near manages to bust Light and Light is left to run leaving a trail of blood in his wake but for his part in the series L really held the plot together, he was that good he even puts Sherlock Holmes to shame…but he's definitely no Batman." Airnaruto said before he ended up getting a heart attack and dropping to the floor dead.

(Please Stand by)

Airnaruto is soon revived by somebody using the death eraser to rid his name from the notebook. "Okay this is the second time something like that happened today could we continue with this thing please?" He said.

_**Number 6**_

_**Kenshin Himura from Ruroni Kenshin**_

"After serving as an assassin during a civil war set in 19th century Japan, Kenshin Himura or better known as Hittokiri Batosai "The man slayer" takes an oath to protect the innocent and never kill again but as we all know old habits die hard, and for Kenshin he is almost always thrown into a scenario where he has to kill the enemy but here's the thing his special reversed edge katana is known only for injuring not killing." Airnaruto said before going on to Kenshin's positive traits, "However he does show that he does care for his friends and surrogate family and is willing to do what he can to save them or help them out by running errands, protecting the younger sisters of the dojo mistress, and even turning a few enemies into his allies heck he even ends up marrying the dojo mistress at the end of the manga but mostly because he had to retire as a swordsman because his fighting style was either shortening his lifespan or causing him to go blind, I can't remember which one of the two it was if anyone reviews please give me the answer to that one." Airnaruto said before picking up where he left off "Now where was I of course, in any case Kenshin is one samurai you don't want to meet in a dark alley." Airnaruto concluded.

_**Number 5**_

_**Edward Elric from Full Metal Alchimest and Full Metal Alchimest: Brotherhood**_

"Probably one of the more three dimensional heroes in anime, Edward carries the mark of his mistakes wherever he goes in the form of an automail right arm and left leg after he and his brother Alphonse committed the ultimate sin of alchemy with an attempt at human transmutation, Ed ends up losing his leg and Al loses his body so in a desperate attempt to save his brother he gives up right arm in exchange for anchoring his brother's soul to a suit of armor." Airnaruto said as we see the scene of that fateful night.

_Ed: AL! HE'S GONE WHAT HAVE I DONE?!_

_Later Ed is seen forming a seal out of his own blood and putting it inside a suit of armor._

_Ed (regarding to Alphonse): Give him back he's my brother take what you want from me, just GIVE HIM BACK HE'S MY LITTLE BROTHER HE'S ALL I HAVE LEFT!_

"Ed because of that night Ed is forced to carry the mark of his mistake and learn from it and again what makes him so believable is the voice actor specifically for the dub Vic Mignona who really brings out the serious and scrappy side of Edward as well as his caring nature bottom line Edward is really a hero to relate to as well as look up to plus be warned if you call him short He's gonna kick your ass." Airnaruto said before we see several of Ed's short rants.

_Edward in FMA episode 1_: _SHORTY?! COULD A SHORTY DO THIS? WHATELSE YOU WANNA CALL ME A HALF PINT BEANSPROUT MIDGET?! I'M STILL GROWING YOU BACK WATER DESERT IDIOTS!_

_Edward in FMA: Brotherhood episode 1: OH YEAH CAN A RUNT DO THIS?!_

_Edward in FMA episode 13: DON'T CALL ME SMALL OR I'LL BREAK OFF YOUR FEET AND STICK'EM ON YOUR HEAD._

"Trust me he will kick your ass if call him short." Airnaruto warned before thinking about something he forgot to mention, "There is one other thing that's bugged me about him though. If his father was a homunculus from the beginning does that mean that he and Alphonse are demihomunculi or something" He said before Edward stormed in to his room with white eyes of rage.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A MICRO-SIZED HALF PINT WHO DIDN'T GROW UP BECAUSE HE DOESN'T DRINK MILK?!" Ed screamed at him.

"That's not what I said Edward." Airnaruto said plainly.

_**Number 4**_

_**Yugi Muto from Yu-gi-oh Classic (The original Yu-gi-oh)**_

"This kid's a different kind of hero since he's mostly the timid and shy background character at the start who loves playing games and solving puzzles, because of this Yugi got picked on a lot at school until he manages to solve an ancient puzzle known as the Millennium puzzle which infuses him with ancient magical energies and binds the spirit of an ancient pharaoh with him and throughout the course of the series Yugi tries to help the pharaoh regain his lost memories with the aide of his friends and the heart of the cards as they came, saw, dueled, and conquered every enemy that got in their way." Airnaruto said. "Of course the flaw many people had with Yugi aside from allowing the pharaoh to fight his battles for him for the bulk of the series, is that also for the majority of the series he acted to much like an anime version of Jesus." Airnaruto said which got on his nerves with the fans complaining about that character design flaw. "In fact as far as I know the only time either he or the Pharaoh commit a truly wicked act was in the Doom riders arc when the Pharaoh lets his anger get the better of him and plays the seal of Oricalchos against Yugi's warning." Airnaruto said thinking back, "Of course this ends up costing the pharaoh big time as he loses the duel but just as he's about to lose the duel, this happens…" Airnaruto said before revealing the scene.

(Yugi shoves the pharaoh out of the seal thus sacrificing himself to the seal)

_Pharaoh: Yugi no! What are you doing here?_

_Yugi (Smiling sadly): It only needs one of us, so I'm letting the seal take me instead._

_Pharaoh: NO YUGI!_

"Shortly after that the pharaoh has to fight the darkness within his own soul but for those who never got that far in the anime I won't spoil it." Airnaruto said before concluding this number on the countdown. "In any event Yugi shows why he's the king of games and deserving of the number 4 spot in the countdown and if you're not down with that then I've got four words for you, IT'S TIME TO DUEL!" He said shouting the last part.

_**Number 3**_

_**Naruto Uzumaki from Naruto and Naruto Shippuden**_

"Okay you pretty much knew that this unorthodox ninja was going to be somewhere in my top 3 and I'm sure many people know his back story by now." Airnaruto said, "So here's the condensed version basically Naruto at first comes off as a prankster who only pulls pranks to get the attention of everyone in his village because nearly everyone in it treats him like dirt because they believe that he's the human incarnate of nine tailed demon fox which was sealed into his body when he was born. However eventually Naruto begins to come into his own as the main hero of the story by assisting in the liberation of a small port country, saving his home from an insomniac with a raccoon demon locked in him, finding the 5th Hokage Tsunade, saving the 5th Kazekage Garaa, and his entire village again from a guy who believed himself to be a god." Airnaruto said, "Much like Vash this kid can be both funny and serious and really shows that he truly cares for his friends and surrogate family and his sage mode is just badass." Airnaruto said, "However right now his only flaw I can think of is that he's obsessed with returning a man who he once considered his brother back to the village when all Sasuke wants is to destroy his home but all in all Naruto is a hero's example of keeping your head held high even in the darkest times." Airnaruto said before Naruto did his infamous dub catchphrase.

_**Naruto: Believe it!**_

_**Number 2**_

_**Monkey D. Luffy from One Piece**_

"Now while One Piece is considered one of the hottest manga/anime out there today for those who don't understand it's over the top and cartoonish plot allow me to explain that, it's about a boy named Monkey D. Luffy who enjoys three things in his life those three things are friends, adventure and of course…" Airnaruto said before Luffy cut him off.

_Luffy: MEAT!_

"He always wanted become a pirate and he does just that, what's his goal, simple find a treasure known as One Piece located in the grand line and become king of the pirates." Airnaruto said before Luffy cut him off again.

_Luffy: I'm gonna be king of the pirates!_

"Of course Luffy has one obstacle he'll never overcome what is that obstacle you ask?" Airnaruto asked for the fans. "Simple He can't fucking swim!" he said before thinking it over; "A pirate who can't swim?" He asked "They made the hero of the show a pirate who can't swim?" He asked again, "Oda had the balls to turn his main character in one of the greatest manga out there today into a pirate who can't swim!" Airnaruto again burst out in a fit of rage, "NO! NO! DOES NOT COMPUTE! DOES NOT COMPUTE!" He screamed before barking like a mad dog again.

(One rabies shot later)

"Ouch, okay let's forget that happened, yes sad to say that when Luffy was seven he accidently ate a devil fruit known as the Gum Gum fruit, which turned his body into rubber and stripped of his ability to swim let alone stay afloat in any body of water deeper than a mud puddle and he's also a Narcoleptic meaning he falls asleep at random points of the story, and along the way Luffy picks up some real interesting crew members." Airnaruto said before breaking down the straw hat crew.

"First there's Zorro a former bounty hunter who wields three swords and hopes to become the greatest swordsman in the world, Nami a thief who's pretty good with maps and more often than not is seen wearing…" Airnaruto said before getting cut off by Roy Mustang.

_Mustang: TINY MINISKIRTS!_

"Ussop a marksman who's a horrible liar hence why his nose makes him look like Pinocchio, Sanji a womanizing chef who never fights with his fists, Tony Tony Chopper a blue nosed reindeer who's actually a doctor and can only talk and walk on his hind legs because he ate the Human Human devil fruit, Nico Robin an archeologist who make hands sprout in different places and it's not a sexual joke." Airnaruto said before continuing, "Franky a shark faced looking surfer guy and a talking skeleton whose name I can't seem to remember and a couple of other guys I overlooked, but anyway Luffy is the kind of guy who like Naruto will keep battling against the odds no matter how high the deck is stacked against him, sure he's funny and at times a complete moron but when his friends are on the line he'll do anything to help them or save them especially since the manga has taken a real dark turn." Airnaruto said before wrapping up Luffy, "Bottom line whether you hate the catchphrase or not Luffy is going to be…" Airnaruto said before he let Luffy cut him off.

_Luffy: KING OF THE PIRATES!_

_**Number 1**_

"_**And my number 1 anime hero of all time is…" Airnaruto said before revealing the character.**_

_**Goku from Dragonball/Dragonball Z/Dragonball GT**_

"Okay you knew this was coming but for a lot of us growing up in the late 90s Dragonball Z was our first exposure to true anime, I mean Goku was the bomb in a good way and there are two reasons why first, the Kamehamaeha wave." Airnaruto said.

_Goku: KA...ME...HA...MAE...HA!_

"The other reason his power level remind me again Vegeta what was it at?" Airnaruto asked.

_Vegeta: OVER 9000!_

"Aside from being all powerful alien badass, he's also a caring friend, father, and husband who always seemed to find a way to pull it out in the toughest situations and of course if you don't agree with me on that he'll go Super Sayian on you ass." Airnaruto explained, "Therefore I rank Goku as my number 1 greatest anime hero of all time." Airnaruto concluded, "Well there you have it my top 11 anime heroes and I would like to apologize to those who were hoping that heroes like Spike from Cowboy Beebop, Guts from Berserk, Ichigo from Bleach, or Yusuke from Yu Yu Hakusho would be on the list but the truth is I only stumble across several of those anime recently and some I don't know the whole plot behind them." Airnaruto said letting out a formal apology, "I'm the Classic Critic, I remember it so you're not required to." He said before getting up and leaving.

A/N: Read and review folks! __


	11. Episode 11: The Top 11 Anime Villains

Episode 11: Top 11 Anime Villains

Disclaimer: I own nothing involved in this chapter the characters I mention belong to their respective creators and shows.

"Hello I'm the Classic critic; I remember it so you're not required to." Airnaruto said, "You know they say that for every hero there stands a villain and lets face it villains are in all forms of the media whether it's comic books, video games, cartoons, movies, reality television shows, or politics but I digress I'm going overboard with the types of villains there are so I'm sticking to anime villains and believe me there's an ass load of the them but for simplicity sake I've narrowed my list down to 11 villains from the cartoons made in the land of the rising sun and now I'm counting them down so here are my top 11 anime villains. Why top 11 because aren't we all rip offs?" Airnaruto asked, "These are the top 11 anime villains." Airnaruto said.

**(A montage of anime villains appears on the screen while George Thorogood's Bad to the bone plays in the background)**

**Number 11**

**Petra Fina from Flint the time detective**

"This shrew is at the bottom of my list because she's not really threatening or terrifying, she's laughable I mean she's a time thief who tries to screw up history all while trying to find little critters with magical powers known as time shifters and use them to steal historical items and goof up any major historical events of course that's only after the school bell rings and class is dismissed, before that happens she's Miss I know." Airnaruto said before muttering, "Yeah I know I hate the pun too." He said bluntly. "Now I bet you're asking how she gets control over the time shifters before she's beaten by the hero of the show Flint Hammerhead right." Airnaruto asked for his audience, "I bet you're thinking maybe by means of a brainwashing beam or even a lobotomy or maybe even..." Airnaruto said before he got cut off by a scene of Petra placing a stamp on the head of a time shifter.

_Petra: You've just been Petra stamped._

"She just stamps a red P with a green eye in the middle of it on their foreheads?" Airnaruto asked in disgust before yelling his thoughts on that.

"**FAIL!"** he screamed.

"The only reason she's on this list is because of her voice actress Barbara Goodson whose voice you might recognize care to take a guess?" Airnaruto said to his readers, "If you don't have a clue maybe this will jog your memory." Airnaruto said as we a clip of a space dumpster being opened up with you know who emerging from it.

_Rita Repulsa: Ah after 10,000 years I'm free! It's time to conquer Earth._

"That's right it's the same voice as Rita Repulsa from the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers." Airnaruto said before the camera cut back to him, "Good grief from playing one shrew to playing another one huh Barbara, though personally I think she's a lot better as Rita because she truly sounded the part of Rita, but with Petra it's a bit of a hit and miss. It's a hit because she can still whine, bitch, moan, and complain like she always could but it's a miss because well while Petra is portrayed as the implied main villain of the show throughout it's storyline, she's actually nothing more than a lackey working for the true villain the dark lord and no I'm not talking about Sauron or Voldemort." Airnaruto said before wrapping up this villain, "Whether as a time thief or a school teacher Petra is one whiny bitch you want to take a bite of for her crimes, and that's not a metaphor." Airnaruto said as we a scene where Flint is chewing at Petra's leg mistaking it for a rutabaga in a state of hunger.

_Petra to Flint who has her leg by his teeth literally: OW LET GO OF MY LEG! LET GO! YOU'RE WORSE THAN A LAP DOG!_

"Now that's just priceless." Airnaruto said laughing at the situation.

**Number 10**

**Vicious from Cowboy Beebop **

"Now right off you know this guy is nothing but bad news if just the idea he knows where Faye is being housed for the night sends her Die Harding into a shower in a paranoid rage." Airnaruto said before thinking over something, "Then again just the fact that he was Spike's partner and that his name is Vicious is quite impressive because I know what the word means in terms of its definition as being depraved and reprehensible and that's true of him but it just sounds like the name of a drag queen and no one could pull it off except this guy." Airnaruto said as we see Vicious sneak up behind Faye while she's attending an opera show.

_Vicious: You're trembling_

_Faye: Who are you tell me?_

_Vicious: Vicious_

The scene cuts back to Airnaruto, as he sits there in terror "I think I just wet myself." He said in a high squeaky voice, "without a doubt Vicious is the most heartless fiend on the list because he doesn't value anything but wants everything, we first think he's loyal to the syndicate but we find out later he hates his masters and his vendetta against the hero Spike is a personal one, he seemed to love his woman Julia but soon we see that he had no qualms of attempting to kill her on several occasions either but no matter how scary he is the big guy's just nothing more than a stereotype that's pulled off very well still if I came across him in a dark alley, making fun of his name would be last thing on my mind before he sliced me in half." Airnaruto said nervously.

**Number 9**

**Deidara from Naruto Shippuden **

"Okay before people jump on me for not including someone like Madara or Sasuke who are the main villains of the show and manga, let me explain." Airnaruto said, "The reason I put Deidara on this list is because well simply because I can't figure out two things, number one, why are female fans of the series so enamored with him? I mean he's a detonating clay wielding terrorist, with a special eye that's designed to help him escape Genjutsu, and has and extra set of teeth in the palms of both hands and that's not a metaphor." Airnaruto said regarding the first thing he couldn't figure out, "and second what is he a guy or girl? I mean I see the whole male complexion but the fact he's so enticed by art and blowing it up makes him seem like a masochist woman but still he's a cool villain it's just a shame that he got killed off by Sasuke because personally I think that every member of the Uchiha clan should have been eradicated including Sasuke but then again if that had happened then there would be no plot." Airnaruto said, "Anyway Deidara does play a decent role at the start of Shippuden but after the rescue Gaara arc we don't see him again until the hunt for Itachi arc where he's fighting Sasuke but still wherever there's a piece of beautiful architecture ready to be demolished you'll know who will show up to do the job." Airnaruto said as we hear Deidara's famous catchphrase.

_Deidara: Art… is an explosion._

"Talk about going out with a bang." Airnaruto said bluntly.

_BOOM!_

**Number 8**

**The Major from Hellsing Ultimate**

"Now to be honest I was rather reluctant to put this guy on the list because he's mostly a manga character and only shows up in one episode of the currently suspended OVA, he's the chubbiest, shortest, and oldest member of my list but in some ways he's the most terrifying and most psychotic." Airnaruto said before explaining, "You see during World War 2, Hitler had commissioned an experiment to create a stable strain of vampirism within Nazi Waffen SS troops with which he would conquer England, gain victory in the war and ensure a 1000 year Reich to follow." Airnaruto said before being cut off.

_Bison: Of course!_

"Shut Up!" Airnaruto yelled, "Anyway the Hellsing organizations best operatives Walter and Alucard foiled this scheme by destroying the research facility which sent the Major and his troops into hiding in South America, 60 years later he returns with an army of 1000 strong and several stronger high profile officers, so what's his goal for all of this? Does he wish to carry out Hitler's dream of taking down Britain?" Airnaruto asked.

_Bison: Of course_

_Cyclops (X-men TV show 1992): NOT!_

The screen changes to Sir Integra Hellsing asking the major a question over a portable television set or something like that.

_From Hellsing Ultimate OVA 4_

_Sir Integra: What's the purpose of this?_

_The Major: _"_To put it in the simplest terms Fraulein, our purpose, is a complete lack of purpose"_

"See what I mean?" Airnaruto asked, "Basically all The Major wants is war of any and all kinds, I might be cheating to close out with this speech but I can't put it any better than this." Airnaruto said before the screen cuts back to The Major.

_The Major: __My Friends, it has often been said that I like War. My friends, I like war. No, friends, I LOVE WAR! I love holocausts. I love blitzkriegs. I love defensive lines. I love sieges, charges. I love mop-up operations and retreats. War across the prairies, in streets, in trenches, in grasslands, in frozen tundras, through the desert, in the sea, in the air, I love every act of war that can occur upon this earth._

"Okay two things...oh he's still talking sorry." Airnaruto said before getting cut off.

_The Major: __I love blasting the enemy to smithereens with artillery salvos that thunder across the line of battle. My heart leaps with joy whenever a soldier is tossed into the air and cut down by well placed sniper rounds. I love it when a Tiger tank smashes un enemy tank with its 88mm the feeling that comes when a soldier would run screaming from the blazing tank only to be mowed down by machine gun fire, its such an exquisite feeling. I love it when the infantry ranks overrun the enemy line, bayonets first. It moves me when I remember the sight of a new recruit in a state of panic, stabbing an already dead enemy soldier over and over. The sight of deserters being strung up from a street lamp is an irresistible pleasure._

"Okay enough…two things I need to get off my chest about this speech." Airnaruto said, "First off I think the German part of my blood just dried up and number two why the hell am I enjoying this?" He asked, "I mean it's the sickest, most perverse and most fucked up thing I've heard in my life but that's the power of the Major and if the manga's events are any precursor for events to come then it's gonna be fun when they reach England. The Major couldn't give a shave, a haircut or two bits about who wins and who loses all he wants is World War 3, Hell on Earth, but above all one hell of a good time." Airnaruto said as the Major closed it out.

_The Major: Friends…lets bring them Hell._

**Number 7**

**Frieza from Dragonball Z**

"Now for a lot of us this alien dictator was perhaps the first true anime villain we came across but like The Major, Frieza is not so much cool as he is terrifying, carrying the thickest resume of collateral damage out of anyone in the ranks. His crimes include blowing up at least two planets, wiping out countless alien races including the strongest of all the Sayians, killing dozens of Nameks causing the eldest Namek to die from grief, the deaths of several lead characters." Airnaruto said as we see Frieza having already stabbed Krillin with his horn bucking him up and down on it through the gut.

_Frieza: Hey Whipping yee-haw that's it buckaroo ride'em cowboy_

"Not to mention making horrible jokes." Airnaruto complained as we see Frieza rip Nail's arm off.

_Frieza: Here you might want to keep it as a backscratcher where do I come up with this stuff._

"He's also been put under suspicion for batting for some other team I really don't want to touch with a 40 foot pole." Airnaruto said as we see Frieza standing with the Namekian Dragonballs lying in front of him.

_Frieza: Having these balls makes fell something that resembles joy I think. I want to caress them._

"Would this count for one of those kinds of moments?" Airnaruto asked his cameraman Charles Roberts.

"I guess so." Charles answered.

**(A Big Lipped Alligator moment)**

"However we all know Frieza's biggest crime, he just won't stay down. The strongest of Goku's company can hit him with all they've got and he'll just transform to his next level of invulnerability over and over and over again, hit him the energy of an entire solar system and he'll strike you with it tenfold, beat him completely and he'll use the last bit of energy in his severed torso to fight back in a fit of rage, even the power of a Super Sayian doesn't completely destroy him leaving the rest of the gang to deal with RoboFrieza, not that slicing him to pieces will keep him from causing trouble in Hell, that's right he's still causing trouble even in the depths of hell. Why is this soulless beast so persistent what's he after? Oh just eternal life and total domination, until he gets it he'll never stay down but Frieza lacks in charisma he makes up for with his brutality, and cruelty along with a massive chill factor that puts the competition on ice." Airnaruto said before moving on to the next character.

**Number 6**

**Light Yagami from Death Note**

"The philosopher Kierkegaard once hypothesized that the root of all evil was not greed but boredom." Airnaruto said before continuing his rant on this villain, "Maybe at first it sounds stupid until you meet this ambitious honor student, unlike the rest of my list Light Yagami is a pure kind of evil instead of being pure evil, tragic result of Snow white self-righteous legalism splashed with malice that instantly turns him pitch black, by luck he obtains the notebook of a Shinigami that enables him to kill anyone he knows the name and face of with a stroke of the pen and what strokes he takes on paper and in the execution of his master plan. Why not become a global judge, jury, and executioner. In the information age Light can effortlessly search for the names and faces of every criminal on earth and eradicate all bad people like rats, or anyone that he considers bad people." Airnaruto said before we see Light explain his reasons behind using the Death Note.

_Light: It's not enough this world is still rotten, with too many rotten people in it. There was no other way the world had to be fixed a purpose given to me. Only I could do it._

"This includes good hearted policemen that are sent to investigate him, and the women he manipulates into being his tools of propaganda and destruction until they rust and burn to the ground." Airnaruto said as we see Light talking to an old college girlfriend of his.

_Light: Join me Kiyomi and you will be the goddess of the new world._

Later on we see Light writing down something on a piece of paper from the Death Note as we hear his voice over

_Light: Kiyomi Takara, suicide January 26, 2013 2:32 P.M. Burns to death by setting fire to everything around her, including everything she wrote on._

"He's not as unblemished as he claims but he knows the extent of his power and how to use it, let's face it he's smarter and more attractive than anyone else I mean he works quick and efficiently and the snake is a notorious liar." Airnaruto said before moving on to his next point concerning Light. "Which brings up the question, if the villain is a forked silver tongued snappy dresser and the hero is an ADHD insomniac with poor social skills who are you gonna believe right?" Airnaruto asked before proving his point with a scene of Light at his desk "I mean he makes this look epic." Airnaruto said.

_Light: I'll take a potato chip…and eat it._

"That remarkable charisma is the most frightening thing about Kira, not only does he have the people of his world suckered but he also has a cult following in the real world too." Airnaruto said before firing back at the cult of Kira followers in the real world. "I'm sure you Death Note fanatics have heard remarks like Light's an antihero, or he had good intentions, or he deserves to win right?" Airnaruto asked, "However the biggest defense for this idol worship is that Light was a good person who was misled by the Death Note which was truly the evil instrument that possessed him." Airnaruto said, "I said before and I'll say it again and I want all members of the Kira cult to listen good, your arguments are **BULLSHIT!" **Airnaruto screamed, "For those who like this lunatic you give him far too little credit I mean come on as I mentioned before anyone arrogant enough to call themselves God in the first episode of anything really has their heart in the wrong spot." Airnaruto said to reestablish his point from last chapter.

_Light: and I…I will become the god of this new world._

"In the end the Death Note is just a book and as for Light…." Airnaruto said before Near cut him off.

_Near: You yielded to the power of the Shinigami in the notebook and have confused yourself with a god. In the end you're nothing more than a crazy serial killer, that's all you are. Nothing more and nothing less._

"Thank you Near, Light's arrogant move of hiring one of his zealots to the taskforce and his fall from power turn him into a slobbering lunatic which in my opinion knocked him down to number 6 for me but nonetheless he leaves behind a legacy as the god of death who murdered millions without remorse while the world watched and cheered." Airnaruto said before yet again he suffered a fatal heart attack.

(Please stand by)

"I'm really getting sick of that happening, good thing I found the Death Note that had my name written in it twice so now it's time to burn baby burn!" Airnaruto said in a fanatical rage as he pulled out a barrel, some lighter fluid, and a match dropping the notebook into the barrel, dousing it in lighter fluid and then lighting the match and dropping it into the barrel and watched the book burn to ashes.

**Number 5**

**Aizen Sosuke from Bleach**

"Since this is a villain from on of the big three in terms of shonnen manga today I'm not going to spend much time on this guy, because at first glance I'm sure you think that Aizen while strict with his subordinates he still acts like a father figure or friend to them when times got tough and I'm sure were all shocked when he was killed but that's only a cover." Airnaruto said before explaining his case to newer Bleach fans. "Anyone who's read the manga inside-out and upside-down knows full well that Aizen is a corrupted Shinigami who's massive ego has long since eaten away what was left of his heart behind his kind smile lies the brain of a madman who had been conducting illegal experiments to turn Shinigami into hollows to create super powered hybrids so he can take over Soul Society." Airnaruto said. "No I'm not doing that joke again it's getting annoying…" Airnaruto said getting cut off by several attempts at the joke until finally it falls on top of him.

_Bison: Of course_

"Anyway with no setbacks or weaknesses Aizen is one reaper I would definitely be afraid of especially his unwavering smile." Airnaruto said before moving on to his next villain.

**Number 4**

**Ladd Russo from Baccano**

"Aside from his playful puppy dog nature and being called the poor man's Joker, it speaks loads of Ladd that in a series of immortal super powered gangsters he's the one you least like to meet in a dark alley and it's an even bigger point in his favor that he's neither super powered or immortal he's just completely fucking nuts!" Airnaruto said before adding to that last statement, "Granted that there is a method to his murder fetish." Airnaruto said as we see Ladd confronting his uncle.

_Ladd: The people I like to kill really get me jazzed, they never see it coming. Maybe they're wondering what they're going to have for dinner just like you were right before I walked in." _

"I would have put Ladd at the top if it wasn't for the one quality of a villain that he's missing which is obviously brains which explains his placement at number 4 instead, but aside from the facts that his skull is full of rocks and he prefers mayhem on the fly over plotting he couldn't be more horrifyingly despicable or surprisingly fun." Airnaruto said as we see Ladd beat up some black coat gangsters first by kicking the machine gun barrel so that the gun is pointing behind the guy to shoot whoever is behind them and killing him. "GO LADD GO!" Airnaruto screamed before calming back down, "Anyway some psychos kill because they don't know who they are or what they want and go crazy from the confusion but Ladd knows who he is and what he wants, he likes killing so surrounds himself with company that shares the same interests, and goes off ransacking a train, he finds sadism arousing so he falls in love with a masochist. However other than his love for his fiancée I couldn't find any other redeeming qualities to Ladd but either way I can't figure out why this guy is so lovable? Unfortunately when Ladd comes face to face with the Rail tracer his lack of foresight leads to his downfall when all his men get killed and he gets tricked into throwing himself of the train saving the rest of the passengers from Ladd's idea of a good time but still with Ladd it's better to watch than to get an invite." Airnaruto said before moving on to his next choice.

**Number 3**

**Griffith from Berserk**

"Now I know that some of you are in the middle of either watching or reading Berserk and some who have never done either of two are probably asking how this guy could count as a villain when he's one of the main characters and an incredibly likeable guy, well okay that just puts him higher on the list but I should warn from the beginning he was never a good person. I mean sure he has the charisma of a bold leader but when you realize that his goal is to overthrow the good king of Midland and rule in it's place, and has sacrificed lives and betrayed allies, and even gone up the back alley so to speak to achieve his goal well he's pretty devious already." Airnaruto said. "He's a master of charm and deception, so much so that his ambition catapults him from a peasant boy to honorary nobility over the course of 10 years in which time he studies history, strategy, and politics and combines it with his people skills to gain control of a wandering band of mercenaries which he treats more like his personal toys…and I don't mean that in a sexual sense." Airnaruto said before he would get fan backlash as we see the scene of Griffith taking control of the mercenary group the band of the hawk.

_Griffith to Guts: And so now you belong to me Guts._

"He befriends only those that can take higher in the ranks and eliminates anyone that poses a threat to his goal without mercy." Airnaruto said before we see the rematch between Guts and Griffith. "His mastermind resolve is flawless until his most valued pawn Guts decides to leave the band of the hawk and Griffith realizes that he's weaker than his right hand man and can't stop him from leaving." Airnaruto said as Guts' sword cleaves Griffith's rapier in half. "Determined to prove his superiority over others Griffith goes off the deep end and pays the princess a late night visit which leads him to getting locked up in the dungeon and guards throwing away the key." Airnaruto said as we see a time skip of one year later when the band of the hawk manage to bust Griffith out of the dungeon Griffith is now thin, weak and decrepit.

_Guts: It's not him I can't believe this is Griffith._

"Now that he's a shriveled prune it would less likely to call him a villain much less be this close to the top but when Griffith's pleas are heard by the denizens of Hell they grant him a new body making him the fifth god hand and then we are forced to watch as every character that we have come to know and love is brutally killed except Guts and Casca in order to turn Griffith into a demon king poised to take Midland by storm. The anime gets cut off here but the manga makes it clear that he has no remorse for the sins he's committed and he says this to Guts' face at the hawk's burial ground and sometime after raping Casca causing a miscarriage of hers and Guts' son. Griffith will grasp Midland in his blood stained talons for years to come, just try to stop because you might as well be trying to stop a blood god because Griffith has gotten his wish." Airnaruto said sickened by Griffith's actions.

**Number 2**

**Legato Bluesummers from Trigun**

"Okay there are five words I know I have to bring up with this one." Airnaruto said, "Why not Vash's brother Knives? Isn't he the mastermind and Legato's boss?" Airnaruto asked for the audience, "While Knives owns Legato, Legato's not his puppet on the contrary he needs him to survive. Legato runs the regeneration plant, hires the other Gung-ho guns and manages their skills and he's happy to do it of his own will, this in itself makes Legato more despicable. Knives wants humanity wiped out because he's afraid of them because he's not human himself and they have mistreated him." Airnaruto said to explain why Knives is not on the list. "Legato on the other hand is a completely different box of donuts." Airnaruto said as we see Legato seemingly crush the skull of a young girl while Vash is glaring at him.

_Legato to Vash (Telepathically): Your reaction was better than I had hoped you're fun, and to think I can kill every man, woman, and child in the blink of an eye if I wanted to._

"Legato wants humanity wiped out because he's damned it from his childhood from being abused as a sex slave. In his eyes every human from the new born infant to the thieving outlaw all deserve a slow torturous demise in his eyes which he is happy to give them with his telekinetic abilities for example, forcing someone to shoot themselves in the head would be too easy so Legato would make them claw through their chest and rip out their heart." Airnaruto said as we see Legato make one outlaw do just that.

_Outlaw to Legato: What the hell are you doing?_

_Legato: It's simple you're the first to die._

"Legato could also kill an entire town's populace by simply cutting off their brain functions but he finds it more amusing to lead the populace out of the town and into a meat processing truck and paint the town monument with their blood." Airnaruto said as we see both scenarios outcomes. "Knives may simply order him to kill but Legato prefers a slow death for all of humanity including himself.

_Legato: The day it all ends is upon us, I suggest you make good use of the time you have left._

"He holds absolute power but unlike Vicious or Aizen who are both heartless, Legato is passionate with the desire to kill, mutilate and in regards to Vash devastate for all eternity." Airnaruto said pointing out Legato's depth of depravity, "Vash has faced many horrible men in the past and never batted an eyelash at them using his incredible superpowers and finding the good in them to turn the worst of men into heroes but just one look at Legato terrifies him. There is no weakness in Legato's cold yellow eyes and he can't be stopped from killing anyone fro Vash's friends to his own allies and everyone in between as all part of a twisted game to break Vash's spirit and send him crawling back to Knives a task made easier by his constant presence in Vash's mind." Airnaruto explained while we see a scene of Vash and Legato inside Vash's mind.

_Legato: I did this as my humble way of showing grief over the loss of a good friend how did I do?_

_Vash: you again DAMN YOU!_

_Legato: Are you going to draw? You think that you've never killed anyone before but I'm afraid you're sadly mistaken. You've killed countless people including the Gung-ho guns and your friend Nicholas D. Wolfwood._

_Vash: I was forced to do that I had no choice!_

"Vash might be a superman but Legato ultimately wins their battle in the sickest way possible by dying at Vash's hand." Airnaruto said as we hear the trigger of Vash's gun get pulled.

_BANG!_

_Legato: Vash the Stampede will experience eternal pain and suffering._

"Strangely enough, Legato wins, he killed himself, ruined Vash's reputation, and left the rest of humanity to face Knives' judgment while Vash comptenplates suicide. The only reason he's the proverbial bridesmaid is because his competitor is far worse but in this space age western the most diabolical is the soft spoken human with the vision from the depths of hell." Airnaruto concluded before moving on to his final villain.

"Now I know what you're thinking those are some big time baddies who could top them?" He asked for the audience. "Well the answer will surprise some of you just give me a second to find something." He said as he came back later with a Bible in his hands before turning to the camera, "No I'm not going to do a sermon the premise for the show that this character is from is in a scripture." Airnaruto said as he flipped through the pages. "Here we go." He said as he began to read the passage.

_Then I stood on the sand of the sea, and I saw a beast rising up out of the sea, having seven heads and ten horns, and on his horns ten crowns, and upon his heads were blasphemous names. So they worshipped the dragon who gave authority to the beast, and they worshipped the beast saying "Who is like the beast? Who is able to make war with him?" _

_Revelation 13:1, 4 (New King James Version)_

**The number 1 Anime villain is….**

**Johan Liebert from Monster**

"Now I know what you're thinking why this guy he's only a serial killer right." Airnaruto said before rebuking them, "Well here's the thing Johan was part of a Eugenics experiment conducted on orphans in a secret facility and the goal of the Neo Nazi nutcases was to psychologically reprogram the children into the perfect soldiers, results varied from child to child but Johan turned out 50 times worse than they had ever planned. After escaping Johan and his twin sister Anna traveled from guardian to guardian until Johan got bored, and until Anna final managed to catch Johan disposing of his little toys which led to her shooting him in the head and him being brought back from death by the hero of the show and story Kenzo Tenma and because of Tenma's mistake he's free to pursue his goal once again and that goal is to kill everyone he meets or drive them to kill themselves because it's more fun but Johan's not picky until he's the last monster standing at the end of the world." Airnaruto said shocking the audience. "Through all of this Johan can't be killed though he goads many of the other characters to try it, the only one he permits to kill him is the golden hearted Tenma so that the monster within him will devour even the purest of men. I won't go into his sins because they pretty much speak for themselves. Whether or not he becomes the last monster standing at the apocalypse he will always be the most despicable and the worse of all anime villains." Airnaruto said finishing his countdown.

"Well there you have it my choices for the top 11 greatest anime villains of all time, I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to but as a special treat I'm going to play the first opening to Death Note to take us out." Airnaruto said only to get the Lucky star opening. "NO Play something else!" He shouted only to get it's a Small World, "NO PLAY SOMETHING ELSE!" He screamed only to get…"

"_Duck tales woo-hoo!" the speakers played_

"No something else!" Airnaruto cried only to get the Doug theme.

"Okay enough's enough I want to know who's responsible for this WHO ARE YOU HUH?" Airnaruto screamed only for the computer screen to freeze and reveal a darkside wearing a rabbit mask named Usagi.

"Hee hee Ain't I a stinker?" he chuckled.

A/N: Usagi is owned by fellow author Nukid not me, all apologies to Nukid for using his character without his consent. So anyway read and review.


	12. Episode 12: The Wizard

Episode 12: The Wizard

Disclaimer: I own nothing involved in this chapter as all materials and people are owned by there respective creators.

"Hello I'm the Classic critic; I remember it so you're not required to." Airnaruto said moving on to his review subject, "Now let's face it playing old school NES games rocked!" Airnaruto said as we see the word rocked appear on the screen.

**ROCKED!**

"However as I mentioned in my Mortal Kombat movie review, movies based on NES video games or video games in general sucked." Airnaruto said bluntly as the word sucked appeared on the screen.

**SUCKED!**

"Therefore in theory, movies based on playing NES games sucked rocks." Airnaruto said before getting to the point, "The point is the film I'm reviewing today has been ridiculed by many film critics and even the Nostalgia Critic as nothing more than an hour and a half long Nintendo commercial disguised as a family film released back in 1989, now I'll admit this film didn't do that well in the box office grossing a little less than 15 million in total revenue but over the years this film has gained a strong cult following, so much so that they still hold cast reunions in Texas, it's the film about a little boy who seems to have a talent at playing Nintendo games that literally teaches that video games bring families together." Airnaruto said before adding, "If only that were still true today." He said in a bored tone. "Needless to say that this film was hyped up big time, with stars like Bo Bridges, Fred Savage, Christian Slater, a huge library of Nintendo games, a Nintendo tournament and even a sneak peak at a new game that hadn't been released yet in North America, growing up in the late 80s and early 90s every kid wanted to see this or more or less they had to see this but why is the film such a let down to many people?" Airnaruto asked, "Well let's take a peek at it." He said as the opening of the film is shown where we see a young boy walking down an open road while a police car drives up to him.

"You've got to be kidding me, how is this even remotely exciting?" Airnaruto asked and screamed.

"Anyway it turns out the kid is a young boy named Jimmy Woods, who just wants to go to California." Airnaruto said as Jimmy cut him off.

_Jimmy: California._

"California." Airnaruto said mockingly.

_Jimmy: California_

"The cop returns him to his mother and jackass of a stepfather where he continues to stare out into space, it turns out that he's been traumatized by the death of his twin sister Jennifer and is seeking an outlet for his pent up emotions." Airnaruto said before the teacher from the film and Ezio from Assassins Creed 2 cut him off.

_Jimmy's teacher: I'd like to think he's searching for a way to express himself_

_Ezio: I have plenty of Outlets._

_Mrs. De Auditore: I meant besides vaginas._

"That wasn't necessary you know that guys." Airnaruto said to JC and Charles.

**(A Big-Lipped Alligator moment)**

"That was my fault Sorry." JC said.

"We also get to see Jimmy's father played by Bo Bridges and his older brothers Nick played by Christian Slater, and Corey played by Fred Savage, and up until now I never noticed that Fred Savage is kind of weird in the sense that sounds less like a 12 year old and more like an adult." Airnaruto said confused.

_Corey: Will you listen to me? Do you want to see Jimmy get put in a home? Do you want that to happen?_

"So Corey sits in his room throwing darts at a road map since the Internet wasn't around back then, and decides he wants to go on a little road trip, to where?" Airnaruto asked before allowing Corey to answer.

_Corey: California_

"No it's like this." Airnaruto said before cutting to Jimmy.

_Jimmy: California_

"So Corey decides to run away from home and live in California but he makes a quick stop in Utah first to bust his brother out of the mental home he's in." Airnaruto said.

"How does he get him out you ask, simple by just walking through the front door and steals him away into a wonder bread truck." Airnaruto said before letting off some steam, "WHERE THE HELL'S SECURITY?" he screamed.

"Once news of their runaway reaches the families, the stepfather hires a child retriever named Mr. Putnam, but Corey's dad and brother are determined to find them before he does in order to keep Jimmy from being placed back in the home and from keeping Putnam from a pay day." Airnaruto said before he started to get dramatic.

"Well they better move fast to the Batmobile!" He exclaimed

(1960s Batman theme plays)

Several scenes of the father and brother travelling in the truck trying to find Corey and Jimmy are shown. "Meanwhile, Corey and Jimmy stop at a bus station where Corey learns that Jimmy has a talent for getting high scores on Double Dragon." Airnaruto said as Corey looked at the score Jimmy got.

_Corey to Jimmy: You got 50000 on Double Dragon?_

"There they meet Haley, who's also running away." Airnaruto said as we see Corey and Haley having a conversation regarding Jimmy.

_Haley: What's his problem?_

_Corey: He's just shy_

_Haley: Shy a few bricks I'd say_

_Corey: He just kicked ass on Double Dragon_

_Haley_: _Get out of here him?_

_Corey: He could wax your tail_

_Haley: No way_

_Corey: Wanna bet?_

_Haley: How much?_

_Corey: How about a bus ticket?_

"Who raised these kids Donald Trump? They all act and talk like 1980s businessmen." Airnaruto asked and commented.

_Donald Trump: You're fired!_

"Haley is shocked to find out that Jimmy does beat her at Double Dragon, a boy beating a girl at a video game, that's a little too anticlimactic." Airnaruto said bluntly.

_Haley: You're attitude sucks._

"Meanwhile Corey's dad and brother continue their search while also stealing the tree from Harold and Maude which I don't get why that tree is even in this movie." Airnaruto said before continuing. "As they stop at a hotel, Nick hooks up Corey's Nintendo system and it brings this father and son closer together but a little too close for my comfort." Airnaruto said as we see the scenes of father and son bonding.

_Dad: It doesn't take much skill to play that game._

"Meanwhile Haley tells Corey and Jimmy about a Nintendo competition where they could win 50000 dollars and you wouldn't believe where's it's been held at." Airnaruto said.

_Jimmy: California?_

"Right you are you little oddball." Airnaruto said to Jimmy, "Now one thing I couldn't get in the film was how could put an NES into a diner tabletop I mean sure I might remember seeing a Pac man game being set up like that but NES games just seems weird don't they know how much strain that would put on a players neck?" Airnaruto asked. "Anyway the trio goes from pit stop to pit stop conning people out of their money by making bets on video games which are played mostly by the 1980s demographic of middle aged businessmen." Airnaruto said as we see Corey trying to con said old man.

_Corey pointing to Jimmy: Now my brother over there he can beat you._

_Businessman: go on!_

"A kid beating an adult at a video game stop the presses." Airnaruto said dully, "Anyway while gaining more money, one kid recommends them to the ultimate Nintendo master." Airnaruto said as we see this conversation play out.

_Kid: He's good but he'd never beat Lucas._

_Corey: Lucas?_

"Who's Lucas?" Airnaruto said as some cool music begins to play.

_Corey: Where could we find this Lucas?_

_Later_

_Lucas: Are you the wizard?_

_Corey: No, he is (Pointing to Jimmy)_

_Lucas: What is he someone's poster boy?_

"That had to hurt." Airnaruto said.

_Lucas: Pick any game you want I have 97 of them._

_Haley: You know all 97 of them?_

"No fucking way that he could own all 97 Nintendo games. Granted that today there are actually over 800 games in the NES library." Airnaruto said shocked then factually, "Not only is Lucas a Nintendo master, but he's also the keeper of a greater magic." Airnaruto said as a briefcase gets placed on a table outside the steakhouse (A/N: This is only my guess as to where the kids are at this point in the film because there's a Bud light sign on the window). The briefcase opened to reveal the Nintendo Power glove.

_Haley to Corey: What is that?_

_Corey: I don't know_

_Lucas: The power glove._

"You have got to be kidding me the power glove that was one of the lamest NES accessories ever I mean we all know how the Angry Video Game Nerd felt about that thing." Airnaruto said as we get a cutaway gag.

**Cut away gag**

A/N: The Angry Video Game Nerd is a persona used by web personality James Rolfe therefore all rights to the Nerd character are owned by James not me to find out more go to .com or .com

"This glove's a piece of shit! Why the hell would anyone bother using this thing to play a game it's just a bunch donkey shit I'd rather have a buffalo take a diarrhea dump in my ear than use this powerless glove fuck the power glove." He raved while flipping the middle finger with the glove on.

**End gag**

_Lucas after showing it off by playing Rad Racer: I love the power glove it's so bad._

_Corey to Lucas: Well just keep your power glove off her pal huh._

**THUD!**

Airnaruto with his head on the desk couldn't believe that little exchange of dialogue. "Oh I'm sorry, I forgot to make room for your spontaneous romance which started about 10 seconds ago!" Airnaruto exclaimed. "Anyway the tension gets to Jimmy and he leaves the room Lucas then tells Haley he'll be at the competition as well." Airnaruto said before moving on to the next scene.

"Meanwhile we make a quick checkup on Corey's family and the child catcher." Airnaruto said as we see a photo of the Child Catcher from Chitty-Chitty-Bang-bang. "Not that child catcher he's too creepy." Airnaruto said.

_Corey's Dad: YOU MAKE MONEY OFF LITTLE KIDS YOU MISERABLE JERK! YOU OUGHT TO BE SHOT!_

"Well that's one way to put it, then they take part in some pointless car crashing scenes ala Dukes of Hazard." Airnaruto said as we see the cars crash into each other. "Nintendo it makes you want to crash into people." Airnaruto said in an advertising mode.

_Ad voice: Nintendo now you're playing with vehicular manslaughter._

"Meanwhile after spend the night at an abandoned drive-in movie theatre, Haley, Corey, and Jimmy get mugged and picked on by a trio of guys that they had conned earlier who reclaim their money and open up Jimmy's lunchbox to find, drawings and photographs of his twin sister, Corey explains to Haley why Jimmy holds the mementos of his sister so close to him but after Corey decides to take Jimmy home, Jimmy says the only lines in the film that he has that don't involve California." Airnaruto said.

_Jimmy: I don't want to quit. I want to play!_

"Later they make their way to Reno where they find of friend of Haley's dad named Spanky and as it would turn out Haley's a prodigy when it comes to dice games like craps." Airnaruto said with some interest. "After that they have Jimmy play and study as many NES games as possible while getting help from the Nintendo Power hotline." Airnaruto said as we see a montage of Jimmy playing various Nintendo games and Haley calling up the Nintendo Power hotline. "God bless you Nintendo for helping kids cheat the right way!" Airnaruto said with a salute.

"Well anyway Putnam finally manages to find the kids at the local swimming pool…WHAT THE HELL?" Airnaruto screamed at the sight of a background character. "WHO THE FUCK GREEN LIGHTED THE OLD MAN IN THE SPEEDO?" He asked, "Not that this film could get any worse." Airnaruto said until Haley screamed.

_Haley pointing at Putnam: HE TOUCHED MY BREAST!_

**THUD!**

_Putnam on the phone: I touched her breast, she doesn't have any breasts._

**THUD!**

"Nintendo, it makes you want to touch kids in inappropriate spots." Airnaruto said bluntly.

_Ad voice_: _Now your playing with pedophilia…and that's just wrong._

"Corey's dad and brother aren't that far behind though as they find the thugs who attacked the kids earlier wearing Jimmy's hat." Airnaruto said.

_Dad: Where did you get that hat?_

_Punk: A couple of kids._

_Lucas: Hey I'll tell you where they were going._

_Dad: Where?_

_Lucas holds up the magazine with the tournament ad_

"So our trio of tykes make it to the tournament where they meet that's being held at Universal studios Hollywood and meet some strange adults.

_Entrant census guy: We're playing Ninja Gaiden hai!_

_Tournament DJ: Come up here my little pretties_

"I think I figured out what was so screwed up with this film, the 12 year olds act like they're 30 and the 30 year olds act like they're 12 what's up with that?" Airnaruto asked, "There they run into Lucas again and although he badmouths Jimmy, we find that Jimmy does pretty good and makes it to the final three where they'll get to play a new game.

_Haley: A new game? You never said there would be a new game!_

"No one said the film would suck either so deal with it." Airnaruto said bluntly. "We find out that Putnam has made it to the tournament as well and he almost misses them until Lucas rats them out so he doesn't have to face Jimmy in the finals and what ensues is a chase through the entire back lot of the park until they end up above where the tournament is and take an old elevator down and drop Jimmy off at the final round where the granddaddy of all new games is finally revealed." Airnaruto said as the gates parted and a dramatic chorus was heard.

(Chorus singing)

Airnaruto looked on with baited breath until finally the screen with the game title was revealed. "HOLY FUCKING SHIT! SUPER MARIO BROS. 3!" Airnaruto screamed in shock. "I'M NOT WORTHY!" He screamed in admiration, "Don't look at it! It's so sacred you'll burn your eyes!" He screamed turning his face from it as we see a montage of people's heads melting off.

"So the game is literally on as Jimmy and Lucas go thumb to thumb in fight for Nintendo godhood." Airnaruto said as we hear everyone cheering on the players.

_Corey: Come on Jimmy score!_

"Go JIMMY GO!" Airnaruto screamed, only to watch Jimmy lose one life.

_Corey: It's alright Jimmy you're gonna have to start over._

Jimmy then loses another life as Airnaruto was getting nervous, "Remember your training damn it!" Airnaruto said as Jimmy started to make up for lost time, "Come on Jimmy go!" Airnaruto said sweating bullets as Jimmy cleared another level, "OH MY GOD!" Airnaruto said after Jimmy had found a magic flute that transported him to the warp zone and brought him to world 4 as a scene from Rocky 2 is played.

_Mickey Goldmill: NOW! NOW!_

(Buzzer sounds)

_DJ: The winner is Jimmy Woods from Utah!_

_(Rocky victory theme plays)_

"YES!" Airnaruto screamed before wrapping up the film, "So after winning the tournament everyone finally starts heading home but Jimmy spots Denny the dinosaur one two Dinosaurs seen in Pee Wee's big adventure and has to go inside so why did Jimmy want to go to California this whole time?" Airnaruto asked.

_Corey: It's all of us; I guess he just wanted to leave her in a place where she was happy._

"That's just sweet, anticlimactic and unoriginal but sweet nevertheless." Airnaruto said before giving his final thoughts of the film.

"All in all, it's better to play video games than it is to watch people play video games, and for the most part while the careers of Slater, the director, and Savage kind of skyrocketed in the early 90s I think the director got bigger part of the wishbone since he went on to direct most of the Malcolm in the middle series. My final thoughts while it's a touching little family film many people over look that this film was revolutionary when it came to product placement and gave us a few tips for Super Mario Brothers 3 but other than that the film is kind of slow, the characters are under developed and most of the time the kids are more mature than the adults, my final rating for this film. I give it 2 stars out of 5." Airnaruto said. "Well there you have it folks, I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to." Airnaruto said before something occurred to him, "I just want to know whatever did happen to Jimmy anyway?" Airnaruto asked himself holding a printer copy photo of Jimmy when he noticed something. Airnaruto then took out a black marker and drew glasses and a pocket with a pen on Jimmy's face and made the hair a little curlier. "OH MY GOD!" He screamed as a transparent image of the Angry Video Game Nerd appeared in Jimmy's face. Airnaruto looked up to the sky with his fist raised in anger and screamed, "NERD!" He shouted as his echo stretched out into space.

_Kirk from Wrath of Khan: KHAN!_

_The Wizard synopsis_

_Pros: Revolutionary use of product placement, decent use of Nintendo games, and several tips for the greatest NES game of all time_

_Cons: Characters are severely dull, the kids act more like adults and the adults act more like kids, Bo Bridges' career was destroyed, is nothing more than an hour and a half long commercial_

_Final rating: ** out 5_

_A/N: Okay if anyone wants to criticize me for reviewing this film go right ahead but anyway this is one movie review I wanted to get off my chest so read and review until next time. _


	13. Episode 13: Death Note Review

Episode 13: Death Note review

Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to the show or characters of the show I'm reviewing as they are owned by VIZ media and the duo of Takeshi Obata and Tsugumi Ohba.

In a dark room sat a television set with a distorted voice in the background and a laptop the television screen then showed a shadow covered face which was supposed to be Airnaruto aka The Classic Critic. "Hello, I'm C squared; I remember it so you're not required to. Which is a lot cooler than "K" for Kira, "L" for L, "M" for Mello, or "N" for Near, now if we could find some super geniuses named Alfred, Barry, Dave, Elliot, Francis, Gary, Harry, Isabel, Jerry, Oscar, and Patty we could get the whole alphabet going." He said in a sarcastic joking matter.

**(The World by Nightmare plays)**

A black thin leather bound notebook drops from the sky; a young teenager named Light Yagami notices it from his classroom window as Airnaruto explained the plot. "Never have the expressions the pen is mightier than the sword or idle hands of the Devil's workshop proven more vividly accurate." He said as we see a Shinigami; a Japanese Death god leave his world and drop his notebook off in the human world. "Because boredom for an apple loving Shinigami means dropping a notebook of death on to human soil and boredom for one ambitious honor student means picking up said notebook and taking it for a spin." Airnaruto said before continuing, "Like most intellectuals Light Yagami initially thinks that the book is pretty much no different than a chain letter but he takes it home with him anyway." Airnaruto said as we see Light reading over a section of the rules in regards to using the Death Note.

_Light: The person whose name is written in this note will die. This note will not take effect unless the writer has a clear picture of the person's face when writing his or her name, therefore all people sharing the same name will not be affected. _

_If the cause of death is written within 40 seconds of writing the person's name it will happen._

_If the cause of death is not specified the person will simply die of a heart attack._

_After writing the cause of death, details must be written within 6 minutes and 40 seconds of writing the person's name._

"However his natural curiosity and the temptation of power drive Light to put pencil to paper to prove himself dead fucking wrong." Airnaruto said as we see Light write down a random criminal's name and after 40 seconds he watches the news report.

_Report: Okay we have confirmation, the suspect has been found dead inside, I repeat the suspect has been found dead._

"At first Light just shrugs it off as a coincidence but after 5 days and 90 or so dead criminals later he realizes that it's real, and while the average high school student would be horrified by this revelation, Light tries to show people just how above average he is." Airnaruto said as Light is sitting in his classroom again thinking about the Death Note and it's power.

_Light: I wonder what if someone else had picked up this notebook, is there anyone else other than me who would be willing to eliminate the vermin from the world? If I don't do it who will? I'll do it using the Death Note, I'll change the world._

"Yeah and this would be a good time to call the guys with the white coats and nets to drag this kid's ass to the happy hotel." Airnaruto said wearily, "Anyway, his ambition to eradicate all criminals from the world turns the little Einstein into a little Hitler overnight and he goes about trying to recreate the world in his own image." Airnaruto said as we see Light meet Ryuk for the first time. "The Shinigami Ryuk finds this amusing and is content with just sitting back and enjoying the show while snacking on a bowl of apples but the Japanese police are not as criminals continue to drop like immoral flies left and right and the police realize that there has to be some method behind the chaos." Airnaruto said before the camera cut back to him. "I mean how do you catch a murderer that's everywhere at once and kills through random untraceable cardiac arrest anyway not that finding him wouldn't be that difficult for me, oh by the way did I mention that around this time Light has found out that he's garnered a cult following of people who share his beliefs and think that the criminals he killed are getting what they deserved and have given him the alias Kira which is just play on the Japanese pronunciation of the word Killer?" Airnaruto asked before getting back to the plot. "So they call on the assistance of the world's greatest detective." Airnaruto said as we see a photo of Sherlock Holmes appear on screen.

"No that guy." Airnaruto said before Dick Tracy's picture appeared.

"You're getting colder." Airnaruto said bluntly before a photo of Batman is shown.

"I wish he was in this and on any other given day I would say he is the world's greatest detective but not in this series." Airnaruto said before a computer screen of white background with a Cloister Black font L in front of it was shown.

"That's right in this series the world's greatest detective is simply known as L." Airnaruto said as we watch the press conference while Light is writing "L"'s name, "In a bold public appearance L vows to catch Kira and solve the case…" Airnaruto started to say until "L" ended up dead from a heart attack.

"On second thought never mind so I guess the show's over right?" Airnaruto asked until we see the screen show the L again and we hear a distorted version of L's real voice.

_L: I had to test this just in case but I never thought it would actually happen. Kira, it seems you can kill people without having to be there in person. If you did indeed kill Lind L Tailor the man you just saw die on television I should tell you that he was an inmate whose execution was scheduled for today that was not me._

_Light: What?_

_L: I assure you, L is real. I do exist, now TRY TO KILL ME!_

"Nope it's just begun as Kira/Light dreams of remaking the world in his image and L dreams of putting him in the slammer. So who's really justice well I'll just say it will be whoever wins." Airnaruto said.

_Light: L_

_L: Kira_

_Both at the same time: I will hunt you down wherever you're hiding and I will eliminate you!_

_Light: I am_

_L: I am_

_Both: Justice!_

"And I'm C squared so now that we got that joke out of the way lets move on to the shows specs." Airnaruto said as we cut back to the show, "In terms of animation, I can't really say that Death Note has great animation since 75 to 90 percent of the show is dialogue and while everyone's blabbering on, the artists have a field day with lighting, masking, and presence of the carefully designed characters, and the show also has great psuedorealistic gothic art and backgrounds that are just a feast fit for a king to the eyes while the animation is hardly ever showcased but when it is the animators go a little over the top with it but hey it makes penmanship so epic and the music is really over the top here's a sample of it." Airnaruto said as we see numerous criminals dying from heart attacks thanks to Light writing their names in the Death Note while a gothic choir is heard in the background.

**(Gothic choir singing)**

"Everything in terms of animation and design regarding this series hovers somewhere around the top with it's heart stopping, too thickly layered and intentionally ludicrous flare fits in very well for moments of silliness and triple replay value." Airnaruto said as we several things occur three times.

"Now it's time I moved on to the heart and soul of the show the cast." Airnaruto said, "When it come to dubbing this melodramatic anime you really need to stick to V.G.A. (Very good actors), since the anime is 90 percent talking and more than half the time monolouging it would be a total disaster unless the cast is captivating, but fortunately great care was taken with the voicing for this dub bringing in several veterans for the main roles and several newcomers for the lesser side characters. You've got to love Brian Drummond as Ryuk especially his asthmatic laugh." Airnaruto said as we see Light and Misa talking to each other with Ryuk visible only to Light laughing while walking away.

_Ryuk: (Laughing maniacally)_

"However L and Light control this mental chess match so once again I'll say it again, Alessandro Julliani is L." Airnaruto said before explaining his reason, "Now I will admit that L's Japanese Seiyu Kappei Yamaguchi did a nice job of giving the detective a quirky and gnomish kind of monotone but Julliani blows him clear out of the water with the musicality he brings to the character. I find it stupid personally that while L is the hero for the bulk of the series; he's listed as a sidekick which to me makes no sense but that's a rant for another day, back to L, it's a rare thing to see the raw voice actors get blown away by their dub counterparts in anime because in every line Julliani does as L, you hear him saying one thing but he could mean several different things at the same time, which in some ways makes L a more three-dimensional character." Airnaruto said before we see L talking to Light's father and chief of police in the Kanto region.

_L: Mr. Yagami_

_Soichiro: Hmm?_

_L: If I die in the next few days your son is Kira, here's another one._

"Yeah like everyone that was watching hadn't figured it out yet." Airnaruto said bluntly. "Now I'm sure you're thinking why L sits like that? Doesn't he know he'll screw up his posture?" Airnaruto asked for the audience, "Well according to him, L claims that because of his fruit and sugar based diet, if he sits in that position as oppose to a normal position his brain will burn most of the calories from the sweet stuff and increase his brain's reasoning ability by 40% which could be true but I haven't tested this yet myself due to medical reasons." Airnaruto said before moving on to Light.

"In contrast to Light, I think Mamuro Miyano is probably the best Seiyu in Japan. Like Light, he's a perfectionist in every subject heck he even played his own evil twin in the raw version of Vampire Knight though to be honest I've never watched that series or read the manga. I think Light's dub actor Brad Swalie may have noticed this in the first two or three episodes he seems like he was trying too hard but after a few more episodes he slips into the role perfectly to the point where he could stand beside Miyano laughing in perfect maniacal pitch." Airnaruto said before the camera cut back to him. "If you don't believe me about that then compare both laughs for yourself, here's the raw laugh by Miyano." Airnaruto explained before cutting to the raw version of the final episode of the series.

_Light: (Laughing like a psychopath) Watashi no Kira (Rough translation: I am Kira)_

"I bet you're thinking that was scary alright but now here's Swalie's laugh from the dub version of the same episode." Airnaruto said as we see the dub version.

_Light: (Laughing like a nutcase) that's right, I am Kira._

"See what I mean folks?" Airnaruto asked before getting to the negatives of the show, "The only gripe I have with the show is that the characters are pretty underdeveloped and this especially shows itself after episode 25 when L gets killed and the series staggers up until the finale which is just a masterpiece you have to see to believe, I also didn't like how they never included the Death eraser in anime, if you're wondering the Death Eraser was something that was used in the pilot chapter of the manga." Airnaruto said before giving his final thoughts on the show.

"All in all, Death Note is one brilliant psychological rollercoaster, radio drama of a an anime and is Shonen anime at it's best, but I wouldn't say that it's something that challenges a persons perception on good and evil, but the plot is intriguing and be warned watching this anime or reading the manga make homicide…" Airnaruto said before Ryuk cut him off.

_Ryuk: So much fun_

"My final rating of Death Note you ask?" Airnaruto asked for his audience; "I give the series 4 stars out of 5, fans of psychological crime drama, murder mystery, and tragic dramas will be proud of this show." Airnaruto said, "Well that's it for now and I would like to apologize to the Anime Critic for going into his territory, but hey like Ryuk I was getting bored and decided to try a new genre to look at so until next time, I'm C squared; I remember it so you're not required to, now if you'll excuse me I've got to…" Airnaruto said holding a bag of potato chips before getting cut off by Light in one of his more over the top scenes.

_Light: Take a potato chip…and eat it!_

_Death Note recap:_

_Pros: Very intricate character designs, great background art, a powerful plot line, and very good voice cast especially with the dub._

_Cons: The series staggers to the finale after the two thirds point, the characters are really underdeveloped, animation is rarely if ever showcased._

_Star rating: **** out of 5_

_A/N: Well there you have it follks so until next time read and review_


	14. Episode 14: The top 11 overlooked manga

Episode 14: Top 11 Manga Nostalgia Kid & Insane Critic Overlooked

**Disclaimer: **The following series and characters are owned by their respective creators, and shows not me.

"Hello I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to." Airnaruto said, "You know if you've read my pupil the Insane Critic's manga month and the top 12 manga the Insane Critic overlooked by the Nostalgia Kid, you would think gee they missed a lot of another manga. In response I say WELL NO FUCKING SHIT!" Airnaruto said; "Anyway I'm here because I've found 11 other titles that both of them overlooked and I'm counting them down why top 11? Because aren't we all rip offs?" He said;"These are the top 11 manga that both the Nostalgia kid and the Insane Critic overlooked." Airnaruto said as we see some discarded manga appear in the background as we hear hero's comeback by Nobody knows playing in the background.

**(Hero's Comeback plays in the background)**

**Number 11**

**Monster**

"I was surprised that neither one of them mentioned this suspense mystery manga." Airnaruto said, "Basically if you've read about my top 11 anime heroes and villains countdowns you'll know the plot to the manga. It's a about a neurosurgeon named Kenzo Tenma who has to travel all over Europe in order to stop a sociopathic serial killer named Johan Liebert, who he saved from death years earlier all the while Tenma's morals and beliefs of valuing all human life are severally tested but still if you like suspenseful mystery manga then you'll definitely love this manga and make sure that you can keep the monster within you at bay." Airnaruto said before moving on.

**Number 10**

**Wolf's Rain**

"This is a different kind of anime since it's more of an allegory than anything." Airnaruto said before going into the plot, "The plot centers around four wolves that can turn into humans named Kiba, Tsume, Hige, and Todoe, who are trying to find the way to paradise since the apocalypse is fast approaching, since the wolves were supposedly killed over two centuries ago, and they are the only ones who will be able to find paradise, but along the way they are constantly getting chased by Jaguara a fallen noble who chose the world as a kingdom and Darcia the third a noble whose entire family is responsible for every evil action in the plot before hand. His grandfather started the apocalypse and his ghost tried to get the wolves killed and stuck in limbo for years and started Jaguara's evil witch hunt for the wolves. His father went insane and annihilated Quest village; and Mister bad news number three attempts to stop the wolves from opening paradise only to fail at least in the manga." Airnaruto said before explaining; "However in the anime he does ruin the wolves plan of opening paradise and begins the apocalyptic loop anew." He said before wrapping it up; "But if you look past the religious allegories the series presents it's not that bad of read so I would suggest checking it out." Airnaruto said concluding his synopsis of Wolf's Rain.

**Number 9**

**Yu-Gi-Oh R**

"I only seem to remember coming across this one a few months ago, it's basically a precursor of Yugi's life before the whole Duelist kingdom arc from the time he solved the Millennium puzzle to when he first meets the spirit inside it." Airnaruto said, "Now to be fair most of the characters are from the original show are in this one but some of them are severely downplayed. I even remember this comic getting a TV show based on it in Japan but unfortunately because of all the alcohol, death, and a few other things which meant it never got released on television State side from what I remember. I still think of this series as a season zero to the Yu-Gi-Oh we're familiar with the drawback is not as many duel monsters games, and Yami Yugi would have a lot of ideas for a shadow game whether it was golf, a test of reflexes involving moving only one finger, putting a broken mirror back together blindfolded or other things but of course this made things a little too dark for American audiences but either way it's your move to choose if you want to read this one or not." Airnaruto said before advancing to the next choice on the list.

**Number 8**

**Trinity Blood**

"Now while I'll admit to owning the complete series of the show I've never watched an episode of it nor have I read a chapter of this manga." Airnaruto confessed; "Now the manga was while following the same plot as the anime, mankind has grown too numerous so the U.N. decides to start some space colonies on Mars but they end up becoming Methuselahs which are more or less space vampires…just go with it folks." Airnaruto said before continuing; "This leads to a war that brings about Armageddon and after 900 years later the humans who survived find themselves as part of the Vatican, I don't know the rest of the story beyond that but it does sound like a decent read and a watch but again I'll reserve my judgment on the series when I actually watch it!" Airnaruto said before moving on once again.

**Number 7**

**Baccano**

"Ah yes gangster shows and comics and I put the emphasis on gangster for this one basically, this one follows three different stories being told at once but the bulk of it revolves around a bunch of either super powered or immortal gangsters during the Great Depression/Prohibition era of American history, the characters are colorful, fun and completely out of their minds but hey they make committing a crime or even killing an entire train full of passengers seem like…" Airnaruto said before Ryuk cut him off.

_Ryuk: So much fun._

"I like this manga because hey at least they get the architecture right in terms of the historical setting if you know what I mean folks but still its plot is all over the place, its funny and I would like to see you try covering three headline news stories at once." Airnaruto said bluntly.

**Number 6**

**Oishinbo **

"Now I'm pretty sure that none of you have heard of this one right?" Airnaruto asked; "Well from what I know it's a very popular manga read by Japanese gourmets both chefs and critics alike." Airnaruto said; "It basically revolves around a chef named Shiro having many culinary adventures. I know it sounds redundant right?" Airnaruto asked; "But still if you're fans of culinary manga like Addicted to Curry well think of that one as the appetizer because when it comes to this under appreciated type of manga Oishinbo is definitely the main course for you to broaden your manga pallet on." Airnaruto said as he moved on to his next choice.

**Number 5**

**Gankutsuou: The Count of Monte Cristo**

"To me this is one of those titles that I like to call time paradox manga, what I mean is that it's set in the 51st century but everyone dresses and acts like they're in the 1800s, what's up with that?" Airnaruto asked; "Anyway it revolves around a man named Edmond Dantez who is seeking revenge against his killers but he's possessed by an evil spirit named Gankutsuou who makes hi a vampire, grants him immortality, and a eats away at his persona until nothing remains of Edmond or his host body Albert but of course Gankutsuou won't let this guy go, but of course I have one gripe about the villain and that's his weakness." Airnaruto complained as he showed a panel from the manga showing Gankutsuou writhing in pain from being kissed.

**(Panel shown on screen)**

"You have got to be kidding me a vampire ghost whose allergic to being kissed that makes no sense. What happened to driving a stake through their hearts, garlic, and holy water?" Airnaruto asked before getting frustrated and slam his head on the desk.

**(Thud!)**

"Ow, Big-lipped Alligator moment." Airnaruto said blandly.

**(Big-Lipped Alligator Moment!)**

"I'm just going to move on before I get more frustrated with this one okay, next!" Airnaruto screamed.

**Number 4**

**Oh my Goddess**

"I know, I can already hear the screams of "Are you kidding me?" from here." He said before explaining his reasons; "It's true this is more of Seinen title that should have been more of Josei title that takes a little too bit from Norse Mythology and it's easy to make fun of with it's over the top love issues, but make no mistake it does have a compelling plot it so I would recommend checking this one out if you're one of the guys who like this kind of stuff." Airnaruto said bluntly.

**Number 3**

**Tiger Mask**

"This one's a title from the late 60s, and it's actually a lot better than most of the sports manga you see out there today." Airnaruto said, "The plot revolves around the wrestler Tiger Mask who initially starts off as a villain or heel wrestler but he soon changes his mind when he visits an orphanage in America that Tiger Mask himself grew up in and meets a boy who says that he wanted to be a villain just like him." Airnaruto said before moving on to the turning point; "However Tiger Mask is distraught by this and decides to reform and become a heroic face wrestler. However he would have to be careful because his former buddies in the Tiger's den villain stable want to get back at him for deserting them so they send assassins, and other professional wrestlers to eliminate him but of course Tiger Mask does get some back up later on, and if you ask me I think this manga was what helped to jumpstart the then young New Japan Pro Wrestling organization where Tiger Mask got his big break in the business but either way this one manga you've got to find if any copies are left before they get pinned permanently." Airnaruto said briefly before moving on.

**Number 2**

**Star Wars**

"WHAT?" Airnaruto asked in rage. "How the hell did Star Wars get its own manga that makes no sense?" He screamed before moving on to his real number 2.

**The real Number 2**

**Zatch Bell**

"Okay I know most people wouldn't expect this manga to be number two but I put it in because much like Naruto when it became an anime show, Zatch Bell the manga was much better without fucking filler episodes! On top of that they also referred to the Mamodos as demons which in some sense they are." Airnaruto said before getting back on topic; "Anyway also unlike the anime which cut us off about 3 years ago we actually get to see Zatch the main hero of the story become the kind king of the Mamodo world and thus this series has an ending unlike it's anime counterpart which left the American fans with a damn cliffhanger, while goofy and weird this show still packed a good bit of action and you'll want to read it over and over again before you can say…" Airnaruto said before getting cut off by Kyo, Zatch's partner.

_Kyo: ZAKER!_

**The Number 1 manga that the Nostalgia Kid and the Insane Critic overlooked is…..**

**Astro Boy**

"Yeah I know more angry mobs will be lining up at the door for my head for putting this little guy at the top but here's the thing; IT'S ASTRO BOY! He's the grandfather of all Shonen manga and the magnum opus of all anime!" Airnaruto defended; "I mean how many times have your parents remembered watching this show back in the 60s or reading the manga back in the 50s?" He asked; "Everyone knows the plot to this little guy; He's a robot created by Dr. Tenma who builds him after his real son dies in an accident and while initially loving to the robotic boy, he realizes that he won't fill the void left in his heart by the loss of his real son so he sells Astro to a circus owner and after that Astro is adopted by a professor from the ministry of science and then goes around fighting crime, other robots who either hate humanity or have gone haywire, or aliens from space." Airnaruto said; "Bottom line nobody rips at Astro Boy and gets away with it. Therefore he is the number 1 manga that both the Nostalgia kid and the Insane Critic over looked." Airnaruto said before the camera cut back to him. "Well there you have it the 11 manga titles that both the NK and the IC overlooked, I hope you enjoyed this little stroll down memory lane so until next time I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to…" Airnaruto said before he heard a knock on the door.

"I wonder who that could be?" He asked himself to find that it was a very hairy mailman with an envelope for him.

_Mailman: Rawr!_

"Okay here you go oh and keep the change." Airnaruto said as he took the envelop back to his desk and opened it to reveal what he had feared the most…Star Wars had it's own manga.

"No, that's not true. THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!" Airnaruto screamed before Darth Vader replied in rebuking of his claim.

_Darth Vader in the Empire Strikes Back: Search your feelings you know it to be true._

"NO!" Airnaruto screamed before breaking out in tears.

A/N: Yes Star Wars did have its own manga series based on the first four movies of the saga and by that I mean the original trilogy and the Phantom Menace so until next time read and review folks.


	15. Episode 15: Batman & Robin

Episode 15: Batman & Robin

Disclaimer: I own none of the rights to the characters or rights to the movie as they are owned by Warner Brothers.

The Classic Critic Airnaruto45 sat at his desk with a disgruntled look on his face as if he really didn't want to do this review. "Hello I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required too." He said unenthusiastically.

"Well you guys this is the big one, I'm actually going to review an extremely horrible movie and it's one a lot of people have mocked and insulted." He said before moving on to what he was talking about. "Okay when it comes to the Batman movies of the late 80s and mid 90s, I liked the first two films directed by Tim Burton. My opinion of the last two films directed by Joel Schumacher however is really split." Airnaruto said; "When Schumacher directed Batman Forever in 1995, he had to make sure it was safe and marketable for children which of course he succeeded in doing, so not that I cared about that fact at all, so logically Schumacher was called back to do a fourth one. However the least I can say is that when he was he wanted to do a movie based on one of his favorite graphic novels, Batman year one." Airnaruto said before thinking over something; "But if that was case, that would have made it a prequel since it would have been based on a novel that literally had year one in the title?" He asked before getting back to the film. "However the studio approached him with a script for a film they thought would appeal to more family friendly audiences." He said before lashing out.

"THEY WERE FUCKING WRONG!" He screamed hysterically.

"So Joel had no choice in the June of 97 and was forced to direct what he called 2 hours of nothing but toy product placement. If you haven't figured it out yet, the film I'm reviewing is the worst comic book adaptation movie ever made; much worse than Captain America, more horrible than the Australian adaptation of the Punisher or The return of the Incredible Hulk and killed the Batman franchise for 8 years until Christopher Nolan revived it in 2005 with Batman Begins. I'm talking about Batman & Robin." Airnaruto cleared up before adding one other reminder; "I repeat this was made by the studios consensus so blame the studio not Joel Schumacher." He said.

**(The title screen flashes by much to Airnaruto's dismay)**

"I just know that this film is going to give me a fucking headache, I mean look what it did to the Nostalgia Critic." He explained showing the video of the Nostalgia Critic being driven crazy.

**(Cut-away gag of the Nostalgia Critic)**

_NC: GOD DAMN THIS MOVIE! IT DID IT! IT FINALLY DID IT! BATMAN HAS DRIVEN ME BATSHIT CRAZY! (Burbling), (Laughing ala Woody woodpecker, flapping his hands like a butterfly and other insane motions)_

**(End Cutaway gag)**

"May God help him in that nut house that had to take him in." Airnaruto lamented.

_Mr. Freeze: YOU LIE!_

"Now to move on to the horrible plot and by horrible, I mean the plot jumps around everywhere like an epileptic reindeer." Airnaruto said before explaining himself; "What I mean is, that basically one plot centers around Mr. Freeze played by Arnold Schwarzenegger how wants to turn the world into a giant snow cone just because his wife is stuck in suspended animation to keep her stable because she has a terminal deterioration disease, all the while constantly spouting out horrible ice puns." Airnaruto said as we see scenes of Freeze saying said puns.

_Mr. Freeze: The Ice man cometh!_

_Mr. Freeze: Cool party_

_Mr. Freeze: Let's kick some ice!_

_Mr. Freeze: What killed the dinosaurs? The Ice age!_

_Mr. Freeze: Stay cool Bird boy._

The camera cut back to Airnaruto who was banging his head on his desk.

"Make…It…Stop!...PLEASE….MAKE….IT….STOP!" He said pounding his head against his desk. "I'm okay folks, good thing I always carry a few Advil pills around." He commented before popping the pills into his mouth and taking a drink of water. "Sorry about that it's just that by making this film more of a comedy movie than a superhero one it really took away all the credibility of Mr. Freeze that was built around him during the run of the animated series but that's a rant I'll get into more detail if and when I review Batman: Subzero." Airnaruto said explaining the reason for his outburst. "Back to the plots, anyway another plot centers around Poison Ivy played by Uma Thurman, who wants to turn the world into a giant carnivorous plant dominated jungle shortly after her boss tries to kill her by spilling a highly addictive steroidal compound known as Venom and takes it's other guinea pig Bane with her to fulfill her goal." Airnaruto said plainly as we see the scene involving Poison Ivy at the sexist auction.

_Ivy: I have some wild oats to sew._

The scene quickly cut back to Airnaruto who just leaned in towards the camera with an apparently calm face before screaming; "HELP!"; "To make matters worse, Joel brought in Alicia Silverstone to play Barbara aka Batgirl to attract younger female audiences, but they screwed up her storyline by making her Alfred's niece instead of commissioner Gordon's daughter. Don't believe me then take a look for yourself." Airnaruto said before showing the scene where Barbara arrives at Wayne Manor while sultry sexy music plays in the background.

(Sexy music in the background)

_Robin: Please be looking for me._

_Barbara: Actually I'm looking for Alfred Pennyworth._

_(Record scratches)_

"Now I have to go on to the heroes of the film, first off when it comes to the men who donned the cape and cowl of Batman during the run of these films, I'll be blunt Michael Keaton is, was, and will forever be the dark knight detective and he proved that with his performances in Batman and Batman Returns." Airnaruto said as a photo of Michael Keaton was displayed; "When I saw Val Kilmer in Batman Forever, I thought it was more of a hit and miss; a hit in the terms of him getting the Batman part of the role but he didn't seem to fit the Bruce Wayne part of the role all that well." Airnaruto said while showing the Val Kilmer photo on the screen before finally moving on to the worst of them all George Clooney; "However when I saw George Clooney as the Dark Knight in Batman & Robin, I was pissed off." He said; "Why do you ask? I'll tell you, because Clooney's better off in second rate films like Fantastic Mr. Fox!" He hollered at the top of lungs. "Anyway another thing I couldn't stand was Chris O Donnell reprising his role as the boy wonder Robin or as I call him; the boy bitching brat." Airnaruto grumbled as we hear some of Robin's lines.

_Robin to Batman: It's Batman & Robin not Robin & Batman._

_Robin: I made a mistake I'm sorry okay? It won't happen again._

_Robin: Sometimes counting on someone else is the only way you win._

The scene cutback to Airnaruto; "Good grief this guy is just damn awful I mean he's supposed to be a sidekick not a whiny little bitch." Airnaruto said in frustration. "To make matters worse, the film is loaded over the top with way too many gadgets like; Bat gadgets, the Batmobile, giant telescopes, cryogenic suits, bat suits with bat nipples, bat crotches, and bat asses…" Airnaruto said before pointing up to the ceiling.

_Mysterious chorus: THE AMBIGOUSLY GAY DUO!_

"What?" Airnaruto asked; "You knew full well that joke was coming." He said as if to defend himself; "Oh yeah I forgot one other little "gadget."" Airnaruto said before the scene changed to the auction.

_Batman: 1 million dollars_

_Robin: 2 million_

_Batman: 3 million_

_Robin: 4 million_

_Batman: 7 million (pulls out the Bat credit card) Never leave the cave without it._

The scene goes back to Airnaruto who looked just disgusted with what he saw. "A bat credit card? They gave him a Bat credit card? They had the BALLS to throw in a BAT CREDIT CARD?" He screamed before going into a fit of rage; "NO! NO! DOES NOT COMPUTE! DOES NOT COMPUTE!" He screamed before spinning around and babbling like the Tasmanian devil from Looney Tunes.

**(Six hours and one sedative shot later)**

Airnaruto looked a little calmer as he smiled at the camera; "Sorry about that just forget that ever happened." Airnaruto said before wrapping the review up. "To conclude, this entire movie deserves to be destroyed and forgotten for all eternity I mean it was a huge Bat bomb in the box office." Airnaruto said before cutting back to Robin.

_Robin: Bat bomb?  
_

"Yes a bat bomb. A bomb so big that it screwed Schumacher's credibility for the next seven years before he was able to redeem himself with the 2004 musical masterpiece Phantom of the Opera. This is because Schumacher is great at directing Broadway musical based movies but when it comes to comic book based movies he tries to make things too much like an art museum and it doesn't work." Airnaruto said before giving his rating. "My final rating is of course 1 star out of five stay away from this one at any and all costs but remember blame the studio for this piece of guano not Joel. I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to." Airnaruto said before leaving with the DVD in his hand and taking it outside with a lightsaber in his hand and using the force levitates the DVD in the air before activating his blade and slicing it in half.

_Final critique:_

_Pros: was not Schumacher's original film idea_

_Cons: everything! Blame the studio not Joel!_

_Star rating: * out of 5_

_A/N: Well there you have it folks and if I don't get any praise from the other critic parodying authors I'll pull the plug on this story seeing as how my quality has slipped since chapter 10 in any case read and review folks_


	16. Episode 16: All Dogs go to Heaven

Episode 16: All Dogs go to Heaven

Disclaimer: The following is a review of a film owned by Untied Artists and Don Bluth I own none of the rights to the characters or the film.

Airnaruto sat at his desk again this time with a scowl on his face and his teeth clenched in rage. "Hello I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to." He said as calmly as possible. "Well since a lot of people who've reviewed recently reviewed some of my most recent chapters are saying that I'm lacking in originality, and you know who you are. I'm doing a review of a film the Nostalgia critic has referenced before but never reviewed." He seethed before a scene from Scarface involving a huge gunfight breaks out. "Ah the classic gangster movies, there isn't anything better than mafia bosses and their men shooting other people to bits over family, money, and turf. Movies like Bonnie & Clyde, Scarface, The Goodfellas, and the Godfather trilogy are all examples of this classic but bloody genre." Airnaruto said as posters of the mentioned movies pass by in order.

"However there is one gangster film that seems extremely underrated and is constantly overlooked." Airnaruto said; "Why is that you ask?" Airnaruto asked for the audience. "There are two reasons for that; number one, it's an animated film directed by Don Bluth during the final months of his hay days, and two it involves dogs." He answered before showing the opening scene of the film.

"You guessed it; released November 17 1989 the film is…All Dogs go to Heaven." Airnaruto said before moving on to the plot.

"The film opens in 1939 New Orleans where our hero Charlie Barkins and his best friend Itchy Itchiford are escaping the from pound which eerily resembles Alcatraz." Airnaruto said as we see Charlie and Itchy pop out of a hole that Itchy had dug in order to bust Charlie out before the scene cuts back to him.

"Damn, I didn't think people were that strict about impounding their dogs back then." Airnaruto said almost shocked before going back to the escape.

"Charlie is voiced by famous comedian Burt Reynolds and Itchy is voiced by recently deceased comedian Dom Deluise." Airnaruto said before photos of each actor appeared on screen and then going back to our heroes escape attempt.

_Itchy: I can't help it Charlie. I itch when I'm nervous._

_Charlie: Well don't be nervous._

_Itchy: Here just scratch this._

"In live action films like Cannonball Run, Burt and Dom also played the roles of friends and partners." Airnaruto said before thinking it over; "Nice casting." He said before moving on to a scene of a weird dog casino. "After escaping from the pound, they return to a dog casino co-owned by Charlie, there he explains his lucky life with perhaps the best song of the film you can't keep a good dog down it's fun, catchy and you'll never get tired of listening to it." Airnaruto said as we see the song being performed by Charlie with Itchy on the piano.

_Itchy: __**Ya can't keep a good dog down (No you can't)  
No no no no, you can't keep a good dog down**_

_****__Charlie: __**I've been bought and sold  
**_

_Itchy__**: He's been warm and cold**_

The scene then shifted to a back room of the casino where a dog by the name of Killer is talking to his boss and Charlie's business partner Carface Carruthers. "Charlie's business partner Carface voiced by the late Vic Tayback is the villain of the film, he has a lackey named Killer voiced by the late Charles Nelson Reilly; you know that guy who always sat in the far right seat in the top row of the panel on Match Game during the 70s." Airnaruto said showing a photo of Nelson Reilly.

_Killer: I don't know anything about it Mr. Carface we set him up for good._

"As we find out Carface has had it with splitting the profits with Charlie and wants to run the casino by himself. So he throws Charlie a fake farewell party during Mardi Gras by getting him good and drunk." Airnaruto said as we see Charlie going overboard with the booze.

"Strange I never thought dogs could get drunk, let alone smoke, or even gamble. So what happens next?" Airnaruto asked as we see the scene of Charlie standing on a dock in a tipsy daze singing can't keep a good dog down.

_Killer: Good night Charlie_

_Killer sends an old car down a hill and it hits Charlie who was still in a drunken stupor._

_(CRASH!)_

"WHAT THE HELL?" Airnaruto asked in a fit. "They killed off the hero within the first fifteen minutes of the film that's never happened ever." He ranted before remembering one film where that happened as wee see the scene of a knife stabbing a woman in the shower; "Well except for Psycho but this is a kid's film." He ranted. "Well I guess the movies over right?" Airnaruto asked for the audience.

"Nope, Charlie wakes up and finds himself in a dog version of heaven and is greeted by the angelic whippet Annabelle voiced by Melba Moore." Airnaruto said as we see Charlie try to plea his case to Annabelle.

_Charlie: He killed me!_

_Annabelle: I beg your pardon?_

"Annabelle explains to Charlie that everyone's life depends on a watch and his has apparently stopped." Airnaruto said briefly before we see Charlie ask an important question.

_Charlie: Well can't you just wind it back up?_

_Annabelle: Oh no. No one's ever allowed to go back._

"Charlie however still snatches the watch and winds it back up anyway regardless of Annabelle's warning and is sent back to Earth." Airnaruto said as Charlie's spirit is brought back into his body as he hears Annabelle's voice fading away while warning him.

_Annabelle: You can never go back._

"Back on Earth, Charlie reunites with Itchy and together they decide to sneak into the casino to figure out how Carface keeps winning the bets on the rat races. They get inside through air vents to find that Carface is holding a little orphan girl prisoner by the name of Ann Marie, voiced by the late Judith Barsi; you know the little girl from Jaws: The Revenge." Airnaruto mentioned as we see Ann Marie talking to a rat.

_Ann Marie to the rat: Hello Mr. Long tail how are you today?_

"Now it would seem that Ann Marie has DDLS (Dr. Doolittle Syndrome) meaning that she's able to talk to animals; Carface uses her gift to cheat on the rat races, seeing this as a huge cash cow to milk well so to speak, Charlie decides to kidnap…I mean rescue the little girl claiming that he and Itchy want to help her find a family and help the poor." Airnaruto said before we see what Charlie really had planned for the girl.

"Instead they use her gift to bet on horse races, frog jumping contests, kangaroo boxing, chicken fights, and turtle races until they make enough money for Charlie to build his own casino out of scrapped cars and naming it Charlie's place." Airnaruto said as we see a montage of said events. 

"Later they arrive at an old church that's being used as a puppy orphanage run by one of Charlie's old girlfriends named Flo voiced by Loni Anderson who sings a duet with Charlie called What's mine is yours." Airnaruto said as we see the next scene.

"Anne Marie soon gets upset when she finds a wallet from a young couple that Charlie had pick pocketed, later that night she sings her own song called soon you'll come home before finally drifting off into a peaceful sleep. The song itself is very touching." Airnaruto said as we hear her sings a small sample of the song.

_**Anne Marie: Soon you'll come home. Home to my heart.**_

"Charlie on the other hand has a nightmare about Annabelle's warning and he winds up in you know where." Airnaruto said as we see the nightmare Charlie is having with him on a gondola in a lake of fire with a skeleton gondolier while flashing back and forth between Airnaruto and the nightmare as Airnaruto starts getting more and more frightened.

_Satan: You can never go back!_

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG THIS MOVIE?" Airnaruto screamed before explaining; "I mean first they show Charlie getting killed and now they show us this nightmare. This is just horrifying!" He said before calming down; "Anyway the next morning Charlie wakes up to learn that Anne Marie had run off to visit the couple that Charlie had stolen the wallet from and she looks happier there than with Charlie but Charlie manages to convince her to come back with him. However, Carface has learned that Charlie's still alive and he chases Charlie and Anne Marie through a marketplace." Airnaruto said as we see Killer and Carface in a motorcycle with Killer shooting a Tommy gun and missing badly.

_Carface: I'M SURROUNDED BY MORONS!_

"Later Charlie and Anne Marie are captured by a primitive tribe of sewer rats and are about to be sacrificed to a flamboyant alligator king but…" Airnaruto said before Charlie cut him off with a loud howl while he's inside the gator's mouth.

_Charlie: (HOWL)_

The camera briefly switches back to Airnaruto with his ears covered and the cliché of the camera lens cracking. "DAMN!" Airnaruto said after uncovering his ears; "After Charlie nearly causes my eardrums to bleed. We get another song entitled Let's make music together sung by King Gator." Airnaruto said before the camera cut back to him waving his arms back and forth in defense to prove of what he said to be a sexual innuendo. "It's not what it sounds like folks; it's not what it sounds like." He said before cutting to the song.

_**King Gator: Let's make music together, lets make sweet harmony.**_

"Yes folks this is the original…" Airnaruto said before getting cut off by a familiar voice.

**(Big-Lipped Alligator moment)**

"I should also mention that King Gator is voiced by famous Blues and Broadway singer Ken Page who would later go on to do the speaking and singing voice of The Oogie Boogie man from Tim Burton's The Nightmare before Christmas." Airnaruto explained before showing Oogie Boogie during his song in The Nightmare before Christmas.

_Oogie Boogie: __**Well you really are too much**_

"Later on Anne Marie gets sick to the point where she could die, after returning to the church to help her recover, Itchy comes back but is pretty banged up. He tells Charlie that Carface has destroyed the casino and has vowed to kill Charlie. After hearing Itchy say that he had gone soft, Charlie lies about not caring about Anne Marie." Airnaruto explained as we hear the lie Charlie tells Itchy.

_Charlie to Itchy: It's just business. I'm using the girl!_

"Unfortunately Anne Marie hears this and runs away only to be kidnapped by Carface and is being held hostage at Carface's casino. Charlie goes to rescue her but it's obviously a trap and Charlie gets himself bound and gagged to an anchor." Airnaruto said before a certain gator pops up; "Fortunately King Gator arrives to free Charlie and Anne Marie; during the fight gasoline spills on to a generator causing it to spit sparks and set the water on fire. Anne Marie falls into the water along with Charlie's watch but Charlie chooses to save Anne Marie first by placing her on a piece of wood so she can float to safety, but the same can not be said about his watch as it stops ticking." Airnaruto said as the watch stops ticking killing Charlie.

The scene then changes to later that night; "Later that night, Charlie's spirit from Hell visits Anne Marie's new home with wallet couple, but he's soon greeted by the soothing voice of Annabelle. Since Charlie sacrificed his life to save the little girl he's permitted back in to Heaven." Airnaruto said as the film ends.

"Now I liked this film, it was very good for it's time; but when it was first released it only saw moderate success in the box office since Bluth made the strategic mistake of releasing the film in the same week as Walt Disney's The Little Mermaid and was thus eclipsed by it in gross revenue." Airnaruto explained as the posters of both films were shown before we see a montage of Don Bluth movie posters from the 90s. "I can say however that this was better than most of the stuff Don Bluth released afterwards in the case of two exceptions that it is." Airnaruto said revealing the posters for Anastasia and Titan A.E. before going back to the All Dogs go to Heaven poster; "And over the years this film has gained a very strong cult following, in the mid 90s there would be a theatrical sequel, a television series, and a direct to video Christmas special." Airnaruto said showing the title poster, screen, and cover of each of the mentioned media spin offs before showing Judith Barsi's photo. "Sadly however this would be Judith Barsi's last film, four months before the film was released, her father murdered her and her mother while they were asleep she was only 10 years old." Airnaruto said somberly.

"In conclusion this film was Don Bluth's last hurrah of the 80s and he truly went out with a bang. I give this film 4 and a half stars out of 5." Airnaruto said as he wrapped up the review.

"Well folks that's it for now and I hope that some of you are happy that this **IS** original material and trust me while he's referenced it the Nostalgia Critic has never reviewed it; I'm the Classic Critic I remember it so you're not required to." He said as he got up and left his seat.

_Final Critique:_

_Pros: Great songs, Nice voice cast, very emotional plot_

_Cons: Some parts are a bit scary for younger kids, along with some alcohol, tobacco, and death reference scenes and the release date mistake Bluth made._

_Final rating: ****1/2 out of 5_

_Well folks there you have it so read and review until next time. _


	17. Episode 17: FullMetal Alchemist

Episode 17: Full Metal Alchemist: As a whole

Disclaimer: I own nothing involved in the review as the product and characters are owned by Studio Bones, Funimation and Hiromu Arakawara not me.

Airnaruto45 aka the Classic Critic around his desk once more this time feeling a little more at peace but this time it looked like he was drawing a strange circle with weird symbols inside it around his desk. "Oh, Hello I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to." He said before moving on to his review topic.

"If you're wondering what the deal is with the drawing around my desk I just wanted to test something out, I only hope that I can get better desk out of this." He muttered to himself; "It also has a bit of a tie-in to the series I'm reviewing today." He said before the screen went to a dramatic and detailed drawing of what looked like a tree on a piece of parchment before we heard a narrator's voice mixed in with Airnaruto's.

_Narrator & Airnaruto: Alchemy; the science of understanding, deconstructing and reconstructing matter. However it's not an all powerful art, it is impossible to create something out of nothing. If one wishes to obtain something, something of equal value must be given, this is the law of equivalent exchange the basis of all alchemy. In accordance with this law there is a taboo among Alchemists; Human transmutation is strictly forbidden. For what could equal the value of a human soul?_

_(A/N: This is the FMA: Brotherhood opening)_

"In the country of Artemis, a young boy has joined the military, all in pursuit of one thing the legendary Philosophers stone, his motivations are simple; grief, guilt, and love for his desire is to use the stone's power to restore his body as well as the body of his younger brother Alphonse. This young boy is Edward Elric aka the Full metal Alchemist." Airnaruto said as we see a young alchemist with blonde hair, gold eyes, black clothes, white gloves, a red trench coat and two automail limbs a left leg and right arm standing next to a suit of armor with an apron on it's waist. These are the Elric brothers Edward and Alphonse respectively.

"The show or shows follow the adventures of Edward and Alphonse Elric on their quest to restore their bodies by finding the fabled Philosophers stone but all the while, they are met with trials of doubt, fear, greed, and corruption within the military system as well as the Homunculi the physical manifestation of the 7 deadly sins and their leader." Airnaruto said showing numerous clips of the Elric brothers, the military, the homunculi and their leaders.

"On the technical aspect of things, both FMA series have great detailed background, and design for a show set in Europe during early World war one." Airnaruto said as we see several scenes of Ed and Al at the Central and Eastern command centers, the towns of Loire, Risembool, Ishaval, and Dublith respectively while interacting with the local populace of each town then the camera cut back to him.

"Now if you're wondering where I got the assumption that this show is set in a parallel version of Europe during World War 1 well if you look at the grave of Maes Hughes from episode 10 of Brotherhood the dates on it are born in 1885 died in 1914 so you could see the logic in that argument." Airnaruto explained. "The music is an odd combination of orchestra choir with European instruments." Airnaruto said as some of the music was played with the tragic dramatic melody playing in the background.

_(Choir singing in the background)_

"Now fortunately for those in North America both dubs were voice casted with great care though that's not to say that the Japanese version is horrible which it's not but still it's okay." Ed and Al are the focal point of the story and while Ed's Seiyu Romi Park sounds more like a child and can pull of the tirades I think Vic Mignona understands the better and can play both the serious and the childish parts and make it sounds natural making Ed you actually believe the kind of person Ed is on the inside and the threats in his voice when you call him short." Airnaruto said as we see and hear Ed being called little.

_Random person: What? You mean it's the little guy over there?_

_Ed in FMA Brotherhood Episode 3: WHO'S LITTLE? COME HERE AND SAY THAT TO MY FACE I DARE YA!_

"In regards to Alphonse between Aaron Dimuske and Maxey Whitehead, I think Whitehead seems to understand the childish part a bit better than Dimuske though granted when the original anime debuted in 2003 Dimuske was nearing puberty which explains why he was replaced for the Brotherhood series." Airnaruto said before moving on to the other characters.

"Of course the rest of the cast is very good in the dub with the likes of Chris Sabat as the strong arm alchemist, who is he well allow me to let his character introduce himself." Airnaruto said.

_Armstrong: It is I the strong arm alchemist Alex Louis Armstrong in the flesh!" _

"Then there's Travis Willingham playing Coronel Roy Mustang the flame alchemist who has a strange reason for loving dogs; So Coronel why do you love dogs?" Airnaruto asked.

_Mustang: Dogs embody loyalty. They follow their master's commands and above all else…Be a jerk to them and they won't complain and they never once beg for a paycheck. Trust me Fury they're the great servants of man! (Singing) Loyal canine how we salute thee! (Laughing)_

The screen cutback to Airnaruto who just looked at the scene weirdly. "Moving on to Mustang's right hand man or rather woman Lieutenant Coronel Riza Hawkeye voiced by Coleen Clickenbeard who's actually very loyal to Mustang thought she can be a bit critical of him." Airnaruto said as we see a scene with Hawkeye showing her exasperation after shutting a case filled with Mustang's spare set of alchemy gloves.

_Hawkeye: When will he learn? It's bad enough that he's useless on rainy days._

"I don't know to be honest Riza. Other actors who are well known in anime dubs who lend their voices to the shows include Catlin Glass playing Ed's girlfriend and automail mechanic Winry Rockbell who won't hesitate to hit Ed, Al or anyone who pisses her off in the head with a wrench and trust me she will, I mean I think I remember calling her a bitch at one point." Airnaruto said in thought until he a familiar wrench smashed through the window and hit him in the back of the head.

_**CRASH!**_

_**CLUNK!**_

"Ouch! Who threw that?" Airnaruto asked now sporting a huge lump on his head.

"I did you have a problem with that?" Winry asked off screen scaring Airnaruto.

"No Winry I don't have a problem with it." Airnaruto said out of fear before continuing; "Laura Bailey also lends her veteran talents voicing the homunculus Lust, and of course Sonny Strait lends his over the top comedic talents to the role of Lt. Coronel Maes Hughes with his over the top boasting over his wife Grace and his daughter Alyssa." Airnaruto said as we see clips of Hughes pulling photos of his daughter out of his coat.

_Hughes: My Daughter Alyssa who turned three this year isn't she adorable?_

_Hughes: My wife Grace and daughter Alyssa would be happy to have you over for dinner._

"Yes even cosplayers go over the top with this little bit." Airnaruto said amusingly.

_(From a 2006 Cosplayers dramatic fiction entitled FMA: the black gate which is roughly set a year after the events of the FMA movie Conqueror of Shamballa) Hughes Cosplayer: MY DAUGHTER! She's six already, six! _

"Sadly Hughes gets killed off by the homunculus Envy who took the form of his wife and shot him." Airnaruto said as we see the death occur and hear the gunshot go off.

BANG!

"The story of both shows is for the most part similar but Brotherhood is much closer to the manga in terms of it's flow of events, lack of filler episodes which I find the 2003 series guilty of putting in and the villains actually match up in Brotherhood to the manga villains where as the 2003 series had their back stories all screwed up but given that at the time Arakawa was having some health issues of her own to deal with at the time so I could see why Funimation did what they did with the original series, for example; they have Fuehrer Bradley as Pride , Sloth being the result of Ed and Al's attempt to bring their mother back, Wrath being the result of their alchemy teacher's attempt at bringing her stillborn son back to life, Envy being Ed and Al's stillborn older brother, and the main villain being a woman named Dante which made almost no sense to me." Airnaruto said before concluding the review.

"The original manga by Hiromu Arakawa which ended just recently is available from Viz Media, both Full Metal Alchemist TV series, Ova's, and the movie Full metal Alchemist: Conqueror of Shamballa are available from Funimation and made by Studio Bones." Airnaruto said as we see several of Ed's fights from both series playing out back to back.

"All in all, both Full Metal Alchemist and Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood have their own unique styles with complex characters, deep relationships between said characters and over the top drama that doesn't borderline on comedy but at least for the most part they set the mood, historical setting, and the atmosphere perfectly and when the dust clears, it's a good bit of fun so what do I give each show well for the 2003 series I'll give it 3 and a half stars out of 5 and Brotherhood I'll give 5 stars out of 5 as whole, I give Full Metal Alchemist 4 stars out of 5." Airnaruto said before getting up. "Okay now it's time to see if this will work." He said stepping outside of the transmutation circle.

"Here it goes." Airnaruto said as he put his hands up in the same way Alphonse did when he still needed a transmutation circle. The circle activated sending out sparks of lightning and changed the oak wood desk into a mahogany wood desk. "Hmm...Mahogany wood, not what I was hoping for but it'll work oh and I'm the Classic Critic, I remember it so you're not required to." He said as he left.

**(The song Brothers in it's original Russian playing in the background)**

_Final recap of FMA as a whole: _

_Pros: Nice detailed animation, complex characters with deep relationships, dub voice cast is stellar._

_Cons: 2003 series deviates from Brotherhood about midway through and possess several unnecessary filler episodes._

_FMA 2003 final rating: ***1/2 out of 5_

_FMA Brotherhood final rating: ***** out of 5_

_FMA as a whole final rating: **** out of 5_

_A/N: Well there you have it folks my synopsis of Full Metal Alchemist as a whole and yes I know JesuOtaku has planned to do this series for her review show but the problem is I don't know if she's going to review the 2003 series, Brotherhood or both when she gets to it which would be in about 4 to 6 weeks hence the reason I decided to review both series in one episode so please don't jump on me for saying what I put down is not original so read and review. _


	18. Episode 18: Batman: SubZero

Episode 18: Batman Sub-Zero

Disclaimer: legal rights to this movie are owned by Bruce Timm and Paul Dini not me. This review is for pleasure only not profit.

The show opens with a combination music box/snow globe with a ballerina dancing in the snow being held in a black sleeved hand with a purple glove at the end as a voice is heard.

_Voice: This is how I will always remember you; surrounded by winter forever young, forever beautiful. Rest well my love, the monster who took you from me will soon realize the revenge is a dish best served cold._

The voiced is soon revealed to be owned by Mr. Freeze wearing a grey body suit, to keep himself cold due to the accident that lead up to him becoming what he is as Airnaruto soon stepped in as we see some clips involving Mr. Freeze.

"Mr. Freeze, he's perhaps one of the most infamous and tragic figures in the Batman rouges gallery." He said before a small flashback video is played.

"Originally he was Doctor Victor Fries, a man who had been studying and specializing in Cryogenics until his beautiful wife Nora was diagnosed with a terminal disease for which there is no cure. Fries then puts her in a cryogenic state of suspended animation to keep her condition stabilized until he could find a cure, but before he can the company funding his research pulls the plug on him, and destroys his lab resulting in the chemicals he had been working with to spill on him and turn him into a cold emotionless villain." Airnaruto said as we see the final moments of the lab going up in smoke.

_Fries: NORA!_

The screen soon cleared up to reveal the Classic Critic; "Hello I'm the Classic Critic, I remember it so you're not required too." Airnaruto said, "As I promised it's time for me to look at the second animated Batman film that was released during the 90s although unlike its predecessor this film was a direct to video release." He said before making some comments on the villain himself.

"I'm going to admit that next to the Joker, Mr. Freeze is one of my favorite Batman villains and yes both of them will be in my top 12 Batman villains countdown when I get the chance to do it." Airnaruto said before going on to the characters history over the years first showing the cover of the comic he debuted in.

"Mr. Freeze debuted in Batman issue #121 back in February of 1959 when he was originally called Mr. Zero. He was portrayed as one of many joke villains cast as stock enemies for Batman at the time however." Airnaruto said before a brief clip of the opening to the 1960s live action series and three photos of Mr. Freeze portrayed by three different actors.

"In the 1960s live action show, he was portrayed by George Sanders, Otto Preminger, and Eli Wallach, and it was revealed that it was Batman who spilled the cryogenic chemicals on him during an attempted arrest, but he was still portrayed as a joke villain more or less." Airnaruto said showing and identifying each one left to right before showing a shot of his animated incarnation.

"It wouldn't be until the 1992 animated series that Mr. Freeze became a more three dimensional character, becoming a criminal just so he can save the life of the woman he loves." Airnaruto said before cutting back to him.

"Now about 4 and half years after Batman Mask of the Phantasm the animators at Warner Brothers decided to do a second animated Batman movie the formula this time however was to make Mr. Freeze the main character and the Batman the supporting one." Airnaruto said before giving his thoughts on the plot to this film.

"If that's not the formula for a good animated Batman film then I don't know what the fuck is, so released on home video on Saint Patrick's Day 1998 the film is simply titled, Sub-Zero." Airnaruto said as the title screen and graphic was displayed before shattering.

"The film starts in the Arctic where we learn that Mr. Freeze has settled down and started a family…of sorts." Airnaruto said before revealing this family of sorts.

"There's the still cryogenically encased Nora, an Inuit boy named Kunac, and two pet polar bears named Hotchka and Shaka." Airnaruto said as we see shots of each of them including Freeze returning with a net full of salmon.

_Kunac: Oh salmon._

"Nora's condition begins to rapidly deteriorate when a submarine accidently emerges from above her chamber causing it to shatter." Airnaruto said as we see the submarine rise up and destroy Nora's containment unit scaring Freeze.

"Well Mr. Freeze takes this pretty well…not!" Airnaruto said as we see the outcome of this incident.

"He freezes the whole crew of the sub." Airnaruto exclaimed as he showed the result.

"I think it's safe to say that Freeze is pissed off big time." Airnaruto said bluntly before getting back to the film.

"Freeze returns to Gotham with his companions and forcibly enlist the aide of Dr. Gregory Belson to find a cure for Nora. Belson determines that Nora needs an organ transplant to survive but because of her rare blood type, donors are few and far between." Airnaruto said as Belson explains the situation to Freeze.

_Belson: Nora's blood type is extremely rare. There aren't any deceased donors that match._

_Freeze: Then we'll have to use a live donor._

"Belson is initially reluctant to kill an innocent girl until Freeze shows him a gold nugget from a vein he found in the Arctic. Freeze says he'll give Belson the whole vein if he helps him with the operation, so Belson agrees to the deal and luckily for them in terms of live donors Barbara Gordon aka Batgirl is a perfect blood type match to Nora. Freeze learns from Barbara's roommate that she's out at a restaurant on a date with her boyfriend Dick Grayson aka the original Robin." Airnaruto said before the camera cut back to him.

"God I love a Batman movie that has all the sidekicks." He said before he was shown photo of the heroes from the Batman & Robin live action movie. "EXCEPT THAT ONE!" He screamed and began throwing dozen of shuriken at the photo until it was shredded to pieces before going back to the movie.

"Freeze attacks the restaurant and kidnaps Barbara taking her to an abandoned oil rig where he and Belson are hiding out. After explaining the situation, Barbara agrees to help under the assumption that she's needed for a blood transfusion, but she won't do it on the oil rig, leading Freeze to lock her up. When the time arrives for the operation, Barbara realizes that their lying when they say she'll need to be put under (out cold) for the simple operation and escapes with the help of Kunac." Airnaruto said before we see the chase play out.

"Belson gives pursuit and almost catches her, before the arrival of Batman and Robin." Airnaruto said as the dynamic duo showed up.

"Freeze follows, and in the ensuing confrontation, Belson accidentally shoots one of the fuel tanks and starts a rapidly-spreading fire as Freeze traps Batman and Robin. Freeze insists that Belson perform the operation, despite the oil rig blazing and ready to explode, but Belson betrays Freeze and attempts to escape alone, only to be killed by falling wreckage." Airnaruto said as we see the wreckage fall onto Belson.

_Belson: AAH!_

_CRASH!_

_BOOM!_

"PWN'D!" Airnaruto exclaimed

"With his leg broken, Freeze decides to help Batman and Robin escape from the rig, but he tells Batman and Robin to save Nora and Kunac first, along with Barbara. Nora, Kunac and Barbara are taken to safety in the Batwing, but Batman fails to save the weakened Freeze in time, as the platform collapses beneath them, hitting him in the shoulder, and sending Freeze plummeting into the ocean below." Airnaruto said as we see Freeze fall into the Gotham bay below.

_Batman: FREEZE!_

"Batman manages to get back to the Batwing and get aboard just before the oil rig finally explodes, but Freeze escapes just in time, holding onto the swimming Hotchka and Shaka." Airnaruto said as we see a hand reach out and grab the polar bears by the fur around the shoulders.

"Freeze then returns with his polar bears to the Arctic to resume his life alone, having frozen his leg in an ice cast, but watching through a window he sees on a television in a research station that Nora has been revived after an organ transplant operation funded by Wayne Enterprises, moving him to frozen but joyful tears." Airnaruto said as the movie concluded and the camera cut back to him.

"Now the interesting thing about this movie is that it was released nine months after the cinematic release of the live action movie Batman & Robin and I think fans of Batman preferred this film over the live action movie." Airnaruto said.

"Why do ask?" Airnaruto asked for his audience.

"Well I can think of 5 reasons for that." Airnaruto said before he pulled out a list that contained the reasons why people preferred Sub-zero over Batman and Robin and read them off.

The film wasn't directed by Joel Schumacher who was being put under pressure by the studio.

No Bat nipples, Bat crotches, or Bat asses on the Bat suits.

Airnaruto then pointed upward to get a familiar joke out of the way.

_**SNL crew: The**__** ambiguously gay duo!**_

"Sorry I had to get that out of the way." Airnaruto said before continuing with the list.

This Mr. Freeze was much more believable than Schwarzenegger ever was.

Airnaruto got cut off by the live action Freeze making an ice pun.

_Mr. Freeze (Live action): Let's kick some ice!_

Freeze didn't have the cure for his wife's disease on hand…not a metaphor.

5. No Bat credit card.

"Anyway all in all Batman Sub-Zero has everything that a Batman fan wants in an animated film based on the dark knight. It has drama, action, adventure, and romance and leaves you with that warm feeling inside my final rating for this film is a perfect 5 stars. Five frozen stars that is." Airnaruto said as he wrapped up the review and the camera cut back to him.

"Well folks that's it for Batman: Sub-Zero so I'll catch you next time and remember stay frosty." Airnaruto said before Charles Roberts snuck up to his ear.

"Bat credit card." Charles whispered.

"A BAT CREDIT CARD?" Airnaruto snapped before pulling out a variant of Alucard's jackal pistol. "SCHUMACHER YOU SON OF A BITCH I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS FOR THAT ONE WHO CAME UP WITH THAT SHITHEAP OF AN IDEA?" Airnaruto roared as he fired off shot after shot while Charles was smiling.

"He's the Classic Critic; he remembers it so you're not required to." Charles said as Airnaruto kept screaming off screen.

"A BAT CREDIT CARD? JESUS!" He screamed as the camera faded to black.

Well folks there you have it folks my review of Batman Sub-Zero so until next time read and review everyone.

_Final recap_

_Pros: Lives up to the animated series once again, not directed by Joel Schumacher, none of the crap from the live action films in this one._

_Cons: Nothing that I can think of_

_Final rating: ***** out of 5 (Frozen)_


	19. Episode 19: The Top 11 Anime Badasses

Episode 19: Top 11 Biggest Anime Badasses

A/N: This list contains characters and content that belongs to the respective creators of their respective shows not me this list is my property covered by the fair rights usage act.

Airnaruto aka The Classic Critic sat at his desk yet again but this time he was dressed more like a biker for some reason unknown to his fans. "Hello I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to." He said before looking at his attire, "If you're wondering why I'm dressed like a biker, I'm paying homage to the characters in anime who seem to get little to no respect in some circles the badasses." He explained.

"So today I'm going to reveal who are in my opinion the top 11 biggest anime badasses; why top 11? Because aren't we all a bunch of cheap Nostalgia Critic knock offs?" Airnaruto asked before getting started with it.

"These are the top 11 biggest anime badasses." Airnaruto said before Kid Rock's American Badass began to play and a series of clips showing numerous anime badasses began to appear on the screen.

**(American Badass by Kid Rock plays in the background)**

_**Number 11**_

_**Dio Brando from Jojo's Bizarre Adventure**_

"This guy is at the bottom of my list because; well he's primarily a manga character and he only pops in half of a 6 episode OVA based on the third manga series without any explanations for his appearance or motives unless you've read the third series of the manga and know it upside down and inside out." Airnaruto said as we see Dio breaking one guy's wrist by twisting it completely, "Now this started a century ago after Dio became a vampire but before he became a psychic, just go with this folks, when his step brother Jonathan Jostar sacrificed his life to cut Dio's head off and throw it into the depths of the Atlantic Ocean." Airnaruto said before thinking over something…"wait a minute doesn't that only work on ghouls and zombies?" He asked before shrugging his shoulders.

"Anyway over the next hundred years, Dio reattaches his head to his stepbrother's corpse makes an HQ in Egypt and resumes kicking ass and taking names, except now he has psychic powers that allow him to stop time for as long as he wants whenever he wants with just a quick English catchphrase." Airnaruto said before cutting to Dio saying his catchphrase.

_Dio: ZA WORLDO (THE WORLD) _

_Everything turns blackish grey or something in that shade. (A/N: I don't know what color the environment turns into once time stops)_

"Just go with it, other than that I can't find any other legit reasons reason to exclude him from this list and besides this guy is the personification of uber pwnage that the noises he makes when punching people have become a catchphrase which I'm sure you've heard from Time warp from Heroes right." Airnaruto said before reminding the fans why he's at the bottom.

"However as cool and as Badass as this guy is, he's at the bottom for two reasons; first off as I mentioned earlier he's more of a manga character, and two he has so many superpowers that he's a freaking Marty Stu." Airnaruto exclaimed before calming down.

"However if it weren't for how he got beat at the end of the OVA I'm sure the world would be in his greedy clutches faster than you can say time's up." Airnaruto said before moving on to his next pick.

_**Number 10**_

_**Eikichi Onizuka from Great Teacher Onizuka**_

"Now Onizuka is the coolest kind of teacher you could get, sure he won't help you with your homework, but he will bust his own balls to save your ass…trust me he will." Airnaruto said as we see a student fall from the school roof and Onizuka catching her and taking the impact of the fall on the vice principal's car

_CRASH!_

"Ouch that's gotta hurt." Airnaruto said wincing.

Now if you this guy's student boys you should rejoice because, he's a badass and a heroic badass to boot, he's cool, he's voiced by Steve Blum, and you know you can't go wrong with a character that's voiced by him, and he's the only teacher that I know of that can German Suplex the vice principal and keep his job." Airnaruto said as we see the said action and its aftermath.

_Onizuka to the vice principal and several surrounding students and faculty: You inflict verbal abuse that's twice as damaging as anything they could dish out. How do you do that and still call yourself a teacher? It's because of teachers like you that those kids are systematically squeezed out of any safe haven that may have ever known. If this is what you call education, then I don't want to be a teacher._

_D-Von: OH MY BROTHER TESTIFY!_

"Bottom line he may have originally gotten a teaching job to get with High School girls and he may be an ex-street thug but especially as I say this to male high school and college students if this guys was your teacher you would be one happy son of a bitch." Airnaruto said with a smile on his face.

_**Number 9**_

_**Spike Speigal from Cowboy Beebop**_

"I'm not even going to into how much of a badass Spike is because it pretty much speaks for itself he's cool, resourceful, and has that devil may care attitude that just kind of rubs off on you, armed with a cigarette in his mouth, a pistol in his hand and motivated by the fact that maybe the woman he loves is still out there and that he has to defeat his former partner and now rival Vicious." Airnaruto said.

"Spike is beyond cool and deserving of his place on the top 11 biggest anime badasses countdown." Airnaruto said moving on to his next choice.

_**Number 8**_

_**Revy from Black Lagoon**_

"Okay here's what I would call the M rated part of the countdown." Airnaruto said before he asked the question for his audience; "Why well it has to do with the first of three female characters on the list specifically this woman." Airnaruto said before a picture of the woman he was referring to who wore a black women's tank top, ripped blue jean shorts, she had a purple hair, and a pair of pistols in her hands.

"Revy from Black Lagoon and let me tell you this woman is hardcore. Some might not call her a hero or even an anti-hero but in the case of the former in Black Lagoon she's pretty much the closest thing you'll get to one." Airnaruto explained, "She's a modern day pirate who works for the Lagoon Company, she's definitely employee of the month material and her partners caller two hands and I'm not even gonna say why show I'll just let her show you herself." Airnaruto said showing a clip of Revy in action.

_Revy: Come on and get me you cocksuckers!_

_(BANG!)_

_(Bang!)_

_Dutch: Revy, I think now would be a good time to show them why they call you two hands. _

_Revy: Got it!_

"She's armed with nothing but her two custom made pistols called the cutlasses and a filthy mouth Revy is a definite badass and I'm surprised that Funimation nor Madhouse never chose to edit some of her dialogue but either way I find Revy a bit creepy because to me she is more or less the end result of having Anko Mitarashi from Naruto and Vash the Stampede from Trigun getting drunk and having a one night stand in the bed." Airnaruto said before he thought about what he just said and then shuddered.

"Either way if you're walking down a shady alley at midnight you better pray to God that you don't cross paths with Revy two hands." Airnaruto said as he shuddered again.

_**Number 7**_

_**Nearly every character that's been dub voiced by Crispin McDougal Freeman. (A/N: yes his middle name is McDougal look it up for yourself)**_

"This was probably the toughest choice on my list because Crispin Freeman is so natural at playing the badass character in anime that I couldn't choose just one role he has done and you know which characters he's done in the past right?" Airnaruto asked before going down a small list of characters Freeman had done dub work as over the years.

"Freeman is best known these days for playing Itachi from Naruto and Alucard from Hellsing but his other roles that I believe are badass include Alex from Last Exile, Tsume from Wolf's Rain, Captain Harlock from Captain Herlock: Endless Space Odyssey, Zelgodess from the Slayers franchise, heck he can even make a boring role like the lead male role from The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzamiya sound completely badass." Airnaruto said listing them off before getting a little bummed out.

"There are just two roles I don't think he should have gotten, the first being Tabul from NTHT and that one guy from Revolutionary Girl Utena and please don't ask me how know he was in the latter of these two because just talking about let alone thinking about it makes me sick." Airnaruto said bluntly. "Let's just move on to the next one please." Airnaruto said before pulling out a barf bag.

_**Number 6**_

_**Gauron from Full Metal Panic**_

"Now I'm not a big fan of terrorists but, Gauron is one that really takes the cake, as he operates out of twisted code of ethics and brash impulse of course Gauron is just an alias so I don't know what this nutcase's real name is since he has citizenship and false identities in numerous countries." Airnaruto said as we see Gauron terrorize a commercial airline pilot.

_Gauron: Don't use my first name; you'll do as I tell you? Well I'm afraid it isn't gonna work that way John!_

"Gauron's badass moniker to me comes from his ability to combine the psychological sophisticated evil, with physical dominating evil and that's a dangerous combination of course his unkillabilty becomes a major running gag which knocked him to the middle rung of the ladder in my point of view but he's so badass that he'll leave the military of countless nations quaking in their boots even when he's the one on life support talk about going out with a bang." Airnaruto said before an explosion went off.

_(BOOM!)_

_**Number 5**_

_**Sango from Inuyasha **_

"Out of everyone in Kagome's little group that's trying to find the shards of the sacred Shikon jewel I think that Sango is the most badass because she takes no crap from anyone not even her husband Miroku…sorry for the spoiler to those fans who haven't finished watching the anime or reading the manga." Airnaruto said to the Inuyasha fans.

"Sango is a for lack of a better term an angsty demon huntress wielding a big ass stick." Airnaruto said to the shock of his audience.

"HUH?" The audience asked.

"The boomerang made from cleansed demon bones." Airnaruto explained.

"Oh!" The audience said in relief

"Other than that Sango just looks damn sexy in that tight black jumpsuit but alas she's already dead and even if she wasn't I don't care if she is at least 1000 years older than I am one day she will be mine." Airnaruto said with a hint of lust in his voice before snapping back to reality. "I'm kidding folks I wouldn't encroach on another guy's wife knowing two things number one, Miroku would kick my ass, and two Inuyasha would turn me into his chew toy." Airnaruto said but still that wouldn't stop him from dreaming. "Next!" Airnaruto ordered.

_**Number 4**_

_**Ladd Russo from Baccano**_

"Yeah I know I'm cheating by putting someone who I placed in a previous list on this one and in the same spot but still Ladd just seems too big of a badass to pass up for this list I mean he's completely out of his stinking mind, not mention that for his debut role Brian Massey did do a good job voicing the guy in fact it was so good that mistook him for John DiMaggio Still I forgot what was Ladd's reason for ransacking the train flying pussyfoot?" Airnaruto asked before saying; "Yes the train is called the flying pussyfoot just go with it." He said before Ladd cut him off to give his reason for ransacking the train.

_Ladd: Even though we are gonna scar dozens of lives inside a crowded train, wearing white is gonna make the blood look so pretty._

The camera cut back to Airnaruto who had a weird look on his face.

"That has got to be the stupidest reason I've heard for ransacking a train in my life." He said as he moved on to his next choice.

_**Number**_ _**3**_

_**Asuka from Neon Genesis Evangelion **_

"Why didn't the creators of this show make her the main hero I mean she's a badass, the best fighter out of the three granted she's a little OCD in terms of having to be the best and yet she's constantly overshadowed by that fucking little emo bitch Shinji and it pisses me off." He exclaimed before calming down.

"Now this girl is definitely tomboyish, strict, harsh, and straight up badass until her graphic if not really gruesome death and no I'm not going to show it because it's not for the weak at heart." Airnaruto said before getting to his top two picks.

_**Number 2**_

_**Guts from Berserk**_

"I have my reason for not putting Guts on my top 11 anime heroes list and it's this he's a bigger and better testosterone fueled badass, I mean he's definitely three dimensional in the sense that he's tragedy stricken having been literally born from a corpse then having to kill his father figure and then when he thinks he's finally found a place to belong in one gruesome horrifying moment as the man he once viewed as a comrade becomes a demon." Airnaruto said relaying the events of Guts's life up to that point. "The fact that his arm and eye were gouged out and cut off are a constant reminder that Guts is flawed like the rest of us but he still spills major buckets of blood and have you seen that sword." Airnaruto said showing a picture of Guts' blade; "THAT THING IS FREAKING HUGE!" He said before calming down. "My point is Guts is a major badass based on every adversity that has been thrown at him and yet he still fights I man it's just GORE! GORE! You see that demon over here not any more GORE!" He exclaimed putting emphasis on gore during a bunch of battles involving Guts and some demons.

"The manga is still going but I hold the anime accountable for just one crime and that crime was flipping us the finger and telling us to go read the manga to find out what happens next, and many people who have watched or read the series would agree with me right?" Airnaruto asked before cutting to X prodigy.

"You damn right!" He exclaimed as the camera cut to Nukid who was asleep but then woke up; "Hell yeah!" Nukid said before going back to sleep.

"Put it bluntly Guts is so badass with that sword he makes Cloud from Final Fantasy seven look like a pussy." Airnaruto said to conclude his Guts rant.

_**And the number 1 biggest anime badass of all time is….**_

_**Vegeta from Dragonball Z**_

"This guy is in my opinion the original anime badass for many people, why did I pick Vegeta you ask, well despite the fact that he went through what a friend of mine calls badass decay he still had that sense of arrogance and brutality that made him a major badass, too bad his ego kept getting in the way of him gaining true strength but other than that do you know anyone crazy enough to train in a room at 450 times Earth's natural gravitational force?" Airnaruto asked, "I didn't think so I mean how does this guy survive that kind of force? I get the whole Sayian getting stronger after each fight concept but come on training under at maximum 450 times Earth's natural gravity that's just fucking insane the only person who I could see trying that is….Chuck Norris." Airnaruto said before a picture of Chuck Norris' head in front of an American flag with fireworks going off in the background is shown.

_High pitched voice: A CHUCK NORRIS!_

"Whether you think DBZ is underrated or overrated the prince of all Sayians deserves his spot as the king of anime badasses and if you don't agree with it then Vegeta will kick your ass." Airnaruto said wrapping up the countdown.

"Well there you have it the top 11 biggest anime badasses in my opinion so I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to." He said as he left.

A/N: Well folks there you have it my newest episode of the show read and review.


	20. Episode 20: Gankutusuou: TCOMC

Episode 20: The Count of Monte Cristo Gankutusuou review

Disclaimer: The following is a review of material owned by Mahero Maeda, Studio GONZO, Del Ray Manga and Funimation, and the Stranglers band this review is my property and is covered by the fair rights usage law.

Note: Italics indicates Nukid speaking.

As we travelled down the halls of a familiar home we hear a piano playing the song titled; we were lovers by Jean-Jacques Brunel as the cameraman ran up the stairs from the basement/garage, through the kitchen, and into the living room we see Airnaruto45 aka The Classic Critic playing quite well before he noticed the camera. "Madams and monsieur's, Bonsoir; me nonde e Critique de Classic." He said in as best French accent as he could before switching to English; "I remember it so you're not required to." He said before getting to the reasons as to why he was wearing a blue long haired wig, his skin was painted blue, he was wearing a black tuxedo complete with matching cape, cane, and top hat, and white gloves on his hands.

"I'm sure you would ask why do I look like this and who am I supposed to be portraying?" He asked for his audience. He was about to answer when heard a knock on his door.

"Hold on folks; I wonder who that is?" He asked himself as he opened the door to find a familiar British author/assassin/critic, Nukid aka The Nostalgia Kid.

"Greetings Air." Nukid said as he looked at the ninja author.

"Welcome Nukid please make yourself at home." Airnaruto replied as Nukid stepped into the house only to be rushed at by two small dogs both of which were male Shih Tzu/Poodle hybrids, one with golden brown fur with a black tipped tail and the traditional white spotted chest area while the other fairly smaller dog was coated in all black fur, these were Airnaruto's dogs Snoopy, and Midnight who began jumping in front of Nukid and barking at him to get his attention. "I take it these little guys are yours." He asked.

"Yes they are Nukid anyway what are you doing here?" The Author ninja asked.

"Well you never had me as a guest co-reviewer for your story, so I decided to throw myself in but what's with the get up did you lose a bet or something?" Nukid asked.

"No and if you quit interrupting I'll get to that." Airnaruto said.

"Sorry please continue." Nukid said.

"Anyway the costume has to do with what I'm reviewing today." Airnaruto said as he pulled out a novel from his underneath his cape. "What I hold in my hand is a copy of one the greatest tales of love, betrayal, friendship, tragedy, and vengeance. The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexander Dumas, it's actually very compelling." Airnaruto said before Nukid took over.

"I see so you decided to review the anime adaptation that Studio GONZO released back in 2004 which why you're dressed like the count?" Nukid asked.

"Nukid you spoiled the surprise!" Airnaruto snapped at his sparring buddy.

"Sorry about that." Nukid muttered.

"It's doesn't matter now." Airnaruto grumbled before continuing with the introduction.

"Anyway as the Nostalgia kid pointed out studio GONZO did create an anime version of the book and while the series follows the same themes and plot as the book there are a few tweaks to it such as the order the events take that occur place in the Anime as oppose to the book, the fates of certain characters, and the combination of Science fiction and Fantasy are added to it so it's not a cheap animated copy of the novel for example; the show is actually titled, The Count of Monte Cristo: Gankutusuou." Airnaruto explained before Nukid pointed above his head to reveal the word "Gankutusuou" and it's rough translation in bold lettering **"Gankutusuou translation: King of the Cavern."** The titling said before vanishing.

"Luckily I happened to get the complete series on DVD last week as a birthday present from a friend of mine through the mail." Airnaruto said as he held up the box set, popped in the first of the 4 DVDs into the DVD player, picked up his dogs, put them on the sofa next to Nukid, grabbed a bowl of salsa and a bag of chips and sat right down with Nukid.

"_The show begins on the moon in the 5053, and it's time for the lunar carnival." Nukid said before Airnaruto took over._

"Now if you haven't noticed the animation style for this series is perhaps one of the most visually entrancing you'll have ever seen in an anime that gives it an almost surreal feeling, part of that is because the series combines Photoshop textures into digital animation rendered with 3D backgrounds and I know I'm going to get a lot of flames for this but unlike a series like Trigun for example, whose animation style tried to imitate American Superhero comics while trying to stay within standard Anime style but ended up being a visual hit and miss. This shows visual style is a stunning hit I mean the pallet of colors can offset or compliment the mood and scenery so perfectly." Airnaruto said before holding the salsa bowl out in front of Nukid. "Chips and dip?" He asked.

"Sure why not." Nukid said as he took a chip and dipped it into the bowl of salsa.

"_Anyway we come across out hero of the series Visconti Albert de Morcerf_ _voiced by Jun Fukuyama and Johnny Yong Bosch in the sub and dub respectively who along with his best friend Baron Franz D' Epinay played by Daisuke Hirakawa and Ezra Weisz have come to the moon for a little vacation so Albert can clear his head about his engagement to his other childhood friend Eugenie de Danglars voice by Chie Nakamura and Michelle Ruff and if you're wondering why I'm saying two actors names I'm revealing who voiced the character in the Japanese cuts first and then who voiced the characters in the dub." Nukid explained before getting back on topic. _

_"Anyway, while attending an opera they are sent an invitation by the mysterious Count of Monte Cristo who Albert takes an immediate liking to as the count seems quite friendly, easy to like, eloquent, sophisticated, and charismatic." Nukid said before we see clips from a later episode. _

_"However by episode 9 we find out that the count is not all what he appears to be for deep inside is a cold, dark, and lost soul figuratively and literally hell bent on getting revenge as we find out by episode 17 that he was once a young sailor named Edmond Dantes who was once the fiancé of Albert's mother before the man who would later become Albert's father along with Eugenie, and Valentine's fathers framed him for a crime he didn't commit and had him imprisoned 25 years before the series started. Edmond did escape but only with the help of a demonic spirit of vengeance that continues to eat away his psyche until he has completely taken over Edmond's mind and body." Nukid said this was when Airnaruto decided to take over. _

"Our opinion of the count is that for his voice actors we don't think you could go wrong in either language whether it's Joji Nakata or Jamieson Price, whenever the count opens his mouth you get so enticed by whatever he says but aside from that, when Gankutusuou takes over is where the sub shines over the dub, why do you ask? We have only one reason for that…They let Nakata get away with speaking French as both Gankutusuou and during the opening monologue." Airnaruto said to clarify.

"_However another shocking voice in the dub that I found was with the count's right hand man Bertuccio." Nukid said before explaining; "Now in Japanese he's voiced by Koji Ishii but let's see if you can guess who this voice belongs to." Nukid said as we see the scene from episode 9 where Bertuccio catches the count and helps him to his main room._

Bertuccio: Excellency are you alright?

The Count: Loyal Bertuccio how far will you follow me?

Bertuccio: I would follow even into the depths of Hell Gankutusuou.

(Cut away to a the breakfast scene from Cowboy Beebop after Edward is done eating a bowl of cereal)

Edward: Seconds!

Jet Black: That's all there is.

"_Yeah believe it or not that's Beau Billingslea." Nukid said before the camera cuts to a scene from Invader Zim._

_Zim: HE LIES!_

"_Shut up Zim." Nukid said before Airnaruto took over again._

"Aside from the people we've mentioned, the supporting cast for this show is equally terrific but it's more apparent in the dub in my opinion, for example; you have the talents of Liam O Brien as a con artist who tries to rape Eugenie and marry her before his arrest." Airnaruto said before moving on to the next character and his voice actor.

"Paul St. Peter takes on the role of General Morcef/Mondego Albert's father, who instigated the plot against Edmond. Tom Wyner shines as the crooked judge Villefort, and his daughter from his first wife Valentine is voiced by Dorothy-Elias Fahn. Other characters include the bold honest and honorable soldier Maxmillien Morrell voiced by Tony Oliver, Yuri Howenthal as Albert and Franz's car loving friend Raoul de Chateau Renaud, Kirk Thorton as Baptistin the count's other right hand man, Karen Strassman as Albert's mother Mercedes, Doug Erholtz voices the political ladies man Lucien Derbay, Erik Davies plays the scoop hunting journalist Robert Beauchamp, and Stephanie Sheh plays Haydee the princess of the planet Janina whose father was murderer by Albert's father as we find out in episode 15 which begins the plunge into some truly effective pathos for Albert as everything in his life begins to collapse beginning with Franz's death in episode 18 but when gets the truth out of his mother as well as the count he realizes that he has to keep living and not only stop the count from getting his revenge but also stop his father from burning Paris to the ground." Airnaruto said as we see General Mondego bombarding Paris hoping to eradicate the ghosts of his past as well as the final confrontation between Albert and the count in episode 23.

(Albert kisses the count on the cheek while Gankutusuou is in control the end result is the count screaming in agony.)

The Count/Gankutusuou: AAAAAHHH!

"_The score for the series in the musical sense is a well done combination of guitar whether it be acoustic or electric and classical pieces such as; The Manfred Symphony, Rachmaninoff's piano concerto no. 2, and the score from the Donizetti opera Lucia de Lammermoor. This along with the voice casts, setting, and the characters make this show very much worth the watch and listen." Nukid said before they got to the flaws of the show._

"_Personally for me the problems I had with the series is that while the plot was good it wasn't perfect and the 2D animation didn't mix well with the 3D style. Other than that I can't find anything wrong with the series." Nukid said as he finished his complaints._

"My complaints with it were that while the series was more or less true to the original book it does have a few events chronologically mixed up, they don't let Jamison Price get away with speaking French through the whole opening, and at times the colors in the background kind of hurt my eyes a little bit but again other than that I liked it." Airnaruto said before he and Nukid moved on to their final thoughts.

"All in all, in my point of view this is the true magnum opus of studio GONZO with a great cast, score, characters, plot, and visual style that all grab you and never let go from beginning to end. It can get a little frightening at some points but it helps build up the drama of this series as it focuses on whether or not one should take vengeance into their own hands, or if everything does happen out of necessity." Airnaruto said turning to Nukid. "So Nukid what did you think of the series? Did you like it?" He asked

"_Indeed but again the story does have a few hiccups in it and some animation doesn't seem to fit into the show but it's still as close to a 4 out of 4 on my scale as I'll give it." Nukid said before giving his final rating. "I give it 3 and half stars out of 4." _He said before Airnaruto decided to close it out with his rating.

"My opinion on the series is that I was enthralled and amazed by it from start to finish so I give it my highest rating of 5 gold stars." Airnaruto said giving his individual rating before giving the combined average rating. "So together Nukid and I give this anime a rating of 4 and a half stars out of 5." He finished before the camera cut back to the two of them.

"Well that's it for now folks; I would like to thank the Nostalgia Kid for joining me as my guest co-reviewer for today's show." He said pointing to Nukid.

"_You're welcome Airnaruto so I'll see you around and remember I'm the Nostalgia Kid; I remember it because you're all idiots." He said before getting up until Airnaruto asked him a question._

"Hey Nukid we're still on for the Hellsing Ultimate vs. Trigun bit right?" He asked to which Nukid nodded before he left. "Well I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to and remember bide your time and hold out hope folks as for me I'm going to take a shower to see if I can get this paint off." He said as he went upstairs for a shower as we hear "You won't see me coming" by Jean-Jacques Brunel playing in the background.

The Count of Monte Cristo: Gankutusuou final ratings

NK: ***1/2 out of 4 stars

CC: ***** out of 5 stars

Overall rating: ****1/2 out of 5 stars

_Pros:_ _Great visuals, versatile musical score, great voice cast in both languages, sub allow the count to speak French in the introduction and when possessed by the demon._

_Cons: The 2D animation occasionally doesn't mesh well with the 3D CGI, the colors will be a bit of an eyesore in some spots and the story is a little jumbled up._

_A/N: well folks there you have after 2 months of writer's block I'm back in the saddle read and review and always remember bide your time and hold out hope. _


	21. Episode 21: Dante's Inferno

Episode 21: Dante's Inferno.

Disclaimer: I won none of the material mentioned in this review as it is owned by EA games, Visceral Games, and based on source material written by Dante Alighieri not me.

Bold Italics: Lyrics to a parody of the Angry Video game Nerd theme song by Kyle Justin the parody is mine the real deal is Kyle's

_**Random singer: He's gonna take you back through time, to play the games that are a real crime. **_

_**He'd rather have an Alpaca take a stomach flu crap all over his knees.**_

_**He'd rather chew the rotten asshole of road killed possum and block it out with some cheese.**_

_**He's the angriest gamer you've ever seen.**_

_**He's the angry Nintendo Nin.**_

_**He's the angry Atari, Sega Nin.**_

_**He's the angry video game Nin.**_

Airnaruto soon showed up dressed up in almost the same fashion as the angry video game nerd minus the glasses.

"Hello I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to." He said before grabbing an Xbox 360 controller off the floor.

"Okay gang it's time for me to review another video game, so what am I reviewing today well read it and weep folks." Airnaruto said as he flashed the game case in front of the camera. "I'm gonna be playing some Dante's Inferno for the 360." He said as he turned on the system.

"Now for those who don't know this game was released only eight months ago and is loosely based on the first book of the epic poem The Divine Comedy by Dante Alighieriwhich was pretty much an allegorical vision of the afterlife which set up the Western Church's perspective of how Hell and Heaven are set up and set up the Tuscan Italian dialect as the written Italian standard." He said as he got to the main title screen.

"First I'm going to warn you that this is not a game you let little kids or anyone who doesn't have the stomach to handle, mindless gore, nude, religion, or sex touch so if you're among any of four categories of people that should stay away from this game and get the hell out of here." He warned the audience before turning back to the game before a text in bold letters that said **story **on it appeared above his head.

**Story:**

"This game's is as mentioned a loose adaptation of the original first part of the poem, so there are a few tweaks to the plot, for example; the year the game is set in is 1190 during the 3rd crusade and Dante is in the role of a soldier returning to Florence from the crusade and he's constantly being hounded by his sins from the war, as well as his life. which include, killing 3000 Kurdish prisoners out of frustration, having sex with a female prisoner who pulls the Abram and Sarai sister actually being wife trick on him, and letting the brother of the woman he loves take the proverbial bullet and be hanged to death." Airnaruto said as we see the scene of Dante fixing a leather blood red cross-shaped tapestry which has the designs of each of the sins Dante has committed in his life up to now that has been sewn onto his torso.

_Dante: At the mid point of the journey of life, I found myself in a dark forest, for the clear path had been lost._

The next part of the story showed the aftermath of the battle of Acre in which Dante had defeated the grim reaper and taken his scythe but Airnaruto decided to add his two cents on something.

"I find it odd that the game takes place 75 years before Dante was even born but on the other hand it is a loose adaptation of the poem." Airnaruto said before getting back on track.

"Anyway, Dante returns home to find that his father and his beloved Beatrice have been murdered, Dante finds Beatrice's corpse outside just as her soul is about to ascend into heaven, however the shadowy essence of Lucifer that had been pursuing Dante grabs her and drags her off to an old church…..Wait a minute!" Airnaruto said before cutting himself off for a quick rant.

"I thought Satan would never step into a church even if he's just a smoke-like projection of himself, let alone take a soul meant for Heaven to the depths of Hell?" Airnaruto asked the audience before they also started thinking it over.

"Well folks do you want the reason why well here it is, apparently before he left, Dante promised Beatrice two things; first off to forsake any sexual desires until he got back from the crusade, and the other to protect her brother Francesco and as I mentioned earlier he failed on both accounts, while at the same time Beatrice had made a bet with the devil that Dante would remain faithful to her and if he wasn't then Lucifer would get her soul, fortunately Dante still has Beatrice's cross on him which he promised to give back to her when he returned, except now it possesses holy ranged attack capabilities and the power to absolve souls. Now armed with this and the scythe Dante along with his guide the ghost of the Roman poet Virgil make their way down through the nine circles of Hell to save Beatrice's soul." Airnaruto said before condensing it for the audience.

"In other words, the game takes the first part of the poem and turns it into a classic save the damsel in distress archetype kind of story but as shown through a various amount of in game cut-scenes, CG cut-scenes, and animated cut-scenes but still you won't fully understand it unless you get the 9 DVD animated epic set which fills in some of the gaps that are left in the game., Now let's move on to the game play of this thing." Airnaruto said as we see another bold text section appear.

**Game play:**

"Now most people would call this game as nothing more than a knock off of the God of War games, and to be honest I can see where they would come up with this complaint. I mean the combat controls for the most part are set up in the same way as God of War, you know destroying enemies with a combination of light, heavy, magic, and ranged attacks, cutting enemies to pieces, and kills that involve quick-time events. I can only find part of this being because one of the head developers of the game had worked on the first two God of War games, there all also some environmental puzzles you have to solve to progress further down into Hell though they aren't as frustrating as some of the puzzles in God of War." Airnaruto said before getting to the main difference between the games.

"However there is a key difference between the two games and it's this, in Dante's Inferno with certain enemies you get to choose how you finish them off. You can either punish them by cutting them up with your scythe or absolve them with the cross but be careful which ever choice you make will determine how holy or unholy you'll become as you progress through the game and along these paths depending on how many souls you have which act as your currency, you can purchase upgrades to your health and manna meters, the maximum amount of relics you can carry, your redemption meter, as well as various attack upgrades for you're scythe, cross, and magic." Airnaruto said as he moved on to the collectables in the game.

"What about collectables you ask, well there's a good bit of them in here too." Airnaruto said, as he explained about what to find while we see him cutting his way through some of the enemies in the first circle Limbo.

"As far as collectibles go you'll find certain holy or unholy relics that can increase certain attack damage, keep your combo attacks going without being interrupted by attacking enemies, journal entries from Virgil which pretty much explain a little bit about the circle you're in or about to enter, shades of various people in history up from as far back as ancient Assyria, to about as far ahead as Dante's life that you can choose to either punish or absolve but in the case of the latter you'll have to play a 40 second mini game that involves you capturing the shades sin and giving you souls depending on the number of sins you caught multiplied by 30." Airnaruto explained as he showed Dante absolving Pontius Pilate.

"The 30 silver coins of Judas grant you 3000 extra souls for every 5 coins you find, and three Beatrice stones which enhance the absolution of your cross and if you find all three of them you can choose to auto absolve a shade but I more often then not choose not to cause you won't get any souls from auto absolution." Airnaruto said as he showed an auto absolution.

"Well we've covered the game play so what about the visual design? Let's take a look at them and find out." Airnaruto said as the word "Design" in bold lettering came into view.

**Design:**

"The design of this game is just grim and dark but in a good way as each circle fits the imagery of it compliments the sin perfectly and the backgrounds are just as impressive and organic except for the circle of Greed which is more like a factory of some sort." Airnaruto said before we see some example of this such as; a Tornado filled with the carnal damned in the circle of Lust, Gluttony looking like someone or something's digestive track, the Phlegethon, with souls bubbling beneath the boiling blood river in violence, Charron himself on the river Acheron, the murkiness of the river Styx in the circle of anger, and the evil glow of the city of Dis before we Charron utter a familiar line from the poem.

_Charron: Through me the way to the city of woe. Through me the way to everlasting pain. Abandon all hope ye who enter here._

"The enemies in this game really show how above and beyond the designers went to show that you are in fact in the depths of Hell" Airnaruto said as we see some the enemies as he explained. "You have to take down regular sword wielding shades, exploding shades, minotaur demon things, Malecoda who's just a minotaur on fire, behemoth demons that you ride on after taking out their masters, and this next batch I kid you not on these guys and these are probably the most mind fucking of all them." Airnaruto said as he pulled out a list of the enemies that he though would fuck people's minds.

"First off you have unblessed infants with scythe blades for hands, prostitutes who's vaginas will latch on to you like a harpoon and pull you towards your death and be careful these bitches are quick so keep your guard up when you can, a hoarder fused at the hip with a waster wielding a huge gold mace and be careful when they start spinning stick to the scythe because your cross will have almost no effect on them, massive intestinal worms that spring out of the ground to eat you, King Minos judge of the damned, Cerberus who looks nothing like his Greek counterpart." Airnaruto said as he showed a photo of a three headed red worm dragon creature. "However in my opinion the most disturbing to look at of all are the gluttons massive over weight female damned and I swear they're female with not one, not two, but three sets of teeth two of which are their hands and to make things even more disgusting these butt ugly beasts attack you by either chasing you and then grabbing you to literally bite your head off or they'll shoot you with their own vomit and shit." Airnaruto said we see the gluttons fire said projectiles.

"All I can say to that is…unholy shit!" He said as we hear a rim shot effect. "Now on to my final thoughts on the game." Airnaruto said as we see "Final thoughts appear again in bold text.

**Final Thoughts:**

"All in all if there ever was a game that told you to go to Hell this is probably it, it's fast paced, easy to pick up and play and pretty gruesome. The drawbacks to this game in my opinion are that the this game is rather short, you'll beat this thing in about 7 to 9 hours due to the fact that some of the circles of hell are rather short, and some parts of the game will get frustrating as the enemies never seem to give you any breathing room, the sound of the game is hit and miss." Airnaruto said before explaining; "What I mean is the music matches the game's dark, gothic and disturbing imagery very well but the voice acting's for the characters is out of sync on some occasions but still the game's pretty good aside from being the total epiphany of evil…"So good it's a sin so it gets a 3 and half out 5 from me." Airnaruto said when suddenly his 360 controller flew out of his hands and hit went towards his 360.

"What the….?" Airnaruto asked before he got nailed in the face with his controller. "Oh my God a possessed 360!" Airnaruto exclaimed before the system barfed in face.

"Your great granny sucks cocks in Hell." The system said in a raspy demonic voice which ticked Airnaruto off as he took the game out of the system.

"What the shit biscuit did you just say?" he asked it.

"I said your great granny sucks cocks in Hell!" The game said again scaring Airnaruto.

"GO BACK TO HELL YOU EVIL MOTHERFUCKER!" Airnaruto exclaimed holding his arms in front of him in the shape of a cross.

"Shove it up your ass you pig sniffing cock sucker!" The game mocked.

"Okay that's it, THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!" He screamed at the CD.

"What a brilliant day for an exorcism." The game mocked.

"THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!" Airnaruto screamed again.

"Go fuck your mother." The game told him.

"Now you've done it buster. The power of super robotic annihilator Christ compels you!" Airnaruto screamed and into the room stepped what appeared to be a cybernetic version of Jesus Christ with a bionic left eye, metal plating all over his body, an entire collection of guns all strapped to his back by a special holster, this was Super robotic annihilator Christ who began pumping the game full of blessed silver bullets.

"Yeah Super robotic annihilator Christ 4000 BC version 6.0 Gamma bitch!" Airnaruto exclaimed.

"FUCKERS! FUCKERS!" The Cybernetic Son of God screamed as it destroyed the game only for Lucifer himself to emerge from it in his black smoke form.

"My Gratitude for releasing me from that prison however you now you've opened my way back to paradise!" He gloated as Airnaruto stared him down.

"I don't think so." Airnaruto said as he pulled out a silver cross began praying for forgiveness for the sins of his past and then thrusted the cross in front of the Devil's face and trapped him back in the game which was remade from the shards that were scattered on the floor.

"Well I guess that takes care of that, I'm the Classic Critic I remember it so you're not required to." He said as he left we heard a particular part of the song from the start play again.

_**He's the angriest gamer you've ever seen.**_

"You bet your ass I am." Airnaruto said.

_**He's the angry video game Nin.**_

Dante's Inferno final rating: ***1/2 out of 5

Pros: Well done level design, easy to use controls, over your head in design enemies, free choice to either absolve or punish enemies or shades and an interesting take on the source material.

Cons: Story is a little disjointed; voice acting occasionally is out of sync, some levels feel rushed, play through time is rather short, and the ending leaves little to be desired.

A/N: Well folks I hoped you like this one and for those who didn't get the Abram/Sarai sister is actually wife trick look in Genesis chapter 12 verses 10 through 20 of the Bible if you wanted to know. So until next time read and review folks


	22. Episode 22 Top 11 Saddest Animated Death

Episode 22: Top 11 Saddest Animated Deaths

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters or the shows and series that they belong to as they are owned by their respective creators

Airnaruto sat at his desk once more but this time he had a tissue box next to him. "Hello I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to." He said before he got to the point of this episode.

"You know you can be too old for a lot of things but you're never too old to start opening the optical floodgates." He said.

"Huh?" The audience asked in a confused tone.

"You're never too old to feel sad." Airnaruto said plainly.

"Oh" The audience said now getting the point.

"Anyway, and when it comes to animation there are a lot of moments that will make you cry but none more so than a character death, which is why today I'm going to be looking at the 11 deaths that prove that animation is not just for kids and made us cry buckets in the process." He said before asking his countdown themed question.

"Why top 11? He asked; "Because we're all a bunch of cheap Nostalgia Critic knock offs." He answered referring to himself and several other people across the globe.

"These are the top 11 saddest animated deaths." Airnaruto said as we hear the somber piano medley from Naruto play in the background.

_**Number 11**_

_**Bambi's mother from Bambi**_

"Do I really need to say anything else about this one?" He asked before explaining. "What I mean is we've seen this scene so many times original and satire alike that for me it gets the bottom of the list so I don't really need to explain this one." He said before we see the emotionally crippling scene.

_Bambi's mother: RUN BAMBI! DON'T LOOK BACK!_

_(BANG!)_

The camera then cut back to Airnaruto who was crying a little bit but not much.

"You see what I mean?" He asked; "I hardly shed a tear." He said holding a phial that only seemed to have one tear drop in it before moving on to the next death.

_**Number 10**_

_**Optimus Prime from the 1986 Transformers movie**_

"While it's true that this film didn't get much commercial advertising and it was a huge flop at the box office, this film still brought many young boys to tears." Airnaruto said as we see clips of the film.

"However, I don't think anyone would have guessed that Optimus was going to be one of many transformers in this move that would die. I mean when he battles Megatron he comes in while the Stan Bush's The Touch is being sung in the background." Airnaruto said as we see the iconic scene of Optimus rolling on to the battlefield and transforming to confront his mortal foe for what many thought would be the last time.

_Bush: __You got the touch  
you got the power_

"Shortly after the battle Optimus hands over his Matrix of leadership to Hot Rod who would later become Rodimus Prime while on a hospital bed of sorts being told that his wounds suffered against Megatron were fatal and then finally he dies and the atmosphere in the theater had I been born when this came out or sooner it would have been so quite you could hear a pin drop before every young boy started turning the tears loose." Airnaruto said as he demonstrated with a pin in his hand and a bunch of kids watching the movie at the point of Optimus' death and then dropped the pin causing the kids to cry.

"Optimus, you should have been in Nostalgia Critics top 11 saddest moment list but hey you at least get a spot on mine." Airnaruto said before holding another phial up to his eye and noticed that it was half full this time.

_Optimus: Remember I died for your sins…_

_**Number 9**_

_**Pip Bernadotte from Hellsing Ultimate**_

"I'll admit while this death is tragic it's also pretty gruesome." Airnaruto said as we see the scenes leading up to his death.

"It starts out with the Hellsing mansion being under attack by a squad of vampire soldiers from the Millennium battalion under the command of the psychological psychopath Zorin Blitz." Airnaruto said as we see Blitz's ugly face.

"Anyway her troops pretty much wipe out most of the Wild Geese mercenaries hired by the Hellsing organization and Blitz herself traps Seras Victoria the only vampire still in the mansion to defend it in an nightmare forcing her to relive the most traumatizing moments from her childhood, watching her parents get killed, her mother's corpse get raped and other stuff I won't go into detail with." Airnaruto said before getting to what he could explain.

"I will mention that she gets a scythe driven into her back, her left arm cut off, and her eyes gouged out, and just when it looks like Blitz is about to kill her, Pip rushes in and stops Blitz." Airnaruto said as we return to him cheering Pip for that action.

"YEAH! Nice job Pip!" He screamed before he saw Pip get the scythe driven through his gut while he's trying to carry Seras to safety which drives him to tears.

"No Pip it can't be...PIP!" He screamed in agony after seeing Pip and Seras kiss, and Pip die shortly after and Zorin is seen mocking Captain Bernadotte.

"You…BITCH!" Airnaruto screamed at Blitz before he saw Seras go bat shit crazy on Blitz.

"Well anyway despite the fact we get what we wanted in the end of this OVA episode it still came at the cost of probably one of the better comedic characters of the franchise, Captain Bernadotte Cest la Vie." Airnaruto said as he let one more tear drop from his eyes.

_**Number 8**_

_**Charlotte from Charlotte's Web**_

"Yeah I know that this was also on the Nostalgia Critic's top 11 saddest moments but this one didn't get to me as much as it did to him." Airnaruto said. As we see Wilbur and Charlotte talking.

"I mean with the way Charlotte is taking it in stride you think she was going to the store and she even sings a song just as she's about to die after doing all she could to help Wilbur avoid becoming the Zuckerman's Christmas ham." Airnaruto said as we see Charlotte breathe her last breath.

_Wilbur: Charlotte? CHARLOTTE!_

"I'll never use a can of RAID again." Airnaruto said weepingly.

_**Number 7**_

_**Maes Hughes from FullMetal Alchemist**_

"Much like the death of Bambi's mother, the death of Maes Hughes is still talked about often by many anime fans whether they've read the manga, watched episode 26 of the original series or episode 10 of Brotherhood." Airnaruto said before getting to the difference.

"The only difference is Hughes was funny while occasionally annoying but still overall likeable but his death was pretty heart wrenching to many of the fans of the series, however when it got to the funeral scene from Brotherhood episode 10 and episode 26 of the original as they're burying him I couldn't hold it in anymore." Airnaruto said as he rolled the clip of the soldiers placing the coffin into the grave hole.

_Elicia: Mommy, why are they throwing dirt on daddy?_

_Gracia (Painfully): They're burying him dear._

_Elicia: But if they bury then he won't be able to do all his work._

_Elicia: Don't bury him Daddy!_

The camera then cutback to Airnaruto who was letting the tears flow freely from his face. "For me it's Elicia's naivety towards the situation that comes from her age that makes this a tearjerker another reason it's a tearjerker is because we all knew about the bond between Hughes and his family specifically his relationship with his daughter and when I saw that scene I just let it all out." Airnaruto said as he started to dry his eyes out.

_**Number 6**_

_**Franz from the Count of Monte Cristo: Gankutusuou**_

"I only watched this one the whole way through recently and if you recall my recent review of this series based on the original Alexander Dumas novel, I mentioned Franz's death in episode 18." Airnaruto said before continuing.

"However I didn't say how he died, well in advance there will be spoilers for those who haven't watched this anime masterpiece so please if there are any among you who don't wish to be spoiled please turn away now." He said giving those who didn't want to be spoiled a chance to go see the series and after a few seconds he went ahead with the explanation.

"Well Franz and Albert had gone back to Albert's place to celebrate Albert's 16th birthday and while there were having a few drinks of wine, Franz slipped some sleeping pills into Albert's drink so Albert wouldn't have to duel the count. Why you ask because he had learned from I think it was Maxmillien's father who owned the shipping company that the count worked for in regards to how to defeat Gankutusuou who again is the ghost that possesses the count's body." Airnaruto said as we see the duel play out.

(Various scenes of Franz getting his butt kicked and his suit of armor get pummeled into scrap)

"I'm almost certain that throughout the whole duel nobody watching aside from the audience watching the show realizes that isn't Albert in the armor it's Franz which makes it much more heartbreaking especially when Albert arrives later and finds Franz's bloodstained body." Airnaruto said as we see Franz die in Albert's arms before he finally let some tears out.

_**Number 5**_

_**Hiruzen Sarutobi aka The 3**__**rd**__** Hokage from Naruto **_

"I know that some people would say that I shouldn't be too upset about the 3rd dying during the Chunin exam arc because we saw it coming or had read the manga prior to watching the anime but it was still just devastating for me and other people to who had come to see the old man as almost like their own grandfather and given the fact I didn't know either of my grandfathers all that well before they died I had a good reason to be upset." Airnaruto explained about his problems with his grandfathers as we see the Third's final moments in his battle against his former student Orochimaru.

_Sarutobi: Forbidden jutsu: Reaper death sealing!_

_(The Shinigami cuts off Orochiamru's soul arms causing his real arms to turn purple and rotten)_

_Sarutobi: Orochimaru you will never be able to form another hand sign and ninjutsu is now forever beyond your reach. (Collapses on to the ground and dies)_

The camera then cut back to Airnaruto who was really letting the tears come out now grabbing as many tissues as he could.

"NO...SARUTOBI-SENSEI!" He lamented letting it all out and moving on.

_**Number 4: Soichiro Yagami from Death Note**_

"Now I know that the death of L pissed off a lot of fans of the anime series in episode 25, but for me the most tragic death has got to be the death of Light's father Soichiro." Airnaruto said.

"Why do I find it sad?" Airnaruto asked for his audience before he revealed why. "Simple because to me Soichiro was probably the most emotionally developed and morally straight character in the series and don't get me started on Misa. I find her to be annoying." Airnaruto said to rebuke anyone who would dare rebuke him.

"I'm going to get back on topic now. In episode 29 following the aftermath of Saiyu's kidnapping and trade for one of the death notes, planned by Mello and his mafia buddies, Soichiro begins to doubt himself concerning if he made the right choice, and then later on when the taskforce finds out that Mello's hiding out in LA, he takes upon himself to; make the deal with Ryuk to use the Shinigami eyes to track down Mello, get his real name since they already had a rough sketch drawing of what he looked like, and kill him using the taskforce's notebook." Airnaruto said as we see the scene of Soichiro still with the Shinigami eyes looking at Mello's face and seeing his name appear above his head.

_Soichiro: M-I-H-A-E-L K-E-E-H-L, your real name is Mihael Keehl_

_Mello: (Gasp)_

The camera returned to Airnaruto who had a confused look on his face.

"Mihael Keehl, that's Mello's real name?" He asked before seething, "Were either Ota or Obata aware that when they created Mello that they were going to piss off a lot of Jewish and/or Irish descended stereotypes as well as the peers of said stereotypes?" He asked in anger before explaining.

"I mean look past the scar and look at Mello!" Air shouted before a photo of Mello is shown, "I mean freckled face, red hair, and I'll bet my ass that doesn't eat any pork, shellfish, or cheeseburgers and the way his real name sounds make people think that he's of Jewish descent!" Airnaruto ranted before calming down and asking his audience, "Did I go a little off track just now?"

"YES!" The audience replied.

"Sorry about that anyway despite the fact he now knows Mello's real name, Soichiro can't bring himself to pull the trigger or in this case stroke the pen and that moment of hesitation results in him getting shot in the back and caught in an explosion." Airnaruto said as the hideout blows up.

(BOOM!)

"However in my eyes it's more tragic when they get to the hospital when Soichiro says this to Light as he himself is dying." Airnaruto said as we hear Soichiro say his final words.

_Soichiro to Light: Light…I still have the eyes of a Shinigami…according to that Shinigami Ryuk I can't see the lifespan of anyone who owns a death note…Light I'm so glad that you aren't Kira. (After a couple of minutes Soichiro dies)_

"No Soichiro not you too!" Airnaruto said in shock before finally letting the tears flow again.

_**Number 3**_

_**Spike Spiegel from Cowboy Bebop**_

"I'll admit that I've never watched an episode of this show but I have seen clips from it, when I've asked people that have watched it what was the most emotional moment of the series they say it was either the death of Spike or Julia but watching their deaths." Airnaruto said before making his decision.

"I'll go with Spike's death being the more emotional of the two because it's Julia's death that leads to the final showdown between Spike and Vicious and after the battle Spike collapses in a staircase but not before giving one last bang that could be best described in a certain AMV with the song What to say playing in the background, I can't play it though since I've never found the video for it sorry but still Spike all I can say is so long space cowboy." Airnaruto said with a tearful farewell.

_Spike: Bang!_

_**Number 2**_

_**Kamina from Gurren Lagann**_

"Now as goofy and over the top I think that Kamina is, I still say that he is, was, and always will be the epitome of all things badass and manly." Airnaruto said before thinking back on something, "It's a shame that I came across Tengen Toppen Gurren Lagann as late as I did because I definitely would have put him in the top 11 biggest anime badasses list but it's my fault for overlooking him." Airnaruto said before anyone jumped on him.

"While Kamina wasn't the main character of the series, he was the most entertaining and charismatic character any mech-anime has seen in years." Airnaruto said as we hear Kamina belt out some of his most famous lines.

_Kamina: When you hear about team Dai-Gurren and their badass leader, a man of noble spirit and masculinity they're talking about me Kamina!_

_Kamina: JUST WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM?_

_Kamina: Believe in the Kamina that believes in you Simon._

The camera then cut back to Airnaruto as he had a confused look on his face concerning the last quote. "I still don't get how that makes sense." Airnaruto said bluntly before getting back on topic.

"Anyway after lip locking with Yoko or as he calls her sometimes thunder thighs…" Airnaruto said before cutting himself off and asking "What does Kamina think Yoko has a huge ass? I mean sure she's scantily clothed and she has a huge front but I don't really see the amount in the back." Airnaruto said before he slapped himself in the face.

"Get a hold of yourself Airnaruto you're the Classic Critic not the somewhat perverse yet still taking an oath of celibacy critic." He reprimanded himself. "Anyway during the battle in episode 8 shortly after Gurren and Lagann combine Kamina passes out before telling Simon one last thing." Airnaruto said as we see the tragic scene with Kamina's body all battered and bloody inside the cockpit of his gunman.

_Kamina to Simon: Later buddy. (Dies)_

The camera cuts back to Airnaruto who by this point is bursting again. "NO KAMINA WHY?" He cried to the heavens before dropping his head onto the desk.

"Kamina you were taken from us too soon my friend. Row Row Fight the Power!" Airnaruto said as his voice continued to crack.

_**And the Number 1 Saddest Animated death is…..**_

_**Nicholas D. Wolfwood from Trigun.**_

"I'm pretty sure a good number of you saw this one coming, I mean we all know that the second half of Trigun had a large body count because of Legato Bluesummers, Knives, and the Gung-Ho Guns." Airnaruto said as we see the number of people dead sky rocket from episode 12 up to episode 24.

"However I bet everyone who had read the comic were surprised by the way the series killed off it's most popular character next to Vash the Stampede and Kuroneko-sama the latter of which being the little black cat that often appeared in the background at least once in each episode, but back to Wolfwood ever since he appeared in episode 9 we had come to know and respect this undercover man of the cloth and sharpshooter as well as his philosophy of protecting the innocent but after he defeats his mentor Chapel, Legato takes control of Chapel's body through his telepathic abilities and shoots Nicholas who then limps his way into a church and this happens all while a random unknown singer is singing Hallelujah in the background." Airnaruto said as Wolfwood enters the church to make his first and final confession.

_Wolfwood: Despite the profession I've chosen, I've never actually made a confession before in my life_. _I justified my actions by blaming it on the times…saying I did to protect the children. I took many lives thinking that there was no other way. My sins are too heavy…to heavy to ever atone for…Still I feel really happy with myself today. It can be done, once you stop and_ _think about it_

_There are plenty of ways to save everyone. Why didn't I see that? (Pulls out his pack of cigarettes and lights one.) That tastes good._

_(Flashback with Milly in episode 11)_

_Milly: Second hand smoking's bad for the baby dear._

_(Cutback to Wolfwood)_

_Wolfwood: I'm sorry honey. If I am reincarnated, I'd like to live somewhere where life's easier, somewhere nothing but peaceful days, somewhere with no stealing or killing…..Eden. In Eden I…I'll live with him and the girls, and….No! I don't want to die! I still have so much to do! I want to stay with them! Was I wrong? Does this mean I was wrong? I guess it would be presumptuous to ask for forgiveness. I can't stand it! (Dies while leaning on his punisher cross gun)_

The camera then cut back to Airnaruto who now had three more tissue boxes out and was emotionally distraught over that scene.

"You think I'm taking it hard just watch and listen to how Milly reacts when she learns of Wolfwood's death later that night in the Japanese cut." Airnaruto said as he rolled the clip of Milly kneeling next to her bed burying her face in the blankets and crying uncontrollably.

Milly: (Crying uncontrollably!)

"It's that reaction from Milly that clinches it for me. Nicholas you had one life that proves it's hell just trying to get to Heaven. Therefore I give Nicholas D. Wolfwood the title of the number one saddest animated death." Airnaruto said as the camera cutback to him.

"Well there you have it my top 11 saddest animated deaths, I'm the Classic Critic, and I remember it so you're not required to." He said before walking off while still crying his eyes out.

A/N: Well gang if you don't review this while jerking a few tears then all I can say is that you don't have a soul read and review folks.


	23. Episode 23: Trigun

Episode 23: Trigun Review

**Disclaimer: the following review consists of copywritten material owned by Yasahiro Nightow, Madhouse studios, Funimation, and Dark Horse Comics the current rights owners of Trigun. All characters, locations, names and ideas are theirs, this review however is my property and is covered by the fair rights usage law.**

Airnaruto once again sat at his desk having fully recovered from his last episode. "Hello I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to." He said as usual before moving on to the topic of the review. "Well after three weeks of crying my eyes out I decided to get back on the reviewing track with an anime classic." He said as the scene changed to an old saloon in the middle of the desert.

"This barren wasteland of a planet known as Gun smoke is the last frontier for humanity, outlaws and bounty hunters run amok in the new old west and the biggest bounty of them all belongs to Vash the Stampede, an uncatchable demon with killer marksmanship and a bounty of 60 billion double dollars on his head dead or alive." Airnaruto explained as we see the saloon get sliced in half, and riddled with bullets by a band of bounty hunters.

_(BANG! BANG! BANG!)_

Some of the bullets ricocheted near Airnaruto's head forcing him to duck for cover. "Whoa!" He exclaimed as he hid under the desk "Okay I've heard of breaking the fourth wall but that was just ludicrous." He said as all that remains of the bar is just one man with spiky blonde hair, wearing a long red trench coat, orange tinted sunglasses, black gloves, and a custom designed Mateba semiautomatic .45 caliber revolver pistol at his side sitting at his stool, and then the guy stands up and aims his gun at the would be assassins as the scene cut back to Airnaruto.

"Oh boy I foresee an ass whooping." He said excitedly until he heard the gun click about 5 times and the bounty hunters laugh at the individual mentioned earlier. "Then again maybe not."

_Unknown character: AH! _

_(Guns firing)_

"Whoa!" Airnaruto exclaimed as he ducked under the desk again. "What is this shoot the Classic Critic full of holes day?" He asked in a fit of rage.

The camera then changed to the red coat wearing idiot along with two young ladies who are riding on the back of two creatures known as Thomas's which look like Ostriches crossbred with anteaters with lizard eyes.

"Anyway his path of destruction is so widespread that even attracts the attention of insurance societies who send representatives and disaster investigators to find him and enforce risk prevention on him because he's driving them into massive debt." Airnaruto explained while our hero was guzzling down a box of donuts and the insurance girls explaining the situation to him.

_Vash: Okay then what were you two doing there? Are ugly guys like that your type or what?_

_Meryl: Shut up! It's nothing like that we're here on official business._

_Milly: That's right official representatives of the Bernadelli insurance society, we're disaster investigators._

_Meryl: There have been over 300 reported sightings of Vash the Stampede and it's a huge liability to any insurance company._

_Vash with his mouth full: Yeah that must be rough._

_Meryl: Like you care that's why we're trying to find him and keep him under 24 hour surveillance._

_Vash: 24 Hours?_

_Milly: Is something wrong?_

_Vash: No nothing._

"Real smooth idiot." Airnaruto said in regards to Vash. "Anyway Meryl Stryfe and Milly Thompson initially give our resident fro-hawked blockhead a pass but after he saves them from getting raped and killed or the other way around." Airnaruto said as we see the scene play out.

_Vash: Run!_

_(Gun gets fired again)_

"Yikes!" Airnaruto said ducking back under the desk, "Well they still can't believe it…or at least Meryl can't by the end of the first episode, Milly's convinced that this red coated numbskull is Vash the Stampede." Airnaruto said as Meryl started to list off Vash's faults in attempt to disprove any of Milly's claims that he is who she says he is.

_Meryl about Vash pre-episode 5: That droopy-eyed, cocky, upside haired, woman chasing lunatic whose nuts for donuts and gorges them like a starved hog in heat you honestly think is him?_

"However Vash proves his skills time after time proving that his mass murdering reputation is completely unfounded, in reality he's vowed that he will never take a human life and only draw out his gun let alone rely on it as an absolute last resort." Airnaruto said before cutting back to him.

"So if he's just a pacifist who just has a nasty string of bad luck why does everyone think he's a mass murderer?" He asked as the camera cut back to the show a little later on in the series.

"The answers start to come up when a priest with a very itchy trigger finger named Nicholas D. Wolfwood comes across our trio and the merry band is soon targeted by a nihilist and his master who strike fear in Vash's heart and send assassins who are chomping at the bit to rip open his old wounds." Airnaruto said before asking a question as we see a scene from episode 12.

"So one would ask just who or what is Vash? Is he a guardian angel, just some lucky idiot, or the devil himself underneath the scars and smile?" He asked before moving on to the show's production values.

"In terms of production, when the studio behind it is Madhouse, the oldest of the big three anime production studios you're certain it's animation is going to be slick, fluid, and perfect. However for Trigun that's not the case. It's rough and tumble design was based on an attempt to imitate American superhero comics while staying in anime standards." Airnaruto said as we see Vash jump out a window only to wind up outside the bathroom.

"My guess is that this was just to appease the manga author Yasuhiro Nightow who is a renowned US action figures and comic book addict with his all time favorite being everyone's favorite friendly neighborhood wall crawling web slinger Spider man." Airnaruto said giving his thoughts on why the show was designed that way before a certain black cat appeared in front of him. "Well what do you know folks it's Kuroneko-sama." Airnaruto said picking up the cat.

"Meow!" the cat said as text appeared above its head.

_**Kuroneko-sama origin Japanese translation: Lord or Lady Black Cat **_It read.

"Meow!" The cat said again.

"If you're wondering folks as the text mentions about the name, Kuroneko-sama was more or less Nightow's mascot/companion character and this is a female kitty and as an inside joke she shows up at least once in every episode of the anime, every so often in the manga, and in the editorial common of the maximum comic in the case of the latter of these three she usually criticizes Nightow's over simplistic style." Airnaruto explained.

"Meow!" Kuroneko-sama said.

"Anyway back to the animation while the approach they used sounded good on paper it wasn't that great in execution. The show did have brief moments of visceral brilliance in its unusual style but also looked like dust covered Thomas shit when the budget dropped out and the characters models couldn't stand up any better than a Soul Eater DVD case so visually it was a hit and miss." Airnaruto explained as he pulled out a Soul Eater DVD case and placed on the table to prove his point as the case fell over before the camera cut to Vash and Wolfwood getting flushed down a sandpit.

_Vash & Wolfwood: OH NO! IT'S QUICKSAND!_

_Little girl watching: What an embarrassing way to go._

"The soundtrack is rather underrated consisting of random junk music and loads of electric guitar that truly bring the bleak world of Trigun to life." Airnaruto said before moving on to the voice cast.

"The voicing is pretty good with veteran seiyu Satsuki Yukino playing a very well done Milly and the rest of the acting is fine in Japanese but trust me when I say this show is much more rewarding to watch in the English dub. Especially when English is Gunsmoke's official language canonically." Airnaruto said under his breath as we see Vash confront the samurai-esque member of the gung-ho guns holding a contract to take Vash down written in Japanese.

_Vash: I can't read that._

"See what I mean folks?" Airnaruto asked before moving on to Vash himself. "Now Vash's seiyu Masaya Onasaka did a pretty good job at voicing Vash but I have two complaints with him in the role." Airnaruto said before revealing his complaints; "The first complaint is why have an Osakan born actor hide his natural accent when more than half of the cast speak partially in Konsai-bin which is the Southwestern Japanese dialect? " He asked.

"My other complaint with Onasaka is that while he is funny, he just goes a little over the top when he has to act serious and that's his downfall for me." Airnaruto said before moving on to the dub actor.

"By contrast, Johnny Yong Bosch understands the part better and he can play both sides of Vash's persona without it sounding so jarring besides hands down Vash is one the most memorable anime heroes of all time from his bizarre appearance to his mysterious personality making him equal parts badass and softy." Airnaruto said in regards to Vash's persona.

All the other actors hold the series together as well especially the voice of Wolfwood who again has an odd casting choice in Japanese." Airnaruto said before explaining. "In Japanese Wolfwood is voiced by the articulate and very eloquent speaking Sho Hayami who was cast for the role because they needed someone who grew up in Osaka and could speak Konsai-bin even if he had to fake the accent which Hayami did; despite having spent his childhood in Osaka he speaks more like your average Kanto region dweller but still that's the only other gripe I have with the sub." Airnaruto revealed.

"Wolfwood's dub voice actor Jeff Nimoy has just enough color to his voice to make come close to what the Japanese casting staff was aiming for when they casted Hayami on the other hand." Airnaruto explained as we hear Wolfwood explain why he was in the desert.

_Wolfwood: My motorcycle broke down a couple of hundred miles down the road from here so I thought I'd just hoof it._

"Yeah the show does have unneeded extras like Barney Fife in here." Airnaruto said before Barney Fife cut him off.

_Barney: Why is he just standing there taking that kind of abuse?_

"Barney go back to the Andy Griffith show and stay there." Airnaruto said bluntly before wrapping it up for the cast. "Bottom line the Dub comes through a lot better than the Japanese." Airnaruto said.

"Okay now to get to the obvious points about the show Trigun has awesome gunfights, it's also gut buster and highly original but the characters take the center stage of the series. By far Vash is one of if not the most recognizable heroes in anime history but even he can't carry the weight by himself, shockingly enough Wolfwood is more popular than even Vash and is just as interesting in his way of life and strong opposition of Vash's philosophy." Airnaruto said before cutting back to him to ask himself one question.

"If Wolfwood and Vash are the most popular characters in the series then why is that Kuroneko-sama has gotten more product placement than either one of them?" He asked before he showed some slides of the Trigun memorabilia that had Kuroneko-sama on it including; plushies, slippers, backpacks, shot glasses, fleeces, bobby pins, pillows, and key chains.

_Kuroneko-sama: Meow._

"Anyway, the entire cast carries the brunt of the insanity of this show with incredible ease, what do I mean by insanity?" Airnaruto asked for his audience.

"Simple it starts off with a wild clatter and clang of over the top slap stick violence and over the top comedy that while still taking itself seriously does throw in quite a few gags." Airnaruto said before he slammed his hands on the desk and the camera zoomed in on him.

"OR IS IT?" He asked.

"Around the halfway point we find out that the peaceful outlaw's past hasn't made peace with and the calculating vengeance that Legato, Knives, and the Gung ho guns take on Vash start a dramatic spiral into some nerve racking pathos until it climaxes in a scene so tension breaking you'll be screaming at your screen for a little bit." Airnaruto said before moving on to the last bits of the review.

"Now the story itself is very subdued in the anime and while it's well known that this is a space western sci-fi, we don't even know we're on another planet until episode 6 or how humanity got there until episode 17. While this does create greater realism it's still manga contingent. In other words the answers are not so hidden in the manga." Airnaruto said.

"Some of the questions would be like; Why does Legato hate slave traders most of all? What do the plants on Gunsmoke's look like from within, or in my opinion the most illogical question why is Wolfwood hinted to be how old?" Airnaruto asked until we here Wolfwood reveal the answer.

_Wolfwood: I picked my first gun at the age of 7_

"No surprise there." Airnaruto said before he got cut off by Wolfwood's mentor.

_Chapel: I can't believe you wasted the 10 years of training I gave you…_

_(Record scratch)_

"Wolfwood is only 17? How the hell is he only 17? I mean he looks he's somewhere around 25 to 32 years old. NO! NO! DOES NOT COMPUTE! DOES NOT COMPUTE!" Airnaruto asked and then screamed waving his arms around wildly.

_(3 hours later)_

"I apologize for that folks it was stupid of me. Let's forget that ever happened." Airnaruto said. "Well anyway you'll find answers but only in the manga and on top of that the anime is a PG-13 adaptation of an R rated manga so while the manga makes it clear how Knives can make an entire town's populace vanish over not, or how Legato can kill people by simply cutting their brain functions, the anime leaves that to your imagination." Airnaruto said as we see each of the mentioned scenes and then the camera cutback to him and Kuroneko-sama.

"Either way this show is a load of fun, thought provoking and the only gun sling fest where the man on the wanted poster shouts…" Airnaruto said before getting cut off by Vash.

_Vash: Repeat carefully after me._

_Sheriff Stan: Okay_

_Vash: This world is made…_

_Stan: This world is….._

_Vash: This world is made of!_

_Stan: This world is made of…_

_Vash: Made of love & peace._

_(Strikes his pose)._

"All-in-all, Trigun does have it's fair share of scrapes with scrappy animation, overly secretive storytelling, and numerous dark twists and turns but, no other shows have a such a heart of gold. A powerful story, complex characters, and a rip-snorting time when the darkness lifts are what this show brings to the table and with that said I give Trigun 4 and a half pacifistic proclamations…" Airnaruto said before the camera cut to Vash.

_Vash: This Land is made of…Love & Peace! (1)_

_Love & Peace! (2)_

_A couple of kids join in _

_All three: Love & Peace (3)_

_Love and Peace (4)_

_Love &…. (4 ½)_

_Meryl with a scared look on her face: NO MAKE IT GO AWAY I CAN'T STAND ANYOMORE!_

_Vash to the crowd: Now everybody join along Love and peace!_

"….out of 5. I'm the Classic Critic I remember it so you're not required to and remember that this world is made LOVE & PEACE! (Does the Vash pose)" Airnaruto exclaimed as he did the pose before leaving.

_Trigun final analysis:_

_Pros: Powerful story that questions if it's just to take a human life based on the person's crime. Complex characters, pulls off the comedy to drama twist very well. Great dub cast_

_Cons: extremely secretive with certain questions in the plot, hit & miss visuals, confusing sub cast choices for the two most popular characters._

_Final rating: ****1/2 out of 5_

_A/N: Well folks there you have it for this week Happy Holidays to you all._


	24. Episode 24: Ken's Rage

Episode 24: Fist of The North Star Ken's Rage

Disclaimer: While I own a copy of the following game, rights to the material involved are the property of Bronson & Tetsou Hara, Viz media, and Tecmo Koei games.

The Classic Critic sat in front of his desk once again with a serious look on his face.

"Hello I'm the Classic critic; I remember it so you're not required to." He said as was his usual introduction.

"You know one thing I like is anime, and another is video games however, when both are put together most of the time the combination doesn't mesh all that well regardless of which comes first and which medium you do it in." He said before giving a few examples.

"I mean remember that horrible Dragon Ball Z game that came out for the Xbox back in 2005?" He asked before moving on to some other ones, "Then there are the games that never get a release in the US or in Europe like 3 of the 5 Ranma ½ games on the Nintendo Superfamicon, Berserk: Millennium Falcon for the PS2, Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, and even a Full Metal Alchemist game that remember finding cut scenes from a while back that had major Armstrong in one of those man thong swimsuits." Airnaruto said before shuddering in repulsion.

"However the one I'm review today is one that has gotten a bit of bashing from the IGC or Internet Gamer Community, and that game is this." Airnaruto said as he held up the case. "This is Fist of the North Star: Ken's Rage or Houkuto Kousou as it's known in Japan." He said before explaining the source material itself without going into the plot.

"Now as far as the source material for those who don't know, Hokuto no Ken or Fist of the North Star was a manga series that was released in 1983 that would later spawn 2 anime series, 4 animated movies, an OVA series, and a terrible direct to video live action movie. Trust me the live action movie suck major amounts of ass." Airnaruto warned as each cover or poster for the films, series, or OVAs were shown.

"This game itself well the version I'm gonna play is yet again the Xbox 360 version." He said popping the disc into the system.

"The story of the game pretty much follows the major arcs of the manga, with our hero Kenshiro travelling across the post nuclear war torn world where the strong prey on the weak so he can rescue his beloved Yuria who was taken from him by his old rival Shin only to later find out she committed suicide and now along with the children Bat and Rin, Ken must rid the world of the tyranny and war that has plagued it for so long. He is the heir to the legacy of Hokuto Shin Ken a fighting style that destroys any enemy from the inside out by striking any of the body's 708 hidden vital points until they explode in fountains of blood." He said showing one example from the anime series real from episode 1.

_Ken: (Screaming while attacking Zeed)_

_Announcer: The Hundred Crack Fist of the North Star_

_Zeed: You puny fist couldn't hurt a fly._

_Kenshiro in Japanese: Omae WA mo Shinderiu _

_(Zeed's head blows up)_

The camera then switched back to Airnaruto who held a sign up that read in Romaji Japanese:

_**Omae wa mo Shinderiu translation: You are already dead.**_

"Now as you progress you unlock the usual goodies, you know insentric skills, extrnesic skills, special moves, master moves, extra characters, a challenge mode, dream mode, and the gallery." Airnaruto said before moving on to the game play.

"The game play is just like every other current free-roaming third person beat-em up title in the market these days, you know you kick the crap out of enemies with combinations of light, heavy, and throw attacks, aerial attacks along with some very light environmental puzzle solving where as the controls when you're attacking with a heavy attack get sluggish and I mean really sluggish as in waiting for tortoise to put it's own anal waste behind it though the best thing about the combat are the special moves which require a certain cost of spirit which is the series of 8 yellow cubes below the health bar and just to activate them all you have to do is hit the directional pad either, up down, left, or right and it leaves enemies in pools of their own blood." Airnaruto said before showing some of the combat scenes capping it off with Kenshiro's Heavenly Destruction technique.

"Now here's one of the major flaws this game has. If you haven't guessed by now this yet another attempt by Tecmo/Koei to rehash the Dynasty Warriors franchise and one obvious fact that points this out is that the camera's not in a fixed position. Much like with Assassin's Creed if you get backed into a corner by an enemy, the camera will zoom in on you making it impossible to find your attackers, COME YOU PIECE OF SHIT!" Airnaruto said and then screamed.

"The enemies themselves except for the bosses are the same Mad Max biker punks knock offs, with several bigger looking thugs called commanders, which is stupid because again why have to fight all these stock enemies?" Airnaruto said again.

"Sure the visuals hold up and accurately depict the world of the manga but the environments are bland mostly run down villages, cliffs, and deserts that make you wish you were buried head deep in the sand while a camel took a lava dump all over you." Airnaruto mentioned.

"The voice acting on the other trust me when I say this, it sounds much better in Japanese, the English voices are stiff, hammy, and don't bring a lot of emotion to their characters, I mean out of all of them only Rin, Mamiya, and Airi seem to be the most competent in English and that's only because they're voiced by Stephanie Sheh, Laura Bailey, and Dorothy Elias-Fahn respectively, Kaiji Tang as Kenshiro is okay I guess but he still can't hold a candle to the original voice of Kenshiro veteran seiyu Akira Kamiya from the anime series." Airnaruto said as he moved on to the final verdict of the game.

"So all in all it's not really the worst anime based game or that bad of a game in general it just needed something else to be more of a stand alone game not another Dynasty Warriors rehash." Airnaruto said. When is Tecmo/Koei going to stop slapping a new coat of paint on this franchise and lay it to rest?" Airnaruto asked before

He gave the game a verdict.

"The bottom line is this game is a rental only so it only gets a 3 out of 5 from me it captures the world of the manga well and the special moves that spill buckets of blood are badass and there's a lot stuff to unlock but the game gets dragged down by the fact that Ken's storyline takes 15 hours to finish, the English voice acting for the most part is extremely stiff, and the enemies are almost entirely stock." Airnaruto said before wrapping it up.

"Well folks there you have it my review of Fist of the North Star Ken's Rage but before I go I have a little treat to close us out as DarkPaladinmon aka the Digital Critic, Nukid aka The Nostalgia Kid, and Lunatic121 aka the Insane Critic are gonna close this episode out with our rendition of Crystal King's Ai wo Torimodose the Fist of the North Star opening." Airnaruto said before pulling out a microphone.

"You guys ready?" Airnaruto asked.

"I'm ready." Dark said pulling out an electric guitar.

"All systems are go over here." Nukid replied pulling out a Bass guitar.

"All set sensei." Lunatic said sitting behind a drum set.

Nukid and Dark soon start strumming their guitars while Lunatic was banging the drums before finally all four began to sing the opening line of the song.

(A/N: I'm using the Romaji lyrics so please don't get on my case about half the time if you try to dub the lyrics of song that's already well known and loved in Japanese into English it's bound to suck remember the English rendition of Sakura Kiss from Oraun High School Host Club?)

_All 4: __YOU wa SHOCK!  
_

_Air: ai de sora ga ochite kuru  
_

_All 4: YOU wa SHOCK!  
_

_Air: ore no mune ni ochite kuru  
atsui kokoro kusari de tsunai demo  
ima wa muda da yo  
jama suru yatsu wa yubisaki hitotsu de DOWN sa_

All 4: YOU wa SHOCK!  


_Air: ai de kodou hayaku naru  
_

_All 4: YOU wa SHOCK!  
_

_Air: ore no kodou hayaku naru  
omae motome samayou kokoro ima  
atsuku moete iru  
subete tokashi muzan ni tobichiru hazu sa_

Nukid: ore to no ai wo mamoru tame  
omae wa tabidachi  


_Dark: ashita wo miushinatta  
hohoemi wasureta kao nado mitaku wa nai sa  
_

_Both: ai wo torimodose_

(instrumental)

All 4: YOU wa SHOCK!  


_Air: ai de yami wo kirisaite  
_

_All 4: YOU wa SHOCK  
_

_Air: ore no yami wo kirisaite  
daremo futari no yasuragi kowasu koto  
deki wa shinai sa  
hikitsuke au kizuna wa hanarenai nido to_

Nukid: ore to no ai wo mamoru tame  
omae wa tabidachi  


_Dark: ashita wo miushinatta  
hohoemi wasureta kao nado mitaku wa nai sa  
_

_Both: ai wo torimodose_

_All 4: YOU wa SHOCK!_

The song ended as Airnaruto turned to the audience; "I'm the Classic Critic; I remember so you're not required to, Happy new year, and Happy Groundhog Day folks.

_Ken's Rage final recap_

_Pros:_

_Retells the story from the major arcs of the manga accurately, _

_brings the bleak world of the series to life, _

_Loads of extras to unlock_

_Special moves kick ass and are just as blood bursting as the anime._

_Japanese voice cast is above standard._

_Cons: _

_Outside of the bosses all the enemies are stock_

_the backgrounds are repetitive_

_English Voice acting is stiff for the most part_

_Completing Kenshiro's Legend mode alone will take 15 hours just to finish. _

_All in all this is more or less a huge love letter to the Fist of the North Star fan base and at most I only recommend renting this game if you're getting tired of all the DBZ and Naruto video games you find in stores._

_Final Rating: *** out of 5_

_A/N: Well folks that's it for this review be sure to stop by when I do my silver episode and my one year anniversary special read and review until then._


	25. Episode 25: OYA Special Berserk

Episode 25: One Year Anniversary Episode Berserk

Disclaimer: The following consists of copy written material owned by Kentaro Miura, Media Blasters, Oriental Light & Magic, and Dark horse Comics. This review is for entertainment purposes only and covered by the fair rights usage act.

Airnaruto45 aka The Classic critic sat at his desk once more but he seemed a little distracted this time around he was reading some books on Greek Myths, Athenian tragedy, and watching some anime on his laptop before he noticed the camera was on.

"Oh sorry about that..." Airnaruto said before clearing his throat and going to his main introduction. "Hello I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to, and I know it's a month late but welcome to my 25th episode/One year Anniversary." He said which lead to a thunderous ovation. "If you were about to ask me why I had all this stuff cluttered on my desk well it's because I've been looking into an anime/manga series that has most of it's themes rooted in Greco/Roman myths and tragedy despite it's medieval environment, and unless you've been living under a rock for the past 12 to 23 years you'll know which series I'm talking about." He said before the Jeopardy theme began to play.

**(Jeopardy theme plays in the background for about 30 seconds)**

"HOW CAN NONE OF YOU KNOW WHAT SERIES I'M TALKING ABOUT?" Airnaruto screamed before calming down…"Sorry but honestly has nobody here other than my production team and myself heard of Berserk?" He asked the audience before getting a look on his face. "Whoever has watched, read, heard of, or played a video game from this series please take one step forward." Airnaruto said before he saw everyone take one step back.

"Why me?" he asked himself before going on to explain the premise of the series.

"Berserk is based on a manga of the same name written by Kentaro Miura that started back in 1988. The kingdom of Midland is overrun with demons who oppress the humans and the only bold enough to stop them is a beast of a man known as the black swordsman Guts." Airnaruto said as we see a man with a huge 9 foot long sword, black hair, a red cape on his back, a prosthetic left arm that hid a crossbow and a miniature cannon in it, his right eye gouged out, with black flat top hair, and his body covered in armor, this was Guts the Black swordsman who was shooting crossbow bolts into the remains of snake demon of some kind. "Now that we've gotten the introduction scenes out of the way let's move on to the main plot." Airnaruto said

**Plot:**

"After slaying the demon, Guts begins to reflect on his time among the mercenary band known as the band of the hawk, and his friendship with the hawk's leader Griffith." Airnaruto said as the camera shows a scene of Guts conversing with a handsome young man in armor with white hair and blue eyes this was Griffith. "Just by the opening of episode 1 you know that their friendship ended on a pretty sour note, but in any case the rest of the series basically follows the battles that the band of the hawk are enlisted for and the friendship between Guts, Griffith, and the main female Character Casca who thankfully is a very strong and outspoken character in her own right and not the stereotypical fan service feast." Airnaruto said before giving his own thoughts in regards to the story. "This story of this anime to me has more substance than style as it has more than just straight hack and slash battles, as it can be very introspective, with displays of the best and worst of human nature, political intrigue and some horror. I would say it's perfect if not for one problem….The ending or lack thereof." Airnaruto said before showing the ending and then explaining his dispassion with the ending.

_Guts manages to cut himself loose by sacrificing his arm and continues to chase after Griffith who's still busy raping Casca._

_Guts: GRIFFITH!_

_Guts then gets pinned down by more demons and has his right eye gouged out and then he screams as the screen fades to white._

"Berserk has one of the worst endings in anime history, where it gets to what should be the climax of the first story arc in the manga, and then it stops." Airnaruto said before getting angry again. "In other words the show was more or less a 25 episode manga commercial disguised as an anime series." Airnaruto said before he asked a question into the camera.

"Why OLM why did you and Media Blasters flip us the flaming middle finger and tell us to go get the manga to find out what happened have you no shame?" Airnaruto said before he started shaking

"**JUST…EXPLAIN!" **Airnaruto said banging his fists on his desks which caused a nuclear explosion.

**(BOOM)**

"Sorry about that." Airnaruto said as he continued, "The manga is still going but the latest chapters have been delayed for whatever reason, of course they even had to make a couple of video games based on the series to help anyone who hadn't read the manga but had watched the anime understand how it got up to the point it's currently at in the manga, but only one of them Sword of the Berserk Gut's Rage for the SEGA Dreamcast was the only one of the two to get an international release." He said moving on to the next category.

**Technical Aspects (Art, Animation, Music, Voice acting):**

"You've probably guessed by now that this show's animation has not aged well over the past 13 years or so when compared to the anime of today such as Death Note, Baccano!, Claymore, Cowboy Beebop, Trinity Blood, Desert Punk, and several other series." Airnaruto said as posters of each series he mentioned flashed on the screen.

"The art design and detailed backgrounds are good and well done but do they have to do a still shot every 8 minutes?" Airnaruto asked then showed a few shots said stills to prove his point as the camera slowly panned away from a hillside.

"The music is an eclectic blend of orchestral instruments, electric guitars, and synthesizers all fused and beautifully put together by Susumu Hirasawa who has worked on anime series such as the late Satoshi Kon's Paranoia Agent…" Airnaruto said before getting cut off by Captain Kirk.

_**Captain Kirk: KAHN!**_

"I said Kon!" He screamed before finishing what he was trying to say "and the Paprika movie. I just have one problem with the soundtrack and that's it's opening Tell me Why by the Pen pals, how does that song fit into this series of blood, guts, horror, tits, and gore? It doesn't!" He finished saying before moving on the voices.

"The voice acting has it's ups and downs, the Japanese track is good and each Seiyu performs their roles as if they were their characters." Airnaruto said praising the Japanese dub. "The English dub is more of a hit and miss, don't get me wrong, Mark Diraison as Guts is good, Carolyn Elizabeth as Casca is great and every other voice actor and actress performs above and beyond the call of duty…but Kevin Collins as Griffith is an absolute fail with his character." Airnaruto said before explaining, "What I mean Griffith's Seiyu in Japanese Toshiyuki Morikawa played the part of the silver tongued charismatic pretty boy perfectly but Collins sounds like he's trying way too hard and doesn't sound half as charismatic as Morikawa." Airnaruto said before moving on to another problem with the dub. "The other problem I have with the dub is that the vocals can occasionally become out of sync with the lip movements of the characters but other than that the English dub is fine but still nowhere near the caliber of the Japanese dub." Airnaruto concluded.

"The characters are also as much substance over style as the story of the series, specifically Guts and Griffith who are the main focus of the story as the personas couldn't be any more different." Airnaruto said before showing a photo of Griffith.

"Griffith is the kind of person you don't expect to be the villain of the series but trust me he is the villain. He never dirties his own hands and freely manipulates everyone around him to achieve his goal of becoming king of Midland despite his commoner heritage. In other words he's a Machiavellian villain." Airnaruto said before getting questioning looks from the audience.

"You know Niccolo Machiavelli, the Italian politician who said is was better to be feared than loved?" Airnaruto asked before the crowd nodded in understanding as Airnaruto moved on to Guts.

"By contrast our hero Guts, is for lack of a better term a badass, but unlike Griffith, he doesn't like to involve others with his own problems or the emotional baggage of his tragic past and while he doesn't show it nor would he admit he does care deeply for the lives of his friends and comrades, in fact I've heard him described as a Byronic hero." Airnaruto said before turning to the producers.

"Should I describe that?" He asked before he got his answer in the form of text.

**Yes you should. **The text read. "Okay, a Byronic hero is an idealized yet flawed character created by the 19th century British poet Lord Byron." Airnaruto said before further explaining. "In simpler terms A Byronic hero is someone we want to be in reality are also what we are really like, in Guts' case he can fight fate but he'll never beat it." Airnaruto said before giving his final thoughts.

"All in all I definitely can say that Berserk has earned it's global cult following and acclaim, while the dubs have their ups and downs, and the animation is dated, the story and characters are what pull you in for wild ride if only it didn't end up crashing into a wall at the end of the first story arc, though the bloopers on the DVD are funny enough to make up for it." Airnaruto said before he remembered something else. "Oh yeah thankfully the series is getting reboot done in the form of movie series that will encompass the entire manga story line that's slated for a release later this year." Airnaruto said as he showed some of the photos from the remake that he could find.

"My final rating for Berserk I give 4 stars out of 5." Airnaruto said before showing the poster of the series and then showed the star rating below it.

"Well that's it folks so until next time I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to." Airnaruto said before leaving to the tune of Hirasawa's song Forces in the background.

_Final recap:_

_Pros: Great music_

_Characters you'll come to know and love_

_Great story_

_Well detailed background art_

_Great Bloopers on the DVD_

_Japanese Dub well put together._

_Cons: English Dub hit and miss_

_Animation is dated_

_The ending doesn't exist_

_poor choice of opening theme._

_Final Rating: **** out of 5_


	26. Episode 26: Mortal Kombat 9

**Episode 26: Mortal Kombat 9 Preview**

Disclaimer: The Following consists of copyrighted material owned by Ed Boon, Netherrealm Studios, and Warner Brothers interactive.

Airnaruto45 the Classic Critic sat at his desk once more but this time he had a Chinese style hat on top of his head. "Hello I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to." He said as he got to the point of the episode, "Well folks lets face the past 15 years or so have not been kind to the Mortal Kombat series, ever since it jumped to the era of 3D fighting and to be honest many people complained about it. The basic problem people had with games like Deadly, deception, Armageddon, and MK vs. DC Universe was that the 3D fighting engine made it too easy to avoid special attacks by simply side stepping them." He explained showing certain attacks getting dodged by a simple side step. "Though in the case of MK vs. DC the major problems involved what was done to the material involved; such as having the fatalities and gore toned down to get a T rating instead of the traditional M rating the franchise was known for, confusion on which fan base the game was trying to attract, and of course the Heroic brutalities of the DC heroes since they follow the whole heroes don't kill code." Airnaruto said he pulled out his copy of MK vs. DC and showed it to the audience. "However in January of 2009, Mortal Kombat co-creator Ed Boon announced on his Twitter page that production was under way for a new Mortal Kombat game, however this time it would have what fans had been praying for in a Mortal Kombat game since the days of the arcade with Mortal Kombat 1, 2, 3 and Ultimate 3 in the form of a 2D to 2.5D fighting engine, a reboot of the original story, and an M rating." Airnaruto said as he got to the point.

"So how much justice does this reboot do the franchise and rekindle a gamers faith in the elder gods?" Airnaruto asked. "Well let's find out, released in North America on April 19 2011, and released Globally except in Australia due to government interference on April 21 2011, the game is Mortal Kombat 9 or just called…..MORTAL KOMBAT!" He said screaming the last part.

"Sorry about that…anyway two things I need to address; 1. Since the game came out just last week I'm not going to spoil the story modes ending, and 2 I don't own a copy of the game I'm just going by what I've seen on the web, now on with the review." Airnaruto said. The game opens up in the climax of the final battle in Edenia with most of the kombatants on both sides dead save for three maybe four, Raiden, Shao Khan, Shinnok, and Taven." Airnaruto said before the camera cut back to him. "If you don't get it maybe Taven's ending in Armageddon's Konquest mode and Shinnok's arcade ladder ending will explain, in terms as to how Taven is still alive when he's not in the opening cutscene maybe this will help." Airnaruto said as he showed a clip of Taven performing a kata on the top of the pyramid.

_Taven: My world has been ripped to pieces. I awoke in a foreign realm, forced to complete a quest set forth by my parents Argus and Delia. This quest though intended to save the realms, has destroyed my family. My brother Daegon became obsessed with winning the prize of full godhood and murdered our parents, and in his madness he sought to destroy me as well. Orin and Caro; dragons loyal to our family for ages were not spared from the curse that this quest has wrought. Daegon enslaved Caro to serve his own ends, the sorcerer Quan Chi killed Orin who was my guardian, though I had nothing left, I was determined to complete the quest. I faced many kombatants fighting my way to the top of the pyramid until at last I alone defeated Blaze in Mortal Kombat. The energy released by his death passed through me, granting me full godhood. The excess power then filtered through my armor and passed into the other kombatants. Though this energy was to have one of two effects on them, death or annulment of their powers, a third unforeseen outcome resulted. The quest did nothing to resolve the instability of the realms, but as protector of Edenia I vow to stave off Armageddon until a solution can be found._

The camera then cut back to Airnaruto; "In other words, Taven and his little brother were sent on a quest to find a firespawn created by their mortal sorceress mother Delia who would sound the signal to Orin and Caro to wake up the boys in Earthrealm and then after getting some key items from their parents temples, whoever defeated Blaze between the two of them would not only succeed Argus as protector of Edenia but will also have saved the realms unfortunately instead of nullifying the kombatants powers it amplified them due to Blaze having his design corrupted by the holy men of Onaga the Dragon king and so after that he left to attend his new post as the God in charge of protecting Edenia but now I'm rambling." Airnaruto said before moving on as to why Shinnok was still alive.

"Shinnok on the other hand is about as Machiavellian as Griffith from Berserk except uglier." Airnaruto said and showed a clip of Shinnok on top of the same pyramid doing a kata as well as Argus explained what happened after he defeated Blaze.

_Argus: __Shinnok had anticipated the elimination of all the kombatants present at the final battle. He sent his doppelganger to aid Daegon in defeating Blaze. But with Daegon's unexplained disappearance, the false Shinnok defeated the fire spawn. The power of Blaze breathed life into him, making him as powerful as the real fallen Elder God. Shinnok must now face himself if he is to rule supreme._

"The Shinnok that beat Blaze in this case was a clone the real fallen Elder god was still in the Netherrealm." Airnaruto said before moving on, "Anyway with everyone else dead the only two who remain at the top of the pyramid are Raiden, God of thunder and protector of Earthrealm and the emperor of Outworld Shao Khan…" Airnaruto said before getting cut off again by Captain Kirk and The Joker.

_Kirk: KHAN!_

_Joker: KHAN!_

_(Echoes)_

"SHUT UP OR I'LL GUT BOTH OF YOU!" Airnaruto screamed. "Anyway, Raiden is getting his ass kicked all while Khan with his strength increased tenfold by Blaze's excess energy gloats that he's no longer bound by the elder gods and their Mortal Kombat, even going as far as calling them toothless worms. Finally out of Desperation Raiden sends a message to himself in the one place Khan is at his most vulnerable…the past just as Shao Khan is about to kill him." Airnaruto said just as Raiden sends the message back to his past self.

_Raiden (Armageddon) to Raiden (MK1): He must win…_

"So the past Raiden sees all the visions sent by his future self and tries to do all he can to prevent the apocalypse from happening again. Will he succeed or will his efforts be in vain?" Airnaruto asked as Past Raiden's amulet ended up with a crack on it.

"In other words folks, we're in for a retelling of the story through the first three Mortal Kombat games, with most of the cast from that time available with some DLC on the way and a couple of characters from later in the original canon." Airnaruto said before running down the list. "Among the cast that you can play as there's; Jade, Sonya, Sub-Zero, Smoke, Sindel, Nightwolf, Kabal, Kano, Reptile, Cyrax, Sektor, Scorpion, Noob, Sheeva, Kung Lao, Kitana, Johnny Cage, Raiden, Stryker, Mileena, Liu Kang, Jax, Ermac, Shang Tsung, Baraka, Quan Chi (After you've beaten the story mode.), a cybernetic version of Sub-Zero, yes some of the events in the original canon do get altered in this game, and if you're lucky to own a PS3 you'll receive as DLC Kratos from the God of War franchise…All I can say to that one is FUCKING AWESOME!" Airnaruto explained and then exclaimed.

"The fighting mechanic and graphics for the game are as I mentioned are 2D to 2.5D fighting mechanic combined with the 3D backgrounds and environment respectively and stage fatalities. The combat, is fluid, fast pace, on par with Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3 in terms of how fast some of the characters move, and combos are once more reliant on juggling as oppose to long chain and style branching attacks from the three of the previous four which makes it easier for newcomers to pick up and play while at the same time catering to the old school fans. They even throw in a super meter with X- ray moves where you get to see characters breaking their opponent's necks, crushing their ribs, or even gouging them in the eyes with a weapon." Airnaruto said as some of these moves were shown like Johnny Cage's nut punch, Baraka jamming his blade into his opponent's vital organs, Kratos knocking another enemies teeth out with the Nemean Cestus, etc. "The Fatalities now I wish I could kill some of my enemies in ways as gruesome as this and thankfully unlike the last game you get a lot of time to attempt to execute it, here's some examples of some fatalities." Airnaruto said as he first showed Kabal's Intestinal hooking fatality.

Kabal takes his hook swords and pierces Kano in the intestines before setting them down and letting Kano slowly fall into the blades, then He showed a classic one with Sheeva ripping Baraka's skin off his bones, then Johnny Cage knocking Quan Chi's head off and then pulling out an academy award.

_Johnny: And the award goes to…_

_(Smashes the award into where Quan Chi's head used to be.)_

The next fatality showed Smoke manipulating some smoke around his index and middle fingers and then pressing it against Sheeva's head causing her skin to disintegrate off her bones.

_Kenshiro: Omae wa mo shinderiu (You are already dead)_

"Hell they even redo a certain Fatality from the last game but show it how it should have been." Airnaruto said as he showed Shang Tsung shape shift into a Pennywise knock-off clown with the Joker laugh from the MK vs. DC game, he pulls out a pistol and pulls the trigger in front of Jax only to have a sign with a banner saying "BANG!" on it until he pulls the trigger again and blows his head off.

"Other goodies available include, a challenge tower where you have to perform a certain task to earn koins and there are 300 of these challenges trust me some are tough some are not." Airnaruto said before moving on to another goodie. "The Kyrpt makes it's return with the usual bag of treats, hidden fatalities, alternate costumes, concept art, the usual stuff." Airnaruto said before he did a little nitpicking.

"Now as good as this game is, I do have some complaints, 3 of them to be exact; Number 1: The bosses in this game are broken and cheap constantly hitting you with the same attack and never giving you a chance to breathe, and Shao Khan is the biggest offender of this flaw." Airnaruto said, "Number 2: The fact that this game has been prohibited in Australia not meeting the standard rating system there. If it meets the requirements to be sold here in America it should be sold there too damn the Australian Parental Association." He said finishing his second complaint, "Number 3 and most importantly the story mode ending but I'm not going to spoil it but I will say this… You mean to tell me that if what didn't happen did happen in the original Mortal Kombat 3, then none of the shit that occurred from Mortal Kombats 4 through Armageddon would have happened? As logical as the ending may seem and I know this has been said by many gamers but still…WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY THINKING?" He screamed.

"Overall this is the reboot that Mortal Kombat fans have been waiting for with a new plot, classic characters, terrific game play, and loads of BLOOD, TITS, GORE! GORE! YOU SEE THAT TARKATAN NOT ANYMORE HE'S FUCKING DEAD GORE!" Airnaruto screamed again. "Sorry but of course there are the flaws I did find when I saw some of the playthroughs that I mentioned but other than that go out and buy this blood bathing son of a bitch." I'm giving it 5 fatally fractured skulls out of 5." Airnaruto said.

"Well folks that's it for now and don't forget to check out my profile page to vote for which harem anime I get to review for Harem May starting next week. Until then I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to.

_Mortal Kombat Recap:_

_Pros: loads of stuff to unlock and do, story is well done; combat is finally back within a 2D plane and fluent and more violent than ever._

_Many characters from the first three games with a few extras_

_Kratos on PS3 as DLC_

_Tag team Battle (I forgot about this one)_

_Cons: Cheap boss battles_

_Final Rating ***** out of 5 (Fatally fractured skulls)_

_A/N: Well ther you have it folks so until next time read and review_


	27. Harem May Part 1

Episode 27: Harem May part 1

Disclaimer: The following consists of material owned by Studio DEEN, Funimation, and Natsuki Takaya not me.

"Hello I'm the Classic critic; I remember it so you're not required to and welcome to Harem May!" Airnaruto said as a title screen of Airnaruto getting smothered and then later beaten to a pulp by a slew of female characters, before he held up a sign that said Harem May on it.

"This is my tribute to the Harem genre of Anime whether it be forward or reverse but only in the traditional sense I'm not a yaoi or yuri lover." Airnaruto said to clarify.

"So to kick it off I'm going to be looking at a series that really hit at home for me in terms of it's plot, character interaction and development and darker undertones; Fruits Basket." Airnaruto said.

**Plot: **

"The plot revolves around a young high school girl named Tohru Honda who had lost her mother in a car accident several months before the start of the series. Now she's decided to live on her own in a tent in the woods so she won't be a burden to her distant relations, but she soon finds a house belonging to three members of the Sohma family occupied by her classmate Yuki and two of his cousins; Shigure and Kyo. However for these three and ten other members of the family there is a dark side." Airnaruto said before he showed a scene of Tohru slipping on a piece of debris from Kyo crashing through the roof, falling forward and inadvertently hugging Kyo from behind.

_Tohru to Kyo: I'm so sorry, are you alright? (Notices that he's a cat) AAH! I turned him into a cat!_

"Yeah apparently 13 members of the Sohma family are cursed to be possessed by the spirits of the twelve animals of the Chinese zodiac plus the cat who according to the old fable got cheated out of his spot by the rat which occurs whenever; one of them is weak, gets sick, or is hugged by a member of the opposite gender." Airnaruto said before laughing a little bit. "When Tohru discovers the Sohmas' secret, she promises not to tell and is allowed to keep living with them as a housekeeper after her tent gets destroyed in a rock slide. The Sohma's curse, however, is deeper and darker than Tohru realizes, but her presence soon becomes a large, positive influence on those possessed by the zodiac. She sets out to break the curse, and on the way, meets and discovers each of the Sohma's vengeful zodiac spirits. Each has a different personality, just like the animals in the Chinese Zodiac. Tohru's existence changes the Sohma clan's lives forever" Airnaruto said after regaining his composure. "However in my opinion, that doesn't change the fact that the plot as a whole can be taken as heads and tails." Airnaruto said before explaining. "On one hand the curse does provide for some nice slapstick moments with the occasional man-service." Airnaruto said as the scene changed to the first time Tohru sees Shigure, Yuki, and Kyo change back.

_Shigure (as a dog): We change back after a while but…_

_(Poof)_

_(Kyo, Yuki, and Shigure return to human form but they're naked)_

_Tohru: Screams!_

"While on the other hand it leads to massive psychological scarring on some the family which I'm not going to spoil you're going to have to find out on your own." Airnaruto said before moving on to the shows design and art.

**Design and Animation:**

"The animation for this show is decent, but compared to some of today's anime it looks slightly dated but only slightly. Then again this was released by Studio DEEN back in 2001, so it's forgivable. The character models are a little over simplified with one of the calling cards of Shojo anime, the big bug-eyed look, and the backgrounds are equally simple even if some of things that are animated defy the laws of physics." Airnaruto said before showing a clip of Shigure pulling on a blanket that has Tohru on the other end.

_Shigure (Thinking): Why does this feel so heavy? (looks up and sees Tohru) Uh-oh!_

_CRASH! POOF!_

_(Shigure turns into a dog)_

"See what I mean?" Airnaruto asked.

**Music and voice acting:**

"Now the music for the show, well I won't lie here it's simple and while sometimes tear jerking, or even gut busting it's also boring as shit." Airnaruto said as he played the non-vocalized version of the Fruits opening and closing themes.

(Opening theme plays first, followed by the closing)

"I can say that the voice acting was superb in both languages but I would say check out the English dub. I mean Laura Bailey pulls off Tohru very well and makes her almost as much of a saint in her words as in her actions throughout the show, Eric Vale plays Yuki with a very subtle tone but it's pretty good, Jerry Jewell makes Kyo come off like a loose cannon but then again he's supposed to be a loose cannon cat, Chad Kline will send shivers up and down your spine as Akito and trust me Akito's a load of bitch." Airnaruto said without really spoiling anything, finally the funniest role in this show goes to Ayame played by Christopher R. Sabat." Airnaruto said showing a scene of Kyo and Ayame sitting at the table for breakfast with Kyo obviously pissed at Ayame.

_Kyo: WHY DIDN'T YOU GO SLEEP IN SHIGURE'S ROOM LIKE YESTERDAY?_

_Ayame: Because Shigure would have kept me up all night._

The camera cut back to Airnaruto who had a somewhat disgusted look on his face. "I don't know if I should laugh or throw up at that comment." Airnaruto said.

"The only flaws I can find with the show is, that the darker themes are toned down a little too much when you compare it to its source material, the music as I mentioned before is boring as shit, and Tohru doesn't meet all of the cursed family members in the anime out of all those cursed by the zodiac she meets; the dog, the snake, the ox, the monkey, the rabbit, the rat, the cat, the dragon, the tiger, the sheep, and the pig. We never see or meet the horse or the rooster in the anime. My final complaint with the show is the incest romances in the Sohma family. Granted that this is common in Japanese culture but still, when are people inJapangoing to learn that incest leads to sterility further down the line. I mean as far as I know, out of all the characters in this series that even get that are Kyo and Yuki but you'll have to read the manga to figure out what I mean by that." Airnaruto said before giving his final thoughts.

**Final thoughts**

"Over all Fruits Basket, has all those moments that will make you bust a gut, shed a tear, or in some cases want to throw up. The characters are remembable, and while the story is a little more sugarcoated than the source material it's still a decent watch for both genders. I give Fruits Basket a rating of 3 ½ stars out of 5." Airnaruto said.

"Well folks that's it for now. Be sure to tune in next week when we really go old school with part 2 of Harem May…" Airnaruto said before he got hit with a bucket of cold water and got turned into a panda. Sighing Airnaruto pulled out a sign from out of nowhere that read: "Next week's review: Ranma ½, I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to." Then Airnaruto turned the sign around and this time it read: "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a nice long hot shower."

_Fruits Basket Recap_

_Pros: some moments will tug at your heart strings_

_ The characters are pretty likable,_

_The comedy is timed properly, _

_Pretty good for an early 2000s English Dub. _

_Chris R. Sabat is hilarious as Ayame, _

_The gags have a bit of subtle maturity_

_Cons: Opening and ending themes even the music on the whole sounds boring as shit_

_The build for the main antagonist falls flat_

_ Not all the cursed members of the Sohma family appear._

_Overblown with incest and homosexual innuendos _

_Final Rating: ***1/2 out 5_

Well gang there you have it part 1 of Harem May is complete until next time read and review folks.


	28. Harem May Part 2

Episode 28: Harem May part 2

Disclaimer: The following contains material owned by Studio DEEN, Rumiko Takahashi, and Viz Media, this review is my property meant for satirical purposes only and is protected by the fair rights usage act.

"Hello I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to and welcome to week 2 of Harem May." Airnaruto said as the same animated title screen from last week appeared. "Well after a nice long hot bath, it's time kick up the romantic giggle meter with one of the first anime to make it over to the US during the 80s, and that anime is this; , Ranma Nibun-no-Ichi or Ranma 1/2 ." Airnaruto said as the shows first opening theme played in the background.

**Story:**

"The plot revolves around a young martial artist named Ranma Saotome, heir to the Saotome Vale Tudo dojo, who finds himself, engaged to Akane Tendo, the youngest daughter of his father's old training partner via an oath that their fathers made in hopes of one day uniting both dojos." Airnaruto said before a subtext appeared above his head.

_Vale Tudo: origin: Portuguese, Translation: Anything goes_

"However there are quite a few problems; First off Ranma's dad had sold him off into numerous engagements to other women ever since his son was six years old." Airnaruto said as he showed an infamous scene of Genma Saotome Ranma's father explaining what he got out of one of the trades.

_Ramna: You sold me for a few small fish?_

_Genma: He also threw in a bowl of rice and two pickles. (Laughing like an idiot)_

"What a jerk!" Airnaruto said in reference to Genma. "The other major problem is that while training in China, Ramna and his dad visited Jusenkyo or the valley of cursed springs where anyone who's dumb enough to be knocked into or fall into one of the springs takes on the form of the person, animal, or deity that drowned in the spring they fall in." Airnaruto said before the camera cut back to him. "You want to know which springs Ranma and his dad fell into. Just watch." Airnaruto said as he rolled the flashback clip of Ranma and Genma standing on a pair of bamboo poles while the guide is standing on the bank of the springs.

_Guide to both: Sirs please be careful, very bad if you fall in spring._

_Ranma knocks his dad into the spring they're above._

_(SPLASH!)_

_Ranma: Hey pop you done already?_

_Genma reemerges as a panda._

_Guide: That one Shonmaoniichuan, Spring of Drowned panda._

_(Genma then knocks Ranma into another spring)_

_Splash!_

_Guide: Too bad that one's Nyanniuchuan, spring of drowned girl; now whoever fall in spring take the body of a young girl._

The camera then cut back to Airnaruto who had a weird look on his face. "Are we even sure that this is a Shonen harem?" He asked his crew.

"It is? Then what's with all the fan service in the first two seasons?" Airnaruto asked before turning to the audience. "Yeah there is a bit of fan service in the first two seasons, but it's not the blatantly obvious and over indulging type that you see in anything that comes out of studio ARMS, this is more out of mistimed humor than anything if you ask me. Anyway the deal is that any time Ramna or his dad gets hit with cold water they turn into a girl and a panda respectively and go back to normal when they get hit with hot water." Airnaruto explained before giving his thoughts on the plot. "Well the plot I won't lie I found it to be a little cliché, I mean supposedly it follows Ranma and Akane coming to terms with their feelings for one another and Ranma trying find a cure for his curse but the latter of these two elements just ends up being little more than a plot device and the story doesn't really go anywhere after season two and that doesn't include the movies and OVAs of the series, other than that there's not a damn thing to say." Airnaruto said before moving on to the animation.

**Animation:**

"I can't really pick apart the animation since again this came out in 1989, but I was surprised at the production and animation budget that studio DEEN put into this thing, other than that it's not bad for it's time and the fight scenes regardless of how ludicrous they come, are rather impressive and entertaining but then again this is a Harem, Martial arts spoof comedy." Airnaruto said giving his short thoughts about the animation.

**Voice acting & Characters:**

"Earlier I said that this was a Shonen harem, well here are the other three members of Ranma's little harem whether through an arrangement done by his old man, or something he doesn't know about. First up is probably Ranma's most persistent fiancée Shampoo; a purple haired Chinese Amazon who Ranma fought and beat in his girl form which resulted in Shampoo trying to hunt Ranma down so she could kill him/her, and after following Ranma and his dad back to Japan, Ranma defeated her again but this time in his boy form which meant that Shampoo became engaged to Ranma." Airnaruto said before the camera cut back to him. "So in Shampoo's tribe any girl that beats her in combat she has to kill and any guy that does the same thing she has to marry, I wonder…" Airnaruto said before turning to his audience; "I'll be right back." He said before dashing off to Jusenkyo and finding the tribe.

**Eleven hours later**

Airnaruto returned with a bunch of cuts, bruises, and a black eye. "Ouch, as you probably would have guessed, I got my ass handed to me, well anyway Shampoo is also a Jusenkyo victim courtesy of her great grandmother Cologne who knocked into a spring where a cat ended up drowning so when she gets hit with cold water she turns into a…" Airnaruto said before JewWario cut him off.

_JewWario: Kitty!_

"Yeah a kitty, however this is a major detriment to her because Ranma has a severe case of Allurophobia an intense fear of cats, and how did Ranma develop this intense fear of cats, let me allow his dad to explain."

_Genma: It was the Cat-fu training that did this to Ranma. Training is deceptively easy; wrap the trainee from head to toe in Japanese fish sausage and then throw him into a pit of starving cats._

"Son of a bitch." Airnaruto said in concern to Genma.

"Shampoo and her great granny eventually open up a small Chinese restaurant to stick close around Ranma, of course joining Shampoo and Cologne is Shampoo's Childhood friend the near sighted hidden weapons expert and probably the only male Amazon in their tribe Mousse." Airnaruto explained before showing a photo of a long black haired thick spectacled boy, wearing purple pants, and a white long sleeved shirt.

"Basically Mousse hates Ranma but Shampoo hates Mousse because she thinks he's always getting in the way of her schemes to get Ranma to fall for her by any means necessary. Like Shampoo, Mousse is also cursed, however his curse came about because he wasn't watching where he was going and he ended up stepping into Yazuniichuan or spring of drowned duck." Airnaruto said before doing a double take. "Okay this defies the laws of nature how could a duck end up drowning?" Airnaruto asked. "Moving on to fiancée number three, Ukyo Kuonji." Airnaruto said showing a photo of a brown haired girl, wearing a purple gi with an arsenal strap holding a few mini spatulas and having a gigantic spatula strapped to her back.

"She's an old friend from Ranma's childhood who was very tomboyish and eventually ended getting engaged unknowingly when Genma ended up using his son as a dowry payment yet again for food this time off of her father's Okonomiyaki cart and then Genma took off with the whole cart." Airnaruto explained before the mysterious text appeared above him again.

_Okonomiyaki: origin; Japanese, definition: A savory Japanese pancake containing numerous ingredients. Name literally means; what you want grilled._

"However over time she rekindles her feelings for Ranma and even opens up her own place not far from the Tendo dojo." Airnaruto said before moving on to the other more frequent members of the cast.

"Speaking of the Tendo family let's take a look at them; first up is the patriarch of the family Soun Tendo, the father of his three daughters, Kasumi, Nabiki, and Akane he spends most of his time sitting in the dojo reading a newspaper and playing a game of Shogi with Genma but unfortunately much like his old partner, he takes the oath both he and Genma swore a little too far, but I think he's been somewhat like that since the death of his wife." Airnaruto said. "Next up is the surrogate matriarch of the family and the oldest of Soun's daughters Kasumi. If you ask me she is probably the strongest character in the series. Not for physical strength or combat ability but for quickly she took charge and held the family together after the death of her mother, she's very perceptive and kind hearted towards everyone, in some ways I would compare her to Milly from Trigun in terms of her innocence and purity, not to mention that she's also a great cook." Airnaruto said before moving on to sister number two. "Tendo daughter number two is Nabiki Tendo and to keep it short and simple; she's a gold digger, all she wants is the money. I mean honestly why didn't she just team up with the Million Dollar Man Ted Dibiase?" Airnaruto said as we see one of Dibiase's famous promos.

_Dibiase: Well that just goes to show you…Everybody's got a price for the million dollar man! (Laughs evilly)_

"Finally there's our lead female Akane, a real tomboy who prides herself in her martial arts training and hates boys, heck the only guy she likes is the family physician Dr. Tofu but he's smitten with Akane's older sister Kasumi which ticks her off. Why does she hate boys, well that would be thanks to this jackass." Airnaruto said holding up a photo of a brown young man wearing a kendo gi named Tatewaki Kuno, the school Kendo captain who's so obbessed with trying to get a date with Akane that he even convinces the entire male student body to fight Akane everyday before school until she gets so fed up with it that she'll have no choice but to date him. However throw in Ranma's girl form and you have one screwed up Machiavellian Stalker if you know what I mean." Airnaruto said before going to the next character.

"By contrast Tatewaki's sister Kodachi is a certified nutcase I mean the first time she meets Ranma, she tries to rape him by paralyzing him with a poison so he can't get away. How can she not understand that Ranma doesn't even like her?" Airnaruto asked himself.

"Finally by far the most emotionally complex and role versatile character of the show; Ranma's old rival and occasional buddy Ryoga Hibiki." Airnaruto said showing off a photo of a young black haired boy, wearing purple pants, a yellow shirt, with a tiger stripped headband wrapped around his head, and a weighted umbrella in his hand.

"Ryoga has always viewed Ranma as the guy who took away any chance of happiness he had in his life. It all started when Ryoga challenged Ranma to a fight in his backyard but unfortunately Ryoga's sense of direction is so poor that he left Ranma standing there for three days and by the time he finally found his backyard Ranma and his dad had already left on their journey so Ryoga decided to track them down, and by track them down I mean go in the opposite direction as his quarry, get himself lost, and find his quarry many weeks later primarily out of sheer dumb luck." Airnaruto said before he heard a knock on his door. "Hold on folks." Airnaruto said heading for the door. "Now who could that be?" He asked himself and opened the door to find none other than Ryoga Hibiki himself.

"Ryoga what are you doing here?" Airnaruto asked.

"I finally found you Ranma now you're gonna pay!" He said in a dehydrated and exhausted state of mind.

"Ryoga, you're not in Nerima, you're in North Carolina." Airnaruto explained which snapped Ryoga out of his state of anger.

"What?" Ryoga asked before he slumped his head down.

"Ryoga if you want to find Ranma try South Korea, I hear that's where most of the Tsunami refugees are located, either their or you should try going to China." Airnaruto said.

"Really, thanks Airnaruto I'll head there right away." Ryoga said before Airnaruto grabbed his shoulder.

"Hold it Ryoga maybe I should walk you down to the edge of the driveway first." Airnaruto said and after doing so the eternally lost boy was back on his way. Airnaruto soon returned to his desk and addressed the audience; "Anyway when Ryoga did finally find Ranma, Ranma's girl form ended up accidentally kicking Ryoga into Heituanniichuan or spring of drowned black piglet. Which of course turned him into a black piglet anytime he got hit with cold water, a piglet that Akane would later adopt for a pet and name P-Chan which also led to Ryoga developing a crush on Akane." Airnaruto said. "He's also a man who holds himself to a strict sense of honor and for him having to find safety in Akane's bosom while he's in his P-Chan form is disgraceful he knows that when it comes to that situation that he has no other choice." Airnaruto said.

"There are other characters in the show, I've already mentioned a good chunk of the major cast and some of the supporting characters already so now let's move on to the voice acting." Airnaruto said. "The voice acting both languages is okay but the English dub comes out a little stiffer in delivery, if you ask me basically due to it having the same problem as Berserk did, lip synchronization. Voice actors though in both languages I can only make note of three people in this series." Airnaruto said; "First up is Ranma's male form seiyu; Kappei Yamaguchi. Most people know Yamaguchi as Inuyasha from the namesake anime based on another Rumiko Takahasi manga of the same name, Ussop from One Piece, and in one of his more surprising roles "L" from Death Note." Airnaruto said. "As far as I know, this was Yamaguchi's first role in voice acting for anime and in my opinion his standard archetype of character to play; you know the loud mouth, arrogant, cocky slightly insensitive jerk hero characters except for Ussop of course." Airnaruto said, "My opinion of him is that he actually does pretty well in this role so thumbs there." Airnaruto said holding his thumb up for Yamaguchi. "Voice Actor number two is Ranma's male form voice in English starting in season 4 and that man is Richard Ian Cox, who like Yamaguchi also went on to voice Inuyasha." Airnaruto said before looking at his notes. "Talk about ironic, anyway Cox's delivery is good but he still makes Ranma sound a little older than he's supposed to be and it just doesn't sound right but he at least tries." Airnaruto said before moving on to the final voice he could recognize. "The final voice actor I could notice was the English voice actor for Mousse, and the one behind character is none other than Brad Swalie but if you're not familiar with him maybe these will help." Airnaruto said rolling a familiar clip.

_Light Yagami: I'll take a potato chip…and eat it! (Crunch!)_

_Light: That's right I am Kira_

"That's right it's Kira himself aka Light Yagami from Death Note." Airnaruto said "Now that will mess with your mind won't it." He said before giving his final thoughts.

**Final analysis:**

Overall this anime sucks…though to be honest I don't find it that bad but the show is extremely goofy, the quality of each episode and season varies, the plot ends up getting stuck after season 2 and most of the cast is either stupid or just bat shit crazy, but hey to it's credit it's not from studio ARMS I would say rent this one if you want to get a few laughs out of it but skip the third season I've heard that's where the worst episodes are with that said I give Ranma ½ 2 and half stars out of 5." Airnaruto said

"Well that's it for now folks coming up next week, I'll look at one I really don't want to do but for the sake of those who love Seinen anime/manga, I'll look at one of the CLAMP team's cult favorites…Chobits, I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to." He said before he got up and left.

**Recap**

_Pros: Animation is good for it's time_

_Some of the characters you'll come to love_

_Fight scenes are pretty well choreographed _

_Numerous martial art styles that look unique even if they are down right ridiculous_

_Voice acting is not bad_

_Cons: Plot that doesn't go anywhere_ _after Season 2_

_Most of the voice cast is made up of unknowns_

_Half the cast is either stupid or just insane_

_Episode story quality varies from episode to episode_

_Main drive for the hero gets turned into little more than a plot device_

_None of the problems are fixed in the anime or left on a cliffhanger._

_Final Score: **1/2 out of 5_

_A/N: With apologies to all Ranma ½ fans either way read and review _


	29. Harem May Part 3

Episode 29: Harem May Part 3

Disclaimer: The following consists of copy written material owned by Funimation, Studio Madhouse, Dark Horse Comics, and CLAMP this review/retrospective is my property and covered by the fair rights usage act.

"Hello I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to, and welcome to week 3 of Harem May." Airnaruto said as the special intro screen appeared which showed Airnaruto getting beaten to ground this time by a bunch of female cyborgs with no free will of there own.

"Well gang here's one anime I've been dreading to review for a while, an anime that starts off so stupidly you would think that it came from studio Arms and the irony is that it came from Studio Madhouse and has an opening theme so bad that it's driven a couple of guys on the new Otaku project website bat shit crazy!" Airnaruto said before his connection started shorting out on him. "Hey what the hell's going on?" Airnaruto asked before the transmission revealed a familiar British assassin.

"Hey there Airnaruto how's it going?" He asked.

"Nukid what do you want?" Airnaruto asked back.

"Well I heard about this Harem May thing you were doing this month and wanted to get in on the action. Anyway which anime are you gonna do?" Nukid asked.

"Well Nostalgia Kid, to my personal dismay, I have to review Chobits." Airnaruto answered.

"SON OF A BITCH!" Nukid screamed in frustration.

"Okay so Chobits, is a combination of the magical girlfriend, science fiction, and harem genres written by the famous manga team CLAMP, who've brought us many anime and manga such as; Angelic Layer, Tsubassa Reservoir Chronicles, Magic Knights Rayearth, Holic, and Card captor Sakura and if there's one thing you count on with CLAMP, most of their series will be tied into one another in way or another." Airnaruto explained just for those who didn't know who CLAMP was. "This anime adaptation was put together by studio Madhouse back in 2002." He continued, before Nukid cut him off.

"Wait a minute, you mean to tell me the guys behind the production of anime such as; Death Note, Monster, Trigun, BECK, and Paranoia Agent were behind this thing?" Nukid asked.

"Sad to say Nukid but yes, in fact this wasn't the first time Madhouse adapted a CLAMP manga into an anime." Airnaruto replied.

"Not the first time, then what did they do before this?" Nukid asked.

"Card captor Sakura." Airnaruto said out of irritation.

"DAMN YOU CLAMP!" Nukid screamed to the heavens.

"Nukid let's just get this over with alright?" Airnaruto said.

"Fair enough well here we go folks." Nukid said as the plot title appeared.

**Plot: **

"The plot revolves around Hideki Motosuwa, a 19 year old farm boy from Hokkaido, who knows about nothing but farming, and occasional porn magazines." Airnaruto said before Hideki introduced himself.

_Hideki: Hi I'm Hideki Motosuwa. I plan on leaving the farm and heading to Tokyo to attend college this year._

"Oh my God, please tell me that this guy is not be voiced by Crispin Freeman Airnaruto." Nukid said in irritation.

"Which I could say that it wasn't Crispin Freeman Nukid but unfortunately it is. What some people will do for a paycheck. There's no way Crispin could have thought this would be a good idea, nobody could have. The only excuse I have is that he was under contract or something." Airnaruto complained.

"Tell me about it, I bet you and I could see him and every other well known dub voice actor, trying to sneak away from this project…speaking of which who else got dragged into it?" Nukid asked.

"Well let's see…"Airnaruto said pulling out a small list. "Aside from Freeman, there was; Steve Blum, Wendi Lee, Bridget Hoffman, Michelle Ruff, Mona Marshall, Tony Oliver, Kari Wahlgren, Karen Strassman, Dorothy Elias-Fahn, and Kirk Thorton." Airnaruto said finishing off the list.

"Damn well anyway role the cutaway." Nukid said.

_**Cutaway gag**_

_**The gag shows the ten aforementioned actors and actresses trying to sneak out of the studio.**_

_**Mona: I hear that they're going to reveal the voice for the hero of the series today.**_

_**Crispin: By the time the announcement's been made we'll be out of the country.**_

_**(The lights soon turn on revealing the studio owner and some security guards.)**_

_**Studio Owner: Having trouble with your car Freeman-san?**_

_**Crispin: Yes as a matter of fact we couldn't get it started.**_

_**Studio Owner: Surely you've heard that the studio wants you to play the voice of the male lead in the CLAMP sci-fi romantic comedy Chobits.**_

_**Crispin: I'm afraid that won't be possible.**_

_**Studio Owner: Oh but I insist surely you can't plan to beat the verbal onslaught of Japanese lawyers.**_

_**Crispin: Very well I'll go through with it.**_

_**(Other actors groan)**_

_**Studio Owner: Excellent, my men will lead you and the others to the recording studio, now you'll excuse me; I'm off to get Liam O Brien for Monster.**_

**End Cutaway**

"Anyway Hideki gets his college acceptance letter in the mail one day only to find that he's been denied." Airnaruto said as we see Hideki's reaction.

_Hideki talking to a cow: I'll go Tokyo and attend cram school then, I'll study hard and go to college next year well college I want to go to is in Tokyo._

The camera then cut back to Airnaruto who had a weird look on his face.

"Now that was just the most disturbing thing I've ever seen." Airnaruto said before Nukid cut him off.

"Hey Air I just thought of a great joke." Nukid said before calling X prodigy over.

"Hey X listen to this. When he gets to the city maybe he'll go see a MOOvie." Nukid told X only to get no reaction from the half-hollow before the camera cut back to Airnaruto

"Sheesh don't have a cow man." Airnaruto said.

_(Laugh track)_

The camera cut back to Nukid and X where X was laughing his head off. "You find that funny?" Nukid asked him before taking a frying pan and a steel toed boot to X's skull knocking him out. "Anyway, when Hideki gets to the city he finds these things known as persocoms, computers with humanoid forms and motor functions but lack any kind of personality, getting excited he decides that wants one, until he sees the price tag." Nukid said as Hideki looks at one of the price tags for a persocom.

_Price: 598000 yen = roughly 5980 USD_

_Hideki: THERE'S NO WAY I COULD AFFFORD ONE!_

_Everyone stares at Hideki and then walks away_

"So anyway Hideki gets himself an apartment with consent from his new land lady Chitose and then while he's about to unpack he's greeted by old buddy Shinbo and his mobile persocom Sumomo, and let me just say that this little toy is the most irritating character in the series." Airnaruto said before the scene skipped to Hideki finding a blonde haired persocom wrapped in tape or paper and deciding to take it home where he tries everything possible to activate it.

_Hideki: I looked all over this computer for the on/off switch, I tried these (the cord reels on both sides of the head that would count as the ears.) and this (Nose), and this (Navel), and those (toes), and those (Breasts), I've looked everywhere._

"I think you know where this is leading right folks?" Airnaruto asked the audience, before showing the activation of the persocom that Hideki names Chi since it's the only word she can say.

_Chi: Chi!_

"So now Hideki has balance out his cram school work, his job at a pub, and educating Chi just to make ends meet while at the same time keeping Chi out of trouble and sorting out his feelings for this seemingly innocent robot." Airnaruto said.

"Bottom line the first half of the story is where most of my complaints occur; 1. Over indulgence of fan service, I can handle a little bit of it or if it's used as a device to lead into some form of slapstick like it was in Ranma ½ but this just more along the lines of what shows that don't give a damn about their audiences pull off; such as Elfin Lied, Ikki Toussen, and Queen's Blade, bottom line the first half full of pointless fan service. Thankfully the second half cuts back on this flaw and takes itself more seriously with the plot and development of the characters. " Airnaruto said before moving on to the animation.

**Animation:**

"Well the animation again is very well done, I mean its Madhouse so there isn't a lot of corner cutting; the character models are simplistic, the backgrounds are nicely detailed, and CG elements are kept to a minimum, the color pallet is bright and well polish, though to be fair this kind of subtlety in animation is not what I would expect from Madhouse, in fact this more along the lines of what I would expect from Studio DEEN." Airnaruto said.

"I can't argue about that one Air old pal." Nukid said.

"However I find the characters having ghost faces to be a little creepy." Airnaruto said.

"Huh ghost faces?" Nukid asked.

"You know the distant look in their eyes, the pale skin tone hence the term ghost face." Airnaruto said.

"You mean from the Scream movies?" Nukid asked.

"No…." Airnaruto said before his cell phone rang.

"Hold on I have to take a call Nukid." Airnaruto said picking up his phone.

"Hello?" Airnaruto asked only to be greeted by the ghost face knock off from Scary Movie 2.

"WASSUP?" The knock off said.

"WASSUP?" Airnaruto answered back earning a confused look from Nukid.

"Air what are you doing?" Nukid asked.

"Dude pick up your phone." Airnaruto said leading to Nukid picking up his cell phone.

"Hello?" Nukid asked.

"WASSUP?" The knock off said again.

"WASSUP?" Nukid replied as X Prodigy woke up and stared at him.

"What the…" X started to say before Nukid cut him off.

"Dude pick up your phone." Nukid told him, shrugging his shoulders, X did so.

"Hello?" He asked.

"WASSUP?" the knock off asked again as soon the camera would cut in between the four of the m saying the same line.

"So what's up?" The knock off asked Airnaruto.

"Nothing just sitting, reviewing an anime, having a coke." Airnaruto answered.

"True." The knock off said.

"You?" Airnaruto asked.

"Nothing just sitting, killing having a bud." The knock off answered before everyone hung up.

"Moving on let's look at the soundtrack." Airnaruto said.

**Voice acting and Music:**

"If you already noticed the cutaway gag from earlier you already know who the major names are but again honestly I question why put Crispin Freeman in the role of the spineless protagonist of the series, I mean yes the fact that he makes Hideki sound a bit more human and relatable is one reason but other than that half the time I think Freeman is trying a little too hard and sounds just a bit off pitch and other times you just want to give a boot to the head with how he always screams when he gets upset about something." Airnaruto said.

"Yeah I would agree that this is not one Freeman's better performances Airnaruto, in fact I think that this goes along side his performances as Tabul in NTHT and Toga in Revolutionary Girl Utena as among his worst roles though granted it's not as bad as either one of those two." Nukid said.

"Everyone else in the English dub more or less plays a stereotype of character in my opinion; you have Tony Oliver as the best friend, Mona Marshall as the tech guru child prodigy, Dorothy Elias-Fahn as the by the book character who focuses on the reality of things rather than pipe dreams, Bridget Hoffman as the cute but barren woman land lady, Wendy Lee plays the hot teacher you wish you could get your hands on, Karen Strassman plays the robotic duplicate of Minoru's deceased older sister who died from illness a couple of years before the series starts, Kirk Thorton plays one of the few male persocoms we see in the series, Steve Blum plays the part of a broken man, Kari Wahlgren plays a no nonsense mobile unit, and personally I like her character better than Sandy Fox as Sumomo, who is just so annoying you wish you could throw her into the scrap heap." Airnaruto said before Nukid cut him off.

"You're not kidding I wanted to rip Sumomo's processor clear out of her shell but thankfully Chi takes care of that when Sumomo tries to find any data in Chi's memory bank." Nukid said as the scene was shown.

_(Sumomo starts laughing like crazy.)_

_Shinbo: What's wrong with her she's gone insane._

"Insert random Windows Vista joke here." Airnaruto said.

"Finally there's Michelle Ruff as Chi who just sounds flat, dull and overly robotic and infantile in her mannerisms that it's just annoying." Nukid said.

"Yeah no kidding. The Japanese dub sounds better acted and scripted but you could go with either dub when watching this show folks trust us." Airnaruto said before getting to the music. "The music on the other hand is mostly J-pop synthesizer music with a light hearted tone to it though we do get some violin music later on for the darker moments, but still the opening theme will just drive you insane, I mean look what it did to JD of Nash Inc. reviews." Airnaruto said pulling out a set of earplugs and then playing the opening theme before the camera cutaway to a different British young man with brown hair wearing a light green shirt and blue jeans named JD screaming in agony while listening to the theme music. "Bottom line while most of the track is bearable skip the opening and closing themes they're irritating." Airnaruto said before getting to the closing thoughts.

**Final thoughts:**

"Overall while the story does start off at a snails pace, it does have good characters, subtle and well detailed animation, a pretty good social commentary on the relationship between men and machines and the darker tones of the second half of the plot really shine through by that point, but the over indulging amount of fan service in the first half combined with the utter nonsense found in it really will get on your nerves but if you're able to get through the first half or so of crap, I think you'll like it." Airnaruto said.

"I couldn't agree more Airman, while as you mentioned the plot is slow in progression and the magical girlfriend genre more or less reduces women to a stereotype it's not a bad anime by any stretch of the word but it's also not a good one either." Nukid said in agreement.

"Therefore Nukid and I give Chobits a rating of 3 stars out of 5." Airnaruto said before the camera cut back to him.

"Well that's it for now I would like to thank Nukid aka the Nostalgia Kid for showing up as my co-reviewer today." Airnaruto said as the camera cutback to Nukid.

"You're welcome Airnaruto by the way what anime do you have to review next for Harem May?" Nukid asked.

"Simple, Oraun High School Host Club." Airnaruto answered before the camera cutback to Nukid's room. "Oraun? Alright I'm gonna go get Advent to see if he'll like to watch." X said as he left to get his little brother.

"Well I'm Nostalgia kid; I remember it because you're all idiots." Nukid said before cutting his transmission.

"And as always I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to." Airnaruto said as he got up to prepare for his next guests.

_Final recap:_

_Pros: Lots of subtlety in animation, character models, and backgrounds, _

_Voice casting is fine on both sides_

_Interesting social commentary on man/machine relationship in human society_

_Dark second half_

_Good bit of Character development._

_Cons:_

_Over indulged fan service in the first half_

_Music is forgettable_

_Opening theme will drive you insane_

_Michelle Ruff sounds flat, infantile, and robotic as Chi_

_The whole concept of falling in love with a computer and marrying it is a complete mindfuck that desecrates the laws of nature and physics_

_Final Rating: *** out of 5_

_With all apologies to Chobits fans until next time read and review folks._


	30. Harem May part 4

Episode 30: Harem May Part 4

Disclaimer: The following consists of material owned by Bisco Hattori, Funimation entertainment, and Studio Bones this review is my property and is used for satirical purposes only.

Airnaruto45 once again sat at his desk with a look of relief on his face. "Hello I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required too and welcome to the final day of Harem May!" He said as once again the familiar title screen of him getting pummeled by a bunch of people ending with him holding up a sign that read Harem May appeared before cutting back to him.

"If you're wondering what's with the extra chairs well they have to do with my guests this week in fact they should be here in 3, 2, and 1." Airnaruto said as he heard a crash through his roof and a pillar of flame popped up on one side of him to reveal a teenage British boy with a hollow face and a young Satanist who was trapped in a straight jacket. (A/N: Isn't Satanism basically what Jashinism is more or less?) "Here they are folks X prodigy and his little brother Advent101." Airnaruto said introducing them to the crowd.

"Thanks for having us over Airnaruto." X said.

"Yeah what big bro said may I sacrifice some of your audience to lord Jashin Air please?" Advent pleaded.

"No Advent you can not sacrifice anyone to Satan, don't make me use this on you Advent." Air replied pulling out a silver cross with holy powers causing Advent to recoil in fear and agony.

"Anyway let's get this over with the final anime we'll be looking at for the month, Ouran High School Host Club." X said as the Japanese version of the opening theme played in the background.

"Oruan High School Host Club is a High school romantic reverse harem comedy satire anime based on the manga of the same name by Bisco Hattori put together by studio Bones back in 2006." Advent said as he, his brother, and Airnaruto got to the main plot.

**Plot: **

"The plot revolves around Haruhi Fujiyoka, the new student on campus at Ouran academy, however unlike the rest of the students there; she's among the lesser middle-class financially and only got in off of an honors scholarship, anyway while looking for a quiet place to study she enters one of the old music rooms only to find a group of six boys that call themselves the host club, their job is to entertain young and rich girls who like the guys also have too much time and money on their hands, however while being praised as one of very few poor people to make it into the academy, Haruhi accidentally knocks over and smashes the plot device of the series; a renaissance vase worth eight million yen." Airnaruto said as the scene of Haruhi knocking over said vase causing it to break.

**(CRASH!)**

"Well that's 80,000 USD down the pipes." Advent said.

"Anyway since she's poor Haruhi has to work off the debt by joining the host club and satisfying as many customers as she can while trying to hide her gender at the same time which gets a little more difficult when Tamaki finally finds out that the person they thought was a he was really a she." Advent said which lead to him questioning one fact.

"Why does she look like a guy anyway?" He asked before the camera cut to Haruhi explaining her current appearance.

_Haruhi: The day before school started, a kid in my neighborhood got some bubblegum in my hair. It's a real pain to get gum of long hair, so I decided to cut it all off, I didn't care if I looked like a dude you know._

_Tamaki to Haruhi: A GIRL SHOULD NEVER REFER TO HERSELF AS A DUDE! (To Kyoya)MAMA! HARUHI'S USING THOSE DIRTY BOY WORDS AGAIN!_

"Hold it whose momma? " X asked.

_Kyoya: Based on club position I assume it's me._

"Oh thank you Kyoya and yes folks that is a recurring running gag over the course of the show and no neither Kyoya nor Tamaki are gay. Also I would like to point out that because this series is a satire of Shojo anime or more specifically reverse harem anime, you know that not only will this show be self aware of the audience, it will also have a plot that will not take itself seriously, more or less go nowhere outside of the problem of the day format, and will shatter the fourth wall at every opportunity that it gets." Airnaruto explained showing a certain scene from the show.

_Tamaki: This anime is obviously a romantic school comedy. Haruhi and I are obviously the main characters so that means we are love interests._

_Hikaru and Kaoru: So what are we?_

_Tamaki: You boys are the homosexual supporting cast, so it's important that you make sure to that you don't step across this line._

_Hikaru and Kaoru: You've gotta be kidding. _

"In other words folks, this show has a similar charm that anime like Desert Punk possess in the sense that this show is better at making you bust a gut as oppose to telling a serious story. Though most of the humor comes from Tamaki getting crushing blows to his ego…Granted that Desert Punk doesn't have any moments that break the fourth wall." Advent explained as we see one scene where Tamaki gets owned.

_Tamaki to Haruhi: Are you saying that you hate being a host? That you hate this club?_

_Haruhi: To be honest I would have to say yes._

_(Tamaki goes into a corner and starts sulking)_

"I think now would be a good time to talk about the characters of the series." Airnaruto said as Tamaki continued to brood.

**Characters: **

"If you want to know what the Host Club is like; well take six of your friends from the biggest High School or college Frat house you could think of, stick them in Buckingham Palace, and turn them into sissy girls while retaining the fact that they're still marginally straight men. There's your host club in a nutshell 6 Bishonen or in this case Bishojo boys, who fit a stereotypical fetish found in most Shojo anime. First off is the president of the club Tamaki Suoh an old fashion Franco-Japanese who despite his almost aristocratic attitude, actually has a heart made of gold only desiring to make the ladies happy as oppose to treating them like sex outlets. Unfortunately his brain is full of rocks." X explained showing the tall blond haired young man in an academy standard male uniform.

"Next up is his best friend and we use that term extremely loosely; the vice president of the club Kyoya Otori who serves as the brains of the club preferring dough over dames." Advent explained showing a photo of a black haired, bowl cut young man with glasses and a sort of know it all kind of arrogance to him.

"Next we have Hikaru and Kaoru aka the Hitachan twins, like Haruhi they're also first year students however these guys are like mischievous little bastards who like playing practical jokes on everybody and teasing the girls that choose them with a little overboard brotherly love." X said before all three of them sighed.

"Alright you know what's coming." Airnaruto said as he and X pointed up while Advent just looked up.

_**SNL choir: THE AMBIGIOUSLY GAY DUO!**_

"Now that we have that joke out of the picture, let's move on." Advent said.

"Finally there's Mitskuni Haninozuka and Takashi Morinozuka, or for short Honey and Mori. Honey's is the cute boy type of character who likes; sweets, bunnies more specifically his stuffed bunny Usa-chan that was hand made for him by his late grandmother that he always carries around with him, and his cousin/bodyguard Mori and by like I don't mean in that way." Airnaruto said before anymore yaoi fan girls tried to break down the door. "As I was saying, Mori on the other hand is more or less strong steely-eyed silent type and for the most part doesn't really have much of a role actively or verbally, now of course they're also champion martial artists with Honey being one of Japan's best in Karate and Judo and Mori being among the best at Kendo but with Honey just be sure you don't do any of the following; A. Get his Usa-Chan dirty, B. Wake him up from an afternoon nap, or C. take away his snacks." Airnaruto said listing off some of Honey's biggest pet peeves.

"Finally our female lead Haruhi, she's blunt sarcastic, a bit cute, but other than that she doesn't have a lot of the qualities of a heroine in a reverse harem, so if you ask me there's not much I can really say about her." Airnaruto said.

"There are other characters like the host club's manager Renge but she's an otaku and we know how annoying those freaks are." X said.

_Hitachan twins to Renge: Butt out otaku._

_Renge: You guys are so mean that's no way to speak to your manager._

"Then there's Nekozawa a dark shadowy emo kid with a cursed cat puppet or whatever he's usually around to cause more trouble for Tamaki or something." X said as they moved on to the animation, music, and voice acting.

**Technical:**

"As far as the technical stuff goes you can obviously tell the OHSHC got spoiled to the core with best of everything Studio Bones has in their arsenal, with fluid A-list animation, bright color pallets, and well detailed character models even if some of them are a little over moeified but it fits the show nicely." X said.

"The music is consisted of almost entirely waltzes and ballet pieces to fit the regal atmosphere of the academy with a few other pieces for some of the comedic parts of series and some quiet more subdued tracks for the real tear jerking moments." X continued. "Bottom line the shows pedigree really shines through in terms of design, animation, and music except for the dub covers of both the ending and opening themes of the show as the singers sound bored out of their minds." X concluded.

**Voice acting:**

"While both dubs are good, with the Japanese dub getting the best cast of seiyu to pull out all the stops on their performances, I think the English dub does just a good a job if not better at pulling it off and making it hilarious while doing so. Catlin Glass as Haruhi sounds, independent, blunt, smart, and strong willed. Travis Willingham as Mori…well he doesn't get many lines so he's okay. Luci Christian plays Honey as sweet and sticky as his namesake, and Todd Haberkorn and Greg Ayers play the twins in perfect harmony despite sounding completely different." Advent explained.

"Finally there's Tamaki the most difficult role to play, now it's true that the dub actor plays the role differently from Mamoru Miyano but given the difference in age between the two actors he'd have to, either way Vic Mignogna…" Airnaruto said before hearing a familiar noise split his eardrums.

_(Fan girls squealing)_

"SHUT UP!" Airnaruto screamed. "As I was saying Vic Mignogna plays the part just as well if not better and just comes off as hilarious going all over the map with his outbursts." Airnaruto explained.

**Final thoughts:**

"Overall while this show is targeted more towards teenage girls, I think both genders will bust a gut at the antics this show will throw at them, with the occasional tender moments that will bring a tear to your eyes, or in some cases make you squeal." Airnaruto said.

"That's true Airnaruto but my lone complaint is that the manga is still going on and yet the anime just seems content with ending where it did and it does kind of piss me off." Advent said with a scowl on his face.

"I have to agree with my brother here Air though I do agree with you that this show is still laugh out loud funny if you can ignore some of the sexual jokes and innuendos." X said.

"Even with all that, I think it's safe to say that the three of us will give this anime a rating of 5 stars out of 5." Airnaruto said before the camera cut back to him and his buddies. "Well that concludes harem May and I would like to thank X Prodigy and Advent for joining me here today." Airnaruto said.

"You're welcome Airnaruto." Advent said.

"So until next time, I'm X prodigy…" X stated

"I'm Adventchild101..." Advent said.

"And I'm the Classic Critic…" Airnaruto said.

"We remember it so you're not required to." The three of them said in unison.

_Final analysis:_

_Pros: Top grade animation_

_Great Characters_

_Top notch voice acting on both sides_

_Funny as hell_

_Has some tender moments_

_Great design_

_Appropriate musical score_

_Cons: Manga is still going_

_Some man service but not much_

_The fourth wall never remains standing_

_Dub covers of the opening and ending themes are boring_

_Final score: ***** out of 5._

_A/N: Well folks there you have it Harem May is finally in the books even if I am two days too late anyway read and review folks._


	31. Episode 31: Desert Punk

Episode 31: Desert Punk

**Disclaimer: the following review consists of copy written material owned by Funimation, Studio Gonzo, Enterbrain comics, and Masatoshi Usune. This review is my property and is used for satirical purposes.**

The Classic Critic sat at his desk once more ready to do his newest review. "Hello I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to." He said to the crowd.

"Well after a couple of months off since completing Harem May, I decided to bring my man points back up and I couldn't think of any better way to do that than to sit through this." He said holding up a box set featuring a woman with purple hair and a short stature black haired man on it. "The borderline hentai action comedy known as Desert Punk. In this show we follow the exploits of badass mercenary extraordinaire Sunbouzu aka well Desert Punk" Airnaruto said as we see a scene from episode one play out.

_Desert Punk: I have a reputation as a man that will complete any job given to me. It's not a reputation I intend to lose; I've worked to hard for it. So why don't one of you three slobbering nimrods tell me? (Starts beating thugs with his shotgun) Where the hell is that damn hideout of yours huh? Fess up I won't say it again, I'm gonna keep beating you until you tell me! Where is it?"_

"Now if you want an idea of what this show is like take, the director of Rosario Vampire, team him up with the animator behind Trigun and the Ninja Scroll series, and the composer for One Piece, then give it Trigun's comedy and setting but up the perversion of said comedy to over level 9000 at least and in a nutshell that's Desert Punk." Airnaruto explained. "This show is full of perverted old man jokes that some of the time you could end up dying from laughter or a nosebleed." Airnaruto said before getting on with the rest of the review.

**Plot:**

"So Desert Punk is an action/comedy anime series based on the manga of the same name by Masatoshi Usune produced by Studio Gonzo back in 2004." Airnaruto said before moving on to the plot. "The plot revolves the legend of a bounty hunter in the Great Kanto desert whose feats of skill and daring while on the job that surpasses any of his peers. He holds a reputation of completing every job that's been thrown at him, he is the Desert Punk." Airnaruto said before getting to our main character's flaw. "However like every Superman, he has his Kryptonite and in his case its women, and thanks to a woman, near the end of the first episode he screws up." Airnaruto said before showing his infamous screw up.

_Punk: (Laughing maniacally) I own this desert bitches! _

The camera cut back briefly to Airnaruto who noticed a flickering light behind Desert Punk. "Uh-oh hit the dirt people!" He screamed as he took cover under his desk before the bomb went off.

_(BOOM!)_

"Following that screw up his reputation goes down the crapper when one of his jobs gets stolen from him by one of his rivals named Junko and…WHOA!" Airnaruto screamed as we got a shot of Junko's massive upper set shall we say. "Okay I know Gonzo's notorious for putting certain amounts of fan service in some of their shows like Burst Angel, Kiddy Grade, Witchblade, Gantz, Speed Grapher, and Welcome to the NHK, but man Junko's rack is about as big as the racks on some the of girls from Eiken." Airnaruto said before clearing his head. "Anyway soon Desert Punk's life takes a downturn and he screws up over and over again for plot and comic convenience. Though to be fair with how this guy treats everyone like shit and if the people in question are women he'll treat them even worse than shit since he's a womanizing perverse little bastard and he's supposed to be the hero of the show, and I use the word hero extremely loosely, you could argue that he deserves it." Airnaruto said. "Anyway by episode 7 or so however he picks up an apprentice named Kosuna who decides to follow him around like a dog on car tire since she has nothing better to do and she wants to become the deserts biggest power babe and then the plot goes into the job of the week format, you know; take on the job, get the job done, and collect the money assuming that they don't screw up." Airnaruto said. "However I find it a little jarring that at about the 4th quarter of the of the series, the tone switches from a light hearted perverted comedy to a serious political power struggle story and that at around episode 20 or so, Desert Punk isn't around until the final episode and a half of the series." Airnaruto said making his complaints with the plot before moving on to the animation.

**Animation:**

"As previously mentioned, this is a Gonzo series and boy do they pull out all of the stops for this one. The CGI used for the desert rock buildings, the guns, the suits, and the vehicles are pretty slick and brightly colored for a show set in bleak blistering desert." Airnaruto said. "As also mentioned earlier the animation was done by Takahiro Yoshimatsu who worked Trigun and the Ninja Scroll series; to which I was actually shocked to learn because this didn't like any of the other anime he's worked on over the years so this does show just how far he's come into his own as an animator. The fight scenes are clever, fluid, and in some cases funny." Airnaruto said before mentioning his lone complaint with the animation. "However there are a few spots where the animation gets bad as is the case with most Gonzo produced anime, though granted with Desert Punk it's not bad on the levels of Samurai 7 or Welcome to the NHK bad where it would look like poorly done watercolor, but it's more of the bad in the sense that some the character movements can get a little stiff but it's only for a minute or two so not that long." Airnaruto said before moving on to the cast.

**Sub vs. Dub**

"I'll make this short and sweet; watch this show in the English dub, why you ask?" Airnaruto said before giving his answer. "Simple it's ruder, cruder, and with a bigger toilet mouth you know you're going to get more laughs for your money to watch this show, which can not be said for the Japanese dub because it just sounds incredibly boring." Airnaruto said briefly before showing a scene of Desert Punk getting ambushed by a bunch of thugs first in Japanese.

_Japanese dub:_

_Punk: Uh-oh I think now would be a good time to run for cover._

_English Dub same scene:_

_Punk: Remember kids, a smart man knows when it's time to run like a little bitch!_

"See what I mean?" He said before cutting to the chase; "I mean the comedy is just so dirty that it just falls millimeters short from crossing over the hentai line…twice." He pointed out as for the cast Eric Vale fits into the role of Kanta very well as is his forte of play snarky mouthed obnoxious jackasses, Luci Christian does a great Kosuna, no surprise that she got that role, Stephanie Young plays a decent Junko, and of course the hilarious Kenny Green as the incomparable Rain Spider who get the funniest line award in the show just for saying this." Airnaruto said as he showed an infamous scene from episode 20 involving Rain Spider having a boner.

_Rain Spider: Aah! There's a party in my pants and everyone's coming! (Points gun at Kanta and Kosuna and fires it)_

_Kanta and Kosuna: Aah!_

_(BOOM!)_

**Music:**

"The music for the show is either orchestral or jazz for the most part with the orchestral music being used for the action scenes and the jazz for the comedy or to make soft-core smut so it evens out in my opinion." Airnaruto said, before discussing the openings. "The openings for the show aren't really much on their own though I would recommend the first opening because it captures the show much better than the second opening which is just the series biggest buzz kill especially since the first opening uses live action footage." Airnaruto said before giving his final thoughts on the series.

**Final thoughts:**

"Overall while Desert Punk isn't perfect, it's still one of the funniest anime you'll ever come across with a cast of characters that are just a hoot, crude, rude, and subjective humor, tons of action, and great animation for the most part. The plot may not amount to much for the most part and some of the women's racks are way oversized but it adds to the comedic charm of the show if you ask me." Airnaruto said with a bit of a grin on his face. "While there is some fan service in the show it's thankfully rather subtle and not used for anything other than a running gag but does this show deserves its spot among Gonzo's best productions? I say yes it does. Is it their absolute best? No since as mentioned the jarring tonal shift three quarters of the way through, slightly stiff animation, and the buzz kill opening for the second half take away from it but not by much." Airnaruto said before giving his final rating.

"I give Desert Punk 4 sets of insulting decoys…" Airnaruto said before being cut off by a scene in episode one.

_A bunch of Punk dummies to a gang leader: Your mother's a dirty whore!_

_Another batch of dummies but much faster: Your mother's a dirty whore!_

_Faster set of dummies: Your mother's a dirty whore!_

_Even faster set of dummies: Your mother's a dirty whore!_

"Out of 5." Airnaruto said before wrapping up the show. "Well there you have it folks also next month I'm going to be doing another monthly special I like to call Shonen September where I'll look at some of the best and worst of Shonen anime; however Ranma ½, Full Metal Alchemist, and Death Note will not be among them since I already did separate reviews for those series. Anyway I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to." Airnaruto said as he got and left.

_Desert Punk recap:_

_Pros:_

_Animation for the most part is well done and fluid_

_The cast is a hoot to watch_

_The comedy will have you rolling on the floor laughing your ass off_

_Music is pretty well paced_

_Hilarious English Dub_

_Cons:_

_Animation can be a little stiff at times_

_Japanese dub is boring and unfunny_

_The second opening doesn't fit with the shows atmosphere_

_Story doesn't really change until about the final quarter_

_Final rating: **** out of 5 (Sets of insulting decoys)_

Well folks that's it for now, I'll be taking some time off since I start school this Tuesday so I may not have time to update but until I get another chance to do so read and review.


	32. Shonen September Part 1

Episode 32: Shonen September part 1

**Disclaimer: the following review consists of material owned by Tokyopop, Tohru Fujisawa, and Studio Pierrot, the current rights owners of Great Teacher Onizuka. This review is my property and is used for satirical and commentative purposes only.**

The Classic Critic sat at his desk again but this time he looked more like a school teacher for what reason nobody knew. "Hello I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to." He said, "Welcome to a new special I call Shonen September." Airnaruto said as a special title screen appeared with numerous characters from the Shonen genre of anime crowded around him while he was trying to hold up the sign that said Shonen September.

"This month, I'll be looking at some of the best and worst of the Shonen anime genre and seeing as how we're in September and most of the kids are back in school by now let's start it off with the ever popular GTO or Great Teacher Onizuka." Airnaruto said as the song Driver's high by L'Arc n Ciel played in the background.

**History:**

"GTO is a 43 episode high school, dramatic comedy series based on the first 13 or so volumes of the manga of the same name by Tohru Fujisawa that was turned into an anime series by Studio Pierrot back in 1999." Airnaruto said before the camera cut back to him. "I find it odd that it took me this long to do a Studio Pierrot licensed anime." Airnaruto said before explaining his opinion. "For those who don't know Studio Pierrot is an anime studio that started back in 1979 and was mostly known for Shojo anime but that all changed in 1992 when they debuted their Shonen opus Yu Yu Hakusho. Since then, they've produced other Shonen anime such as; Level E, both Naruto series, Bleach, Midori Days, (A/N: Yes this is a Shonen, I checked), Hyper Police, and Tokyo Underground." Airnaruto said as each shows promotional poster flashed on the screen. "Heck GTO was so popular it even had its own live-action series and live-action movie made before the anime ever came out, also the two actors from that series that played Onizuka and Fuyutsuki met on the set, fell in love and got married following the live completion of the live action series, but now I'm going off track, so let's get to the review." Airnaruto said as the plot screen appeared.

**Plot:**

"The plot revolves around Eikichi Onizuka, a 22 year old ex-bike gang leader who decides to make something out of himself by applying for a high school teaching job." Airnaruto said before the camera changed back to him.

"Now why would he pick teaching you ask?" Airnaruto asked, before getting cut off by one of Onizuka's old buddies.

_Old buddy: Girls, girls, girls, I had a dozen before the end of last year, 20 the year before that._

_Onizuka: You had them…as in biblically you had them?_

_Buddy: Sure with a gig like this you could end scoring high school girls until your 40._

_Onizuka: I had no idea that was possible, I don't believe it (Face turns into a odd version of Munch's The Scream)_

"Yeah initially he wanted to be a teacher so he could be near cute high school girls. Does that remind you of another teacher folks?" Airnaruto asked as we see an infamous clip from Azumanga Daioh.

_Tomo: Question; Mr. Kimura why did you decide to become a high school teacher?_

_Mr. Kimura: Because I like High schools girls that's why!_

"Yes I know that the Navigator already made that joke but come on anyone with half a brain would be able to compare the two." Airnaruto said trying to justify the joke.

"Anyway while on his little journey, Onizuka learns three things about himself; 1. He has a sense of morality so trying to hit on young female students is out of the question, though their strangely attractive mothers provided if the mothers in question are single are completely fair game. 2. He likes teaching and most of the time he teaches life lessons rather than the routine school work, and 3. He hates the traditional education system, especially since the teachers have become condescending, and ignorant to needs of the students, with these realizations he sets out to become the greatest teacher that Holy Forest academy…no the world has ever known using his own brand of philosophy." Airnaruto said as we see Onizuka introduce himself.

_Onizuka to the student body: Hi I'm Eikichi Onizuka and I'm going to be your new homeroom teacher. I'm 22 years old and very single; my hobbies are (Realizes what the principal said about middle school students.) Huh wait a minute Middle school? I'm in charge of the middle school students?_

"Tough break Eikichi, anyway Onizuka is hired as a long shot homeroom teacher to tame a class that has driven one teacher to commit suicide, one to join a cult, and another teacher to a nervous breakdown, and that's all within a year. I only have one thing to say about that." Airnaruto said before the camera cut to a certain pro wrestler.

_Ron Simmons: DAMN!_

The camera then cut back to Airnaruto who just nodded along with what was said; "My thoughts exactly Ron." Airnaruto said, "Bottom line the show pretty much follows the monster of the day formula or in this case problem student of the day formula; this involves Onizuka, confronting a student who's got some major issues or tries to make a jackass out of him, educate him in his own unique way, and win them over to his side." Airnaruto said as the characters block appeared.

**Characters: **

"Let me tell you half these kids are completely messed up. "First up is Nobarou Yoshikawa, an otaku who's constantly bullied by Anko and her friends to the point that attempts to commit suicide. Thankfully Onizuka saves him, becomes his best friend, teaches him the importance of self confidence and being able to stand up to bullies." Airnaruto said as we see Onizuka and Yoshikawa get their revenge on the trio of bitches.

_(Spank!) _

_Onizuka: Bad girls deserved to get spanked._

The camera panned back to Airnaruto "Let them have it Eikichi." He said as he held up his arms in defense. "Now don't get me wrong I'm no pervert but I can't stand bullies even if the bully is a female I'm not gonna be pushover, I would rather shove that bitch's head into a hippo's ass while it muck spreads. That's when a hippo does number 2 but rather than allow the shit to fall from it's anus, it sticks it's tail against it's ass crack, and starts waving it back and forth shredding the shit all over the place. Sorry about that, moving on." Airnaruto said.

"Next is Kikuchi who's the tech prodigy in the class and one of the first students to give Onizuka any trouble by photo shopping certain naughty photos of him to drive him nuts." Airnaruto said showing one scene of Onizuka finding one photo and having a nervous breakdown.

_Onizuka: (Repeatedly) I can't take it!_

"However when Onizuka finds out who's behind it he gets Kikuchi to his side in a manner I will not mention but either way, he eventually becomes one Onizuka's strongest allies throughout the series." Airnaruto said as he looked at the next male character.

"Finally of the male student cast, there's Kunio Murai who leads a trio of students initially hell bent on getting rid of Onizuka and it only gets worse when Onizuka finds out that Murai's mother is only 27. Murai is very overprotective of his mother and tries everything in his power to keep her and Onizuka from getting together however; Onizuka eventually wins Murai over and shows that he's not that bad of a guy, but that still doesn't mean that Murai will let Onizuka anywhere near his mom." Airnaruto said moving on to the next character while putting a blindfold around his eyes.

"Next up is Tomoko an overly naïve girl with a massive rack and she often gets picked on because of these flaws." Airnaruto said before the camera panned back to him. "Does this explain why I'm wearing the blind fold to anyone now?" He asked the audience who nodded in response. "Anyway like with Nobarou, Onizuka helps her with her self confidence and turns her into a teen idol, model, and actress." Airnaruto said before putting his hand on the knot of his blindfold.

"Is she gone?" He asked JC his cameraman.

"Yes she's gone." JC replied allowing Airnaruto to remove his blindfold.

"Oh good, moving on, Urumi is a child prodigy who is also a heterochromatic, and probably the daughter of an American sperm-donor and she by far is among the worst of the problem kids Onizuka has to deal with." Airnaruto said before showing scenes of Urumi causing collateral damage to the school, like blowing up the science lab, detonating smoke bombs in the schools, and having poisonous snakes bite Onizuka in the stick…twice.

_(Onizuka looks down and sees a king cobra injecting venom into his crotch)_

_Onizuka (Screaming): AAH! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!_

"Anyway after one of her teachers had exposed her secret to the class when she was younger, Urumi believed that her trauma justified her behavior." Airnaruto said before the camera cut back to him. "I hate to tell you this you little bitch, yeah you may have had a traumatic life being the kid of a sperm donor but that doesn't justify any of the shit you did to not just the teachers but to your fellow students." Airnaruto responded before getting back on track. "Anyway Onizuka teachers her that while life can be a bitch, you have smile and keep moving forward because if you keep living in the past you'll be hurting others as well as yourself. Urumi also ends up falling in love with Onizuka which I'm sure is unrequited seeing as how that was something Onizuka was trying to avoid." Airnaruto said.

"Finally there's Miyabi the most popular girl in school and a major league load of bitch." Airnaruto said. "She's the one who started the class down the path of terrorizing the teachers because of some her own problems at home and at school that often revolve around something that the teachers did that caused the students to lose their faith in the teachers and adults in general." Airnaruto said before the camera cut back to him. "All in all most of the cast is relatable, with a few exceptions that can be real pains in the ass but still it's a good cast." Airnaruto said before getting to the animation.

**Animation: **

"As you probably would have guessed this anime hasn't really aged all that well over the past 12 years since it's debut but for it's age GTO's animation is pretty fluid, well paced, and well detailed for it's time." Airnaruto said before moving on to Voice acting.

**Sub vs. Dub:**

"I've only watched the show in English but from what I've heard the Japanese dub is performed very well, even if it gets a little over the top, where as by contrast the English dub has the whole so bad it's good thing going for it. In this case nearly half the characters had to be voiced by either; Steve Blum, Wendee Lee, or Kirk Thorton though others like; Phillece Sampler, Michelle Ruff, Tony Oliver, Lara Jill Miller, Richard Epcar, Dorothy Elias-Fahn, and the late Bob Papenbrook all lend their talents to show and do a pretty good job with it." Airnaruto said before wrapping the review up.

**Music: **

"The music for the show is also pretty good combing, electric guitar, saxophone, keyboard, and few other instruments to give it that upbeat and sometimes wacky beat and style that makes this show so funny." Airnaruto said.

**Final Thoughts**

"Overall while Great Teacher Onizuka, isn't your traditional inspiring teacher story, it does have a solid cast of characters, an good story, a nice social commentary on the harshness of Japanese school systems, and has just enough of the moments that will make you laugh out loud or bing a tear to your eye. However I do have some complaints, two to be exact; first off, some the fan and man service moments, I know that Onizuka's method of teaching is unorthodox but that doesn't mean we have to see photo shopped elderly man service photos, or girls getting spanked while tied to there lockers, or a kid stripping himself to show bruises and cuts. The second complaint is with some of the sexual innuendos, why put some of them in like Onizuka getting his little buddy bitten by venomous snakes twice, or have him come in dressed with an elephant head barrel over his torso, etc.?" Airnaruto asked. "However if you look past that GTO is one high school experience you wish you had gone through, I give GTO 4 stars out of 5." Airnaruto said.

"Well folks that's it for now tune in next week when I take a look at one the current big three in Shonen, but until then I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to." He said before leaving his desk while humming Driver's High.

_Final Analysis:_

_Pros: Good story_

_Likeable cast for the most par_

_Strong social commentary on the strictness of Japanese school systems_

_The Jokes are funny though a little suggestive_

_The Japanese voice cast is done well_

_Kick ass first opening theme._

_English dub has the whole so bad it's good scenario going for it._

_Cons:_

_Animation is dated_

_Three people carry the bulk of the dub voices_

_Certain portions of fan/man service could have been left out_

_Final rating: **** out 5_

_Read and review folks!_


	33. Shonen September Part 2

Episode 33: Shonen September Part 2

**Disclaimer: The following consists of material owned by Daisuke Moriyama, Funimation Entertainment, and Studio Gonzo the current rights owners of Chrono Crusade this review is my property and is covered under the fair rights usage law.**

The Classic Critic sat at his desk this time with an American flag unfurled in the background behind him. "Hello I'm the Classic critic; I remember it so you're not required to, Happy Patriot day, and welcome to week 2 of Shonen September." He said as this time a bunch of devils tried to swarm him on the title screen until he threw holy water at them while the banner got all wet.

"Originally I was going to do one of the big three of this generation; however with what's coming up on Sunday, I decided to review an anime that was set in America, unfortunately the number of those kind of anime is few and far between so I had to choose between two of them that I did know about; Baccano!, or Chrono Crusade." Airnaruto said as a cutaway gag kicked in

**Cutaway gag**

The gag showed Airnaruto earlier trying to figure out which anime he should review for Patriot day then pulled a coin out. "Okay if it's heads I do Chrono Crusade, if it's tails I do Baccano!" He said to himself before flipping it into the air and catching it. "Hmm, well Chrono Crusade it is." He said to himself before the gag ended.

**End gag**

"So with that in mind here's my review of Chrono Crusade." Airnaruto said as the opening theme for the show played in the background.

**History:**

"Chrono Crusade is a 24 episode religious, romantic, action, comedy series based on the manga of the name written by Daisuke Moriyama that debuted back in 1998 while the anime was released by Gonzo in 2003." Airnaruto said before making a shocked remark; "What the Hell another Gonzo installment?" He asked; "I didn't think I'd face them again this soon! There's no hope that this one could be any good. I might as well get this over with." He said as the plot and characters box appeared.

**Plot:**

"So this series is set in America during the roaring 20s or rather in the year 1928, where demon summoning has become the new pastime, but unfortunately there are some demons that you don't want to summon and when those demons start running amok, who you gonna call?" Airnaruto asked.

_Crowd: GHOST BUSTERS!_

"Very funny guys but no, you call the Order of Magdalene." Airnaruto said rolling his eyes at the Ghostbusters joke while the crowd just showed a blank look on their faces.

"Basically the Order of Magdalene is to Chrono Crusade what the Iscariot organization is to Hellsing. A special ops military unit of the American Catholic church only it's the nuns not the fathers going out kicking demonic ass." Airnaruto explained to the crowd who nodded in understanding.

"Among the order is our heroine Rosette Christopher, a 16 year old nun and exorcist with a zest for life." Airnaruto said before cutting himself off; "and fortunately unlike the exorcists from D. Gray man, Rosette and the order actually look the part and are exorcists though granted they use guns with alchemically blessed or enhanced silver bullets." Airnaruto said in retrospect.

"Anyway joining Rosette is the young devil Chrono and together they hunt down renegade devils known as sinners or more specifically one sinner in particular named Aion who had abducted Rosette's little brother Joshua and turned him into a devil." Airnaruto explained before adding one last other tidbit of info, "However despite the fact that Chrono Crusade borrows elements from shows like Trinity Blood, Hellsing, and D Gray Man, the approach the story took was similar to the original FMA series in the sense that they followed the manga faithfully through about half the volumes and then because of lack of source material they had to back write what they had and take the story in an alternate direction and much like with Full Metal Alchemist, I think it worked. While the comedic moments are just full of epic levels of slap stick in my opinion and the really emotional moments are just enough to make you cry your lungs out especially the ending which I won't spoil." He said before getting to one other fact.

"If you're also wondering how Chrono could go from a humble modest young devil boy to one deep voiced fighting badass. It's like this…" Airnaruto said after he held up both photos of Chrono that he had on him before switching to his photo of Rosette and circling a certain trinket around her neck. "You see this thing that looks like a cross between a locket and a pocket watch?" He asked the crowd who nodded back.

"Well in Chrono Crusade, a devil's power is reliant on the soul of his contractor, so in order for Chrono to go from a modest, kind, and innocent little boy, to this beast he has to have Rosette unseal the watch so he can feed off her soul but once that watch runs out Rosette will die." Airnaruto explained before moving on to the animation aspect.

**Animation:**

"As earlier mentioned this a Gonzo series, and personally I think that along with Gankutusuou, Chrono Crusade shows them at their best, the characters move pretty fluidly, the pallet has some nice use of vibrant colors for both the bright and fun going parts and the dark action and horrifying parts, It's also clear that the creators took a lot of time researching every locale to get the feel and atmosphere of America during the 20s and it just looks beautiful. The action scenes are just fast paced, well executed, and smooth as silk." Airnaruto said before moving on to the Sub vs. Dub aspect.

**Sub vs. Dub:**

"No contest watch the English Dub especially since they use all the 20s slang to give it a feel that's just era appropriate like; cat's pajamas, hot dog, everything's Jake, and applesauce just to name a few." Airnaruto said before listing off the voice actors; "Out of all the voice actors that will cast I think that Hilary Haag and Greg Ayers are no doubt the stand out performers in this show as Rosette and Chrono respectively especially since both of them lost their voices on several occasions while performing their roles due to all the heavy acting and some screaming." Airnaruto said before moving on to the supporting cast "However aside from them; Jason Douglas does a better job than I would give him credit for as Father Remington, Jessica Boone plays the young Azmariah pretty well for someone who's been in the industry for as long as she has if you ask me. Andy McAvin plays the sinisterly sneaky Aion, though what I found to be odd was who they cast for Joshua's voice actor, you know they picked?" Airnaruto said before showing the scene of Rosette and Joshua meeting Chrono for the first time.

_Joshua: You're a devil? Wow I don't believe it!_

"Yeah believe it or not that's Chris Patton." Airnaruto said before he got cut off by Zim.

_Zim: HE LIES!_

"Shut up Zim." Airnaruto said to the Irken invader as the music category of the review appeared.

_**Music:**_

"The music I find to be pretty well done with a nice combination of Jazz, Blues, and some choir singing as well to give it that holy atmosphere, and Azmariah's singing voice being just beautiful when you hear it, that it just soothes your soul." Airnaruto said as Azmariah's singing was heard in the background.

_**Final Rating:**_

"Overall while Chrono Crusade has some issues, with small amounts of fan service a few animation hiccups, touchy religious subject, frightening demon enemies and lack of background lighting in some spots, it is a definite anime masterpiece for anyone to enjoy. It has a great story, a well rounded cast, and an ending that will just make you cry buckets but at the same time give you a sense of comfort." Airnaruto said before giving his verdict. "I give Chrono Crusade 4 and ½ stars out of 5." He said before the camera cut back to him. "Well that's it for now tune in next week when I truly will look at one the current generation's big three so until next time, I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to and Happy Patriot Day folks." He said giving a salute while God Bless the USA by Lee Greenwood played in the background.

_Final Analysis:_

_Pros: Great animation_

_Original plot_

_Character development is pretty strong_

_The English dub makes use of the 20s slang very well_

_Ending will leave you in tears_

_Action scenes are fluid and slick_

_The backgrounds are just beautiful_

_Fan service moments are subtle for the most part_

_Cons: Some backgrounds are difficult to see_

_Religious subject matter may not be for everyone_

_Some monsters and demons look frightening_

_Animation has a few hiccups though not many._

_Final score: ****1/2 out of 5_

_Well folks that's it for now so until next time read and review_


	34. Shonen September Part 3

Episode 34: Shonen September Part 3

**Disclaimer: The following consists of copy written material owned by Viz Media, Studio Pierrot, Weekly Shonen Jump, and Masashi Kishimoto this review is of my property and for satirical purposes only.**

Airnaruto45 aka The Classic Critic sat at his desk once more this time with his baseball hat off his head and only his headband on it. "Hello I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to and welcome to week 3 of Shonen September." He said as this time on the title card he got pelted with kunai, shuriken, and paper bombs the latter of which blew up on him as he held up the banner.

"Well folks here it is my own personal review of Naruto on the whole." Airnaruto said as the opening scenes of the show started playing. "Everyone knows about this loudmouth knucklehead of a ninja I might as well get the historical stuff out of the way." Airnaruto said as the facts box appeared.

**Facts:**

"Naruto is an ongoing action, adventure anime series based on the manga of the same name written by Masashi Kishimoto which started publication back in 1999. The first anime series which covers the first 27 volumes of the manga was put together by Studio Pierrot back in 2002 before finishing in 2007 with 220 episodes. The second series entitled Naruto Shippuden was also released by Pierrot and debuted back in February of 2007 and is still going as of today and covers the events from volume 28 to the current point of the manga, though granted the western world wouldn't see either of these series until 2005 and 2009 respectively." Airnaruto said grumbling out the last part.

**Plot (Warning the following segment contains spoilers to both the manga and the anime if you don't wish to be spoiled skip this part): **

"The plot of this show revolves around Naruto Uzumaki, a young orphan who is treated like the plague in his home village of Konoha or the hidden leaf." Airnaruto said before the camera cut back to him. "Why is he treated like crap when we first meet the kid you ask? Simple, he was forced to carry the burden of being the vessel of a nine-tailed demon fox on the night he was born and while the Fourth Hokage wanted him to be seen as a hero, the majority of the village saw him as the beast in human form, so in an act of desperation he boldly proclaims…"Airnaruto said as he got cut off by a 5 year old Naruto.

_Naruto: One of these days I'm gonna become Hokage!_

"Yeah that's his goal, initially it was to be recognized by the villagers but over time it changes to where he wants to become Hokage to protect everyone he cares about." Airnaruto said before continuing on with Naruto's teammates. "Naruto soon is put into a team consisting of himself, his crush Sakura Haruno who initially finds him annoying and has a monster sized crush on who in my opinion is the biggest asshole in the series Sasuke Uchiha who for lack of a better term to me is an absolute spoiled brat with a cock's ass haircut who then ditches the village all for the power to slay his brother and quench his thirst for vengeance against him for killing off every other member of their clan, only to kill him later and find out that Itachi wanted to die by his hand so he could redeem the clan name but only for the main villain Madara; Sasuke and Itachi's forefather to manipulate him into joining him so he can wipe out his home. Sasuke you are a grade A imbecile!" Airnaruto snapped before calming down.

"Sorry anyway under the tutelage of Kakashi Hatake and the help of his friends, Naruto pushes forward to become the greatest Hokage the hidden leaf has ever known while having to fight hundreds of enemy ninja, traitors, and a criminal organization known as the Akatsuki led by the insidious Madara who wants to; collect all nine tailed beasts, combine them into the their original form, absorb them into his own body, cast an eternal illusion over the planet and ultimately you guessed it take over the world." Airnaruto said before getting cut off by a familiar joke.

_Bison: Of Course!_

"I've really got to fix that joke timer." Airnaruto said frustrated with the interruptions before moving on to the art and animation.

**Technical aspects**

"As I previously mentioned this is Studio Pierrot at work, and while the art style incredibly realistic, the background elements and locales being very detailed, the animation is slick and stylish, and the fight scenes vary from fast pace and pulse pound to methodical and slow, and the music is pretty well balanced with bits of electric guitar, flute, drum, xylophone, piano, violin, and other instruments, there are points in the series where some of the tracks get a little repetitive and it can be a bit annoying at times, in addition to the mountains of filler arcs that they use to try and develop the side characters in the first series that I like to call the horrible hundred since it took nearly 100 episodes to move on to the time skip and second series which like it's predecessor is also guilty of having filler arcs, thankfully it's more spread out in between the main arcs of the story, and over blown amounts of J-pop band played openings, but other than that, each of the aspects for the show are fine." Airnaruto said.

**Voice Acting**

"My opinion on the voice acting is that basically it will come down to personal preference if you ask me. Some people will prefer watching the shows in the Japanese dubs while others will prefer watching the English dubs but you could go either way. Personally I prefer the Japanese dub for three reasons; 1. The cast actually gives it their all to bring the characters to life, 2. while some performances are over the top they do fit the characters personalities, and 3. Naruto's seiyu actually sounds like a young man even though he's being played by a woman." Airnaruto said which lead to a new cutscene joke involving Sheila Broslofski from South Park.

_Shelia: WHAT WHAT WHAT? (A/N: Is it me or does Mona Marshall sound like a chicken when she does that?)_

"Shocking but true but let me explain." Airnaruto said. "In Japanese Naruto is voiced by Junko Takeshi, and while she's not perfect she does a good job at making Naruto sound equal parts rambunctious troublemaker, and slowly but maturing young adult and I commend her for that. Which is more than I can say for Naruto's dub voice actress Malie Flannigan." Airnaruto said before getting to the point; "My point is that while Malie tries to make Naruto sound unique, she tries a little too hard and she makes the character come off with a very nasally high pitched and semi-raspy voice that in the first series made him sound older than he was supposed to be and made him sound more like he was scrapping his nails over a chalkboard in the second series, but that's just me." Airnaruto said. "Bottom line Malie Flannigan is the absolute last person I would want voicing the title character of the show; personally I would have chosen guys like; Greg Ayres, Todd Haberkorn, Johnny Yong Bosch, Chris Patton, Yuri Lowenthal if he wasn't already voicing Sasuke, a prepubescent Aaron Dimuske or Vic Mignogna, but then again this is a Viz Media dub and they're often hit and miss with their casting choices, but don't get me wrong I'm not saying the rest of the dub cast is bad, it's pretty good I even have the cast list right here." Airnaruto said as he pulled out a long scroll of paper containing the names of the dub cast on it.

"I mean you have the likes of; Kate Higgins, Stephanie Sheh, Coleen O'Shaughnessey, as previously mentioned Yuri Lowenthal, Kyle Hebert, Derek Stephen Prince, Liam O' Brien, Quinton Flynn, William Fredrick Knight, Troy Baker, Johnny Yong Bosch, Crispin Freeman, J.B. Blanc, Roger Craig Smith, Steve Blum, Kirk Thorton, Dorothy Elias-Fahn, Vic Mignogna, Paul St. Peter, Dave Wittenburg, Henry Dittman, Tony Oliver, Cindy Robinson, Ali Hillis, Mary Elizabeth McGylnn , Doug Erholtz, and many others that it would take another three or four chapters to put it them all in." Airnaruto said before wrapping it up.

**Verdict:**

"Overall, Naruto is basic just your basic Shonen Jump series, but with a little more to offer behind it; some moderately likeable characters, fights that will satisfy any kind of fight viewer, a realistic art style, and pretty versatile music behind it with a dub that both sides will enjoy. However I do have some complaints, three to be exact; first the over indulging amounts of filler that plague the first series I mean I understand that they were trying to develop the other characters but in some cases less is more." Airnaruto said before moving on to complaint number two.

"My next complaint is the mismatching dub cast, for example; Travis Willingham as Juugo a character that joins Sasuke later on in the second series, now that just seems like trouble I mean my friend the Nostalgia Kid went over in his review of D Gray man why you don't put Travis in a teenage role he's too old for the part, the poor choice for the title characters voice in English; I mean seriously I would have found it better if he was only given Zetsu's role in the show and Juugo's role was given to someone like Eric Vale or Chris Patton at least they know how to play characters that are certified screwballs." Airnaruto said before reaching his final complaint.

My final is the misconception as to what the moral of the series is." Airnaruto said which resulted in his audience looking at him blankly."Okay in this scenario my buddy the Nostalgia Kid assumed the moral of the show was this;" Airnaruto said as a certain text appeared above his head that read:

**"Will the Ninja world ever unify and create peace?" **

"In my opinion I think the theme is this…" Airnaruto said as a different text appeared over his head that read; **"When does personal responsibility begin and end?" **

"In my opinion the theme is Naruto needs to understand that although he made a promise to Sakura to bring Sasuke back that is of great personal importance to him, he needs to understand that Sasuke left of his own free will and it's Naruto's duty to bring Sasuke back dead or alive though at this point everyone, myself included wants that little duck assed haired brat dead by now. My point is that there are times when loyalty to a friend is admirable but then there are times you have to forsake that friendship and do what's right for the sake of those around you or at least that's the best way I can think of putting it." Airnaruto said before revealing his final score.

"Regardless if you just started watching anime for the first time, give this title a watch. I give the anime series on a whole 3 and ½ stars out of 5." Airnaruto said before concluding. "Well that's it for now be sure to come back next time when we wrap up Shonen September with an instant classic anime series so until then…" He said before getting cut off an angry mob of over zealous Naruto fans who wanted his head on a pike in the same manner they wanted the Nostalgia Kid's head. "I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to." He said before vanishing into thin air.

_Naruto final analysis:_

_Pros: Slick animation_

_Fight scenes that are both fast paced, and deliberate_

_Massive cast of likeable and decently developed characters_

_Decent classic underdog hero's journey story_

_Diverse soundtrack_

_Both dubs are pretty good though not great._

_Cons: Massive amounts of filler episodes near the end of the first series_

_Mismatching English dub cast_

_Misconception by fans over the theme of the series._

_Final rating: ***1/2 out of 5_

A/N: Well that's about as objective of a review for Naruto as I can give tell me what you guys think and until then read and review folks.


	35. Episode 35: My Top 16 Anime Series

Episode 35: Top 16 Anime

**Disclaimer: This list consist of copy written material owned by various, studios, companies, authors, that it would take too long to list them all. This countdown is of my property and covered under the fair rights usage law.**

Airnaruto45 aka The Classic Critic sat at his desk once more ready to address the audience. "Hello I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to." Airnaruto said.

"You guys remember that a year ago, a friend of mine known as DarkPaladinmon aka The Digital Critic did a list of his top 12 anime series, so I figured what the heck and do the same thing however I'm going to countdown my top 16 anime series also since this list is based on personal preference if you don't like the fact I excluded your favorite anime, then go make your own list." He said before using a new catchphrase; "Why 16, because just about every other number between 10 and 20 has already been used." He pointed out.

"So sit back and relax because these are my top 16 favorite anime series." Airnaruto said as the screen displayed various anime openings.

**Number 16**

**Super book**

"Okay you can go ahead and laugh it up if you want, but believe it or not this 1981 Christian kid's anime was the first one I ever watched as a kid. my parents had bought about half of the series on VHS which had two 20 minute episodes on each tape, with one video having 3 episodes on it. Anyway the series centered around two kids named Christopher and Joy who along with Gizmo, Christopher's wind up toy robot who becomes life sized during their trips back into Biblical times, are taken back in time by means of a magical talking bible named well Super book, just go with it folks, and meet various Biblical figures to learn life lessons about; obedience, responsibility, courage, etc. It may have been cheesy, the animation was crappy, and the voice acting was a little campy but hey like I said this was done in 1981 and for nostalgic purposes and introducing me to anime it's the perfect series to kick off the countdown." Airnaruto said as he moved on to the next entry.

**Number 15**

**Monster**

"I don't think I really need to go over the plot with this one since I've talked about it three times before; but what draws me into this 74 episode series the mystery behind Johan's behavior, the challenge Tenma has to overcome to spare Johan's life no matter how many times Johan goads the doctor into killing him, and the series does a good job with providing a social commentary on the monsters within ourselves and what it takes to over come those monsters, so to that I say thank you Naoki Urusawa and Madhouse for bringing us such a thought provoking and well paced masterpiece." Airnaruto said before moving on to his next pick.

**Number 14**

**Fruits Basket**

"Okay I know that right about now you're going to laugh at me for putting this series on my list." Airnaruto said as some of the more manly members of his audience laughed at him.

"However like I said when I reviewed the series in May, the themes and setting of the series really hit home with me, but as I mentioned the anime is incomplete since its manga counterpart finished about 5 years ago." Airnaruto said before grumbling to himself. "Why they just didn't release the series in 2007 instead of 2001 is beyond me."

"Regardless, if you're interested in this series check it out though you won't get the whole story out of it for that look for any copies of the manga that you can find since Tokyopop USA is out of print, or check out something I forgot to mention the last time, go on the Internet and take a look at JesuOtaku's Fruits Basket Radio Drama which I admit she has handled very well. So if you want to laugh and cry at the same time then check it out." Airnaruto said before moving on.

**Number 13**

**Digimon Tamers**

"I would say Digimon as a whole however, to me Tamers was probably the best season out of all them." Airnaruto said before explaining his point. "I mean season 3 of the franchise had; the most unique story, the most complex cast of Digidestined, and probably the darkest and most unexpected twist two thirds of the way through the series." Airnaruto said before adding one other piece of info,

"I suppose that's what you get when the guy who did the screenwriting for Serial Experiments Lain perhaps one of the biggest mindfuck anime series of all time is also the guy screen writing this series but I digress that's something for another day."

He said before wrapping this choice up; "All the same for its unique twist on the familiar Digimon formula I applaud Digimon tamers and place proudly at number 13 on my list." Airnaruto said moving on to his next entry.

**Number 12**

**Basilisk**

"If you want to know what this series is like I'll put it like this; take the ninja elements from Naruto except make it much more serious, and more graphic, then combine it with a Romeo and Juliet style of plot set in 17th Century Japan and that's Basilisk in a nutshell."

Airnaruto said before explaining the plot. "It follows the feud between the Kouga and Iga ninja clans who's heads Genosuke and Obouro respectively are engaged to be married but a sinister demonic ninja named Tenzo instigates both sides into breaking off a truce between both clans and reignites the hatred between the clans while driving Genosuke and Obouro further apart."Airnaruto said before shedding a tear.

"Now this would be okay for me to cry a little bit and I mean if you've read or seen Romeo and Juliet in any form you know how this story ends. Bottom line if you're in to these kinds of shows I suggest you check it out Basilisk; it's Naruto for adults."Airnaruto said going to his next choice.

**Number 11**

**Berserk**

"Oh Berserk, you wonderful manly, gore fest, I would have you put up much higher on the list if someone over at OLM chose not to flip you off and continue to focus solely on Pokémon, honestly this should have been allowed to continue instead of ending up as a manga commercial, however thankfully as many of us may already know the series is getting a remake done in the form of a movie trilogy that it set for a theatrical release early next year." Airnaruto said before getting into what pulled him into the series.

"What really grabs me with this series are; how much substance the story has going for it, the complex characters, and of course the hack and slash action." Airnaruto said before showing the scene of Guts cutting through 100 enemy soldiers.

"Personally I think what was handled the best in the series was the dynamic virtually polar opposite relationship between Guts and Griffith, as well the whole Greco/Roman feel the series had with it's themes of fate, hubris, political intrigue, and the desires of the human soul. It was creepy, dark, manly, and full of …" Airnaruto said before getting cut off by another wrestler named Rhino.

_Rhino: GORE! GORE! GORE!_

"Nevertheless, Berserk hacks and slashes its way to the number 11 spot on my list." Airnaruto said wrapping up that pick.

**Number 10**

**Desert Punk**

"As funny as this show is, I put it pretty low on the list simply because while it is good, it is seriously flawed." Airnaruto said before listing off the flaws.

"I mean out of the entire cast only Kosuna gets any significant character development, the plot goes from almost non-existent to all over the place, and while some of the perverted moments are funny, some of them felt force and were a poor attempt at making sounding crude seem cool, I can't believe this show nearly crossed the line into full blown hentai twice in the same episode about a third of the way through it." Airnaruto said finishing the flaws.

"However I will say that the action is pretty cool in this show and the fan service is pretty subtle even for a studio Gonzo series so while it is kind of dirty if it gets a few laughs out of me I like it that and I can't believe that this hasn't made it to AMV hell yet…" Airnaruto said before showing a certain clip from episode 8.

_Rain Spider: AAAHH! There's a party in my pants and everyone's coming!_

_(BANG!)_

"Bottom line, if you like raunchy, perverted action comedies then you'll love Desert Punk for the action, adventure, the tits, the ta-tas, and the stonking great milk jugs." Airnaruto said before moving on to the next show.

**Number 9**

**Naruto/Naruto Shippuden**

"I decided to put these two together because they're two parts of the same story more or less." Airnaruto explained to his confused audience.

"What I like about the show is that the cast is rather diverse, the fights are paced pretty well for the most part, and the animation is very good and detailed, however the reason I put it pretty low on the list despite it sharing a part of my penname boils down to one simple fact; Too many filler arcs!." Airnaruto said screaming the last part.

"Granted that the Shippuden filler arcs are spread out a little better than the original, they still take away from enjoying the overall story and filler arcs are the main reason that when it comes to Shonen Jump anime, that most people would prefer to stick to reading the manga scans every week and I'm no exception." Airnaruto said before wrapping up his tie choice.

"Regardless Naruto was what brought me back into anime and for that I thank the little hyperactive knucklehead ninja by giving both his shows my number 9 spot on the countdown believe it!" Airnaruto said wrapping that up with Naruto's punch line.

**Number 8**

**Black Lagoon**

"Oh hell yeah! This one is just adrenaline rushing, heart pumping, and action packed." Airnaruto said before getting into the plot.

"This series follows a Japanese salary man named Rokuro Okijima aka Rock who gets ditched by his company after he discovers some dirty business the company was taking part in. After being abducted by pirates that call themselves the Lagoon Trading Company, he develops Stockholm Syndrome and joins up with the crew as the negotiator more or less with each new assignment they get and trust me their clients are all over the place but when I get to do an actual review of this series I'll talk about the rest of the cast." Airnaruto said before getting to the main four of the show.

"The Lagoon company is made up of; the leader Dutch a former Vietnam war veteran that serves as a secondary voice of reason, Benny the tech expert, and Revy who I'll just say is the heavy artillery and trust me you do not under any circumstances want to cross her path." Airnaruto warned before Revy cut him off.

_Revy: Go fuck yourself_

"Oh come on Revy I was just giving you a compliment…" Airnaruto said before Revy pointed her pistols at him.

_Revy: Give me what?_

"Uh Revy could you put the guns down please?" Airnaruto asked as he started to sweat bullets.

_Revy: You said you were gonna give me something, come on!_

_(BANG!)_

"I'm hit!" Airnaruto said before the camera cut off.

**Please Stand By**

The camera re-displayed Airnaruto except now his arm was in a sling after Revy shot him. "Ouch, now I think I have an idea of what Rock has to put up with on a daily basis." Airnaruto grumbled before Revy cut him off.

_Revy to Dutch: Dutch, let's kneecap this pussy._

"No please don't break my legs. Look I can move my arm." Airnaruto said demonstrating that his arm had healed up before the camera cut back to Dutch.

_Dutch to Revy: There's no need._

"Thank you Dutch for sparing my life!" Airnaruto exclaimed while groveling before Dutch. "Anyway this show is not for kids; I mean it has, violence, black comedy, drugs, alcohol, and it drops 259 f-bombs throughout the course of the series." Airnaruto said

Before concluding; "All in all if you like this kind of stuff then strap in cause you'll be in for one hell of a ride as Black Lagoon takes its place at number 8." Airnaruto said.

**Number 7**

**Fist of the North Star**

"Unless you've been living under a rock for the past 30 years, then I won't need to go on about this series, also if you read my review of the recent video game based on the series then you'll know the plot." Airnaruto said.

"It revolves around Kenshiro, probably one of the most badass and coolest characters to come out of the Shonen genre and heir of Hokuto Shin Ken, an assassination art that utilizes striking the body's hidden vital points to cause significant damage from the inside, and ultimately kill the target; Kenshiro travels around the post apocalyptic world protecting the weak and innocent while trying to find his lost love Yuria who was taken from him by an old rival and his fighting style often leads to him putting his opponents in their place which leads to his famous catchphrase…." Airnaruto said before Kenshiro cut him off.

_Kenshiro: Omae we mo shinderiu (You are already dead)_

"This is the countdown to mind blowing awesomeness….pun intended." Airnaruto said before moving on to the flaws.

"My only complaint with the show is that the series was never dubbed completely I mean out of 152 episodes only 36 of them were dubbed into English." Airnaruto said before wrapping up his choice.

"My complaint aside with its gripping story, rememberable characters, kick ass opening theme preformed by Crystal king, and reputation of manliness this series more than deserves it's spot at number 7 on my list and if anyone's dumb enough to go against that then don't cause if you do then you are already dead." Airnaruto said as he moved on.

**Number 6**

**Baccano!**

"Often considered the magnum opus of studio Brain's Base, this anime is one hell of a ride and I mean it." Airnaruto said before explaining himself.

"This show has three separate yet related storylines to it that all seem to intertwine very well within 13 episodes, 16 episodes if you include 3 ova episodes that serve as the epilogue to all three stories." Airnaruto said as he began to explain each plot.

"The first storyline revolves around a The New York mafia turf war and a bunch of elderly alchemists trying to create a liquid philosopher stone, the second plot involves the robbery/massacre incident on the transcontinental train The Flying Pussyfoot…." Airnaruto said before stopping himself. "Go ahead and laugh if you want." He said to the audience and they did.

"Finally you have the search for Dallas Genoard the jerk from plot 1 who seems to only serve the purpose of being the punching bag of every other character." Airnaruto said in regards to each story line. "The show itself follows more the Pulp Fiction formula as it bounces around between each storyline taking place from 1930 to 1932 like a pinball on crack and it actually works quite well. In terms of the characters most of them are likeable and can be funny as hell at times especially characters like the bumbling dimwitted thieves Isaac and Miria who are the only characters that show up in all three storylines…." Airnaruto said before getting cut off by Isaac and Miria in one their funniest scenes.

_Isaac to Miria: This is terrible! Miria, we've forgotten something of the utmost importance._

_Miria: What do you mean?_

_Isaac: Miria its Ennis!_

_Miria: What will we do?_

_Isaac: Whatever shall we do?_

_Miria: ISAAC!_

_Isaac: MIRIA!_

_(Both start crying)_

_Both: WE FORGOT TO BUY A GIFT FOR ENNIS!_

"I honestly ask why these two were not made the protagonists each time I watch the show." Airnaruto said before shrugging his shoulders, "Then you have sadistic psychos like Ladd Russo…" Airnaruto said before getting cut off by Ladd.

_Ladd: Even though we are going to shatter dozens of lives inside a crowded train wearing white is gonna make the blood look so pretty._

The camera cut back to Airnaruto who pulled out a cuckoo clock and set it to a certain hour before the bird popped out.

(CUCKOO! CUCKOO!)

"Though I will admit my favorite character in the series also happens to be the one who has got possibly the worst name for a character in any series and that character is and I shit you not….Jacuzzi Splot." Airnaruto said before show a photo of a young bootlegger with red hair, a sword shaped tattoo on his face, a brown vest, a plaid shirt, and brown pants.

"To keep it short and to the point Baccano is…." Airnaruto said before getting cut off once more this time by Dallas.

_Dallas: IT'S FREAKIN' UNBELIEVABLE! _

**Number 5**

**Great Teacher Onizuka**

"I already reviewed this series so I won't spend too much time on the plot, characters, and the other stuff but I will say that I like this series because of hilarious it is in terms of it's humor even if the title character does get his stick bitten by venomous snakes twice, and some of the content in the series could use a little rebuttal it's social commentary on the harsh reality of Japanese school systems is what drives the point of the series home and to me the point of the series is this." Airnaruto said before a text appeared above his head.

"**What good is your education if it keeps you from being a good person?" the text read.**

"That is a good question, is it justified for Japanese teachers to pressure their students to achieve good grades to get into better colleges or find better careers if it ends up stripping the students of their humanity?" Airnaruto asked before wrapping up his choice; "Well either way for a series that let's the proverbial inmates run the asylum and a teacher who will bust his own balls to save your ass and trust me he will, I wish I had him as my teacher in high school because then I would be one happy son of a bitch." Airnaruto said.

**Number 4**

**Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood**

"I chose Brotherhood simply because; I found it to be much darker than the original series and had better pacing. I mean sure the first 13 episodes were kind of rushed but that was only because the first 13 episodes in Brotherhood more or less condense the events of the majority of the 36 episodes it took to get to that point in the manga in the original series but hey no point in stretching out the part of the story you've already seen again so I was okay with that move; every event from then on out is strictly in accordance with the manga and let me tell you while the original FMA series is the one that most non anime fans think of when they hear the title will automatically like it though be warned with the original series don't start watching with the episode Night of the Chimera's cry aka the Nina Tucker story you'll be scarred for life if you do." Airnaruto warned.

"With Brotherhood again while the first 13 episodes are rushed due to them being familiar material I did like the inclusion of Xingese characters like May Chan, Lan Fan, and Fu but I found Ling Yao to be incredibly irritating skipping out on the bill, and mooching off others for food. How much were Mamoru Miyano and Todd Haberkorn paid for this part anyway?" Airnaruto asked before wrapping it up.

"All in all either FMA series is worth the watch also if you can sit through all of both series then I can strongly say that you have a heart made full metal." Airnaruto said before moving on to his top 3.

**Number 3**

**Chrono Crusade**

"I got this as a birthday present recently from a friend of mine. Since I already went over the plot when I reviewed the series, I'll just go over what I liked about it." Airnaruto said before going into what he liked about it.

"Personally I liked how the English Dub used all the 20s slang to make it sound authentic, the fight scenes were slick and stylish, the musical score was just beautiful and the animation was very good, not to mention that the whole Beauty and the Beast formula used in relationship between Rosette and Chrono was very touching throughout and at times funny. Leave it to Hilary Haag and Greg Ayres to give this kind of performance." Airnaruto said before getting to what made him cry. "However I think everyone remembers Chrono Crusade for it's ending." Airnaruto said before a disclaimer popped up.

**Warning: The following consists of spoilers to the anime of Chrono Crusade if you do not wish to be spoiled please leave now.**

"Anyway after the battle with Aion, Rosette and Chrono spend about six months in an old log cabin and on the final day Rosette's life the two start reflecting on all the adventures they had together up until Rosette admits the one thing she was afraid to say the whole series." Airnaruto said as he showed the scene.

_Rosette (About to break into tears): I'm just…so…scared Chrono…I just want to live a little longer….is that so wrong? I don't want to die (Crying while embracing Chrono)_

_Chrono (quietly while holding it in): Oh Rosette_

_Little later as the sun comes ever closer to setting completely._

_Rosette: Chrono…thank you._

_(Rosette's watch ticks slowly until silence)_

The camera then cut back to Airnaruto with a tissue box next to him, "What? That scene always tears me up, and if you were watching it you would have wished that there was some sort of loophole in the contract made between them too." Airnaruto said.

"With it's unique premise, likeable characters, well paced story, and emotional moments Chrono Crusade is one series I recommend that you guys should check out, because if you don't I'll give you a taste of my gospel." Airnaruto said holding up a colt revolver loaded with an alchemic silver bullet called the gospel.

**Number 2**

**Trigun**

"What can be said about this series that hasn't already been said?" Airnaruto said before carrying on.

"Based on the manga by Yasuhiro Nightow, Trigun has become one of the most popular anime series in the west." Airnaruto said before moving on to the plot.

"As I mentioned in my review, the story revolves around Vash the Stampede, a pacifist outlaw gunman with a bounty of 60 billion double dollars on his head dead or alive along with a pair of insurance agency representatives who have to enforce risk prevention on the guy, and a trigger happy priest named Nicholas D. Wolfwood travelling around the desert planet of Gun smoke tracking down the man who ruined his life, his own twin brother Knives." Airnaruto said before carrying on.

"In my Trigun review I did bring up the series many flaws such as; the scrappy animation despite coming from Studio Madhouse, but this was originally released in Japan back in 1998 but anyway, the mess up with the Japanese voice cast, and the tonal shifts and plots twist that pop up about halfway through, but what saves it is it's strong beating heart of story and it's characters." Airnaruto said before explaining himself; "Like the Jesuotaku, I was equally creeped out at how rooted in Christianity the shows themes were both on the surface and on a deeper level, also like Jesuotaku I didn't know until last year that Nightow himself was in fact Catholic Christian. He been born and raised a Buddhist but converted to Catholicism when he began coming up with the concept for the manga which is rather shocking for me on a personal level." Airnaruto said before stating.

"However much like with Super book, I'll take any representation of my faith accurate or not, global or American where I can it get not to mention that Vash is just so funny, badass, and loveable at the same time." Airnaruto said before wrapping it up. "Trigun; it's my number 2 anime of all time and the only gun sling fest where the man on the wanted poster shouts…" Airnaruto said before Vash cut him off.

_Vash: This world is made of…._

"All together everyone…" Airnaruto said

_Vash, Air, audience: LOVE & PEACE!_

"Now after all those shows you're probably wondering; "Airnaruto what is your favorite anime?" Airnaruto asked for the audience. "Well this last one might surprise you." Airnaruto said as he revealed his favorite anime.

**My number 1 favorite anime series of all time is…..**

**Gankutsuou: The Count of Monte Cristo**

"Now by now everyone knows how impressed I was by the series; I mean the surreal and stunning visuals, the way takes the classic Alexander Dumars novel and puts a whole new twist on it as expected with studio Gonzo, and the music is just excellent." Airnaruto said as he continued.

"If there was any other interpretation of the book that does the original justice it would be this one, it's full of intrigue, mystery, romance, a bit of humor, and tragedy and yet it's handled so damn well. Yeah the characters don't get a lot of development but hey in this case it's forgivable, either way to my audience I offer these words; bide your time and hold out hope. Gankutsuou: The Count of Monte Cristo my number 1 favorite anime of all time." Airnaruto said.

The camera then returned to Airnaruto sitting at his desk; "Well there you have it my top 16 anime of all time and to all those who are disappointed that I didn't put their favorite series, I apologize but remember this was my list and therefore based on my personal preference. I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to." Airnaruto said as he got up from his desk and left.

**Well there you have it folks my first chapter in over two months so tell me what you think so until next time read and review.**


	36. Episode 36: Ranma 12 Christmas OVA

Episode 36: Ranma ½ Christmas OVA

**Disclaimer: This review once again consists of material owned by Rumiko Takahashi, and Viz media the current right owners to Ranma ½ this review is my property and covered under the fair rights usage act.**

Airnaruto45 woke up one morning stepped outside, took a deep breath and then screamed repeatedly; "CHRISTMAS!"

While still screaming Christmas he started putting numerous Christmas decorations all over his desk before settling down.

"That's right it's Christmas time, and today I decided to review one of the few anime Christmas specials in this case the Ranma ½ Tendo Family Christmas Scramble." Airnaruto said as the title appeared.

"I know I didn't really do the series justice when I reviewed it back in May seeing as how I only focused on the main cast but this time I plan to make up for it by taking a look at one of the better OVAs of the series, The Ranma ½ Christmas Special so role it JC." Airnaruto said as JC619 one of his camera men put the DVD into the player.

"So we open up to a beautiful landscape with snow falling in front of the camera, then reindeer pulling a sleigh through the fog and ride right past Kasumi Tendo." Airnaruto said as the sleigh went past Kasumi who was in her nightgown when she notices a small white package with a card and a red bow attached to it.

_Kasumi: He dropped something, (She crouches down to pick up the box to find that the card has her name on it) for me? What is it? _

"Suddenly the bow starts glowing before the screen fades to white to reveal it was all a dream." Airnaruto said as Kasumi wakes up and looks at her calendar.

_Kasumi: That's right today's Santa day **(A/N: I kid you not she actually says that)**_

The camera then cut back to Airnaruto who just looked at Kasumi weirdly. "Santa day, I thought she was 19 why did she say something you would expect to hear from a 4 year old?" He asked before getting cut off by Akane Tendo.

_Akane: I'm finished (She holds up a poorly knitted scarf that she plans to give to Ranma) it may not look like much but it's the thought that counts._

"As you may have guessed already this our lead female character in the series Akane Tendo, Kasumi's youngest sister and unwilling fiancée to Ranma Saotome she's a nice girl but she's got a very short fuse." Airnaruto said as a montage of Akane kicking the crap out of the guys but mostly Ranma in either his boy or girl form ending with Akane punching male Ranma through a wall.

_Captain Falcon: FALCON PUNCH!_

"WHOA!" Airnaruto said ducking under his desk to avoid getting hit by the flying Ranma.

CRASH!

"You okay Ranma?" Airnaruto asked as the camera panned to the hole in the wall to show Ranma holding his thumb up.

"He's okay folks, he's okay!" Airnaruto announced before getting back to Akane; "Anyway I happen to have a list of things that you should not to or say around Akane." Airnaruto said as he pulled out his list and read it off.

Don't insult her knitting

Don't insult the way her hair looks

No perverse leering

Don't touch her

No wisecracks

No trying to feel her up

Don't insult her clothing

Don't insult her cooking.

Airnaruto finished reading the list before getting back to the OVA.

_Kasumi to the family: I was told by someone to throw a Christmas Eve party here tonight and now he'll be able to come._

_Nabiki: Who will be able to come and who told you that?_

_Kasumi: Santa Claus?_

_Everyone else: Santa Claus?_

_Kasumi then shows a handful of party invitations_

_Kasumi: Of course and I already made all the invitations you will help me pass them out will you?_

_Everyone else: Sure._

"I would also like to say stay away from Kasumi when she has something planned because she'll use her sweet innocent nature to pull you in hook line and sinker." Airnaruto warned the audience. "So Kasumi sends all the invitations out and all the other characters start showing up beginning with Ranma's eternally lost rival Ryoga, and the mentally dimwitted Tatewaki Kuno and his equally psychotic sister Kodachi.

_Sasuke (Kuno's sidekick): Isn't this a little extravagant for a Christmas present master?_

"Why does something tell me that Kuno got for Akane what Charlie Brown gets for Halloween every time he goes out to trick-or-treat?" Airnaruto asked himself as he showed the clip from the Peanuts Halloween special that reveals what Charlie Brown got in his bag.

_Charlie Brown: I got a rock._

"Thankfully that thought gets tossed aside when Shampoo, Ukyo, and Kodachi show up, along with Mousse who ends up crashing into a wall." Airnaruto said waiting for said crash.

_Ukyo to Kuno and Sasuke: What's going on, what are you all doing here?_

_Shampoo (In her own broken form of Japanese or English or whatever): What you all do here?_

_Kodachi: She's right isn't the service entrance to the rear?_

_Ukyo: holding up her invitation: I was invited same as you take a gander at this._

_Kodachi (Pulling out her invite): You invited to the same party as I?_

_Shampoo (Showing her invitation): Shampoo is not only invited guest?_

The camera cut back to Airnaruto; "Well considering it is a Christmas party, its obvious there will other guests aside from you Shampoo." Airnaruto said bluntly just as Mousse showed up and crashed into the wall.

_CRASH!_

"Remember what I said about this show having two love parallelograms well I meant to say that it's a gigantic love octagon and it works like this; Ranma, Tatewaki, and Ryoga all like Akane and want to marry her or in the case of Ryoga and Kuno go out on a date with her at the least, where as by contrast, Akane, Shampoo, Ukyo, and Kodachi all love Ranma and want to marry him, which more or less make Mousse the odd one out since he's more interested in marrying Shampoo." Airnaruto said before pulling out a skull and saying something in regards to Mousse.

"Alas poor Mousse how much does it hurt to know you get virtually nothing out of this little octagon of a romantic comedy?" He asked before getting back on topic.

"Anyway A fight breaks out between the other guys while Ranma and Akane are putting the decorations up when Ranma says one of his dumbest lines in the entire OVA." Airnaruto said as the scene showed Ranma looking at one of the streamers Akane put on the Christmas tree.

_Ranma to Akane: Oh yeah sure jolly green giant melt, down for sure. If you were cooking we'd all be in the hospital by now._

Airnaruto simply took cover under his desk while muttering; "Ranma you buffoon did you even read my list of rules on how to not piss Akane off?" He asked Ranma.

"Though to be fair I would agree with him in regards to the fact that Akane + a kitchen = a nuclear war zone, since Akane thinks she's trying so hard to cook something good that she ends up overdoing it and it comes out extremely terrible." He said before hearing the sound of Ranma flying through the room causing him to duck for cover again.

_CRASH!_

"You okay Ranma?" Airnaruto asked to get another thumbs up from Ranma before Ranma collapsed in a heap on the floor. Airnaruto sighed and then pulled out his cell phone to call up a certain doctor. "Hello Doctor Tofu Ono?" Airnaruto asked; "Yeah this is Airnaruto listen Ranma's here at my studio and he'll need some help getting back on his feet how soon can you be over here?" He asked the doc before getting his answer. "Okay, this won't cost much will it?" He asked the Tendo family physician. "Oh good I'm on a very tight budget thanks doc bye." Airnaruto said hanging up his phone and then waited for Dr. Tofu Ono to arrive.

_**6 hours later.**_

Airnaruto fell asleep at his desk waiting for the doc until finally he heard a knock on the door causing him to wake up and answer it. "Hey Doc he's right over there." He said pointing the wounded Saotome on the sofa.

"Thanks Airnaruto-san I'll take him back to Nerima now if you don't mind." Dr. Tofu said carrying the young martial artist out of the house with Airnaruto closing the door behind them.

"Now where was I?" Airnaruto asked himself before snapping his fingers. "Oh yeah, anyway Ranma ends up getting beaten up by Akane and tied to the Christmas tree, meanwhile Mousse and Ryoga are in the hot spring after their fight with Kuno ended with all three of them falling into the pond in the backyard causing Mousse and Ryoga to turn into a duck and a pig respectively before we cut back to the kitchen where Kasumi, Shampoo, Ukyo and Kodachi are preparing Christmas dinner when Ukyo asks…" Airnaruto said before Ukyo cut him off.

_Ukyo: Where's the soy sauce?_

_Kasumi: Oh are we out, I'm sorry we're all out of soy sauce._

_(Scene cuts to Mousse and Ryoga who over hear the girls followed by a dramatic pause.)_

_Both: Soy Sauce?_

Both boys get up much Airnarutos disgust; "AAH MAN PACKAGE! IT BURNS!" He screamed.

"Moving on, Nabiki in her usual money grubbing ways makes deal with the other three bachelorettes to get them some individual alone time with Ranma for a price of course." Airnaruto said as the scene played out.

"This of course results in Ukyo and Shampoo fighting it out in the kitchen while Kodachi attempts to drug their drinks and it backfires on her. Meanwhile in another Genma Saotome and Soun Tendo are dressing up in a reindeer and Santa suit respectively as a means to push Ranma and Akane on the path to marriage." Airnaruto said before the camera cut back to him pounding his head on his desk at the sheer stupidity of Genma and Soun's plan.

"Okay I am aware of Genma and Soun's plans to have Ranma and Akane get hitched to unite the two families so the Tendo family can keep the dojo running but when you're so desperate as put on a Santa and reindeer costume that's not only desperate and creepy, it's also sexist." Airnaruto said before a photo of Rumiko Takahasi popped up on the screen.

"Actually now that I think about, the authoress of the manga Rumiko Takahashi has been known for having very compromising tastes as she has often said that she doesn't like working with men on most of her productions because she views them as troublesome and often at times despicable, which shown often throughout the course of Ranma ½ with most of the gags being either Ranma's gender bending, or Ranma getting the crap kicked out of him by one of the girls." Airnaruto said as he showed the scenes of said gags.

"Anyway, we then cut to the Tendo family party hall where the most memorable part of the OVA and perhaps the entire series occurs the equal romance song, and by the way for the sake of easy listening I'm going to switch it to the Japanese dub for this moment." Airnaruto said as the spotlight shined on the stage, the curtain pulled apart to reveal going from left to right; Nabiki, Kasumi, Akane, Ranma in his girl form, and Shampoo each with a microphone in their hands.

_(The Girls start singing and sorry but I don't have the Romaji lyrics so I can't put the song down.)_

"Now this is probably one of the best part of this ova simply because the Japanese dub has the voice actresses of Nabiki, Kasumi, Akane, girl-type Ranma, and Shampoo all singing in perfect, beautiful harmony." Airnaruto said before the camera cut back to him. "The only problem with the song, the English cover of it sucks major amounts of ass through a straw." Airnaruto said bluntly before pulling out deck of poker cards. "Who's up for poker?" He asked as the scene changed to most of the major characters as we hear some of their thoughts.

_Ryoga (thinking): I've got to find a way to get Akane alone with me._

_T. Kuno: Avengers are neither in one bottle trustworthy nor in one place (A/N: Where does Tatewaki come up with half shit he soliloquizes?)_

_Mousse (thinking): Spending Christmas with Shampoo what bliss._

_Akane looks at Ranma_

_Ranma starts sweating bullets_

_Akane (thinking in regards to Ranma): you dolt._

The camera cut back to Airnaruto who had his own hand of cards and a Rock Band game guitar controller. "Does anyone have…The Ace of Spades?" He asked before pulling said card out of his hand causing a montage of the party to start up to the sound of The Ace of Spades by Motor head with Airnaruto rocking out using his guitar as well.

_(Guitar solo)_

_If you like to gamble, I tell you I'm your man  
You win some, lose some, it's still the same to me  
The pleasure is to play, it makes no difference what you say  
I don't share your greed, the only card I need is  
The Ace Of Spades  
The Ace Of Spades_

Playing for the high one, dancing with the devil,  
Going with the flow, it's all a game to me,  
Seven or Eleven, snake eyes watching you,  
Double up or quit, double stake or split, it's  
The Ace Of Spades  
The Ace Of Spades

Eventually everyone at the table that was part of the poker game revealed their hands.

_Sasuke: I have one pair_

_Kuno: Two pair_

_Mousse: I have two pair as well_

_Akane: (Groans) _

_Ryoga: Three of a kind_

You know I'm born to lose, and gambling's for fools,  
But that's the way I like it baby,  
I don't wanna live for ever,

_Ukyo: Full House_

_Ranma: Junk_

_Shampoo: I have four kind._

The scene cut back to Airnaruto, "Don't forget about the gambling king!" He said as the scene cut back to the game to show the hand of a middle aged portly man with blonde hair and a face that reminded people of the King of Clubs known as the gambling king

_Gambling King: Royal Straight Flush…you all lose._

The Gambling king then gets wrapped up in sushi casing before we hear the final guitar solo of the song. "So Nabiki finally gets to giving the girls their alone time with Ranma which goes as well as you would expect; the three of them beating the crap out of each other before turning their attention to Ranma who tries to get away only for Akane to unknowingly get caught in the crossfire and Ranma having to save her." Airnaruto said as Ranma grabs Akane bridal style while managing to avoid Kodachi's ribbon, Ukyo's mini spatula, and Shampoo's baton respectively. "Ranma and Akane end up crashing through the roof and into the attic and Akane finally gives Ranma her scarf as Ranma makes a stupid remark.

_Ranma: Oh I see it's a fishing net right?_

_Akane: It's a scarf you lame brain I made it myself_

_Ranma: Oh Akane we all know you're all thumbs and here you insist on huh? (Ranma notices his initials stitched into the scarf)_

_Akane: If you're gonna make fun of it give it back!_

_Ranma: Hey don't be stupid do you think there's anyone in the world that could stand to where something like this?_

"I don't know maybe the Jackie Earl Haley version of Freddy Krueger that was shat out of Michael Bay's anus last year." Airnaruto said bluntly before getting to Ranma's present for Akane.

"Anyway Ranma gives Akane a frame containing the group photo that had taken place during the second Ranma ½ film Ni-Hao my Concubine which happened to be the only photo Ranma could find, and just as they were about kiss the ceiling gives way and they fall right in front of everyone at the party and so the party ends with Kasumi spotting the same gift from her dream, she opens it up to reveal a shooting star , and thus the ova ends with a sweet song with the two lead characters standing together amidst the falling stars." Airnaruto said as the camera cut back to him.

"So that was the Ranma ½ Tendo Family Christmas Scramble; so how does it hold up?" Airnaruto said before giving his verdict.

"I would say that it was pretty good to be honest; it's a nice way to get the massive cast of characters from the series together for a non-confrontational reason, heart warming, funny, and the songs are actually quite soothing to the soul…At least in the Japanese dub." Airnaruto said pointing out the positive of the ova. "However most action fans will be turned away from it due to the lack of fight scenes overboard amounts of slapstick, and the English dub just sucks, but I still recommend this ova for anyone who can't find any Christmas related episodes from any of their favorite anime shows. I give the ova a rating of 4 stars out of 5." Airnaruto said before wrapping it up.

"Well that's it for now folks so until next time Merry Christmas folks, I'm the Classic Critic and I remember CHRISTMAS!" Airnaruto said shouting Christmas repeatedly before the camera faded to Black.

_Final analysis of Ranma ½ Tendo Family Christmas Scramble_

_Pros:_

_Good way to get the series cast together without it breaking out into an all out fight _

_The songs are rememberable in the Japanese dub_

_The Japanese dub on the whole for this ova is perfect_

_A good balance of humorous and heartwarming moments_

_Very little fan/man service_

_Cons:_

_English Dub sucks_

_Some action fans will be turned off by the lack of actual fights._

_Some slapstick moments are a little too much_

_Final Rating: **** out of 5 stars_

**Happy Holidays everyone read and review until next time.**


	37. Episode 37: Cromartie High School

Episode 37: Cromartie High School

**Disclaimer: Warning the following review consists of material owned by Production I.G., Eiji Nonaka and Section 23 (Formerly ADV Films) this review is of my property and covered under the fair rights usage act.**

Airanruto45 aka The Classic Critic sat at his desk once more wondering if anyone forgot about him. "Hello I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to and before I head back to school next week I decided why not talk about an anime that revolves around a school or more specifically one where nothing is as it seems and just about anything can happen; case in point Cromartie High School." Airnaruto said as the theme song of the show played in the background.

_Kamiyama: Warning the guys that appear in this anime are delinquents. Please do not under any circumstances imitate anything they do._

"Anyway, Cromartie High School is basically what one would get if they cross spliced Azumanga Daioh with a bunch of Adult Swim short shows like; Robot Chicken, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Metalacolypse, Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law and so on." Airnaruto said explaining what kind of show it is. "The plot centers on Takashi Kamiyama, an above average student who has his whole life ahead of him and could go to any high school he wants." Airnaruto said before the screen cut back to him. "Now I'm sure you're gonna ask me; if that's so then why the hell did he choose Cromartie High the worst and most dangerous high school in the country?" Airnaruto asked in place of his audience as he showed pages from the manga explaining why Kamiyama chose to enroll at Cromartie. "Well he wanted to attend a high school with his best friend but since his friend was a moron they decided to enroll in a school so bad where the only requirement to enter is spelling your name right, unfortunately this even proves to be too much for his buddy and Kamiyama has to go it alone. Now why am I showing pages from the manga instead of clips from the anime the anime did this." Airnaruto said as he showed what the anime did.

_Kamiyama: Man how did I end up here? If you want to find out just read the manga._

The camera cut back to Airnaruto with a raised eyebrow. "So basically this series is just yet another advertising tool for the manga?" He asked getting a nod from JC619.

"Anyway once there, the students think that Kamiyama is the toughest kid in the school since a rabbit would never willingly step into a den of lions so to speak." Airnaruto said, "Anyway Kamiyama's goal throughout the show is to change Cromartie high school for the better and it would be fine if it wasn't for the amount of insanity, the ridiculous cast of characters, and nonsense that goes on in the school. Speaking of the cast here they are." Airnaruto said as he ran down the list.

"First is Shinjiro Hayashida Kamiyama's first friend at the school known for his fake purple Mohawk. Hayashida is one delinquent that helps Kamiyama blend into the insane world of Cromartie but streetwise he's literally dumber than a gorilla." Airnaruto said as he held up a photo of said delinquent before switching to another photo of a blonde haired delinquent. "Next is Akira Maeda, a delinquent who claims he's always getting into fights and never loses unfortunately the rest of the cast ignores him because he doesn't have a nickname. He's often the only character with any common sense, and he constantly gets abducted by the delinquents of Bass high school, and is often the unwilling host of Cromartie's gatherings at his house, he also bares a strong resemblance to his mother which often scares people." Airnaruto said as he showed a photo of Maeda's mother to the audience who screamed and ran off. "What?" Airnaruto asked before looking at the photo himself; "OH GOD THAT'S SICK!" He screamed as he ran off.

**Please Stand By**

Several minutes later, everyone returned to the studio, "Sorry about that anyway now that we're done with the normal guys let's move on to the freaks." Airnaruto said as he held up a photo of a robot in a school uniform. "Shinichi Mechazawa is one of the most notorious delinquents at Cromartie while it's often implied that he's a robot no one except the three main characters seem to notice or even give a damn about it." Airnaruto said before moving on to a man who looked real familiar. "Next is Freddie, a man with a uncanny resemblance to Freddie Mercury lead singer of Queen although he never talks and it's often claimed that he's mute Freddie does have a good singing voice and it's the only time he ever speaks, according to Hayashida as long as he attended, Cromartie would be the Olympics for badasses and delinquents, he also rides to school on an extremely powerful, extremely large and possibly wild horse named Black Dragon." Airnaruto said before a scene from episode 1 of the show appeared; "and finally for the sake of being completely insane the campus also has a gorilla. No I'm not kidding you, he sometimes wears a watch, is a licensed sushi chef and is considered smarter than most of the cast which doesn't really surprise me." Airnaruto said as the gorilla just stared at him before moving on to the next batch of characters. "Next is Yutaka Takenuchi the leader of the first year students at Cromartie, known to be an incredible fighter and reliable person his only weakness is that he gets motion sick. Although he loves field trips he hates having to travel as he gets motion sick real easily and struggle with all his willpower not to vomit. Next is Takeshi Hokuto, the son of the head of a major Japanese conglomerate and the chairman of several schools in Japan because of this he was able to use his dad's influence to rule every school he went to until he came to Cromartie because he had no clue that it was public school and he shows up wearing the wrong uniform white instead of black. Despite his setbacks, he constantly schemes to take over Cromartie, Japan, heck even the world." Airnaruto said before the camera cut back to him clamping his mouth shut about the last part.

_Bison: OF COURSE!_

"Damn it I thought I got rid of that joke." Airnaruto said before moving on to the other points of the show. "Anyway I would continue talking about the characters but then we would be here all day." Airnaruto said before moving on to the next part of the review.

"Moving on to the technical aspects, while the series is well drawn, and detailed it looks a bit gritty and the animation is minimal to be honest but I think it helps with the whole inner voice dynamic the show uses frequently. The characters don't rely so much on development as they do on their interactions with one another and the chemistry between them in this regard is handled very well by the writing as the show makes constant references to pop culture and music mostly Queen references that are up the wazoo, rock bands, and athletes; in fact the four high schools in this series are named after non-Japanese baseball players that made it big in Japanese professional baseball; Randy Bass, Charlie Manuel, Oretes Destrade, and Warren Cromartie." Airnaruto explained as he showed each players trading card. "Now you're probably going to ask with an anime this ludicrous how does it end?" Airnaruto said for his audience before answering; "They took the first episode and rehashed it to parody the anime/manga series Mary watches over us, trust me you would want to barf at that episode." Airnaruto said as he showed clips from the episodes.

"Overall Cromartie High School is one of those anime that will constantly pop back in your head if you're looking for some insanity to unwind the stress during your day, I won't say it's for everyone as profanity is used quite a bit in the show but the pop culture references are clever, the characters are likably stupid, and it just makes you wish you attended Cromartie high school I give it 4 stars out of 5." Airnaruto said as he began to wrap up the review.

"Well that's it for now folks, until next time, I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to." Airnaruto said as he got up and left the desk.

_Cromartie High School recap:_

_Pros: _

_Hilarious nonsensical situations_

_Pop culture references that do not serve as a distraction_

_Nice use of inner voice_

_Queen references up the nuts_

_Great character interaction_

_Cons: _

_Disturbing final episode_

_The fact that a gorilla is allowed on campus let alone behind the counter of a sushi bar_

_Not much in the way of character development_

_Plot that's all over the place_

_Final verdict: **** out of 5._


End file.
